The Bastard and the Runaway Tocher
by A.H.I.Fan
Summary: "They're coming. Either run for the kirk or come with me now." He held out his hand. I hesitated. I couldn't let them take me back and I couldn't wait any longer. I reached out taking the stranger's hand and from that moment forward my fate was irrevocably joined to Clan Mackenzie and its ruthless Chieftain.
1. Chapter 1

The souls of true lovers meet again and again transcending time. The souls of Jamie and Claire have met many times before 1743 and they will meet again many times after. This is the story of another incarnation of the lovers. They find each other almost 150 years before Jamie and Claire begin their journey together. In this time King James the VI of Scotland awaits the death of Queen Elizabeth I hoping to reign as James I of England and Ireland. Meanwhile all three nations suffer in turmoil. In Scotland it is known as linn nan creach, the time of raids

PART 1

OUT OF THE NIGHT THAT COVERS ME 

Chapter 1

 _ **In the fell clutch of circumstance**_

Near Midnight

May 31, 1602

Kilmorack, Scotland 

I hurried toward the kirkyard. I was late, very late. What if Finn decided I wasn't coming and left before I could meet him?

I picked up my pace, but it was hard going. It was dark except for the light of the full moon and my bundle was heavy and awkward. I shifted it between one arm and the other again and again in a vain attempt to keep my shoulders from aching. My legs too were protesting the pace I'd set for them with burning thighs and aching shins. Perhaps I shouldn't have chosen the kirk yard for our rendezvous. It didn't seem so far away in the daylight.

It was a cold spring night and my breath was turning into a frozen mist in front of me. I wore an old plaid earasaid **(Footnote: a draped garment worn in Scotland as part of traditional female highland dress. It may be a belted plaid (literally, a belted blanket), or an unbelted wrap)** and I could feel the sweat trickling under my arms and slithering down the small of my back beneath my corset. I unpinned it from around my neck and let the heavy wool slip down over the belt I wore at my waist until it hung down around my ankles. I longed to let the whole thing fall to the ground and leave it there, but we might have to sleep outdoors tonight, and I knew I'd be glad of the cloak's warmth then.

I heard an owl hoot behind me and looked sharply over my shoulder, but I could see no one. Who would they send after me, McDonnel warriors or more likely Beiste? I was not sure which terrified me more for I had betrayed Beiste's trust and he was not the forgiving kind. Strange to be afraid of a man who had always protected me, even when he was angry with me like he was... _Lord, was it really only last night?_

Yes, just last night I'd been as happy as I'd ever been. Everything I'd wanted seemed to have been possible and just within my reach. Then it all came crashing down. Well they could bluster and threaten and cajole all they wanted. I wasn't going to be forced into ruining my life. It was my life after all.

I caught sight of the kirk's stain glass window in the distance. _I knew it would shine like a beacon in the darkness!_ It glowed now with red, gold, green and purple light. The kirk sat on the top of a hill at the end of a long winding path. It was a simple structure built of white gray stones with no ornament save the one arched, stained glass window set in the peak made between the steeply slanted sides of the roof.

The sight of my goal strengthened my resolve. I was almost there. I struggled up the path toward the kirk with renewed energy, but the climb was a long one. When I finally hurried into the grave yard next to the kirk my breath was ragged and I sat down on a stone bench near my parents' graves to catch my breath. I laid my bundle down next to me and as my breathing slowed I scanned the yard looking for signs of Finn, but all I saw were the ghostly white grave stones that studded the ground.

I knew the graveyard well. I'd prayed here at my mother's grave each Sunday since I was a wee lass and for more than a year now at my father's as well. If only my father were still alive things would be so different. He would never have put me in this position. I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes, but I sucked in a deep breath and to keep them at bay. I was sure my parents would understand why I had to run away.

I prayed silently, "O God, Who has commanded us to honor our father and mother, have compassion in Thy mercy, on the souls of my father and mother; forgive them their sins, and grant that I may see them in the joy of eternal brightness. Through Christ our Lord. Amen."

It was called the orphan's prayer, and I was an orphan now with no family save my brothers and Beiste, if you could call a great lass of seventeen an orphan. A tear came into my eye when I thought of Eoghann and the rest of my brothers, but I wiped it away and rose from the bench picking up my bundle again. Eoghann would have to forgive me for not telling him my plans. He was still angry with me and I couldn't trust him to keep my secret. He shouldn't have said those things about Finn. He didn't know him the way I did, and he didn't know Angus McDonnel at all!

The bulk of the graves were marked by simple stone slabs no more than a foot high, but here and there were taller slabs carved more elaborately. In my note I asked Finn to meet me by the sepulcher of a hero who died in the Battle of Flodden **(Footnote: The Battle of Flodden, Flodden Field, or occasionally Branxton (Brainston Moor[4]) was a military combat in the War of the League of Cambrai between the Kingdom of England and the Kingdom of Scotland, resulting in an English victory. The battle was fought in Branxton in the county of Northumberland in northern England on 9 September 1513, between an invading Scots army under King James IV and an English army commanded by the Earl of Surrey.[5] In terms of troop numbers, it was the largest battle fought between the two kingdoms.[6]James IV was killed in the battle, becoming the last monarch from the British Isles to die in battle.)** He possessed the one notably large monument in the graveyard, a six foot tower that reminded me of the piawn pieces in my father's chess set. It was easy to see it across the path in the older more neglected part of the graveyard.

The graveyard was quiet save for the sound of the wind rustling through the tree limbs. On a spring morning the graveyard was a pleasant, sun drenched field with the scent of wild flowers in the breeze, but tonight it seemed a place where evil lurked in the shadows and the wind carried the scent of sweet decay. I touched the iron cross around my neck to ward off evil. Flora was rubbing off on me. I was getting as superstitious as she was. I had chosen this meeting place because I knew it would be deserted at this hour and I should be glad of the privacy not quaking over unseen spirits.

The hero's monument was just ahead and I hurried to reach it, but my toe caught against something hard and I felt myself falling forward. As I threw my hands out to stop my fall the bundle tumbled out of my arms. A cry escaped me when I hit the ground. I froze there on my hands and knees listening intently for any sounds from the kirk, but I heard nothing except the eerie whistle of the wind as it whipped over the grave stones.

When I was a very little girl my brothers told me never to stray out of bed at night when I heard the wind whistle.

"Do you hear it, that whistling? That's the sound the witches make as they pass over riding on their broomsticks. They're looking for children to steal away from their parents and give to the fairies."

For years afterwards, I had hidden my head beneath the quilt whenever I heard the wind whistle outside just to make sure the witches didn't get me, and I still found the sound a bit unnerving.

The damp of the earth began to penetrate through the thin fabric of my skirt and into my knees. I rose and brushed the earth off my palms picking out a bit of stick that had somehow jammed itself under my skin. I gathered my bundle up again and started to make my way to the sepulcher anxiously searching for Finn, though I could see no one.

Perhaps he had hidden himself in the shadows. _Should I call out? No, better to show myself to him._ I circled the hero's tomb silently. It was old and covered in vines with dry leaves trapped in their tangles. Every step I took made a crunching noise as my feet crushed the leaves beneath them. I moved very slowly, each step a crackling misery because I feared I'd be discovered, but I came full circle without finding a sign of Finn.

I stood there silently as long minutes ticked past waiting and straining my ears for any sound of Finn. The sweat from my climb up the hill had long since dried in the wind and I was getting cold. I shivered and gathered the earasaid around my shoulders again. _Had something happened to delay Finn or had I been so late that he'd given up hope and left? What if he never even received my letter?_ I was just beginning to despair when I thought I heard the sound of soft footfalls coming across the yard. I listened harder and heard the crack of a twig underfoot. _Thank Christ, he'd come!_

"Finn," I half whispered but was greeted only by silence. "Finn, it's me," I said louder. I heard the sound of breathing behind me and turned. "Finn?"

Even in the moonlight I could see that it wasn't Finn. Fear coursed through my veins and without conscious thought I let out a shriek and turned to run. Before I took two steps brawny arms snaked out and big hands grabbed my shoulders turning me around.

"I'm not Finn, but I'm glad enough to take his place."

I could smell the stranger's fetid breath in my face and I fought down the urge to scream. Trying not to panic I faced the large shadowed figure of the man holding me and said calmly. "I'm sorry there's been a mistake. I was just looking for my brother. I'm sure he'll be along any minute."

"Your brother is it? Well I've a mind to keep you busy while you wait."

Wet lips came down on mine and the big hands dropped to my hips pulling me against him. I began to fight him in earnest wrenching my head back and forth to avoid his lips and pushing hard against his chest.

"Stop! Stop it, I say!" He showed no signs of stopping so in the most regal tone I could muster I shouted, "I am the Lady Catriona Frazer and I demand that you unhand me immediately."

He stopped trying to kiss me and held me at arm's length sweeping his eyes over me. "Lady Catriona is it? Well I'm Mary Queen of Scotts. Glad to make your acquaintance!" He laughed heartily then quick as a striking snake he grabbed a fistful of my hair forcing my head back.

The pain in my scalp was intense and tears filled my eyes. I tried to kick at him with my foot but I stumbled and fell to my knees. Wet lips covered mine again cutting off my air supply and hard fingers squeezed painfully against my breast. Then I heard a sound like the cracking of a nut and my attacker dropped. His body fell hard against mine pushing me down onto the ground with its slack weight as he crumpled. Flat on my back I pushed against his great stinking torso, but I was trapped beneath him. I struggled pushing mightily against the weight of the man's limp form. Then someone was there rolling his body off me and holding out a hand.

"Finn!" I felt a surge of joy, but looking up I saw at once that is was not Finn. The shape above me was far too tall and heavy in the chest and shoulders.

"Are you alright, lass?"

"Who "I struggled to find the words, "Who are you?"

"Just call me Sam. Can I be of service?" His tone was light, almost teasing, but his voice was deep and he rolled his Rs like a Highlander.

Suddenly, a new light shone from the back of the church and I could hear male voices shouting in the distance. Sam poked the toe of his boot against the unconscious form of my attacker then turned his head at the sound of a someone shouting.

"Over here, lads!" a voice called in the distance.

"I believe that will be this blaigeard's friends coming to find out what you were shouting about" Sam held his hand out and I took it letting him haul me to my feet. "Run for the kirk, lass! The priest will protect you."

Revered Reed would surely send me home again if I sought his protection.

"But I'm supposed to be meeting my brother here," I lied.

"Well your brother's not here, lass. Either run for the kirk or come with me now." Sam held out his hand.

Where was Finn? Surely if he were here he would have saved me himself, but he wasn't here and I couldn't let them take me back. I couldn't wait any longer.  
I took the stranger's hand and he led me silently away from the kirkyard towards the woods behind it. He made his way so quickly that I was hard pressed to keep up with him. He seemed to be able to see in the dark like a cat and move just as soundlessly. As soon as we entered the thick woods I began to stumble. My shoes were loose and the moonlight coming through the trees was not enough to give shape to the shadows. I crashed about making noises that sounded as loud as the crack of a whip to my nervous ears.

Sam stopped. "You sound like a wild boar crashing through the brush. Here, grab my plaid and hold on. Walk in my footsteps. Try to place your feet exactly where I placed mine."

Without thought of protest I took hold of the loop the back of his plaid and placed my feet as closely into his footsteps as I could manage. It was slow going at first, but much quieter even though I still fell against him occasionally. His body was hard as a stone wall and it only took a few painful collisions before I learned to follow the rhythm of his steps and we moved with quiet efficiency.

When I began to feel we were safely away I asked, "Where are we going?"

Before he could answer we came to a tree that had fallen across our path. He started to leap over it but felt the tug of my hand on his plaid. **(Footnote:The Great Plaid was a large piece of cloth, which by the 16th century measured up to 8.2 metres (9.0 yards) in length, half of which was pleated and belted about the waist, while the upper half was draped over the left shoulder, was then gathered in front and could be used as a cloak and hood during inclement weather.)** He stopped and turned to me. "Here lass, let me help you."

Before I knew what he intended, he stooped and picked me up with one of his arms behind my knees and the other behind the small of my back. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck afraid that he would drop me. I was tall for a girl and among my brothers only Eoghann, the tallest, could still heft me with ease, but the big arms that held me were steady and the chest I pressed against was solid as a tree trunk. I realized that Sam was as large as Eoghann, perhaps even as large as Beiste.  
His hands were warm and he smelled of wood smoke, damp wool, and unwashed male, but his scent was not altogether unpleasant.

Sam walked to the fallen tree and held me just over and past it. Then he gently lowered me until my feet touched the ground and I stood up. I let go of his neck with haste feeling embarrassed at the awkward intimacy of wrapping my arms around a complete stranger. Still on the other side of the tree from me he put the palms of his hands on the trunk and leapt over it with ease coming down just beside me.

"My friends are in the clearing yon. It's not much farther now."

"Yon" seemed quite far away to me, but eventually we came to a clearing. I saw a clump of dark shapes that proved to be about a dozen horses and men when we came closer. One tall man detached himself from the group moving towards us quickly.

"Well, did he come?"

"No Conrad, at least I don't believe he did."

"What do you mean you don't believe he did, Toll-toine?" He stepped closer to Sam. "Did you see him or no?

"No! I had to leave a bit hastily. I ran into a wee stramash."

"What sort of wee stramash?"

"I found something interesting in the graveyard." Sam stepped to one side revealing my presence.

He jerked his head back with surprise. "A lass! Who is she?"

"Well we haven't been properly introduced, but when I came upon her some ruffian was trying to rape her and she told him she was Lady Catriona Frazer. I cracked his skull open for him with a piece of grave stone."

"Did he see you then?"

"No," Sam snorted dismissively, "the raping blaigeard will never know what hit him."

"Good." Conrad turned toward me and the moonlight showed his profile. He had a long beard and a broadsword at his belt. He stared at me in the moonlight. "Out with it, lass." He jerked his chin at me. "Who are yea? You're not dressed like any lady I've ever seen."

He was right. Under my ancient earasaid, I wore a dress of faded blue gray wool with the round neck and wrists trimmed in strips of worn brown taffeta. It was a bit small for me clinging tightly across my bust and showing more ankle than was seemly. My mushroom cap had been lost somewhere in my struggles and the bun at the top of my head had given way loosing medusa locks of coffee brown hair around my face. One of the leather thongs that laced my simple sheep skin shoes had loosened and the shoe had slipped off my heel. I bent to pull it up and tighten the lacing while desperately trying to calculate whether the truth or a lie would serve me better.

Finally, I stood up and said, "I'm Flora, Flora McNeal."

Without any pretense at introducing himself this Conrad demanded, "Why were you skulking about in the middle of the night in a graveyard?"

"She was there to meet her brother," Sam said.

"Her brother was it?" Conrad scoffed and the other men in the group laughed with him. "Well I'm not sure there's any truth in you, Flora McNeal, but can you tell me why fifty McDonnels have come to visit your Laird's keep?"

"It's because of Lady Catriona. Angus McDonnel is going to marry her." I answered.

Conrad squinted his eyes and bared his teeth as if he felt a sudden pain. "Mo Chreach! I knew those bloody McDonnel's were up to something. Glengarry must be seeking to bind the Frazers to him. He needs another clan to stand with him against the Privy Council in Edinburgh. They will soon tire of waiting for him to answer their summons and send the King's men to fetch him back."

"I can't believe Roibeart Frazer would marry his sister to a McDonnel," one of the men in the group said in a hoarse Highland Burr, "Wasn't his own mother a Mackenzie?"

I couldn't let them disparage Rabbie when he was innocent. "I doubt Laird Roibeart even knows about the match. He's still in France with his new bride. Twas more likely that treacherous uncle of hers."

"God's gogan! Well there's nothing for it now lads but to ride for home and tell Kintail what's happened. There's not that a dozen of us can do against fifty McDonnels."

"What about the lass?" Sam asked.

"Search her."

Before I could protest Sam pulled the bundle from my hands. He untied it and rooted through the contents holding up, a sturdy linen night dress, a much daintier extra shift, a hair brush, tooth powder, two silver candle sticks, some bread and cheese and a long string of fresh water pearls.

"Let me see that necklace," Conrad said.

Sam picked the necklace out of the pile and handed it toward Conway.

"That's mine!" I said making a grab for it but I wasn't fast enough and Conrad pulled it out of my reach.

"Is it lass, because it looks to me like you're a thief?"

I attempted to look this Conrad in the eye despite the darkness. "I am no thief. They're mine. Mi Lady gave it to me for my dowry." That was at least partially true. The pearls were a gift to me and I'd planned to use them to survive on until Finn and I could reconcile with our families.

"Well I'll keep them safe for you until then." He opened the leather sporran he wore at his groin and dropped the pearls inside. **(Footnote: a pouch that performs the same function as pockets on the pocketless kilt. Made of leather or fur, the ornamentation of the sporran is chosen to complement the formality of dress worn with it. The sporran is worn on a leather strap or chain, conventionally positioned in front of the groin of the wearer.)** "And the candle sticks as well."

Sam removed the candle sticks and handed them over to Conrad who in turn gave them to one of his men. When the man added them to a pack on his saddle,  
I wanted to cry. I would never get my things back. I would have to survive without funds.

"Now search her person," Conrad ordered.

"Forgive me, lass," Sam said before putting a large, warm hands on each of my shoulders. His touch was almost comforting as he patted down my arms. Then he reached out and took me by the waist with both hands as if we were about to dance and slowly ran his hands down to my hips. The touch was impersonal but it shocked me none the less, reminding me too strongly of my attacker in the kirkyard. I sucked in my breath in surprise and Sam gave me a reassuring smile. He patted the large pockets formed by my earasaid and pulled out the small knife I kept to cut my meat and three copper coins. Conrad held his hand out to Sam and Sam placed them in his palm.

Conrad looked carefully at the carved bone handle of the knife before dropping it and the coins into his sporran with the necklace. "Mount your horses. We must be well away from here by dawn."

"What about the girl?" Sam asked.

Conrad gave me a hard stare then let out his breath in exasperation. "Bring her. She might be able to tell us something useful."

"We don't have an extra horse," Sam protested.

"As you saw fit to bring her here she can ride with you." Conrad said over his shoulder before mounting his horse.

Without thinking I burst out, "Wait! You can't take me. I have to stay here."

Conrad turned on his horse and looked at me as if he was shocked that I would contradict him. Then he slowly drew his dirk from his belt. "You'll either come quietly lass or I'll cut out your tongue out for you, but you'll not be left to tell any tales to the McDonnels."

I searched his face for any sign that he meant less than he said, but saw none.

"Which is it then, lass?" Conrad said menacingly his dirk still drawn.

"I... " I swallowed, "I'll come with you."

"Remember what I told you about keeping quiet." He looked toward Sam and said, "If needs be silence her any way you can." With that he rode out and the others began to follow suit.

One of the mounted riders led a horse to Sam and he took it by the bridle tucking it up beneath his arm. "Thank you, Fergus."

He had retied my bundle and he fastened it securely to the horse's saddle before turning to me. He wove his fingers together making a stirrup out of his hands. "I'll give you a hand up. Give me your foot."

I hesitated. _Could I make a run for it?_ I remembered how quick Sam had been on the way here. I'd never out distance him and if I did one of the other men would likely ride me down before I got away. There was nothing for it but to cooperate.

"Don't worry, lass. If you do as you're told you have nothing to fear from us." Sam looked at me and I saw the flash of his teeth again. I could tell he wore his hair long around his shoulders but I could see precious little of his face.

 _If I did what I was told!_ Coming to a decision, I put my foot into his hands, and he lifted me effortlessly up until I got a leg over his saddle. I had no time to settle before he was seated behind me with his big arms around either side of mine signaling the horse forward with the press of his powerful thighs. I was forced to hang onto the saddle to keep my seat. There was barely enough room for both of us. My back was pressed up against his broad chest and he was so close I could smell his scent again.

I felt a rising panic. I was stuck like a rabbit in a snare. This was not at all what I intended. Instead of eloping with Finn I was riding deeper into the highlands with a dozen Mackenzie warriors, and no one knew where I was or what had happened to me. I might as well have been taken by away on a witch's broom and given to the fairies. I began to shake but whether from the cold or fear I didn't know. Sam gently pulled my earasaid up and spread it over my shoulders without a word. How had I come to this pass when yesterday everything I wished for seemed to be within my grasp?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Yesterday Morning

 _I am the master of my fate_

"I think Collin and his wife should be included on the dais." My Aunt Una bent to scribble down her thoughts making scratching noises with her quill against the paper.

Her cousins had come to visit and she had been going over the menu, the entertainment and the seating arrangements for tonight's feast for far longer than seemed necessary. Conway the castle steward stood across the table from where we were seated running one hand over his bald pate and trying not to show his impatience while I tapped my foot and sighed trying to make mine obvious.

I turned my head to tuck in a lock of hair that had escaped the netted coil at my neck and a ray of morning sunshine warmed my face and invited my mind outside. The sun had burned most of the fog from the mountain side but a fine mist still rose off the river. Sunlight sparkled off the water next to banks that were teaming with a patchwork of lush spring plants in shades of emerald, shamrock and moss. The sky was darkening from palest blue in the east to a deep corn flower blue in the west that almost exactly matched the color of Finn's eyes.

Since Finn Swinton returned from fostering with his cousins I couldn't stop thinking about him. He left home a spotty boy all elbows and knees too shy to speak to me and returned two years later a magical creature oozing confidence with broad shoulders, a square jaw and long lashed blue eyes that made even the most grizzled matrons swoon.

His blond hair hung in thick curls about his shoulders. One curl in particular made a habit of falling across his forehead and he was always pushing it back with his long slender fingers. I sighed to myself picturing him in my mind.

Finn would be at the feast tonight. His last letter, passed discreetly from his groom to my maid Flora, had assured me that nothing could keep him away from tonight's celebration. He'd enclosed the stanza of a poem that I'd memorized.

Bright star of beauty, on whose eyelids sit

A thousand nymph-like and enamour'd Graces,

The Goddesses of Memory and Wit,

Which there in order take their several places;

In whose dear bosom sweet delicious Love

Lays down his quiver… **(footnote: Michael Drayton was an English poet who came to prominence in the Elizabethan era.)**

I hoped that poem was a declaration of Finn's love for me, but I couldn't feel sure of my interpretation. The picture of a thousand nymph-like graces perched on my eyelids like flies was unappetizing at best, and living with my three older brothers had served to make me suspicious of any mention of bosoms no matter how innocently the term was couched. Eoghann, the youngest, was still likely to snicker at their very mention. Other lasses might swoon over poetry but I longed for Finn to declare his intentions plainly.

"Catriona!"

I started at my Aunt's sharp voice. "Yes,aunt."

"I was wondering if you'd gone deaf, but I can see you're just wool gathering again."

I managed to smile at her, but my patience was thinning. "I'm sorry. Were you speaking to me?"

"I was asking you where you think we should seat young Angus?"

"Next to Eoghann," I said quickly. Angus, the youngest son of old Donald McDonnel Chief of the McDonnel's of Glengarry, had only two topics of conversation, horse flesh and the evils of Clan Mackenzie. If Angus sat with Eoghann, he would be on the other end of the dais from me and much too far away to make conversation between us necessary.

My aunt pursed her thin lips. "I think that might be a slight to John Og. He is the elder brother. Let's have him between your uncle and Eoghann and Angus can sit between the two us." My aunt favored me with an insincere smile that didn't reach the dark, bird like eyes in her long ceruse whitened face.

I returned my aunt's ingenuous smile. "Don't you think Angus would be better entertained by Eoghann?"

"I think Angus would prefer the company of a bonnie lass." She looked at me pointedly then turned her attention to Conway. "What do you think, Mister Conway?"

The expression on Conway's gray bearded face was admirably neutral as he took a sudden interest in straightening his already neat cuffs. "I couldn't say, mistress."

I sighed. "If it pleases you, Aunt, seat Angus between us and give over your list to Conway. I'm sure he has many preparations still to make." After all, Angus's brother John Og was unlikely to have any better conversation so what did it matter. I would likely be asleep in my pudding either way.

Aunt Una smiled a real smile for she loved to bend me to her will. She reached out a thin boney hand and patted my arm with cold fingers covered in skin as dry and thin as the parchment she had written on. It was all I could do not to recoil from her touch.

"And why don't you wear that new blue silk dress tonight? It suits you."

Normally, I would have objected, not just because I found my Aunt inherently irritating and generally made a game of frustrating her, but because her taste in fashion was atrocious. She alerted the world to her piety by wearing severe, dark gowns with only the snowy white ruffs she wore at her neck to save her from appearing a complete crow.

Her taste might be improving, however, if she admired my new gown. I had carefully chosen a pattern of the latest style and the deep blue to match my eyes. Wild horses couldn't have stopped me from wearing it tonight so I said sweetly, "If you wish."

Aunt Una smiled indulgently at me, pleased with my easy acquiescence to her wishes.

"That's the seating for tonight, Mister Conway. See to it that all my plans are followed." Aunt Una handed him the parchment and he accepted it with relief but didn't seek to leave.

Like most of our old servants Conway deferred to me over my aunt. When my mother died my father became both Master and Mistress of Castle Kilmorack. He didn't marry again and his dual responsibilities became more and more of a burden to him until one day when asked to choose some cloth for the new bed hangings he became enraged and tossed the bolt of fabric across the room like a caber.

Vowing that he'd rather be "nibbled to death by ducks" than answer anymore questions from Conway about household minutia, he declared me Mistress of Kilmorack at the tender age of ten. From that point forward I answered Conway's questions and my father was not bothered for less than a major expenditure or a threat to life and limb. Conway and I had been dealing happily together for years and he continued to subtly rebuff my aunt's attempts to usurp my position.

"Was there something else, Conway?" I asked.

He pulled at his gray beard. "My wife has been caring for old Sande and she tells me that he's not long for this world," Conway reported.

"God bless his soul," Aunt Una said.

I shook my head. "Poor old Sande, I'll stop by and see him later today."

Conway nodded."Aye, mi'Lady, it would cheer him, but I want to speak to you about replacing him in the kitchen. "

Sande worked at the mostly ceremonial position of hearth tender.

"Have you someone in mind for his place?"

It was a coveted position among the servants reserved for those too old to do any hard labor who had no family to take them in. Sande's job was to sit by the fire, supervise the turnbrochie boy to make sure he didn't burn the meat on the spit, direct the other servants to refuel the fire when needed and do other small jobs for Cook that did not require him to stand too long.

Conway nodded. "I was thinking of Igram. Working with the bread has become too much for him. We could move young Copin to his position and perhaps take Gile's youngest on to replace Copin. He's a braw laddie and a hard worker."

"Yes, I will talk to Uncle Malcolm today."

Aunt Una sputtered at my side. "Do you think it's prudent to employ a servant simply to watch lest the hearth fire go out? Surely the other servants can keep an eye on the fire and if Igram's job is getting too hard for him then he should be dismissed."

I closed my eyes for a moment trying to rein in my temper. _Why must Aunt Una insist in meddling in things she didn't understand?_ "Igram has no family to care for him. The job of tending the hearth is a reward for years of loyal service. It's a way of keeping him up while preserving his dignity."

"But you can't keep up every, ailing old servant at the clan's expense." Aunt Una pulled her lips down in a frown and shook her head. "Your Uncle isn't made of coin."

I grimaced. I didn't like the way Aunt Una always seemed to forget that it was my brother Rabbie's coin that my Uncle was spending. God willing, Roibeart would be home from France with his new bride before the month was out bringing my brother Ailean with him. Then what was left of my family would be together again, and my meddling aunt and uncle could return to their own estate leaving us in peace.

"I'll put the question to Uncle Malcolm," I said knowing it would settle the matter between us for she seemed to exalt my uncle and never questioned anything he said. He was my father's brother and I found him to be both more reasonable than my aunt and more likely to be understanding of our clan's traditions. Besides, I had my own reasons for wanting to speak to him.

Aunt Una tightened her thin rouged mouth and glared at me, but I had left her no room for argument.

Conway smoothed his hand over his head. "Will that be all, my Lady?"

No doubt he was longing to be away. I smiled at him. "Yes, I'll let you know about Ingram as soon as I can."

I dismissed a grateful Conway and my Aunt rose from her chair.

"If you'll excuse me I have a meeting with the Reverend Reed this morning. It seems he needs help organizing the collections for the poor and he appreciates a voice of experience. If you have any old clothes that are serviceable I have a collection started in the store room near the solar." With that Aunt Una swept regally from the room to prepare herself for yet another meeting with the reverend.

The good reverend was certainly earning her patronage with his time and attention. My father had never been one to let religion inconvenience him, but his tithe came free of advice on how it should be spent.

I was glad that Aunt Una would be occupied. She had already wasted enough of my time this morning. I had much to do before the feast tonight. I would have meet with Cook and find out which items on my aunt's menu could be accomplished with our current stores and which would require some renegotiation. I would have to see to it that arrangements had been made for the musicians and entertainers she'd hired. No doubt she expected them to vanish once they'd performed and nothing had been planned for their payment or accommodations. I had hoped to have time to wash my hair this afternoon but it I was to have time to get it dry before this evening I had better be quick about my business.

I rose and pushed my chair back from the table with some violence resisting the urge to kick at something to relieve my frustrations. It was unusual for my aunt to gall me so easily, but I found my stomach aflutter with nerves for I planned to find out more than my uncle's opinion on who should tend the kitchen fire.

I had decided it was time for me to marry and that Finn Swinton should be my husband. Admittedly, there were a few obstacles in my way. Finn had yet to propose officially and I suspected my brothers would not be best pleased by the relatively small estate he would inherit from his father. Still, I felt these were obstacles that could be overcome by my charm and powers of persuasion.

It was true that love matches were rare among the fine. **(footnote:** **The leading families of a clan formed the** ** _fine_** **, often seen as equivalent in status to Lowland gentlemen, providing council to the chief in peace and leadership in war.** **[43]** **Below them were the** ** _daoine usisle_** **(in Gaelic) or** **tacksmen** **(in Scots), who managed the clan lands and collected the rents.** **[44]** **In the Isles and along the adjacent western seaboard, there were also** ** _buannachann_** **, who acted as a military elite, defending the clan lands from raids and taking part in attacks on clan enemies.** **)** My father had arranged my brother Roibeart's marriage to strengthen our trade in wool, and though Rabbie seemed happy with his bride he had never met her until he arrived in France. It would be Rabbie's job to arrange a marriage for me, and I must persuade him that my match with Finn would be just as practical as his to Martine.

It would not be easy. Though generally amenable to my wishes Rabbie didn't like having his little sister tell him what to do. I knew he was cautious and not one to bumble in without due preparation. He would likely seek the advice of someone more experienced in such matters, like my Uncle Malcolm. Rabbie must trust his advice or he wouldn't have left me and Eoghann in his good care. If I could get Uncle Malcolm to approve Finn as my husband, I felt sure Rabbie would agree as well. I just wasn't quite sure how to convince my uncle yet.

As I came down the stairs I heard a giggle beneath them. The alcove under the stairs was a common place for the servants to hide so that they might shirk their duties unobserved. On a less hectic day I might have walked on but with all the McDonnel's about and the feast tonight there was no time for anyone to shirk. I reached the bottom step and crept around to the little alcove pulling back the curtain to find … a couple locked in a passionate embrace.

It took me a moment to recover from my shock and I stood staring at them stupidly. I recognized the plump backside and blond locks escaping the cap. The girl was Jamesina, our pretty, young chamber maid, but I did not recognize the dark curly head of the young man whose arms gripped her so tightly against him. Was he one of our guests from Clan McDonnel? I must have made a noise because Jamesina started and the man dropped his hands from around her waist.

In a panic, I let the curtain fall and moved quickly away before they saw me. It seemed very romantic to be kissed under the stairs and part of me applauded her nerve, but Jamesina's behavior was loose, and it would not do to have the servants cavorting with our guests. Besides, Jamesina was a lass of only fourteen and under my care as a servant of our castle. I could not in good conscious let her ruin herself.

I crept back to the stairs. Then making my footfalls very heavy I walked toward the alcove calling, "Jamesina are you down here?"

There was only a slight delay before Jamesina appeared from the alcove with her brown eyes wide and frightened straightening her apron.

"Ah, there you are. What were you doing under the stairs?"

"Just tidying, mi Lady." She dropped her eyes from mine as she said it and her plump cheeks grew pink.

"Well, you've no time to waste tidying unused alcoves this morning. There's a great deal to be done upstairs with so many guests staying." I gave her a stern look.

"Yes, mi Lady." Jamesina sketched a curtsy and shot up the stairs no doubt anxious to get away before I questioned her further. Her behavior was lewd, indeed, and she could be dismissed for it, though Mister Conway would more likely have her beaten if he were to hear of it. That seemed too severe a punishment for such a minor transgression. Perhaps I should drop a word in the ear of Jamesina's mother. Agnes was a sensible woman with three other daughters. No doubt she would know how to handle such misbehavior discreetly.

As for Jamesina's paramour, I was not about to allow guests in my house to go about seducing innocent maids of fourteen. How dare he abuse my hospitality so? John Og would surely punish the man when I told him what he'd done. I stalked to the alcove and ripped back the curtain, but it was empty.

 _Mo Chreach!_ The cowardly swine had crept away while I dealt with Jamesina.

I turned my head to look down the long stone walled passage, but it was deserted.

I decided to give up on locating my quarry for now. There was more than one way to skin a cat. The castle servants were among the worst gossips in the Highlands and I felt sure one of them would be only too happy to tell me which young man had caught Jamesina's eye.

I wondered again who he was. Perhaps it was true love and she would marry him. She seemed so young, but most girls my age were married and mothers by now. As far as I knew my father had never attempted to make a match for me. After he died, our household had been in mourning and I had been too sunk in grief to think of a betrothal, but Rabbie would soon be making Martine the mistress of the house. I could marry and leave my family in her good care, and if I married Finn I would be less than an hour's ride from our keep. I could see my brothers whenever I wanted and get to know my new sister in law.

I envisioned the two of us sitting and chatting with our bairns in our laps while Finn and Rabbie sat contentedly nearby. Though in truth I had never met Martine and could only imagine how she would look from Rabbie's letters. He'd called her bonnie and petite and wrote she had brown hair, golden skin and dark eyes.

I reached the great hall but it was deserted except for the young Fenella who was wiping the stray crumbs off one of the long wooden dining tables in the center of the floor

The breakfast things had long since been cleared and the rest of the servants would be in the kitchen preparing for tonight.

"Good Morning , Fenella." I smiled broadly at her for she was one of my favorites.

Fenella dipped a curtsy and tried to smooth back the locks of red hair that had fallen across her eyes. She was a plain girl with a long nose and close set eyes, but she was unfailingly even tempered and a hard worker. I must remember to drop a word in Martine's ear about her.

Cook's voice echoed from the kitchen into the hall. "Davey, Davey Frazer ! Get that spit moving, lad . If you burn that joint, I'll box your ears till they bleed!"

Perhaps it would be best if I put off speaking to Cook until later. "Fenella, have you seen Agnes this morning?"

"Cook sent her to get more cream from the dairy. Shall I fetch her for you?"

"No, I need to speak with my Uncle. I'll come back by later when we've finished."

Perhaps by then Cook would be in a better temper. He had every right to be in a fit of peak for he'd had only a few days warning of the McDonnel's visit, and he had been feeding four dozen extra men these last few days.

Feeling relieved at my temporary reprieve from the problem of Jamesina's misbehavior, I left the great hall bent on probing my Uncle Malcolm's feeling on matrimony. I knew where to find him. He shut himself away in my father's study every morning after breakfast to read and write his business correspondence. As I walked toward my father's study I tried to summon up the little I knew of my Uncle hoping to think of some common ground on which to begin our conversation.

He'd come for my father's funeral and never left, but in the years before that we had hardly seen him at our keep. He married Aunt Una before I was born and went to live on the large estate she inherited. After my grandmother died my Uncle's visits here became rarer and rarer until we saw him only for the weddings and funerals of his closest relations.

I always had the impression that my uncle and my father did not get along though I couldn't say exactly why. Perhaps it was something about the way they spoke so carefully to each other as if wary of the consequences should they relax and speak freely.

My Uncle was practically a stranger to me. We made polite conversation with each other over meals, but he generally left the handling of me to my Aunt Una and I had learned very little about him. My father always said his brother Malcolm had a fine head for business but a tight fist with his money and that was the sum total of what I knew of my father's opinion of my uncle for he almost never spoke of him.

I reached the study door and paused summoning the courage to knock, but I heard a man's voice that was not my uncles rising angrily and hesitated.

"I tell you those Makenzies can'na be trusted. Look at the Mcleods. Kenneth Mackenzie plotted and schemed till neither Mcleod's bastards nor the usurpers from Fife got the isle of Lewis. It all came to his cousin Tormod instead."

"Why shouldn't Tormod be the one to inherit? He was the rightful heir." I recognized my uncle's voice and his tone. No doubt he was staring down his long nose right now giving whoever was speaking to him a penetrating stare from beneath his hooded gray eyes.

"Twas Old Ruari's perogative to leave his property to his bastards if he wished and Mackenzie had no right to interfere." said the other voice.

Now I recognized it. It was John Og who shared his brother Angus's hatred of the Mackenzie clan.

"But you can't blame Kenneth for taking the side of his own kin. Old Ruari divorced Kenneth's aunt and disowned his cousin. Men can't be allowed to cast off wives and heirs when they become inconvenient," my uncle said.

"Mayhap old Ruari knew something about his first wife and child that we didn't." John Og gave a braying laugh.

"Be that as it may the Mackenzies have been our allies for generations. My own dead brother's wife was a Mackenzie, God rest her soul, and I don't want to do anything to damage our friendship."

"Kenneth of Kintail is a greedy Leam-leat **(Footnote:** **Two-faced, double-crossing bastard)**

who will use his position on the Privy Council to steal another clan's land whenever he can. I heard twas he who set the Mcleod bastards against each other to begin with, and if it wasn't for his influence with the Privy Council they'd never have hung Murdo. It will only strengthen the Frazers to ally with a clan like the McDonells who can stand with you against the Mackensies if need be."

"I'll consider it, but I asked ye here to discuss our mutual interest in cattle and until we come to an agreement on that score I will not be able to give you my answer on the other matter."

Their conversation veered into talk of cattle prices and moving them to market and my wandered back over what I had overheard. I'd paid little heed to the McDonell brother's claims of wrong doing at the hands of the Mackenzies. The McDonells of Glenn Gary had been fueding with the Mackenzies since before I was born with both sides claiming to be innocent of starting the feud. Like most clan feuds the real origin was lost and only much exaggerated versions of the truth remained to fuel it.

I had met Kenneth of Kintail once and he had not seemed a villain to me then. He and his father Colin "One Eye" had visited our keep before my mother died when I was just a wee lass. My brother's told me horrible stories about the hideous injury that lay beneath Colin's eye patch, and it was all I could do not scream every time the old man pinched my cheek and called me bonnie. Kenneth, on the other hand, had been a handsome young man, tall and dark with a regal air about him. I remembered all the young ladies vying for his attention while my mother doted on him.

Surely John Og slandered Kenneth's good name. Rabbie had fostered at Castle Kintail and he had never spoken ill of Kenneth.

I heard the scrape of a chair against the floor.

"I'll give you time to consider then, but if you would deal with me you must make the announcement after the feast tonight. I am anxious to get things settled without any more delay." John Og said.

He was taking his leave and I didn't want to be caught eavesdropping so I sped silently down the stairs and into the hall at the bottom where I stepped out a nearby door that led to the courtyard.

As I stood in the courtyard waiting for my heart to stop pounding in my ears l noticed a group of men gathered in a circle making noises of equal parts encouragement and derision above the clashing of swords.

"That's it lad, show him how a Fraser handles his sword!"

"Better than he handles his gogan, I hope!"

The crowd jeered and I noticed Eoghann's red head sticking up out the center of the group. No doubt he was showing off again. At nineteen, Eoghann was tall and wide shouldered with arms and a chest that grew thicker with muscle by the day. His strong arms and legs were long giving him a reach that far exceeded an average man's and few could match him with a sword.

As I approached the men parted to make a place for me in the crowd and I realized Eoghann's opponent was Angus McDonel. Angus was a head shorter than Eoghann and I could see that he was already flagging. His face was reddening and he was breathing hard.

Eoghann was the brother closest to me in age and we'd been constant playmates in childhood though he would desert me heartlessly whenever my older brothers let him play with them. I had frequently been Eoghann's opponent when his swordplay had still been performed with sticks and I knew from experience that you had to be quick and cunning to score a blow on Eoghann.

They were fighting with short sword and dirk and Angus had Eoghann's sword trapped between the two. Sweat ran down Angus' face and his abundant black curls were plastered to his temples. As Eoghann continued to apply his strength Angus's mouth set in a grim line and his chin became more belligerent than usual.

Eoghann, on the other hand, was enjoying himself. When Eoghann took note of me he smiled. "Cat, what are you doing here?"

Angus' oddly opaque light green eyes flicked toward me and I struggled not to stare at the beetle sized, black mole that rested on his right cheek just above the corner of his mouth. "Mi' Lady Catriona, I was about to defeat your brother."

"Watch and learn, Cat. After I finish off Angus here you can watch me fight Dubh?" Eoghann pushed Angus back releasing himself and brought first his dirk then his sword against Angus' blade forcing him to take two steps backwards and regroup.

Leave it to Eoghann to believe that my fondest wish was to watch him muck about with swords? I imagined his face if I'd asked him to come and watch my embroidery lessons with Aunt Una and smiled.

"Not so fast, Frazer," Angus gasped out, "I'll best you yet."

I thought it very unlikely. Eoghann excelled at any activity that required strength, speed or courage. He was the best fighter, hunter and rider of all my brothers and he was a head taller and probably five stone heavier than Angus.

Angus made a lung at him with his blade but Eoghann stepped aside just in time then turned and swung down a mighty blow from above on Angus's sword that bore Angus to the ground.

Eoghann chuckled and reached down a long arm to help Angus up. "Not bad, Angus, but you cut too wide and left yourself open."

Angus swatted his hand away angrily. "I slipped on a cobble or you would not have had me."

Eoghann laughed. "Slipped did ya, Luinnseach mhor?" **(foot note: clumsy lump in Gaelic.)**

Eoghann turned away from Angus to speak to me and did not see the look of black rage that crossed Angus's face. He kicked out with both feet knocking Eoghann's feet out from under him so that he fell backwards on top Angus.

"You Blaigeard! **(Footnote: Bastard or cunt in Gaelic)** Eoghann knocked the sword from Angus' hand then belted him in the mouth. Fisticuffs ensued and Eoghann grasped Angus by the throat and began to choke him. The crowd had tightened around us and men were shouting words of encouragement and jostling me in their eagerness to see more of the fight.

"Eoghann, Eoghann stop it. You're going to choke him to death," I yelled. Just as I was deciding whether to scream for help or kick Eoghann in the head before he murdered Angus, I saw the crowd parting for a bald head with a fringe of shoulder length brown hair that encircled it like a laurel wreath.

Beiste was beating his way through the crowd of spectators pushing and shoving men out of his way as he went. Beiste served as our castle warden and his menacing appearance enhanced his reputation as a fierce warrior. He was the tallest man I had ever seen with massive shoulders and a barrel chest.

As he came closer I could see that his great bushy brows were pulled down. His left brow was split by an ugly white scar that ran down at a steep angle from his forehead through his eye brow, across his cheek and toward his wide, flat nose until it disappeared into his thick brown moustache. Whether the scar continued on across to his chin I couldn't say for I had never glimpsed the skin beneath that wiry brown beard and he was so taciturn and grim that his lips were rarely revealed by either spoken word or smile.

He grabbed Eoghann's arm just as he pulled it back to land a crushing blow in Angus's face. "Here now, young Eoghann, that's no way to treat our guest."

Eoghann turned a furious face toward Beiste, but seemed to come back to himself as Beiste regarded him steadily. He let Angus go and stood up.

Beiste put his hands on his hips. "What's all this about?"

"Angus knocked Eoghann down while his back was turned." I felt a sudden rush of righteous fury and wanted to take a punch at Angus myself.

"It was just a jest," Angus said from the ground where he had managed to rise to a sitting position. He got up and dusted at the back of his kilt and wiped blood from the corner of his mouth where Eoghann had spit his lip.

"Pòg mo thòin" **(Footnote: Gaelic for Kiss my arse) Angus!** **"** Eoghann shouted and a group of McDonnel's standing nearby seemed to take offense frowning and muttering among themselves.

Beiste turned to me. "Take your brother to the well and get him a drink of cold water." He took Angus by the elbow. "Angus, you come with me."

I felt a twinge of satisfaction as I saw Angus' face pale. He would get his due for playing dirty!

I took Eoghann's reluctant arm and we walked toward the well.

"Come on Eoghann. Beiste will take care of him!"

Eoghanns lips curved in a smile making his blue eyes tilt up just a little at the corners above his straight Roman nose. "Do you think he really meant to hurt me?"

"I don't know but an honorable man wouldn't come at you from behind like that."

"He isn't quick enough to kill me in a fair fight, sneaky Blaigeard." He called angrily over his shoulder I hurried him along. "I think you've had enough fighting for the day."

We reached the well and I drew up the bucket and set it on the rough brick wall that surrounded it. I took the wooden ladle down from the peg where it hung and dipped out the cold water handing it to Eoghann who drank thirstily.

I searched my head for a change of subject and came up with, "How was your hunting trip? Did you bring anything home?"

"No luck." He turned away from me and dipped another ladle of water out of the bucket.

I wasn't surprised to hear that Eoghann had made no kill. Without the steadying influence of our big brothers, Eoghann had gone a bit wild. He and his friends made frequent "hunting trips" that required they spend the night in the family hunting lodge some miles from the keep. Eoghann often returned from these trips gray in the face smelling of whiskey and cheap scent with no fresh game and a notable lack of coin in his sporran.

Under Rabbie's care transgressions like that would never have gone unchecked. Eoghann would have been interrogated, confessed and suffered a grueling increase to his workload that left him far too tired to pursue such idle pursuits for months to come, but if my Uncle suspected Eoghann of lewd behavior he gave no outward sign of it. Eoghann was free to do as he would as long as he did it outside the keep walls.

"Did any of you make a kill?" I asked.

"No, Deorsa and Ian had no better luck than I did," Eoghann said without meeting my eye.

Knowing that he'd never reveal what they'd really been up to I changed the subject to pursue my own ends. "Do you think a woman should have a say in who becomes her husband?"

Eoghann gave me a curious look and paused to take a swallow of water. Then he rinsed his mouth, turned his head and spit into the mud. "No, women are terrible at judging a man's character. If a man dances with a lass and tells her how bonnie she looks then she thinks he loves her."

"But he doesn't?" I was wary. Did Eoghann know about me and Finn? It would be very unlike him to be so discrete. I could believe it of Rabbie and certainly of Ailean, but in my experience Eoghann never meant more or less than he said.

"Well, he may, but if he's thinking of kissing her at the time then he can'na be trusted."

"How can a lass tell if a man is thinking of kissing her?"

"If she's bonnie, he's sure to be thinking of it all the time."

I swatted his shoulder and he laughed.

"Have you ever told alass that she was bonnie?"

"I have."

"Did you mean it?"

"Oh, aye, but there's many bonnie lasses in Scotland I would'na wish to marry."

"But what if a man tells you he loves you?"

"You still can'na trust him. There's a lot of buggers who'll ponce around in a lace collar telling you you've hair like flame and eyes like emeralds, but that don'na mean they'll marry you, you ken?"

 _Hair like flame … who was he talking about?_

"That's why it's best to leave choosing a husband to the men in the family."

Beiste retuned to us. "Come with me Eoghann. I can find something better for you to do than fight like a lad in the court yard and as for you Catriona, this is no place for a lady."

He was right. I was accomplishing nothing hanging around here and if I wanted to look my best for Finn tonight I mustn't tarry. I hurried off toward the kitchens.


	3. Chapter 3

To my 6 followers. Thank you very much for reading my off, off cannon A.U. I think I have stayed true to the spirit of Dianne's writing. If you are waiting for some M content, have patience. If you recall Dianne made us wait.

I would be very grateful if you would share your comments with me. In particular let me know when I bore or confuse you. And praise is always welcome to soften the blow. Thank you!

Chapter 3

 _Captain of My Fate_

The mouth watering smell of roasted meat and seared fat still lingered in the air from our feast and mingled with the spicy scent of the mulled wine most were sipping while they talked. Our guests stood in twos and threes around the make shift dance floor bending their heads to share gossip or forming larger groups to swap the tales that grew taller each year. Some dressed in silks, velvets and taffetas as bright as the jewels they wore while others wore wool or linen in muted tones of brown, gray and green, but all wore their best tonight. The crowd hummed with excitement while in the gallery above the fiddlers played a lively reel over the din.

The children were all bedded down for the night except for a few fretful bairns who were soothed on the shoulders of old wives while their mothers danced and flirted like the girls they had been not so long ago. Those too old to dance sat on benches and chairs around the edges of the room chatting quietly with one another while keeping a wary eye out lest they miss any illicit looks or poorly concealed hostilities they could pass the time speculating upon.

With their bellies full of food and drink the Frazers had accepted the McDonnel men as friends again and any lingering animosity from the afternoon's altercation seemed forgotten. Even Eoghann and Angus had mended fences while I marveled again at the strange ability of males to come to blows one moment and laugh with one another the next. Peace and good cheer swirled all around me but I was lost in a fog of irritation. My evening was not working out as I planned. I was promenading around the dance floor with Angus McDonnel while Finn danced with Elspeth McTavish.

Angus gave me a wolfish smile that moved the beetle mole on his cheek as if it were alive and trying to crawl toward his nose. I looked away, my eyes darted again toward Finn and Elspeth.

"Who are you looking for, Lady Catriona? Someone in particular?"

I shook my head and shrugged widening my eyes to feign innocence. "I'm just looking to see who's here tonight."

He raised his brows skeptically and I forced myself to hold his gaze. There was something about those odd opaque green eyes of his that disconcerted me.

Angus and I crossed our arms joining hands and he whirled me round and round transforming the crowds into a blur of soft browns, grays punctuated with flashes of crimson, jade and blue. I was breathing fast when he released me and we faced each other prancing from leg to leg. While we pranced a drop of sweat broke free from the dark curls at his temple and slid down his face to disappear into the starched ruff around his neck.

I wanted to turn my head to look for Finn again, but I refrained. Angus might be an awful bore, but he was a guest in my home and I had to fulfill my duties as hostess regardless of my inner turmoil. I smiled at Angus and was ashamed to see how pleased he was with my attention. He smiled back and preened pulling back his shoulders and lifting his chin.

If only Finn would look at me this way. He was breathtakingly handsome tonight in a blue satin doublet and jacket with his hair gleaming just above his shoulders. His shirt was a dazzling white with ruffs at both collar and cuffs. I felt a pang of envy and wished I was the one he was leading in a dance instead of Elspeth.

She was a saucy red head Eoghann called "bonnie" and Aunt Una called "lewd". Until this evening I thought Elspeth and her bawdy stories rather amusing, but tonight I found myself forming a rapid dislike of her. She was pretty enough with flashing green eyes and a bright smile, but I noticed for the first time that her nose jutted out at a beakish angle in profile making her look very like a duck.

Angus took my hand and we promenaded again. I felt a crushing pain in my toes and gave an involuntary cry. Angus' foot had come down on mine.

He winced and jerked his foot back. "I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"

"I'll be fine. I just wasn't paying attention to the steps." I gave him a smile and tried not to limp.

We started to form lines again, but the fiddlers ended their song. Angus bowed to me and I curtsied to him. Then we both clapped politely.

Angus pulled a handkerchief out of his jacket and mopped his sweating brow. "I'm a bit warm. Could I interest you in a drink?"

I considered a moment. I longed to get away from him. All during the feast Angus had monopolized my conversation while rudely ignoring my Aunt, but I would be glad of a rest. I could smell the whiskey on his breath, and my toes didn't need any more mashing. "Yes," I said, deciding all at once, "I'm quite thirsty."

Angus took my arm and led me through the noisy crowd seemingly unaware of the people he trampled in his haste. He shouldered his way past old Mistress Fitch and I smiled apologetically at her as he drug me past. We made our way to the sides of the room where the long tables that usually stood in the middle of the hall had been pushed against the wall to serve as makeshift buffets. They were crammed with all manner of pies, cakes, cheeses and dried fruit, not to mention ale, cider and wine. Cook had outdone himself again this year and I had already eaten my fill, but the sweet, buttery smell of shortbread drifted up and tempted me.

Before I could take a piece, Angus handed me a mug of cider keeping one for himself.

"Thank you." The wooden mug was polished smooth and it felt cool to the touch. I lifted it gratefully to my lips. The sweet liquid slipped easily down my dry throat and I resisted the urge to turn it up and guzzle it down, taking lady like sips instead.

Angus jerked his chin in the direction of the dais. "What do you think they're talking about?"

I looked up at the dais where Uncle Malcolm was nodding his dark head in agreement with whatever the hound faced John Og was saying while Aunt Una glanced around the room looking peevish and thoroughly bored.

I lowered my voice. "Cows, cows and more cows."

He smiled at my joke then turned and looked at me with a burning gaze so intense that I felt the hairs rise at the back of my neck.

"You look bonnie in that dress," he said softly.

"Thank you." I looked down and smoothed the blue silk of my skirt trying to regain my composure. I was proud of its fashionably low neckline and close sleeves. It was by far the most elegant and sophisticated gown I'd ever owned. The skirt was heavily embroidered from the hem to half way up my thighs with patterns of red and yellow flowers and tiny silver beads. My matching bodice was cut in a deep V at the bottom that served to make my waist look smaller above the wide skirts.

When I raised my eyes again Angus was staring fixedly at my cleavage. Flora had tightened my corset vigorously before she put on my dress saying it would enhance my figure, but I had intended the effects for Finn alone and something about having Angus stare at my bosom made my skin crawl.

Angus quickly raised his eyes to mine and I noticed the way his irises seemed to be set a bit too high in the whites of his eyes so that his eyelids often drooped down over part of his black pupils. It gave him an off kilter look that made him appear a bit … mad.

I felt a shiver run down my spine and shook my head trying to clear it. Perhaps I was the mad one. The poor lad couldn't help the way his eyelids drooped or the mole on his cheek. I realized he had said something to me that I hadn't heard and was looking at me as if he expected an answer.

"Excuse me; I'm afraid I was wool gathering. What did you say?"

"I said your sleeves are quite modish. I saw sleeves like that on the dresses of the ladies in Edinburgh when I visited last."

I smiled, amused that Angus would be aware of the fashion in women's sleeves, but he was a bit of a fop and seemed obsessed with having the latest and most expensive in all things. Flora had championed a pair of very full sleeves of stripped red and yellow satin for tonight because they matched the forepart on my kirtle, and she had muttered grudgingly while she sewed these onto my dress instead. I would have to tell her of the compliment. If only it had come from Finn instead of Angus.

"Thank you. You look very … fashionable yourself."

He was quite the dandy tonight wearing a long sleeved, brown velvet doublet ( footnote: a man's short close-fitting padded jacket, commonly worn from the 14th to the 17th century.) over trunk hose of matching brown velvet (footnote: short padded hose) paned (footnote: with strips of fabric (panes) over a full inner layer or lining. These are commonly referred to as "pumpkin" pants.) with stripes of yellow silk over tight yellow satin cannions (footnote: fitted hose that ended above the knee.) each tied at the knee with a bow.

"Thank you. Some old clot head asked me if I was wearing a pumpkin for my breeches."

I bit my lip to keep from laughing. "We aren't up on the latest fashions here in the Highlands. Tell me about Edinburgh. I've never been but I would very much like to go there … or anywhere for that matter."

I'd rarely left my father's lands. He always encouraged my brothers to travel, but he thought young lassies should remain home with their families until they were safely married.

"You ken it's a walled city. It can't grow out so it must grow up. Buildings of ten or twelve stories are quite common there."

"Really!" The tower in our keep was four stories high and I had never seen any building taller.

He nodded sagely. "Oh aye, I've been inside many of them. When you stand in the top floor and look out the window you can see for miles."

"What were you doing in Edinburgh?"

"You recall when those murdering Mackenzie killed my father's cousins in Lochcarron?"

I nodded though in truth the murders had happened before I was even born.

"The sons of my murdered cousins took revenge for their father's deaths a few years back. Kenneth Mackenzie filed a complaint against my father with the Privy Council saying they slew Donald Mackenzie in his own bed. When my father went to meet those charges with some of his own against Mackenzie, Mackenzie turned the council against him with false witnesses and lies. My father had to flee to Edinburgh to avoid being imprisoned."

I nodded again. I had heard this version of events from him already, but I had also heard it said that his cousins burned one of the suspected murderers and his entire family alive in their home at Applecross.

"Well now, it seems the Privy Council is riled that my father ignores their summons and we went to see if aught can be done to set things right with them."

"And can anything be done?"

"Very little, it seems, without my father facing a trial that places his fate in the hands of a bunch boot lickers who are under the influence of Kenneth Mackenzie."

"Will your father go to be tried?"

"Why should he? Tis the Mackenzies who are at fault. They are the ones who began all this. No, likely my father will simply ignore the summons."

"But can he do that? What if the King's men come to Glengarry to arrest him?"

"Let them come. Clan McDonnel will be waiting!"

"But surely there is a better way to approach this if your father is in the right."

I saw anger flare in those strange eyes of his. "A bonnie lass like you needn't trouble herself with such matters. It's for men to settle."

I felt a rush of anger at being so patronized. I was as capable of grasping the risk of the situation as he, more capable if he thought the Privy Council could be dealt with so easily. I looked away lest he see my temper only to set my eyes upon Elspeth who swatted Finn on the arm and then threw back her head and gave a tinkling laugh at something he said.

Angus followed my eyes. "That lass is a loose one. Look at the way she makes a spectacle of herself."

Though I was predisposed to think poorly of Elspeth at the moment I could see nothing in her behavior to warrant Angus's disdain.

"Elspeth is a friend of mine. She means no harm. She's just full of life and a bit of a flirt."

He gave me a stern look then spoke to me as if I were a wayward child that needed to be schooled. "There are only two kinds of women in the world, pious ones like you who deserve the respect of men and loose ones like her who deserve whatever treatment they get."

My pious behavior tonight had little to do with my "kind of woman" and much more to do with my aversion to Angus in general though I wouldn't tell him that. I was about to open my mouth to disagree with him when I noticed the crowd around the dance floor parting like the Red Sea as Beiste made his way towards us.

When he reached us he bowed saying, "Good evening, Lady Catriona, Master MacDonnel."

Unlike most of the men at the party Beiste eschewed breeches and stockings. He wore a great kilt in a muted plaid of greens and grays with his huge hairy knees peeking out beneath it above his long boots. He wore no padded doublet but his shoulders were still the broadest in the room and his sleeveless leather jerkin strained across the powerful muscles of his chest. He was fully armed with his broad sword hanging by his side and his dirk was in its customary place at his waist.

"You needn't have gone to so much trouble with your dress tonight, Beiste," I teased.

"Tis a clean shirt." Beiste looked down as if to confirm his statement.

I was one of the few people willing to risk Beiste's wrath by teasing him. He was a distant cousin to me on the Mackenzie side and almost as dear to me as my brothers. He had come with my mother from her Highland home when she married my father to insure the Frasers treated her well and had somehow risen to the office of castle warden though not a Frazer by clan.

"What do you think of my new dress?"

Beiste gave my dress a once over and scowled at me making a disapproving noise at the back of his throat. "Master McDonnel, your brother needs a word with you on a matter of urgent business."

Angus looked annoyed but bowed to me saying, "Could you excuse me, mi Lady?

I excused them and Beiste gave me a passing nod by way of farewell. Beiste was whispering in Angus' ear when they left the great hall and I turned toward the dance floor looking for Finn again.

"Isn't that dress a bit too...small?"

I looked to see my brother Eoghann looming beside me. His bright red hair and beard glowed with the light of the torches behind him.

I returned my attention to my search for Finn and said, "It certainly is not. This is the latest fashion from London."

Eoghann made a disapproving noise very similar to the one Beiste had made earlier. "What are you staring at beachlannair (footnote: beekeeper)?"

"Don't call me that." I said it more from sisterly reflex than because I actually minded.

"I call you what I like, beachlannair, at least till your big enough to shut my clabber for me."

"Beachlannair is Father's nickname for me."

"And now it's mine. I wouldn't want anyone forgetting that story. Remember how he loved to tell it."

I smiled at the thought. It might have been a cautionary tale in the hands of a less talented story teller, but my father had been a master of the art. He improved every memorable family event with hyperbolae and exaggeration until even painful memories took on a humorous tone.

When I was a wee lass of about six my brothers dared each other to throw green apples at a beehive. Eoghann and Ailean each threw an apple and missed but Rabbie, a strapping lad of twelve at the time, knocked the hive to the ground. It rolled about there with angry bees swarming from it like a vengeful cloud. We all ran but I ran the slowest. The bees caught up with me and began to sting.

I started screaming and my brothers came back for me. When the bees wouldn't be discouraged by their flapping arms Rabbie picked me up and ran to the loch. He jumped in with me still in his arms and dunked me until all the bees were gone. Eventually, my brothers got me to stop crying and began to bribe me into promising I wouldn't tell our father what really happened.

"Just tell him you were poking the hive with a stick and we'll let you play with us every day for a week," Ailean had said with a mischievous smile on his elfin face. He was a charming and practiced liar even at the tender age of eleven. Now he'd grown into a fatally attractive rogue that young ladies swooned over and mothers warned against.

"We'll even play dolls with you, but you have to tell father that you poked the hive and we heard you screaming and came to save you," Rabbie had said very seriously with his dark brows drawn down and his mouth held in a grim line. He was ever conscious of his role as heir and always took care to cast himself in the best possible light.

Eoghann who was eight at the time held his fist up and shook it at me and saying, "If you tattle I'm going to belt you one." He was still the most straightforward of my brothers though he hadn't threatened to belt me for quite some time.

When we all trooped into my father's study I was still damp and sprinkled with welts from the bee stings. My father wasted no time in sending my brothers outside to await his wrath by the fence row, and I didn't hold up long under his interrogation without their support. Needless to say my brothers were all too sore to sit down the next day.

I smiled at the memory. How much longer would it be until Rabbie and Ailean returned? It wasn't just that I wanted to be rid of my aunt and uncle. I wanted my brothers back, all my brothers. I looked at Eoghann out of the corner of my eye. He was staring at something on the dance floor. I followed his eyes. Was he looking at Finn? No, he was looking at Elspeth…. Hair like flame, he was sweet on Elspeth.

A Frazer of Kilmorack, even a third son, would make a very good match for Elspeth and I wouldn't mind diverting her attention from Finn for a moment. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to see Eoghann hurt by a shallow flirt like Elspeth who was enamored of someone new every time I spoke to her.

"You shouldn't stare, Eoghann."

"Look at her hanging on his every word. I wonder what nonsense he's filling her head with now."

"I'm sure he's just making polite conversations and there's no need to stand here glowering at her about it!"

Eoghann looked at me as if shocked at my wisdom. He sat down his empty ale mug on a nearby table with a bang. "If you'll excuse me?" He walked purposefully toward Finn and Elspeth.

As I watched the dance ended and Eoghann tapped Finn's shoulder to cut in. Elspeth looked up at him with undisguised dismay.

I hid a smile behind my hand. My brother was a bonnie rider and a skilled swordsman, but we had shared the same dance master for years, and I knew him to be a poor student of the art. When we practiced together Eoghann took steps too large and rhythmless for me to match, and then blamed me for our lack of grace, frequently picking me up and carrying me around the floor when he felt I lagged behind him.

Finn seemed unperturbed by the intrusion and gracefully surrendered Elspeth. She recovered her poise and smiled fetchingly up at my brother, but Finn took no notice. He circulated slowly about the room stopping to chat here and there among the knots of people gathered in groups around the dancers. He stopped to say something to Mr. Roberson the new hostler that got a great laugh among the men in the group.

He caught me looking at him and I quickly moved my eyes to the floor feeling the blood rising in my cheeks.

Oh no, was he coming this way. I turned and pretended a sudden interest in the tarts on the table.

"Good evening, Lady Catriona," Finn said.

I turned as if surprised to see him there. "Mister Swinton." I curtsied.

He looked down at me with his golden lashed sky blue eyes. "I see that you are finally free of a partner. Would you care to dance?"

I smiled at him. "Yes."

I held out my arm to Finn who closed his warm fingers around mine. He tucked my arm under his and heads turned as he led me to the dance floor. I was proud as a peacock to be escorted by Finn and I could feel many pairs of eyes following our progress. When we reached the other dancers, Finn saw me to my place in line and let go my arm giving me a wink. As I stood across from him waiting for the dance to begin I felt my heart race as if I stood at a precipice about to jump.

The fiddlers began a slow strathspey and Finn took my hand circling me about gracefully before returning to his place in line. The fear that I would miss a step and look clumsy stiffened my limbs, but unlike Angus, Finn was an excellent partner and there were no sudden stops or jerks. He moved with confidence and a reliable rhythm that made him easy to follow, and he passed me gently to my next partner with perfect timing.

When I returned to Finn he put his hand on the small of my back to steer me toward the other dancers. The touch seemed strangely intimate though it was only part of the dance. I put my right hand to the center with the other women's and Finn's hand moved to my waist. I felt keenly aware of his strong fingers resting there.

We all circled left, each couple becoming the spoke of a great wheel as we stepped in time. Then we formed a great circle and I wove through passing from partner to partner, in and out, right hand to right, then left hand to left until I reached Finn again a little breathless.

I looked up at him through my lashes. His face was even more handsome up close. His skin was so fine and fair that it grew ruddy as we danced. When he drew me closer for the spin I could smell the sweet cologne he wore. His mouth made a perfect bow with his boyish, turned up nose just above it, but his best features by far were his large, luminous blue eyes. I could get lost in them.

Finn wasn't tall. His head only topped mine by a few inches, but his body was tight and sleek. His movements were so smooth that he seemed to be gliding around the floor. I began to feel graceful and enjoy myself, especially when I glanced up and caught Finn looking at me admiringly. I gave up control and let the rhythm of the music and Finn's strong arms take me where they would. We danced effortlessly together no matter the tune. I became absorbed in our dancing. We were so perfectly synchronized that my body became an extension of his strong, lithe one. The dances blended into each other until suddenly the music stopped and I came back to myself.

I'd lost track of how many dances we'd danced. Was it three or four? It was certainly more than was considered acceptable. I looked about to see who might have noticed and saw Eoghann still standing with Elspeth absorbed in whatever she was saying to him.

I glanced around for my Aunt Una. She was sitting up on the dais listening intently to Reverend Reed. The young reverend was given to twitching his nose to more fully reveal his bucked teeth when he disapproved of something and his nose was twitching with rabbit like vigor at the moment.

My eyes moved about the room but my uncle, the brothers McDonnel and Beiste were nowhere to be found. They must still be talking business somewhere outside the hall. It appeared no one had noticed my impropriety.

"I thought perhaps you would like to rest a bit and talk." Finn gestured toward a nearby chair.

"Thank you, you're very kind."

He put his hand on the small of my back to navigate me through the crowd of dancers and I felt the strange intimacy again as if with that touch he had somehow possessed me. When we reached the quiet seat in the corner and he pulled his hand away from my back I felt the loss of it. I settled myself in the chair while he stood beside it.

Finn smiled teasingly. "You've grown more beautiful since the last time I saw you."

I blushed.

"How old are you now, Catriona?"

I glanced around to see if anyone heard his informal address but the corner was secluded and none were close enough to hear what he said though a few curious heads were turned our way. "I turned seventeen last month."

"Oh, are ye as old as that then?" He said in shocked tones as if I had admitted to being thirty or more.

"I'll always be younger than you, Finn Swinton!" My voice sounded harsh and shrewish and I regretted my words immediately. I was used to defending myself against the teasing of my brothers not flirting with eligible young men.

He gave me a sidelong look. "Are you promised to anyone, Catriona?"

I wondered what he was playing at. Was he hoping I'd claim to be promised to him? Well, he'd get no such admission from me until he made his intentions clear. "No, no one has any claims on me"

He gave me an appraising look running his eyes boldly from my face to my toes. "A lass as bonnie as you must have a sweetheart?"

I felt my skin heat under the thrill of Finn's gaze but I shook my head saying firmly, "I've no sweetheart."

He smiled very broadly at that showing his teeth. "I thought you and Angus were courting."

I made a face. "I want nothing to do with Angus McDonnel."

Finn took my hand and pulled me to my feet until I stood only a few inches away from him. I barely breathed so conscious was I of his lips just inches above mine.

"There's something I want to show you."

I looked up into his eyes. "What?"

"It's a surprise. Do you think you could meet me in the garden?" His sky blue eyes looked into mine sparkling with secret knowledge that I was eager to obtain.

I knew I shouldn't. It would be scandalous if we were discovered. The image of Jamesina clutched in her lovers embrace flashed through my mind, but Finn turned those blue eyes on me gazing intently into my own and the lure of being alone with him was too much. I nodded my head silently in answer. At that moment I would have followed him anywhere.

"Will you meet me then?"

"Yes." I was still a little breathless from our dancing or perhaps from the excitement of our assignation. I couldn't be sure which.

"I'll go now. You wait a minute and then follow." Finn gave me one more smile then turned and sauntered away.

I glanced around the room to see if anyone was looking, but Aunt Una was wagging her finger at the reverend to emphasize some point and Eoghann was hovering over Elspeth seemingly oblivious to anything I might do.

I considered the consequences of getting caught and decided that the joy of spending a few stolen moments in Finn's company far outweighed the risks. I made my way to the door that led into the corridor surreptitiously watching to see if anyone noticed me. They all remained much as they had been, and after a few moments I casually left the great hall.

I tiptoed down the long corridor. The torches that lined the stone walls were set far apart and smelled of tallow. They cast pools of light but the shadows in between them seemed to shape themselves into sinister figures that had me creeping warily along. I admonished myself not to be daft. There was nothing to fear in a keep full of my clansmen except getting caught.

What if I ran into someone? What reason could I give for wandering the corridor at this hour? I could claim to be feeling ill but this hall was the opposite direction from my rooms. Perhaps I could say I'd left something I needed in the family solar, a book I was reading, but why would I need a book in the middle of a party?

I wondered what surprise Finn had for me, a flower, perhaps a poem. No, I was being daft. Finn had no present for me, but surely Finn's surprise would be a good one. I thought of Eoghann's usual surprises. They tended to be unpleasant things like toads, or spiders or worse, but Finn's surprise wouldn't be like that. Perhaps he planned to profess his love!

Something skittered across my foot and I let out a whoop before I was able to stifle it. I heard a squeaking noise and realized what I'd felt was likely a field mouse. I leaned against the rough wall a moment while my hammering heart slowed to a normal pace and listened carefully for anyone who might have heard my cry, but the hall remained silent.

I gathered myself together and started down the corridor again wary this time for fear another mouse might dart into my path. I mustn't scream if one did for I was very close to the door to the garden now and it wouldn't do to call attention to my tryst with Finn. I thought of his mesmerizing blue eyes and the feel of his strong arms as we danced and hurried along. Then I heard the murmur of voices and froze.

Someone yelled "I win, lads!" and then there was a cacophony of oaths.

I started to flee back the way I'd come, but Finn appeared with his fingers held to his lips. He took my hand and led me silently through the door to the garden. It was dark there except for what light filtered through the windows of the keep and the almost full moon, but I cared not because Finn's warm hand still held mine. He opened the gate to the stone fence that surrounded the kitchen garden and led me inside. It was so dark I could barely make out his face, but we weren't likely to be discovered here.

He moved closer to me and I felt his warm breath as he whispered in my ear. "We must be quiet. There are dice players close by."

I silently nodded in acknowledgement breathing in the scent of his sweet cologne.

He put one hand on my shoulder. "I was afraid you weren't coming."

I giggled nervously then clapped my hand over my mouth.

"Keep quiet or they'll hear us," Finn said with mock sternness.

"What's my surprise?" I whispered thrilled at the adventure of it all.

I saw Finn's white teeth flash in the gloom and then he slowly placed a finger under my chin and raised it. "This." He bent his head and softly pressed his lips against mine.

I had never been kissed on the lips before and I felt the shock of it run from my lips all the way down to my toes and opened my mouth in surprise. His tongue slipped between my lips. His kiss deepened as his tongue began to explore my mouth. When I got over the shock of the invasion I began to kiss him back moving my tongue against his. It was a strange sensation but pleasant and thrilling. I was completely lost in it when Finn pulled away.

"Catriona, you are the bonniest girl I've ever seen." A tendril of my hair had escaped the netted coil at the back of my neck and Finn picked it up delicately his fingers sending a pleasurable shiver down my spine. "Your hair is as black as a raven's feathers and your eyes are like sapphires."

I was glad it was dark so he couldn't see me blush at his compliments. I wondered if he really meant them. If ever I asked my brothers' opinions on my looks they mocked me mercilessly pointing out all my shortcomings, my big feet, my stubborn chin and my mismatched ears among them, but my father had always said I would become a great beauty like my mother and I had spent many hours staring at her portrait as a young lass, but I never saw a great resemblance. Our faces were similar, but mine was but a poor imitation of her perfection and instead of her beautiful red hair mine was unfashionably dark and Spanish looking. I did, however, have my mother's wide set eyes. They were large, dark blue, and tilted down slightly at the corners.

Finn placed his hand against my cheek. "You skin is so white and smooth like a perfect pearl."

He must not have noticed the smattering of nutmeg freckle across my cheeks and nose. No matter how I argued with my aunt she refused to let me use her white ceruse to cover them claiming I was far too young for such things and should take more care to stay out of the sun.

Finn took me by the shoulders. "You said you weren't promised to anyone. Would you find me an agreeable dowry (footnote: bridegroom), Catriona?"

Dowry, was this a proposal? Surely it must be as we'd kissed. I still felt a little disoriented and weak at the knees.

"Would you marry me, Catriona?"

I nodded happily, "Yes. Yes!"

I saw the flash of Finn's teeth again before his mouth came down on mine. This time I was ready for his kiss and enthusiastically returned it. My heart soared. Finn wanted to marry me. I would be his bride and we would have many bonnie children. I brought my arms up and around his neck and he groaned pulling me closer and pressing his lips urgently against mine. At first I was startled by the fervor of his embrace and pulled back but then I relaxed and began to enjoy his embrace and savor my new found power. The slightest movement of my body against his seemed to set him into frenzy.

Then I heard a growl and Finn's lips pulled away from mine. My eyes flew open. A look of horror passed over Finn's face as he was ripped from our embrace leaving me to stumble. Beiste was standing in front of me with Finn's ear grasped in one hand and the point of his dirk pressed to Finn's throat. Beiste's eyes were narrowed with fury and his lips were pulled back from his teeth in a snarl.

"Touch her again lad and I'll be cutting it off. And I do'na mean your ear!"

I saw the whites of Finn's eyes as he stared up into Beiste's furious face stammering, "I didn't … I didn't mean to…"

"I know exactly what you meant to do, laddie buck, and I should kill you for it." The point of the dirk pricked Finn's neck just enough to draw blood then Beiste released him, cuffing Finn on the side of the head so hard that it sounded like a rap at the door. Finn fell to his knees banging his head against the stone wall.

I found my voice. "Don't hurt him, Beiste!"

"Apologize to the lady for taking liberties before I change my mind and cut your throat," Beiste said in a deadly whisper.

Finn scrambled to his feet frantically. Then catching sight of my horrified stare he regained his composure. He touched his fingers to his forehead where blood was beginning to flow from a wound made by the stones. "I apologize, Lady Catriona.

"You're hurt!" I tried to go to Finn but Beiste stepped between us.

"Leave!" Beiste shouted with the vein in his forehead throbbing.

Finn mustered his dignity, pulled a handkerchief from his jacket pocket and held it to his wound. "Good night, Lady Catriona," He walked to the gate, but then turned back to me saying; "Remember what we talked about."

"Get out, before I change my mind!" Beiste bellowed and Finn disappeared through the gate.

How could I forget! Finn had proposed and Beiste must not hurt him. I turned to Beiste in a fury. "You didn't have to be so rough with him. You made him bleed." Beiste could bluster all he wanted but I wasn't afraid of him.

"Aye, I did and twas less than he deserved for luring you here and taking advantage of you." Beiste took me by the hand and dragged me back through the gate toward the garden door. "Can I not leave you for a moment? What were you thinking coming here alone with a lad?"

"I didn't know Finn was going to kiss me."

"That's why you should'na ha' come. You can'na trust what any lad will do when he's alone with a bonnie lass. Your mother would be ashamed of you for such lewd behavior."

I felt a little pang of regret, not that I had shamed my mother, but that I could not ask her about Finn. How glorious it would be to have a mother to share my happy news with, but I could barely remember my mother and the woman I did remember looked nothing like her portrait. She was painfully thin with bright fevered eyes and a hoarse voice. She would lie in bed smiling at my childish stories between bouts of racking coughs until she grew too weak to listen and the servants shooed me away so she could rest.

There were few female influences in my life and I missed having someone to ask all the questions that young women have about growing up. I was well loved, spoiled in fact, by my three older brothers and my father when he lived, but what I knew of being a woman was mostly gleaned from the loose talk of servants and the admonitions of my Aunt Una.

Aunt Una! She would very likely ban Finn from my presence if she found out about our tryst. I had to prevent my romantic escapade from reaching her ears. Mayhap Beiste's anger would be soothed by Finn's proposal. "My mother would not be ashamed that I kissed the man I'm going to marry."

Beiste "Your brothers and your uncle might have something to say about that!"

"Why can't I marry him? His father was a friend of my father's and Finn is noble and honorable man."

"Honorable is he? Mayhap you should ask yourself why wee Finn is so familiar with the places in this keep where you can kiss a lassie and not be seen." Beiste gave a nasty, braying laugh.

I frowned. Beiste was even more suspicious than Eoghann. I tried a change of tack. "Surely my uncle and brothers would wish for my happiness."

Beiste laughed even harder. "Your happiness! Since when has a lass had any notion what would make her happy!"

"If I marry Finn I won't have to go far away. I'm sure my brothers would like to have me near them."

"You are no crofter's daughter, Catriona. You are the daughter of Laird Aaron of Kilmorack and you must marry to strengthen your clan. You will be happy with the husband your family chooses for you. Now come along. Your Uncle wants you back in the hall."

My uncle, when had he ever wanted me for anything? Whatever the reason it would be disastrous if Beiste told him how he'd caught me with Finn. "Are you going to tell him … about me and Finn?"

Beiste stopped dragging me along and turned to scowl silently at me for a moment. Finally, he said, "I'll no tell if you'll promise never to be alone with Finn again."

I was surprised that Beiste offered to keep my secret under any circumstances, but it was a high price to pay, and I considered carefully before I promised. It would be difficult for Finn and I to continue our romance if we were never alone. On the other hand, our romance would be impossible if Finn was banned from me completely and I needed to gain time to persuade my uncle. It seemed I had no choice.

"I promise," I said, and I would keep my promise but I would not be discouraged from my goal. I intended to marry Finnian Swinton and once I set my mind to something there were few with the will to stop me. My heart began to soar again with thoughts of our wedding. We must wait until Rabbie and Ailean returned with Martine. She could serve as my matron of honor. I began to picture the wedding in my mind. If we married soon there would be plenty of flowers for the kirk.

As we reached the hall and went inside I had begun to wonder what sort of gown I should choose, something simple but elegant. Beiste led me to the front of the hall. "I think your uncle is about to speak."

My uncle stood on the dais. He was dressed all in black velvet embroidered in silver but for a white ruff and hose. A row of small silver buttons ran the length of his doublet and silver buckles ornamented his shoes. I thought of the times I'd watched my father standing in that same spot about to share happy news. Uncle Malcolm had gray eyes and prominent nose like my father, but no one would have mistaken this thin, slumped, peevish man for my strapping and jovial father.

Uncle Malcolm clapped his hands. "Friends, clansmen, may I have your attention?" He waited patiently while the crowd quieted and the fiddlers ceased to play.

How I wished my Da were here! He would understand about me and Finn. I knew I could have persuaded him of the advantages of having me so near. How he would have loved to be able to see his grandchildren any time he wanted. I pictured him dandling a pretty blond babe on his knee while Finn and I looked on and sighed that it could not be. Well our children would grow up knowing about their grandfather. I would tell them his stories and show them his portrait and my mothers. If Rabbie and Martine were blessed with children they would have cousins to play with. I pictured myself showing a great brood of children all our favorite childhood haunts. We would begin with the hollow oak.

My thoughts were interrupted by crowd clapping politely and I did the same. I wondered what my uncle had been blathering about and noticed that John Og now stood next to him on the dais his sad hound dog face split in a smile for once.

"A toast to our future prosperity, Slaínte!" he said taking a drinking down the cup he held.

"Slaínte!" the crowd shouted as they raised their own glasses and I wondered what we were toasting to. No doubt it involved cows.

"But that is not the only negotiation that has been completed this evening." He turned and looked over his shoulder at Angus who was sitting behind them on the dais. "Angus will you join us."

There was polite clapping as Angus came to stand with him and my uncle patted his shoulder.

"Lady Catriona, will you join us as well?" He gestured at me to come forward.

What on earth was this all about? I hesitantly walked to steps of the dais. What could he possibly want with me? I felt a sudden prickle of apprehension as he took my hand and brought me up the steps to the top of the dais then turned and took Angus' hand as well then turned and looked out over the crowd. "Angus McDonnel and Catriona Fraser are betrothed to be married!"


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for your input, Zay. Footnotes are now at the end. I know you are anxious to get back to Sam but I have one more important plot point to lay down so after one more very, very short chapter we will be back to Sam and the present in the story.. For all and any readers out there, I am still looking to know what bores or confuses you.

Chapter 4

That Morning

 _Finds and shall find me unafraid_

"I cannot marry him!" I paced across my room to the window and stared out at the mountains in the distance feeling a rising sense of panic that constricted my chest. I was to be ripped from my home and sold to a man I barely knew at my Uncle's whim.

"Well the bans have been read so apparently you can."

I turned from the window and looked at Eoghann who gave me an amused smile from the chaise he was lounging on and then picked up a ball of wool from my knitting basket.

"No, I can't! And put that down before you get it dirty." I pointed at the ball of wool.

He ignored me tossing the ball above his head and catching it. "What is it about Angus that you object to so strongly? It's not as if he has a hunched back or a club foot. Is it the mole, because I think you could get used to it?"

I clenched my fists wanting to hit him with one. "No! It isn't just the mole. Angus is a cheat, and a bragger and I dislike everything about him."

Eoghann tossed the ball of wool from hand to hand as he looked at me. "We all brag to impress the lasses. How else would they know how marvelous we are?"

I gave him a disgusted look.

His tone became more serious. "Look you can't blame him for losing his temper when I beat him at swordplay. He was trying to impress you and I made him look a fool."

"Are you trying to reassure me by telling me he has a terrible temper?"

He stopped tossing the ball and shrugged his big shoulders. "No, I just think you've gotten the wrong impression of Angus. He's a nice enough lad. He's a bonnie rider and he knows his horseflesh."

I held out my palms. "Oh well that's alright then. As long as he's a good rider. That was my main requirement for a future husband!" I shook my head at him. "Doesn't it bother you that he's a MacDonnel? Father always said you couldn't trust them and he never liked that Uncle Malcolm married one."

Eoghann rolled his eyes. "Father didn't trust anyone outside the clan."

Pouncing on his point I said triumphantly, "Then I should be marrying someone inside the clan!"

Eoghann shook his head again. "It doesn't spread a man's influence to wed his daughters to members of his own clan." He raised one finger and pointed it at me. "Father himself married a Mackenzie."

"Better a Mackenzie than a MacDonnel." I paced to the other side of the room picking a small pillow up off the chair and sitting down with it in my lap I pulled at the ribbon that bordered it.

Eoghann began tossing the ball above his head and catching it again. "The Mackenzie clan has changed since our parents wed. One Eye is dead and Kenneth is an ambitious man who can't be trusted. Look at the way he betrayed the Macleods. We may need the McDonnel's for allies if the Mackenzies move against us the same way."

"Moves against us? Kenneth wouldn't do that. We're cousins."

He stopped tossing the ball of wool and looked at me steadily. "How can you be so sure? By his actions Kenneth is a ruthless and greedy man who wants everything he sets his eyes on."

I waved my hand dismissively. "You heed what the McDonnel's say too much. They can't be trusted either!"

Eoghann met my eyes. His voice took a conciliatory tone, a sure sign that he was trying to wheedle me. "I know your betrothal was a shock. Uncle Malcolm should have told you in private, but Angus is a good match for you, Catriona. He may be a younger son, but his father is chief of a powerful clan and he favors Angus above all his other sons but his heir. And …" He bit off whatever he was going to say.

I sat forward in my chair. "What? Tell me!"

"Well …" He pursed his lips as if considering the wisdom of continuing. "You're getting a bit old to be unmarried."

I sprang up out of my chair tossing the pillow aside. "I'm hardly a spinster!"

"It's not your fault. Da didn't want you wed till you were sixteen and then he died and we were all in mourning for a year. We were distracted and time just got away."

"Spinster or not, I cannot marry Angus. I do not love him." I enunciated the last four words as if he were deaf. Perhaps he was because he didn't seem to be able to comprehend what I was saying to him.

"You may not love him now, but I don't see why you can'na."

I moved to the fireplace holding my hands out to warm them against the morning chill and summoned my courage as I straightened my spine. "I cannot love him because I am in love with someone else!" There, I'd said it. I turned around and cut my eyes toward Eoghann to see how he'd reacted.

"Who?" Eoghann sneered. "Are you pining for some handsome stable lad from afar again?"

"No! I'm not some foolish child of twelve. He's a perfectly acceptable match for me. His family is a respected one. Perhaps not as wealthy as…"

Eoghann threw the ball of wool drop back into my knitting basket and interrupted. "Who is it? Has someone been courting you behind my back?"

I swallowed. "Not behind your back."

Eoghann's eyes narrowed dangerously. "It is behind my back if I don't know his name. Who is it?"

I took a deep breath. "Finn Swinton."

Anger crossed Eoghann's face like a storm cloud and he leapt up off the chaise. "That two faced swine. I will crop his ears for trifling with you."

"But he isn't trifling with me." I tried to take Eoghann's arm to calm him, but he jerked it from me and paced about as if he was looking for something to throttle.

"Is that so? He's no asked our Uncle's permission nor mine."

"There hasn't been time. It was just last night that he declared himself."

"Last night, in the middle of the party?" He gave me a skeptical look with his mouth turned up on one side and his brows drawn down.

I felt hot blood rising to my cheeks. "We managed to have a private word."

He moved in close looming over me. "Oh ye did, did ye, and where did you have this word?"

"It was just a quiet spot in the garden."

All trace of humor had left his wide mouth and it was set in a grim line. He asked softly "Did he take advantage of you, Cat?"

"It was just a kiss."

"Just a kiss? You let him kiss you?" He turned away in disgust then turned back to me even angrier than before with his nose just inches from mine. "By God Cat, you must have care or your reputation will be ruined and no decent man will marry you."

"Finn is going to marry me."

"Over my dead corpse. Finn woos every bonnie lass he meets. If you'd heard him talking about the lasses the way I have. No cotter's (footnote 1) daughter or kitchen maid is safe from him."

I felt his accusations against Finn like a slap in the face and struck back with my own stinging words. "I don't believe you. You're just sore because Elspeth prefers Finn over you!"

"Sore am I?" Eoghann raised his chin at the insult and looked down his aquiline nose at me his blue eyes flashing. "Finn Swinton is a menace to all women. He's probably spread his bastards across half the highlands by now. Just being seen alone with him can ruin a lass's reputation."

I felt a hot rush of fury flooding my head. "Oh! And what about you with all your hunting trips? Do you think your reputation is any better than Finn's?"

For a moment his face went slack with shock, but then his anger returned with more force than ever. "My behavior is no concern of yours, but you are my sister and your behavior is my business. I'll not have you ruin yourself with Finn!" he thundered down at me.

I stood tall on the balls of my feet turning my face up to his. "Finn is a gentleman. You just hate him because Elspeth flirts with him instead of you!"

He wagged his finger at me and I wanted to slap his hand away. "At least Elspeth isn't as big a fool as you are. She may flirt with Finn but she isn't such a clot head as to believe he wants to marry her!"

I turned my back on him and stepped a few paces away savoring the set down I was about to give him. "Finn asked me to marry him and I accepted. I love him!"

For a moment Eoghann stood frozen then he said in a tone dripping derision, "You accepted him, did you? Well, thank Christ it's up to Uncle Malcolm and Roibeart to decide who you marry, because Finn Swinton is the worst kind of low down, blaigeard and he takes advantage of every lass foolish enough to let him! I'll be glad to see you marry a decent man like Angus before you can ruin yourself over a Druisear (Footnote: 2) like Finn." Eoghann stomped across the room, pulled open the door and slammed it behind him so sharply it sounded like a pistol retort.

I threw myself down on my bed and wept. They were all deserting me in my hour of need, everyone I thought I could count on. My life was not my own and it was up to the idiot men in my family to decide my fate.

Would this waking nightmare never end? I had walked around in a fog of disbelief last night after Uncle Malcolm made his awful announcement. Well wishers had crowded around us congratulating me on the match and I had been forced to stand there and smile behaving as if our engagement did not mean an end to all my happiness.

I'd frantically scanned the room for Finn every chance I got, but he was nowhere to be found. If he did not hear my betrothal announcement last night he would know it by now, and I was in agony over what it would make him believe about me. Would he think I'd played him false? Above all else I wanted the chance to explain what happened though I wasn't sure that I fully understood myself.

Everyone seemed to expect that I would be thrilled by the prospect of marrying Angus. Even Flora had shown signs of turning traitor saying, "Well Angus McDonnel's not as handsome as Master Finn but he is a Laird's son and he seems to be rich as Midas."

I'd spoken to her so sharply that her pleasant smile crumpled immediately and I thought she might cry. I'd apologized for my temper then sent her away and wept my own tears of frustration and misery until the wee hours of the morning.

Aunt Una spent the entire breakfast lecturing me on duty and obedience saying marriage and children was a woman's purpose! Apparently she and my uncle had been plotting this betrothal together for months and never once thought of consulting me. It made my blood boil just thinking about it. How dare they keep something so important from me! They couldn't just sacrifice me like a pawn on the chess board to whatever clan suited their purposes.

I sat up wiping my eyes. No one was coming to my aid. They were all happy to see me married off to this ill tempered man they barely knew and dragged away to God knew what unhappy fate amongst strangers too far away from them to visit except for the occasional feast day. There was nothing for it but to face up to things myself. If it was all up to me then I would confront my uncle and tell him I would not be servant to his wishes. I had my own plans for my future and I was not afraid to tell him so. I would beard the lion in his den!

I rose to the basin and washed the tears from my eyes. I checked my appearance smoothing a few stray locks of hair back under the band of my caul. (footnote 3) I looked a bit flushed and my eyes were red from crying but I would have to do.

I was not afraid of Uncle Malcolm. He was not an ogre and surely if I made it plain that I would never marry Angus McDonnel of my own free will he would see the error of his choice. No matter what he or Eoghann or Aunt Una or anyone else said about Angus something about his demeanor gave me pause. I didn't like him and I certainly didn't trust him.

And it was not just the matter of that beetle of a mole on his face. It was the way Angus looked at me with those strange green eyes of his as if I was something to eat or some prize possession he coveted. It made me feel ill to have him look at me so, much less set his lips on mine. For a horrible moment I imagined Angus kissing me the way Finn had done and my stomach roiled.

I would not, could not, marry such a man.

I practically ran to my father's study practicing my tirade in my head as I went rehearsing exactly how I'd convince Uncle Malcolm. I would be logical and forceful in my objections and he would see that a marriage between me and Angus could never work. I stocked myself up reiterating each point of argument in my head until I had worked myself into a frenzy of righteous anger. I arrived at the study door, but this time I did not hesitate and knocked loudly.

"Come in."

I swept into the room carried by the force of my fury.

"Catriona!" Uncle Malcolm smiled pleasantly up at me from the table at which he was seated an inked quill raised in his right hand. "Have we business this morning?"

"I just wanted to tell you…" I hesitated, but then swallowed and met his gaze. "That I refuse to marry Angus MacDonnel.

"You refuse?" His black brows rose in surprise.

My voice rose high and shrill. "Yes, I refuse so unless you want to drag me down the aisle of the kirk kicking and screaming I suggest you call this whole thing off."

He placed the quill carefully back in the ink pot. "I admire your determination, Catriona. Many lasses would be afraid to defy their guardians the way you have just done."

"Well I'm a Fraser and we're known for being stubborn."

The corners of his mouth rose so briefly that it looked more like a gas pain than a smile. "Aye, well as you'll recall, I am a Fraser too and I can be equally stubborn. You will marry Angus MacDonnel, and I believe you'll change your mind before it comes to kicking and screaming. You will go to your rooms and remain there without food until you agree to marry him."

I felt a wave indignation and fury engulf me at such ungentlemanly tactics. "You can't just starve me into submission!"

"I can and I will. Your father may have over indulged you, but make no mistake I will not. I will starve you till you submit."

He pulled the bell.

I raised my chin and gave him a look that was meant to scorch. "You are vile."

"And you are spoiled, ungrateful and disobedient, but be that as it may I have business to complete." He pulled his quill back out of the inkpot.

Beiste opened the door.

"Master?"

"Please take Lady Catriona to her rooms and inform the staff that she does not wish to be disturbed for the rest of the day. She wishes to fast and pray on her upcoming nuptials."

"My father would be ashamed of you." I stomped to the door.

"He would likely be ashamed of one of us, niece, but I don't think it would be me. Perhaps a little reflection will help you see things more clearly." He turned his head to Beiste. "Escort her to her chambers and lock her in."

Beiste bowed wordlessly.

I realized that I had lost this battle and all that was left to me was to retreat with dignity so I turned on my heel leaving the room with my head held high. Beiste followed me out the door.

I blinked back tears. I could not spend the rest of my life married to Angus. He was horrid. I was in love with Finn. I would never love anyone else as long as I lived. I would stay in my rooms taking no sustenance until even Uncle Malcolm begged me to eat, but I would not regard their entreaties and would slowly starve myself until he gave in.

Beiste touched my shoulder and I startled.

"Wait, Lady Catriona,"

I stopped and turned to him. He opened the door to a nearby room. "In here."

I followed him into the cramped room that served as his office and he shut the door behind us.

"We don't have much time to talk, just listen and don't argue."

I nodded.

"You must not confront your uncle. When he comes to get you tomorrow tell him you are contrite and win yourself back into his good graces."

"But I'm not and I won't marry Angus."

"I'm not asking you to. I am simply telling you to play along while I try to find out what your uncle is up to."

Suddenly Beiste had my full attention. "Up to?"

Beiste hesitated chewing on his lip. "I'm not sure that Roibeart is informed of your marriage."

"What do you mean?"

"I had the … opportunity to look at the contract and the signature upon it did not look like Laird Roibeart's. I think perhaps this plan is your uncle's alone."

I took a moment to think through the ramifications of this. "But why? Surely he knows that when Rabbie returns he must suffer the consequences of his actions."

"I can'na say. Your Uncle's used his honeyed tongue to spread dissent among your brother's tacksmen (footnote 4) and the journey from France to Kilmorack is fraught with danger."

"We must warn Roibeart."

"I've sent a messenger who should reach Roibeart with my letter within the week and we should have his reply in a fortnight. Have they set the date of your wedding?"

"I don't think so, though I don't know why they'd tell me. I'm just the bean na bainnse. (footnote 5)"

"If you make your uncle believe that you have reconciled yourself to the match then he will have no reason to hurry the wedding."

"I see."

"You must give your uncle no reason to be anxious. Let him believe you've changed your mind."

"Alright, yes … I can do that if I must."

"Come then."

I followed him to my room in silence with my thoughts churning and colliding with one another until my head ached. Beiste had given me a new perspective on my uncle and now his every action seemed full of menace. Had he deliberately let Eoghann play the wastrel so that he lost the respect of the clansmen? Was he trying to undermine Roibeart with his tenants by continually pointing out that last year's harvest was poor and his wife is French? How did my betrothal to Angus MacDonnel benefit my uncle's plan?

And what of Finn? Even if I was forced to play along with this betrothal until Roibeart returned I must find a way to get word to Finn. He must know that it was all a ruse and I loved him still.

I was so lost in thought I found myself surprised when we reached my room and followed Beiste meekly inside.

"Beiste, what am I to do?"

"You will do nothing, lass. This is for me to do. I'm going to lock the door behind me but I will send Flora with some food for you later."

"Thank you, Beiste."

He turned his fierce brown eyes on me and commanded my gaze to his. "Promise me that you will do nothing."

"Yes, I promise as long as you promise that I won't have to marry Angus."

"I'll do my best, lass. Now rest and … pray."

With that he left and I heard the clink of keys and the click of the lock turning in my door. Then I began to pray and pray fervently that I would not be forced to marry Angus McDonnel because for the first time I admitted to myself that things were spiraling dangerously out of control and I might not be able to stop this unwanted marriage after all. If Rabbie didn't reach home in time, or if he had in fact agreed to this atrocious match without my knowledge, would I really be able to do anything to keep it from happening?

Footnote 1: Cotter - a farm laborer or tenant occupying a cottage in return for labor.

Footnote 2: Druisear - Scottish Gaelic – Noun -whoremonger, fornicator, lecher

Footnote 3: caul - a woman's close-fitting indoor headdress or hairnet.

Footnote 4: tacksmen - (Scottish Gaelic: Fear-Taic, meaning "supporting man") was a land-holder of intermediate legal and social status in Scottish Highland society.

Footnote 5: - bean na bainnse – bride in Gaelic


	5. Chapter 5

This one is a little hot of the presses so it probably needs more editing, but I have been trying to publish every Thursday. Please let me know what bores or confuses. I know you are anxious to get back to Sam. Next chapter we are back to the present and he will be in pretty much every chapter. I am working on a version that switches back and forth more from past to present in hopes of making it more exciting in the first chapters. Love to hear your thoughts on that and this chapter.

Chapter 5

 _My head is bloody, but unbowed_

I had worked myself up into a rare dither by the time the sky began to darken and I heard the key turn in my bedroom door. My heart pounded at the thought of meeting my uncle again, but when the door opened Aunt Una stood there looking at me with disapproval.

She scowled at me. "Have you come to your senses?"

Relieved that it was only her, I smiled. She would be far easier to convince of my sudden acquiescence than my Uncle. "Actually, yes. I'm sorry, Aunt Una. I was wrong to question your decision."

She looked at me warily. "Then you're ready to behave properly and marry Angus?"

"Yes, I've been foolish. Ladies do not get to choose their husbands. I must be content with my lot."

"Good, I'm surprised, but I'm glad you've changed your mind." She patted my cheek with her cold hand. "It must be hard for you, growing up among all these men with no mother to guide you. You must miss her."

"Yes." I said as pitifully as I could manage, though in truth it was hard to miss a woman you could barely remember. "Did you ever meet her, my mother?"

"I did, at my wedding to your uncle."

"Do you think she would approve of me marrying him? Angus McDonnel?"

"I know you think I'm a meddling old woman, but I've done my best to make you a match that will bring you happiness, and I think your mother would approve."

I said nothing afraid I would betray my real feelings.

Aunt Una smiled and quirked her head at me. "Did you know that I was married before?"

"Before you married my uncle?"

She nodded. "Yes, I was a widow when we married."

I searched my memory. Hadn't someone once told me my uncle married a wealthy widow? I couldn't remember who, perhaps my father.

"When I married the first time I was fifteen. My father loved me very much, but he was growing ill and he wanted to see me married to a man he trusted before he died. My first husband was indeed kind and wealthy, but he was old enough to be my grandfather." She paused as if waiting for me to say something.

"How awful for you," I managed knowing it was not what she wanted to hear.

She grimaced her displeasure with my response. "No, not awful, it was my duty to marry as my father wished, and as I've told you he was a kind man and too old to bother me much in …" she glanced away from me as if embarrassed, "that way."

I wondered what she meant by "that way" but kept my silence not wanting to antagonize her any further.

She pursed her lips and looked away from me for a long moment. "I could never conceive a child with my first husband."

"I'm sorry," I said feeling empathy with her for the first time.

She smiled ruefully and shook her head. "Ah, no matter, twas God's will. I was past thirty when he died, but I inherited a rich estate for he had no living heir save me."

"If you were wealthy why did you marry again?" A wealthy widow could run her estate to suit herself without anyone to interfere, a prospect that seemed particularly attractive at the moment.

"I wanted to. I hadn't given up hope, you see, of bearing a child of my own. I vowed that this time I would marry a young man. Did you know that your uncle is almost ten years younger than I am?"

"No, I didn't know." I looked at her trying to judge her age. Both my aunt and uncle seemed hopelessly ancient to me, but I could see now that she was indeed the older of the two. Her face was heavily lined under the white ceruse and the inch or so of hair that was visible under her cap was a grizzled gray. My uncle's hair was graying only at the temples and his face was not so lined as her.

"I hoped that if I married a young man I could conceive a child. I was never a beauty like you, but I was not so ugly. I was always too thin but my hair was thick and shiny. It was brown then, the color of a bay horse, and my skin was still pretty and smooth. I set out to find a young man who would be glad to marry a rich widow and eventually I met your uncle. He was not wealthy, of course, but I had wealth enough for both of us. He was handsome, and clever, and strong and I dreamed of the fine children we would have."

"But you never had any children?"

"None that lived." My Aunt's face grew bleak before she continued and I felt the depth of her disappointment. She turned to me and smiled then grasped my hand hard in her boney fingers. "But God willing you will have children to keep you in your old age. Angus is wealthy, but he's also young and strong."

I had been so angry that my Aunt had planned my betrothal in secret that I'd never thought she might be trying to do her best for me. In her mind Angus was a good catch, the sort of man any lass would love to have. My aunt was irritating, pious, and a bit of an imbecile, but she did mean well. I felt a rush of shame at the way I'd treated her.

I found myself asking, "Do you think you can make a happy marriage with a man you don't know?"

"I think you can be as happy as you wish. You can't really know a man until you've been married for a decade or more and maybe not even then. That is why marriage is a bargain that can't be unmade. You must accept the good with the bad."

"But did you … do you love my uncle?"

She gave me a tight smile. "I think perhaps I am not the sort of woman to fall in love. Your uncle and I are fond of each other, but it is perhaps better to have companionship than love for companionship is more constant."

I felt a wave of sympathy for my aunt. How sad ever to have no real love in your life. I was not the type to be satisfied with fond feelings. I wanted real love. I wanted a grand and passionate love that swept me away with the force of it.

"I'm sure you will find Angus a fine companion and he has many sisters and sisters in law. Your happiness may be found in their company. I know you must have wished for more female companionship in all these years without a mother."

I nodded sagely and prayed that I need not marry Angus to find female companionship.

"I must go now, for your uncle would not approve of this visit."

I nodded almost wishing she would stay. My confinement was starting to wear on me. I was getting lonely and very hungry.

As if reading my mind my Aunt said, "I will send Flora to you with a bit of bread and cheese. Surely that would be alright since you've changed your mind and decided to marry Angus."

"Thank you, aunt. Some food would be welcome." My stomach was quarrelsome growling and burning in turns.

She patted my shoulder. "I hope you will be happy with Angus, Catriona, but if you are not at least you will be wealthy and secure. May God bless you with many children."

"Thank you, Aunt."

She smiled at me and I saw tears in her eyes before she turned and left the room. I heard the key turn in the lock outside then the sound of her footsteps fading down the corridor. I raced to my writing desk and pulled out a piece of parchment then dipped the nib of my pen into my ink well. Hastily I scrawled a note to Finn begging him not to believe what he had heard and asking him to meet me in the graveyard of the kirk tonight just before midnight so I could explain everything.

When Flora entered my room I had just placed my seal in the wax that held the letter closed.

She shut the door behind her and sat a plate of bread and cheese on the desk next to me. "Your Aunt said you had decided to marry Angus after all."

"Yes but Flora, I have to get word to Finn. Do you think you can help me?"

"I'll do my best mi' Lady."

"I've written this letter." I handed her the note. "I just want him to know that my betrothal was a surprise to me and that I didn't deliberately betray him. Do you think you can get it to Finn's groom?"

"I'll try."

"It's very important." I failed to mention the part about our secret liaison, but the less Flora knew the better should I be caught sneaking out.

"Of course, mi Lady, I can ask my brother to take it to him. He has a horse."

"That would be wonderful." I searched in my pocket and found a coin. I pressed it into her hand. "Please give him this as a token of my thanks."

"Thank you, mi Lady, you are very generous." She put the coin in her own pocket. "Here let me help you get undressed."

"If you'll just undo my laces I can do the rest myself."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, it's much more important that Finn gets my message."

"If you wish, mi Lady."

I turned my back to her and she unlaced my bodice. I shook it off and she began unlacing my corset far too slowly for my liking. When she finally undid the last lace I said hastily. "Thank you, Flora, now make haste. I will deal with the rest of this."

After wolfing down the bread and cheese Flora brought I managed to relieve myself or my skirt, my petticoats and my corset without her aid. I was down to my chemise when I heard a soft tap on my door.

Suddenly I remembered that Flora had left it unlocked in her haste. "Just a moment."

I crossed my room and took a brocade wrap from my wardrobe shrugging into it and cinching the belt tightly around my waist. "Who is it?"

"It's Jamesina, mi Lady. Could I have a word?"

Jamesina? I frowned. I had forgotten to talk to her mother yesterday about her lewd behavior. "Come in."

She opened the door just wide enough to slip through it and closed it behind her before leaning against it. I could tell at once that something was wrong. She did not look at me. Her normally rosy cheeks were pale, and she held herself with a rigid care as if she might break apart at any moment.

"What is it Jamesina? Are you unwell?"

She gave the ghost of a smile at that, but her eyes remained on the ground. "There something … something I must tell you."

"Tell me? What is it?"

She looked up at me for the first time and I could see that her eyes were red rimmed from crying and dark shadows had appeared beneath them that weren't there yesterday morning. "I wonder if you will believe me, mi Lady. It is not happy news."

"I can't say until you tell me!" I said becoming truly alarmed.

She looked down again but held her mouth in a grim line as if considering. Just when I grew impatient enough to prod her again she said, "I was attacked."

"Attacked? By what?" The Highlands had wolves, wild boars and even the occasional pack of feral dogs that were known to attack people from time to time.

"By a man."

I felt her words like a punch in the gut. This was my fault. I had failed to protect her. If I had gone to Mr. Conway as I should this would never have happened and a sore bum was far better than an unwanted bairn. "The man you kissed under the stairs?"

She jerked her head at my question looking terrified. "Yes, but how did you …?" She let the question trail off.

"I saw you earlier, before I called out to you. He was … embracing you and I didn't want to embarrass you." I shrugged.

"Perhaps I should go. If you were inclined to believe me before you may not be now." She turned to go.

"No, please tell me. I understand more than you think." I said thinking of my illicit kisses with Finn.

Jamesina turned around then and let out a great sigh as if the weight of the world rode on her shoulders and then with her eyes fastened firmly on the floor she began to speak in a voice barely above a whisper, "He'd been flirting with me since he arrived. He'd smile at me and pull my curls. He called me bonnie blue because of my eyes. I shouldn't have agreed to meet him under the stairs, but I thought there wasn't any harm so I met him and it was very … exciting."

I remembered the thrill that had run through me when Finn pressed his lips to mine. Jamesina was silent for a long time staring at the floor so I said, "Yes, I can see how it would be. Go on."

Jamesina shook her head as if trying to clear it but continued to stare at the ground. "He caught me in the hall yesterday when we were preparing for the feast. He wanted me to meet him again under the stairs. At first I said I couldn't because we were too busy, but he kept begging me and finally I agreed to a few moments just before the feast began. I knew everyone would be so distracted that they wouldn't notice I was gone."

Her words were coming faster and faster now. When she paused to wipe one eye with her sleeve and I realized she was crying."It was pleasant at first, just kissing, but then he started putting his hands on me. I asked him to stop but he just laughed and kept on touching me. I told him I wanted to leave but he wouldn't let go of me. I tried to stop him. I kicked and tried to scratch his face but it just made him angrier."

She was sobbing now and it was difficult to understand her. "He held me down then and forced me. I should have screamed, but I was so afraid." She shook her head and looked away.

I was too horrified to speak for a moment. If only I'd taken the time to drop a word to her mother, but I'd been selfishly caught up in my own plans. I must try and make this right. "Who was it, Jamesina? I'll see that he's punished for this and I won't let him hurt you or anyone else again."

She looked at me meeting my eyes for the first time. "No, please, please tell no one!" In her agitation she came to me grabbing at my sleeve. "He said he would kill me if I told. He said no one would believe me because they'd seen us flirting. He said he would tell everyone I was a whore and that he paid me!"

"You can't let him silence you with his lies. He could hurt other lasses just like he did you."

"Please, mi Lady, I beg you. Don't shame me and my parents. You must tell no one!"

I looked at her. How could I refuse this poor lass? She was probably right. Most would say that she had gotten what she deserved for being alone with a man, but I understood. Perhaps I was the only one who could understand. Hadn't Eoghann and Beiste both warned me against being alone with Finn and yet I meant to meet him tonight anyway.

I sighed shaking my head. "Then why? Why did you come to me if it wasn't to see him punished?"

"You've always been kind to me mi' Lady and I thought you should know."

I shook my head. "I don't understand. Know what?"

"What kind of man you're marrying."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

My head is bloody, but unbowed

The Present

Someone was jostling me and sunlight was shining up under my eyelids. Where was…? I jerked awake my body flooding with panic at the memory of last night. Then I tried to relax my body and my breathing so my captors would think I still slept. The last thing I remembered was riding along in front of Sam weary to the bone, but worried that I would fall off the horse and break my neck if I fell asleep. I must have fallen asleep though, because that was sunshine forcing itself up under my eyelids and Sam's strong arms were still wrapped around me. The heat of his chest was warm against my back, but my neck was stiff and my bum was aching.

I opened one eye a peak and saw two big, thick wristed hands holding the reins of the horse loosely in front of me, Sam's hands. Their broad backs were sprinkled with blond hairs and I could see dirt under their ragged nails. I thought of Finn's smooth, white hands with their long graceful fingers and felt my throat tighten. What must he be thinking now? I'd accepted his marriage proposal and gotten betrothed to another in the same night. I'd sent him a note begging him to meet me and then never arrived.

"Good morning, Trioblaid. Sleep well?" Sam's voice was friendly as if I were an honored guest in his home instead of an innocent lass he'd abducted by threat of violence.

"Why are you calling me that," I found myself asking out of instinct. How did one speak to one's abductor? Better to show no fear, surely?

"Because it suits you. I know trioblaid when I see it."

Since I hadn't fooled him into thinking I still slept and I was curious to see what this Sam looked like I peered over my shoulder at him. The sunlight was still pale but I could see him well enough. Even seated he was tall. I viewed him from some inches beneath his jaw. The jaw in question sported a growth of brown whiskers that lacked only a few days of becoming a full beard and his muscular neck was a sun baked gold though not swarthy in tone.

I seemed to be wrapped in both my own earasaid and his plaid. Curious to get a better look at him in the light of day I disentangled myself from both enough to lean forward and turn my head for a better view.

A pair of wide set blue green eyes squinting against the sun met mine. Above them thick brown brows arched in a broad forehead that was framed by a shoulder length mane of wavy light brown hair streaked with gold where the sun touched it. The top portion of his hair was pulled back in a single braid and draped over the left side of his head revealing a widow's peak at the center of his forehead. He was youthful but his heavy muscles showed him to be no longer a boy. I judged him to be near Rabbie's age, perhaps twenty two or three.

His face was streaked down the left side with dirt and his prominent cheekbones bore the slight indentations of pox scars just above the line of his almost beard where the thick stubble couldn't completely disguise his square and prominent chin. His nose must have descended in a straight sloping line once but now it crooked to the left from a break at the bridge.

As I regarded him his mouth curled up in a big smile that revealed a full set of large white teeth. The smile made his upper lip thin until it almost disappeared while his lower lip thrust forward invitingly. Under my regard his mobile brown brows arched wickedly lending his countenance a devilish air. He wasn't exactly handsome, certainly not as handsome as Finn, but he fairly exuded that cocky charm that some women found attractive.

"I know it's rare to see such a fine figure of a man, lass, but did you mother no teach you tis rude to stare?"

"I just want to be sure I can describe you to the King's men so they can arrest you for abducting me."

Sam turned to the man riding next to him. , "This is the thanks I get for saving her from that ruffian."

The man gave an amused chuckle. He was not as tall as Sam but just as broad in the shoulders and beefy all over. He had round apple cheeks and a silky, beige goatee that he was stroking lovingly with one hand as if it were a spoiled pet.

"Let me introduce you. Flora … uhhhh? Sam let the sentence trail off.

"McNeal," I supplied.

"Mistress Flora McNeal, may I introduce my uncle, Fergus Grant." Sam held his hand out toward the man riding beside us.

Fergus tipped his bonnet revealing silky locks of the same beige color as his goatee. He must have been a much younger sibling to Sam's parent because this man could not have been more than a few years older than Sam himself.

Fergus smiled and when he did his small blue eyes grew smaller. "May I say, lass, that you're even lovelier in the light of day than you were in the moonlight?"

I could feel my hair loosened from its pins and fallen about my head in untidy lumps, my teeth were coated in the slime of sleep and my skin felt gritty with the dust of the journey. Surely, he was jesting with me at my expense.

"How very gallant of you to say." My sarcasm seemed to be lost on Fergus who smiled sweetly at me and I felt a bit mean for my suspicions.

I looked up at the underside of Sam's chin and asked him, "I don't suppose we will be stopping anytime soon?"

"That's for the Conrad to say, but my guess is we'll not be stopping for long till we cross the border out of Frazer lands."

"How long do you think it will be until we make the border?"

"Not long now, perhaps two hours, maybe more."

I was surprised. They must have ridden hard to be almost to the border of Frazer lands since midnight, thought I didn't know much about how fast a group of a dozen men could ride on horseback. The few family gatherings I'd traveled to had been reached at a leisurely pace with frequent stops.

It made no difference, however, if we were about to leave Frazer lands I didn't have any time to waste. Last night I'd determined that my best course of action was to escape my captors at the first possible moment and make my way back to Finn who would help to hide me until Rabbie returned. Then I would inform Rabbie of my uncle's treachery, not to mention Angus McDonnel's perversions and all would be well.

As long as we stayed in the boundaries of Frazer lands I had some hope of convincing the locals that I was Lady Catriona Frazer, but if we passed outside their boundaries no one would recognize me. I'd never convince anyone outside our clan to help me escape my captors.

The fog was just burning away from the meadow as we rode across. We forded a wide, shallow stream that ran swiftly down from the mountains and the men stopped on the other side at the signal of a tall man leading the way on horseback who I thought must be Conrad, the man that threatened me the night before. No doubt he was the Conrad whose leisure we would stop at.

"Water the horses quickly. I want to be off Frazer lands as soon as possible." Conrad ordered.

In the light I could see he wasn't as young as I'd imagined. He was a tall, square shouldered man of middle age with a thick beard black beard streaked with gray at the corners. He bore himself with a military stiffness and his figure was still trim, straight and strong. His kilt was green and gray and he wore a gray wool coat and a dark gray bonnet angled over his head. What little hair he showed beneath it was clipped close and gray. He dismounted his horse gracefully and handed the reins to a small spare man with a scraggly brown beard and a nose like a knife blade. Then he walked away toward the nearby woods.

Sam brought his own horse to a stop and swung himself down. He reached up to me and wrapped big hands around my waist lifting me with perfect ease from the saddle and placing me gently on the ground. My limbs were so cramped from the uncomfortable ride that I could barely stand. I tilted my head back on my stiff neck so I could look up into his brown bearded face.

"I need to …." I stopped too shy to reveal the needs of my full bladder to this stranger.

He looked confused for a moment then understanding dawned and he said, "Oh, aye. Don't go far; we'll be riding again soon."

I crabbed away from him grateful to stretch my stiff limbs. They were recovering as I walked but my bum seemed permanently bruised. I walked upstream a good ways away from the men before I crouched behind some brambles. I looked carefully around to insure that I was alone before relieving myself. Then I made my way to the stream. Kneeling beside it I rinsed my hands and splashed water on my face to wash off the grime and clear my head. I drew cold water up to my lips several times drinking deeply. When I'd slacked my thirst I drew more water into my mouth and rinsed the slime from my teeth. I began to pull the pins from my hair gathering them in my pocket until my hair was completely loosened and hanging in messy waves down to my waist. I gathered my hair over one shoulder and began to braid it staring across the running stream.

How was I going to escape these McKenzie barbarians? We'd ridden all night and I had no idea where I was, but I knew if I let them take me off Fraser lands none that I met would willingly help me return to Kilmorack or Finn.

I looked more closely at the stream. It was shallow where we crossed earlier only coming up to just above the horse's fetlocks. It looked deeper here, but not that deep. A rock shelf extended out about a third of the way across it and then dipped under the water, but the stream was studded with boulders every few feet. If I walked out on the rock shelf I should be able to reach that boulder and then the next one until I reached the shallows on the other side.

If I crossed the stream to the woods on other side would my captors trouble themselves to come after me? After all, they would be well away from here by the time I made my way to anyone who might help me to raise the alarm against them.

I plucked up my courage and removed my shoes tucking them carefully into my bodice. I raised my skirts and earasaid and tucked them both up into the belt at my waist then taking a deep breath I stepped into the frigid water and winced at the cold. Very carefully I stutter stepped along the shelf of rock in ankle deep water putting one foot carefully in front of the other. After a half dozen cautious steps the water rose to my knees and my body began to shake with the cold. A few more steps and the water was engulfing my knees while my teeth chattered. I looked across at the boulder I wanted to reach. Yes, I could make it from here, but if the water rose much higher there would be no preventing getting my skirts soaked.

I hesitated a moment then gathered my courage and stretched one leg out toward the boulder balancing precariously on the rock shelf until my foot came down on the boulder. I wobbled a bit but steadied myself then very, very slowly drew my other leg up behind me until both feet stood atop the boulder. I enjoyed a moment of triumph. I could manage this.

I focused my attention on the next rock I needed to reach. It was a bit farther away than it had looked across the stream. I'd have to leap for it, but once I made it the shore would be close. I judged the distance carefully and settled my feet in position. One, two, three … I leaped graceful as a deer and my foot came down right in the center of the boulder but the rock was slippery with moss and I couldn't keep my balance. I slid with my arms flailing falling hard into the stream and was suddenly engulfed in shockingly cold water that robbed me of breath.

My heavy skirts dragged me down, but I clawed my way to the surface of the water in a panic. I sputtered and took in a deep breath only to be pulled downstream by the current. After a near drowning experience in the loch, my brothers had throw propriety to the wind and taught me to swim so I knew what to do. Drawing in as much breath as I could I put my head down and began to pull with my arms, stroke, stroke and I turned my head to breath. I kicked strongly with my legs, but they were tangled among the wet skirts that had pulled free of my belt and I was making little headway in the current, stroke, stroke, breathe, stroke, stroke, breathe.

I made no headway in fact. The current continued to pull me down the rushing stream like a piece of flotsam. I struggled mightily. The fear coursing through my veins seemed to give me strength I had never known I possessed, but still I could not gain my release from the current's grip. It carried me downstream more and more swiftly until I gave up trying to break its grip on me and simply tried to keep my head above water so I could breathe.

I was losing my strength. I must do something and quickly or I would drown. As I desperately tried to form a plan my back slammed against something hard and what breath I had left my lungs. Stunned and lost in pure pain I drifted along trying to will myself to move again.

Then the water dipped suddenly and I was falling through the air limbs flailing. I hit the water below and was dragged under and still forward. I found myself far beneath the water in world of tinged with green light.

In a panic, I struggled kicking with all my strength and clawing at the water as I tried in vain to reach the surface. My lungs were about to burst and suddenly unable to help myself I sucked in a lungful of water. I felt a cold pain as the water entered my lungs and some clinical, detached part of my brain observed that I was about to drown while the part of me that desperately wanted to live chocked and struggled mightily to no avail.


	7. Chapter 7

I am posting a little early this week because I have some obligations later in the week. After this I should be back to Thursday postings. Thanks to everyone who has given me feedback especially Zay. It is so valuable to me. You should be getting a pretty good sense of Sam by now. I would like to know how you feel about him. I'd also like to know how you feel about Catriona. I want you to see her as naive, reckless and a little bit selfish, but I still want you to like her. Is she a likeable character?

Part II

Strong Enough

Chapter 7

Nothing's true and nothing's right

The Present

Strong arms were around me and I was moving up and up toward the light. When we broke the surface of the water I gasped in air spluttering and spitting like a trout. Sam was towing me behind him toward the shore. He dragged me up the bank and dropped me unceremoniously a little ways from the stream which had become a river.

I rolled over on my side and retched up the water from my lungs then lay panting and gulping in great lungfuls of air. When breathing had become relatively easy again a pair of large wet feet and hairy ankles appeared in my line of vision and I rolled on my back.

Sam was standing there clad only in a sopping wet shirt that hung to the middle of his thighs. It did very little to hide what lay beneath it clinging to every curve of his muscular shoulders and chest. A good ten inches of muscular thigh was exposed above square knees, and thick hairy calves. Embarrassed at the sight, I hastily raised my eyes to his face and wished I hadn't. He was glowering at me with his mouth set in a thin grim line.

"What in hell were you about? Trying to drown yourself?"

"I was trying to get away from you, you great brute!"

"Well, you may as well give up on that, lass. You're no more likely to get away from me than you are your own shadow." He put out a hand to help me to my feet, but I swatted it away.

"Keep your hands off me, you savage." I sat up then scrabbled to my knees pushing myself onto my bare feet. I patted my bodice and realized that my shoes were no longer there. I'd lost them. Now I'd have to walk barefoot like a poor crofter!

His eyes glittered with malice as he looked at me from their corners. "Savage am I? After I risked my neck to pull you out of the river? If I hadn't jumped in after you, you be in a watery grave!"

The injustice of that remark fired a burst of rage that flamed up from my gut to the top of my head and burned away any restraint I had left. "If you hadn't abducted me in the first place, you wouldn't have had to save me!"

"Abduction was it? As I recall you came willingly enough and this is the second time I've saved your life, but I've yet to hear a word of thanks!"

"You clot head! Why in the name of God would I thank you for abducting me?" He was insane. Suddenly I wanted nothing more in the world than to get away from him. A cough racked my lungs and I looked down. My breasts were perilously close to falling out of my bodice. I looked up quickly and found that Sam's eyes were fixed there.

Summoning every ounce of restraint and all my theatrical skills I said sweetly, "You're right. I could have drowned. Thank you for saving me. Now if you wouldn't mind…" I looked down toward my chest.

Sam looked annoyed but turned around.

As soon as his back was turned to me I bolted as if the hounds of hell were behind me sure that if I didn't escape him now I never would. I took no more than half a dozen steps before big hands clasped me about the waist and lifted me up. He pulled me up against the front of him one vice-like arm around my waist and the other just beneath my breasts. I kicked my heels against his shins and screamed with rage hammering his arms with my fists.

He clapped a hand over my mouth but I struggled on still screaming beneath it. I threw back my head hitting something hard that I hoped was his nose. The blow loosened his hand from my mouth for a moment and I managed to sink my teeth into the flap of skin that webbed his forefinger and thumb.

"Bugair!" He dropped me like a stone and I landed so hard on my bottom that I bit my tongue.

Before I could gather my wits enough to get on my feet, he bent and picked me up like a sack of grain throwing me over his shoulder and knocking the breath out of me. He walked away from the stream and laid me a down bit more gently than he'd picked me up on a flat, dry piece of ground. Before I could scramble away he pinned me with his big body over top of mine and grabbed my flailing arms holding them above my head. I wriggled beneath him frantically trying to free myself, but it only served to press his body more closely into mine until we were pelvis to pelvis with his big body between my legs and me bucking beneath him.

I was suddenly aware of more than my anger. I froze. I remembered the fetid breathed attacker of last night and a cold wave of fear streamed through me cooling my rage. I was trapped. Sam lay so heavily atop me that I couldn't draw in enough breath to scream. I began to push frantically against his chest. Seeing my distress, he shifted the weight of one hip and shoulder from atop me onto the ground, but he still kept me pinned with the weight of the other half of his body. With every breath I felt the muscular arm pressing against my breasts and the heavy thigh that lay across my pelvis grow heavier.

He brought his furious face to mine. His narrowed eyes were made all the more ominous by the thick brown brows drawn together above them. Those flashing, eyes the color of the sea on a stormy day bore into mine while blood from his nose and water from his hair dripped into my face. He looked like a berserker and I could taste copper from the stream of bloody water that dripped from his face until it found its way down between my lips. For the first time I felt afraid of Sam, very afraid.

I was prepared for threats, but when he spoke his voice was calm and soothing. "I know this is hard for you lass, but you must see sense. You can'na escape me and I can'na let you go. Conrad has ordered me to keep you with me, but I swear that no harm will come to you while you're in my care."

I felt hot tears slipping down my cheeks whether they were from rage or despair I wasn't sure. I should have said that he was already harming me for my breasts were pressed painfully against my chest by the heavy weight of his arm but all that came out was a plaintive, "I want to go home."

"I can'na take you there now lass, but do as you're bid and mayhap it can be arranged before too long, or mayhap you will find you prefer the Mackenzie Clan to the Frazers."

"Please, please let me go! I must get home. You can tell them I got away from you and I can make my own way back to Kilmorack."

A concerned look crossed Sam's face and what might have been a blush stole up his cheek. He eased himself up off me and sat up then pulled me to a sitting position beside me. Without looking me in the eye he said gently, "Even if I was willing to disobey Conrad, ye would na make it to the next town. It's a two day walk and a lass alone is not safe. Haven't ye learned that yet, Trioblaid? You've already been near raped and almost drowned."

I had to admit he made sense. With no horse, no money and no shoes I was unlikely to get far, but what was the alternative? If I let these men take me to their Mackenzie Chieftain what would become of me? If I told Kenneth Mackenzie I was in fact the Lady Catriona Frazer would he even believe me? If he did he would know it meant trouble with the Frazer clan, might he decide to just quietly kill me and save himself all that trouble. After all, my brothers had no idea where I had gone. They might think me dead already.

If I managed to get word to my brothers they would come for me, but my reputation would be in ruins. What man would want to marry a woman who had been dragged through the Highlands by this band of ruffians? A tear slipped down my cheeks at the thought of being forced to marry some unwashed Mackenzie Highlander while Finn languished for me or worse married Elspeth thinking I had deserted him.

Sam seemed to notice my distress. "Lass, there were none but you, me and the blaigeard in the graveyard last night. Whoever you thought to meet there did not come."

Sam's words struck home. For the first time I allowed myself to feel doubts about Finn. Why hadn't he come? Why hadn't he waited for me? If he loved me as much as he'd said in his letters how could he let anything stop him? Sam had risked life and limb to save me twice and he didn't have any feelings for me at all.

Sam squeezed the arm around my shoulder. "You're a bonnie lass. You'll have a new sweetheart in no time and a husband soon after." Sam stood up and pulled me to my feet. "We'd best be getting back. Conrad will be wondering what happened to us."

I nodded too weary even to speak at the moment.

"If I tell him you were trying to escape he'll have you trussed up like a chicken. Do you want to be tied up like that?"

I shook my head. "No, you don't need to tie me up. I won't try to run away again." If they tied me up I'd have no chance of escape.

"If you'll swear not to try and escape again, I'll tell Conrad that you were washing in the stream and lost your balance and I had to dive in to save you. Is it a bargain?"

"Yes. It's a bargain." I knew I would try to escape again if the opportunity arose and I felt a strange little pang of guilt but wondered at it. This man had abducted me against my will and however kind he might have been about it I owed him no loyalty.

"If you run off again I'll tie you up myself and not let you loose till I present you to the Mackenzie. Do you swear to God you won't run off again."

"I swear." If I worked up the courage to try and run away again it would surely be God who inspired me.

"Come one then. Conrad will be wondering where we are."

Sam started walking up stream and I followed him without protest staring at the center of his muscular back and shoulders under the rough linen shirt as I walked. It was really quite vulgar the way his muscles bulged everywhere. I preferred men who were slim and wiry like Finn. Even his haunches bulged under that shirt.

I felt a sharp pain in my foot and let out a cry pulling my foot away from the pain and hopping on the other foot. I'd stepped on a thorn.

Sam turned and took my arm.

"Sit," he said lowering me to the ground and kneeling in front of me he stuck out his hand. "Let me see your foot."

Reluctantly I held it out to him. When he took my heel in the palm of his hand I could still see the half moon impression of my teeth where I'd bitten him and I took a wee bit of satisfaction in that while Sam delicately took hold of the thorn in my heel and began to pull.

"Ouch!" I tried to jerk my foot back but he held it firmly until he'd pulled out the thorn.

"There," he said rubbing his thumb against the wound. "All gone."

I hastily snatched my foot away. "Thank you."

He took my hand and helped me to my feet again. "From now on watch where you step."

After that I watched the ground to prevent anymore injuries and was spared the sight of Sam's back. We came to where his kilt lay in a heap presumably where he'd heaved it off to jump in after me and we stopped. Sam arranged his kilt on the ground over top of his belt then straightened its folds while I watched curious to see exactly how this procedure worked. When he had it pleated to his satisfaction he sat down in the middle of the fabric, picked up the ends of the belt beneath it and wrapped belt and kilt around his waist cinching his belt. Then he stood up and fastened his belt. The kilt hung in neat folds about him again.

We started walking again and in a little ways we discovered his sword, dirk, and boots in a pile. As Sam reshod and rearmed himself it occurred to me to wonder when he had time to undress.

"You took them off first, your boots and sword, before you took off your kilt. How did you have time to take them off before you saved me?"

"I was watching you from the trees."

"You were watching me?" I blushed at the thought of what he must have seen me do.

"Aye, I couldn't really trust you alone but I knew you wanted some privacy."

"Why didn't you stop me before I tried to cross the river then?"

He smiled. "I thought you'd learn your lesson a bit better if I let you find yourself wet all over, but I didn't expect you to be swept away. I dropped my kilt and ran along the banks after you in my bare feet. When I saw you go over the little falls I thought you'd surely drown and Conrad would have my head so I dove in after ye. Serves me right I suppose for not following orders, but at least my kilt isn't wet."

My anger flared again. "So you thought you'd drown me to teach me a lesson!"

"Not that harsh a lesson. The drowning was an accident. You best take off that wet earasaid."

I considered raking my nails down his face, but I found myself too weary so I unbuckled my belt and took off my wet earasaid instead.

He picked it up from where I dropped it on the ground. "I'll ring it out for you and try to get this blood off my nose while you eh… dry yourself a bit," Sam said then walked further up stream.

I stepped behind some bushes and removed my skirt and bodice. My wool skirt was thin and I managed to wring it out without much trouble. To my surprise one of my pearl ear drops was still safely tucked in my pocket. My bodice was thicker than my skirt and I was still wringing it out in my soaked chemise and corset when Sam returned fully dressed with my wrung out earasaid folded in his hands.

Even though I didn't think he could see me behind the bush I crossed my arms over my breasts.

Keeping his eyes focused well over my head, he laid the folded earasaid down in the grass. "I'll just leave it here," he called across to me, "It's still damp."

"Thank you."

While Sam took great interest in something on the river bank I hastily put on my damp skirt and still wet bodice grateful for the simplicity of this peasant clothing that I could manage to fasten without help.

"I'm ready now." I walked out from the bushes and picked up my neatly folded earasaid.

"Come on then."

I followed him silently back to the other men feeling uncomfortably wet and wishing for my lost shoes.

When we drew near Conrad stalked down the hill towards us with his hand on his sword hilt looking as if he might smite one or both of us. "Where the hell have you two been? I was about to send out a search party." He took a closer look at both of us and frowned, "Are are you wet?"

"Twas an accident. Trioblaid there was having a bit of a wash, but she fell in and got swept along in the current and I had to jump in and fish her out before she drowned."

"Are you daft, lass? I've no time for you to be primping yourself much less falling in the river." He grabbed me by the arm and scowling down at me. "Delay me again and I won't answer for what might happen to you."

Sam spoke. "Some good came of it. I was glad of a wash. I smelled like Caochan after ten days in the saddle."

The rest of the men found this comment very amusing. They snorted and laughed at the truth of his statement and even Conrad's mood seemed to lighten a bit at the comment. He gave me a hard look and let go my arm.

"I've not time for your foolishness lad. The McKenzie must know of the McDonnels' plans forthwith. Get you mounted and if you catch your death from riding in wet shirt twill be no less than you deserve."

With that he turned on his heel, mounted his horse and set off to the North.

Sam pulled me quickly to where his horse was tied and helped me mount. Then he mounted behind me and spurred his horse until we caught up with the rest of the group.

With all the dignity I could muster I sat carefully away from my captor in the saddle, but I was very cold in my damp clothes with the wind blowing in my face. My back ached from the strain of sitting in such an unnatural position and the blow I'd taken against the rock while my hind quarters were simply sore from riding without stirrups to post in.

I relaxed slowly by tiny increments until my damp back gradually leaned up against his damp chest. After a moment he wrapped his dry plaid around us both. The heat of his body began to seep through the layers of cloth between us lessening the ache in my back and I took comfort from it, but I reminded myself that I was not content to be a captive. I must be vigilant and keep my eyes open for any chance at getting back to Kilmorack.

Even if it was impractical to run away, I must do something. Should I continue to masquerade myself as Flora and let them take me to their Chieftain? Once there I could find someone willing to take "Flora" back to Kilmorack, mayhap some passing merchant or traveling troupe of entertainers. When I returned to Kilmorack I would explain what happened to Finn and God willing he would understand. My brothers would be unlikely to object to our marriage then. They'd simply be grateful that a decent man was willing to overlook my reputation and marry me.

Sam's warmth was seeping into my bones and I felt my eyes begin to droop. Perhaps I would close them for just a minute.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

So let me be alone tonight

I was too uncomfortable to doze long. The scenery was monotonous consisting of scrubby grass, rocks, more rocks and fog that hung low over the mountains so I passed the time studying the men I traveled with. Aside from Sam there were nine other men in the party.

I tried to decide which among them might be a weak link willing to help me escape, but even the less dangerous looking among them sported swords, dirks and pistols. Any hope I might have harbored about the pleasant looking partridge of a man with the ready smile or the smooth faced boy being less dangerous than the others faded when I saw the way their hands instinctively found their weapons when a passing stranger's eyes raised to us curiously.

These were hard men used to traveling rough. They were comfortable in their saddles despite the long ride and seemed quite capable of sleeping in them when the terrain was smooth enough to permit it. None but me ever asked to stop, but when we did stop they made use of their time checking their horse's gear, honing their weapons or in one case catching our dinner. When I returned from a trip to the bushes the wiry man with auburn hair and a very long nose that I had secretly labeled "the fox" was showing off a fish he'd caught in the nearby stream.

I'd spent hours in silent contemplation of them when Sam said, "If you keep staring at other men I will grow jealous, leannan. I thought you had eyes only for me."

"Ha! Well I must find some way to pass the time and fortunately when I ride in front of you you're out of my sight."

"Are the men so interesting to you then?"

"Well I haven't many choices for entertainment. You should tell me about them."

"Oh, you want a story?"

"Yes, if you want to put it that way."

"Aren't you a little old for stories, leannan?"

I knew he meant to taunt me by calling me leannan, but I refused to be baited. I forced a smile. "Yes, but I've nothing else to pass the time."

"Well, I suppose I might tell a tale for I need a little entertaining myself. If I tell you about these men will you tell me about yourself?"

I narrowed my eyes fearing his motives. "It depends. What do you want to know?"

"Don't worry, leannan, I've just a few questions to help me get to know you better."

"For example?"

"How old are ye?"

"Seventeen."

"Ahh," he nodded and his too young to be an uncle Fergus gave him a victorious smile, "you looked a bit older to me."

"Now it's my turn. Tell me about him." I said pointing to a beefy blond man going a little soft in the middle despite his youth.

"That's Alpin. He's a good man with a sword and quick with a joke, but you'll want to stay away from him when he drinks, puts him in a nasty temper. Now it' my turn again. Who is Finn?"

"I told you, he's my brother." Sam gave me a suspicious, squint eyed look but I brazened it out. "Now me," I pointed at the two men who looked so alike, "who are they?"

"Hugh and Henry Mackenzie. They're twins but Hugh is the elder by a few minutes even though he's the smaller one. They're both left handed and in a fight they'll stand back to back protecting each other's weak side."

I examined Hugh and Henry. It was difficult to see any difference in their size on horseback. Both men were huge and bearlike of body with low boney brows and dark deep set eyes. They had matching cowlicks that sent their stringy brown hair looping up on the right side of their foreheads in an arch and I wondered if anyone could really tell them apart.

"Now it's my turn. Why were you meeting your brother in a graveyard at midnight?"

I flinched. The question both startled and alarmed me. I cast around in my mind for a suitable answer and came up with, "We needed to meet in private."

Sam made a skeptical noise at the back of his throat but didn't protest my short answer.

"What about him?" I said pointing at the plump little partridge of a man, "He doesn't look like the warrior type to me."

"Doesn't he?" Sam snorted. "That's Gordon and a better man with a knife I've never seen. Most people are fooled by his looks and aren't ever scared till he's got his blade sunk six inches deep in their chest."

Gordon saw me staring at him and tipped his bonnet with a friendly smile. Looks really could be deceiving, so much for his as a candidate to help me escape.

"Why were you and your brother in need of privacy?" Sam asked.

Damn! I should have seen that one coming and planned my answer!

I hesitated then decided to stick as close to the truth as I could. "Because uncle wouldn't have approved of me speaking to him," I hurried on in hopes of distracting Sam from his next question, "Tell me about the thin man with the sharp nose who always rides next to Conrad."

"That's Lachlan, Conrad's right hand man. Saying something to Lachlan or in his hearing is as good as saying it to Conrad and you'd do best to remember that, leannan. Now why didn't your Uncle want you speaking to your brother?"

I struggled for a response and blurted out the first thing that came to me. "They've had a falling out. My brother wanted to marry a lass with hair like flame but my uncle forbid it because he'd already made a match for him."

I looked at Sam from the corner of my eye to see if he believed me but his face was an unreadable mask.

" Tell me about the lad!" I pointed to the smooth chinned youth.

"That's Rory, Conrad's nephew. He's been with us this past year. His mother's a widow and the boy needed a stronger hand than hers to guide him. Got in a bit of a stramash you see."

I would have asked what sort of stramash but Sam asked, "So did he marry his flame haired lass, your brother?"

I wouldn't want to play chess with Sam. He wasn't easily distracted from his goal. "Not yet, but he hasn't given up hope. Tell me about Conrad."

"He is cousin to the Laird Mackenzie and commander of all his men including the group you travel with." Sam opened his hand and gestured at the men in front of and behind us. "Now, who are you betrothed to?"

I thought of Angus and a shiver went down my spine. A black hearted monster with a foul temper who rapes young lasses! Struggling to keep my tone light I said, "I am not betrothed to anyone. Tell me about the red headed man who looks like a fox."

"That's Mungo. He is a bit of a fox in a way. He's our tracker and our best hunter, though he's quite as good at stealing his dinner as he is at hunting it. Tell me, why didn't you meet your brother somewhere in daylight? Surely he worried about your safety out on your own so late at night?"

"Not at all, we live quite near." I smiled proud of the speed at which I'd produced this lie. I was getting quite good at this really. "Tell me about your uncle."

"Fergus is my mother's youngest brother and a more honest man you'll never find. You can place your trust in him."

Something about the warning tone Sam used with his head tilted to one side and his eyes narrowed let me know he knew I was lying to him.

His next words came soft but accusing. "If you were so close to home why didn't you run for it instead of coming with me?"

Mo creach, Sam had caught me up in my web of lies! There was nothing for it but to retreat. "I don't want to play this game anymore."

"But you haven't asked me about myself, leannan. Don't you want to know more about me?" He smiled devilishly.

"I already know more about you than I wish to."

"I wish I could say the same of you, leannan."

We lapsed into silence and I contemplated the men again trying to use the information Sam told me to help me commit their names to memory. We rode on for hours more until I was so tired I thought I would drop from the saddle with weariness and take no notice when the horses trampled me to death. Only Sam's arms were keeping me upright when the sun rose high in the sky and we finally reached a tiny village. A two story wooden tavern dominated the place. The nearby stable yard was mostly deserted and there was a tiny stone kirk at the other end of the street from the tavern. In between were a dozen non-descript small huts that could have been homes, or businesses, or both. Only one sported a crude sign that read "Blacksmith".

The men seemed to visibly relax and I sensed that we had reached our destination long before Conrad finally called a halt to our party just outside the stable yard. "Take care of your horses men then I'll stand a pint for each of you at the tavern." With that he dismounted and threw his reigns at the knife faced Lachlan before striding purposefully toward the tavern.

Sam bent his head to my ear saying "Looks like you're sampling the luxuries of traveling with the Mackenzies, leannan. It's to be a hot meal and sleeping with a roof over our heads tonight."

Luxurious or not I was desperate to get out of the saddle. My backside had gone numb, my legs were cramped and I was so hungry it seemed that my stomach was trying to eat my backbone. When Sam swung himself out of the saddle and stood next to the horse I held my arms out to him like a toddler eager to be picked up. He grabbed me by the waist and swung me out of the saddle.

Sam set me carefully on my feet but did not let go my waist. When the blood began to flow into my numb legs again I felt the pain of pins and needles almost unbearably. My discomfort must have shown on my face for Sam hesitated a moment longer before dropping his hands from my waist. To my dismay I found my legs were still so weak from the long ride that they gave out beneath me. Before I could fall, Sam caught me up in his arms and lifted me.

"Take care, leannan. This is no time to swoon."

"I wasn't swooning." I managed to say into his chest.

"Oh, weren't you then? If I hadn't caught you would have been rolling in the dust."

"I suppose you think I'll should thank you for your kindness." I mumbled then turned my head up to look at him.

"Twas no kindness." He smirked. " I didn't want you knocking into my horse, but tis no matter. Such a long ride is more than can be expected of a fragile, wee lass like you."

"I am not fragile." I pushed against his chest. "And you can put me down now."

"I think not." Sam gave his horse's reigns to Fergus with a grimace before carrying me into the tavern.

It was dim inside with only a few oil cloth covered windows to let in the light. The beams in the low ceiling were blackened with age and the place smelled of ale, smoke and unwashed bodies.

Conrad seemed to be bargaining with the owner, a short, stocky, balding man with an apron tied around his paunchy middle.

Sam made no bones about interrupting their conversation. "Conrad, the lass is peckish. She fairly swooned in the street."

"I'm fine now, really." I interjected, but Conrad ignored me as if I hadn't spoken and looked me over seeming to find reason for alarm.

Sam pressed his case saying urgently, "She needs to lie down before she swoons again."

I wanted to protest but I felt a wave of nausea and found my vision was going black except for an ever shrinking tunnel of light in the center.

"Flora, Flora wake up!"

I felt someone jostling my shoulder. Why were they calling me Flora?

"You must wake up. I have some food for you," a feminine voice said.

My nose told me the statement was true. I could the savory smell of stew and yeasty bread nearby. Slowly I pried my eyes open to see a pretty young girl with a tray in her hands.

"Sit up and we'll see if you can keep this down."

I opened both eyes, disoriented and stared at a low, beamed ceiling.

"Where am I?" I managed to croak out. I hastily sat up and felt a wave of lightheadedness assail me.

"You're just over the border into Mackenzie lands at the Snorting Horse Tavern. Don't you remember being brought here?"

My mind spun with images of my ride here and Sam. "Yes, I remember arriving and then …"

"You swooned. The lads wanted to throw cold water in your face to rouse you, but I told them you'd be less trouble if we let you sleep. Here let me get a pillow behind you." She put down her tray on a nearby table and pulled the pillow that had been beneath my head up behind me. "There now."

I sagged gratefully against it.

"You must wake up now and eat for I know it has been a great while since you've eaten last."

She handed me a tankard and I sipped at it gratefully. It turned out to be a very decent ale that went down smoothly.

"Thank you," I said after several long swallows. "It's good and I'm very thirsty."

She smiled and I noticed what a pretty lass she was, all peaches and cream cheeks and mahogany curls peeping out from beneath her mob cap. "I'm Nora."

"Nice to meet you, Nora."

"Do you want to feed yourself or shall I do it for you."

"Oh no, I think I can feed myself."

Nora laid a tray with a bowl of stew and a crusty piece of bread on it across my lap.

"It smells heavenly," I said before picking up the spoon and tucking into the stew. It was warm but not too hot, rich and thick with meat and chunks of potatoes and carrots. Between mouthfuls I said, "Thank you, this is delicious." Even if I hadn't been after two days without a proper meal I would have enjoyed it.

"Your leannan had me save it for you and bade me wake you to eat it if you hadn't wakened yourself by nightfall."

She must be speaking of Sam. "He's not my leannan."

"But he calls you so."

"It's his idea of a joke because of … of the way we met."

"Oh!" she smiled making her apple cheeks go round and dimpled. "Is he a bachelor then?"

 _A bachelor! What business was it of hers? And of course he was a bachelor… or was he?_ I found myself wishing I'd asked him some questions about himself today even though it would have made him insufferably cocky. "You'll have to ask him yourself. We're not that well acquainted.

I cast my eyes about the room for Sam wondering where he was. I wasn't like him to give me so much blessed privacy. "Where is he, by the way?"

"He's gone on an errand for Master Conrad. He told me to tell you he'd likely be back in the morning but if he wasn't he'd l catch up with your party by noon."

I felt a sudden jolt of panic. "He's gone?"

"Aye, he left not long after ye arrived. They stayed long enough to have a meal and feed and water their horses but then they left again. Would you like some more." She gestured at my now empty bowl.

"No, that was plenty. Thank you. You don't happen to know where they went, the men?"

She raised an eyebrow at me and one corner of her rosebud pink mouth turned up. "I thought you said you didn't know him that well."

I shrugged, "I don't, just curious is all. I'm just wondering who they'll have me riding with tomorrow."

"I couldn't say, but you're to sleep with me and my sisters tonight that's our bed you're lying in."

"Oh," I blushed feeling like an interloper. "Thank you again."

"The chamber pots in the little cabinet over there by the window. Should I bring it to ye?"

"No, thank you. I can do it myself. You've been very kind indeed."

She smiled dimpling again and curtsied. "Thank you, miss. Now you stay tucked up in bed while you can. You'll be riding out early in the morning from what I gather."

With that she picked up the tray from my lap and departed through a door so low her head barely cleared the jam and shut it softly behind her.

Suddenly I felt very alone. Sam had deserted me! Then I realized how absurd I was being. Sam was my captor not my keeper. Perhaps his absence was for the best. This might be my last chance to escape these Mackenzies before I was deep inside their lands.

I pulled back the blanket and placed my feet on the floor. Then standing up cautiously I found my legs had become quite sturdy again. I availed myself of the chamber pot and the water in the basin and began to feel quite myself. I found my earasaid and belted it around me, but my bundle was nowhere to be found. I patted my skirt pocket and was reassured that at least I still had my mother's pearl ear drop for currency to trade. Then I opened the chamber door.

In the dimly lit hall I pulled the door softly closed beside me. There was light at one end of the hall and I could hear the sounds of conversation and laughter from that direction. Not wanting to meet the Mackenzie men I turned toward the other end of the hall. There was a door at that end and I hoped it would lead to a way out. I crept slowly along for the light grew dimmer with each step. Just as I was about to reach the door it flew open.

Alpin stood there just inches away from me.

"Nice to see you up and about, lass!" His words were slightly slurred and his breath smelled of ale.

"Good evening, Master Alpin."

"Good evening to you lass, are you feeling fortified from you rest." He seemed to sway a little as he stood there and I wondered how much he'd had to drink. Hadn't Sam warned me that Alpin could be mean when he drank?

"Indeed, I'm feeling much recovered." I smiled at him hoping my nerves weren't showing.

"Where are you off to, lass?" As he said it he put one brawny arm up casually up against the wall blocking my way.

"I thought to get a breath of fresh air. It's a bit stuffy up here." I fanned my face with my hand and looked up at him widening my eyes in hopes of appearing innocent.

"Well now, I don't think Conrad would want you out wandering about on your own in the dark even if that is the way we came across you in the first place." He turned and placed his other arm against the wall effectively trapping me between them. "Mayhap we could stay and get to know each other, Flora."

"Flora what are you doing out here?"

Alpin dropped his hands from the wall and we both turned to the voice.

Fergus stood framed in the stairwell shadowed by the light shining behind him. "I thought you'd be abed, lass. Conrad sent me to find you." He held out his hand, "Come on, hurry now."

I took the hand of my erstwhile savior and he led me to the stairwell.

Half way down I asked, "What does Conrad want with me?"

"Conrad don't want you at all. It just seemed the best way to get ye away from Alpin without making trouble."

"Oh… well, thank you. Things were getting very … awkward."

"Keep your distance from him. He can't be trusted when he's had a few pints."

"Why were you looking for me then?"

"That little barmaid said you were awake and I promised Sam I wouldn't let you out of my sight while he's gone. He said you'd find trouble but he didn't know how right he was."

"I'm sorry."

Fergus softened. "Never mind, but after you say a word to Conrad it'd be best if you let me take you back up to your room. The tavern's full of rough customers tonight that won't be put off as easily as Alpin."

I was suddenly overcome with weariness again and the thought of spending the night in a real bed was a great deal more appealing than the prospect of scrambling alone through the darkness on mountain trails. I followed meekly behind Fergus down the stairs. "Do you still have my bundle. I'd very much like to get out of these dirty clothes and I had a night dress."

Fergus looked down and gave me a smile. "I'll see what I can do."

The tavern's main room was filled with men. Only about half of them were from our party but most were sitting around one long table. Almost all had a pint in front of them and a few had the remains of their dinner. Many tales were being told in loud voices with the laughter that followed the remarks even louder, but as I approached the table they grew quiet and stared at me.

"Are you better then, lass?" Conrad asked more civilly than usual.

"I am, thank you."

"Good, because we ride again at dawn and I want to be half way to Eilean Donan by night fall."

"Do you think Sam will be back before we leave?" I asked curious to know what Sam was up to.

"Don't trouble yourself about Sam. He can take care of himself." This remark brought a knowing chuckle from the men. "You'll ride with Fergus if he isn't back on the morrow. Now get you to bed, lass. I want no more swooning from ye."

Fergus shepherded me back up to my room to a chorus of laughter from the men. When we got back to the bedchamber I was to share with Nora and her sisters I asked, "Do you know where Sam's gone."

"I do."

I waited for more information but none was forth coming as he opened the door to the chamber. "Well, are you going to tell me where he is?"

"No, but I'll be back in a few minutes with your bundle and if you aren't here it won't go easy for you when I catch up to you."

I nodded and sat myself back down on the bed.

Fergus returned in a few minutes with my bundle and I was fast asleep in my night gown by the time Nora and her sister came to bed. The two girls were full of questions about Sam and dissolved into giggles at my answers. When I'd finally admitted to a leannan in hopes of sparing myself anymore interrogation about Sam I found myself no less under siege. Was Finn taller than Sam? Was he more handsome than Sam? Did he sit a horse as well as Sam? Was he as strong as Sam? They insisted I describe Finn to them then made comparisons between him and Sam that mostly favored Sam. When I finally fell asleep from sheer exhaustion they were still giggling to each other.

 **What do you think? Still like Sam? What about my absence makes the heart grow fonder chapter? Do you think it develops Cat's feelings for Sam? Does it deserve to be in the book?**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I make the rules up as I go

It was still dark when Nora wakened me. "Come on sleepyhead. Master Mackenzie wants to leave by first light."

I groaned and nestled deeper under the blankets, but she pulled them off me.

"Don't be a slug abed or you'll get no porridge."

I reluctantly placed my feet on the icy floor and wished again for my lost shoes. I dressed quickly longing for something to wear other than my travel stained skirt and bodice. At least I was able to wash myself and brush my hair.

I was feeling much better as I descended the stairs to the tavern's main room. The Mackenzie men were already there seated at the long table shoveling in their porridge and washing it down with steaming cups of tea. I looked around for Sam as casually as possible but he was not in the room. When my eyes met Fergus's he waved me to a seat next to him. I sat down beside him and he pushed a bowl of lumpy looking porridge at me.

"Here you are, lass, a hearty breakfast to get your day off to a good start. Are you well this morning?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Good, because Sam didn't make it back last night. You'll be riding with me today."

I must have looked troubled because Fergus added, "No need to fache about Sam. He has Hugh and Henry with them." I hadn't realized the twins were missing until that moment and I felt relieved that Sam was not alone.

I smiled. "Oh, I wasn't worried." The truth was it troubled me that Sam had not returned. The catastrophic events of the last few days had left me feeling unmoored and somehow Sam had become the one constant for me among the turmoil. I chided myself not to be a fool. Sam was my captor, not my friend. I had only myself to rely on now.

Before I could wolf down all my porridge Conrad pushed his seat away from the table, stood up and called out. "Mount up men. We're burning daylight."

"Couldn't he wait a few more minutes?" I grumbled to Fergus. "I've not finished my breakfast."

Fergus shook his head. "Nay lass, Conrad is uneasy about this business with the McDonnels. The Mackenzie will want to know about this wedding post haste and we're still almost three days ride from Eilean Donan."

I shoved one more spoonful of porridge in my mouth before following Fergus. Nora waved goodbye to me from the kitchen door and as I waved back I wondered if Sam and the twins were likely to pass through here again before rejoining us. No doubt Nora would make them feel at home.

Riding in front of Fergus proved to be awkward. He was just as able a rider as Sam but the mountain path we traveled was narrow and rough, and Fergus found it necessary to apologize for the slightest jostle or the merest touch of his body against mine. Despite my best efforts to get him to talk about himself and his family I found him taciturn and barely able to string a sentence together. His shyness seemed to be insurmountable so in the end it seemed better to ride in complete silence.

The day was long and as it wore on I thought it less and less likely that Sam and his party would overtake us. When the sun was directly overhead we stopped to eat the cold lunches the innkeeper packed for us but there was still no sign of Sam. Conrad bade us ride on again after barely a quarter of an hour of respite and I found myself feeling low.

The sky had turned gloomy and a misty rain fell that had me sheltering under my earasaid. My earasaid didn't cover me completely but sharing Fergus's plaid with him would have required constant apologies on his part so I refused his kind offer to share. My buttocks grew painfully numb again and my bare feet were like blocks of ice. The afternoon seemed interminable for had nothing to do but contemplate my misery and fache.

What if Finn assumed I was dead or that I'd run away with another man? What if Finn's father sought a match for him like my uncle had sought a match for me? What if Finn didn't really care for me and that was why he hadn't been there to meet me? Sam had said there was nobody else in the graveyard that night. I tried to hold the image of Finn's handsome face and gorgeous blue eyes in my mind, but images of Sam with his crooked nose, bushy eyebrows and wicked smiles kept intruding. My captivity was starting to affect my mind. I needed to get back home again and soon!

With each hour that passed I was less and less likely to return there. This was the farthest I'd ever been from Kilmorack and the first time I'd gone anywhere without my father or one of my brothers along. I felt a sick pang in my stomach when I thought about Eoghann. He must be out of his mind with worry fearing me dead or worse. What must he be going through? Would he ever forgive me for scaring him like this? I knew how I would feel if he ran away without a word to me. I would make it up to him one day. At least I hoped I would. A part of me feared that I'd never see Kilmorack again!

How I longed to be there now! If I were home I would take a long luxurious bath and wash my hair. Then I'd put on my warmest night dress and bed stockings. I'd have a hot supper of cock-a-leekie soup and shepherd's pie brought up on a tray and eat it while Flora braided my hair. When my stomach was full I'd get into my bed and snuggle down under the warm blankets with my feet toasty warm and sleep for days, but that was just a dream.

I couldn't go home. If I went home my uncle might try to force me to marry Angus. I couldn't afford to go home until I had Rabbie's assurance that my marriage with Angus would never happen. I grew quite forlorn as these and other unhappy thoughts chased themselves round and round in my head and I fell into a sad reverie.

Then I became aware of the change of scenery around me. The rocky terrain had grown wooded as we passed over the mountain range. The sun was starting to set and I noticed that the men seemed to have grown nervous. They cast wary eyes over their shoulders and reacted sharply to any unusual sounds. "Why is everyone so nervous?" I whispered to Fergus.

"This part of Mackenzie land borders the McDonnels' to the north. The McDonnel's are known for raiding over the border here. They hide themselves in the woods then ambush unwary travelers when they find themselves on a narrow part of the trail."

The men' nerves proved to be contagious. By the time dusk fell and Conrad called us to a halt, I was feeling quite jumpy myself.

Fergus lifted me awkwardly off my horse. He was timid about touching me and it took him awhile to get a firm grip on my waist and lift me off the horse. My legs were cramped and my buttocks aching but I managed to keep my feet when he released his hold on me.

While Fergus tended his horse I walked about trying to stretch the cramps out of my legs and get the blood flowing to my rear. Daylight was fading and I could see only a half dozen yards into the woods. Mindful of Fergus's warning about Mackenzie raiders I stayed close to the men and smiled to myself at the irony of looking to my captors for protection, but I'd rather be a Mackenzie captive than a McDonnel one.

I saw Fergus walking toward me. "Flora, could you help me gather some dry kindling for the fire? It doesn't look like it's rained as much here but the fire won't be easy to start."

I nodded wondering what exactly "kindling" entailed. The daughters of the Laird of Kilmorack did not start fires on even tend them. "What sort of kindling?"

Fergus looked at me as if startled by the question. "Anything dry that you think will burn."

I walked into the woods behind Fergus picking up the driest sticks I could find while he gathered logs. In my bare feet it was slow going for me and I carefully picked my way along lest I step on a thorn or worse. Gradually there came to be quite a distance between me and Fergus and I felt the relief of being left almost alone.

Though Alpin showed no signs of remembering our exchange in the hall last night, I had been careful to avoid him staying close to Fergus or the other men today. I was enjoying gathering sticks in a silence that was peaceful instead of awkward so I didn't hurry. The dry sticks were mostly to be found up near the trunks of the larger trees where they had been sheltered from the rain. I was just taking note of an unusual mold on the trunk of one of the trees that was almost navy blue in color when I heard the rustle of birds scattering. I wondered what had startled them.

I looked over my shoulder then turned around sweeping my eyes around the woods but I saw nothing, not even Fergus. I felt a prickle of unease on the back of my neck. I might have enjoyed my freedom from Fergus for a moment, but suddenly I found myself wishing for his perpetually, over-eager- to-please presence.

I took a deep calming breath. I had gone farther into the woods than I intended, but I was still sure of the direction back to the camp.

I smiled to myself. Two days ago I would have been overjoyed at the thought of being shed of the Mackenzies and run deeper into the woods, but my journey to this point had given me an ever greater sense of my own vulnerability. Sam had been right. How long would I last in the woods alone and hungry? I might lose myself in them forever and starve or freeze to death. I was a convert to the idea of staying with the Mackenzies, at least until I could find a suitable passage home. I tightened my arms around the pile of sticks in my arms and headed briskly back toward the camp.

My footfalls must have startled a hare for it darted across my path and I let out a little squeak of surprise and stood still a moment with my heart pounding like a drum in my chest. How timid I'd become. Was I terrified of wee rabbits now? I shook my head and started down the path toward camp again drawing slow even breaths and willing my heart to cease its hammering. After a few minutes I began to feel quite myself and my stomach grumbled. I hoped Mungo had run into a few rabbits too and they were simmering in a stew pot for my dinner at this very moment.

Then I heard a horse nicker nearby and froze. The horses in the camp were to the south of me and not nearly that close. I remembered what Fergus had told me about McDonnel raiding parties. I hid myself behind the broad trunk of a nearby tree and cautiously peered around it, but I couldn't make out anything in the gathering gloom but more trees.

"Did you miss me?"

I jumped straight up in the air then came down hard on a tree root rolling my ankle. I turned to see Sam standing behind me with a huge grin on his face.

"You worthless, pig faced, toad." I punched him hard in the shoulder hoping to hurt him but I only succeeded in hurting my wrist.

Sam crossed his arms and shook his head at me. "Now leannan, that's no kind of a greeting for your conquering hero?"

I pushed hard against his chest with both hands but it had no effect. "That wasn't amusing! You nearly scared me to death!"

He cocked an eyebrow and lifted one corner of his wide mouth. "If you can't greet me any kinder than that I have a mind to take back the present I brought ye."

"A present?" I scoffed, "If you want to give me a present then take me back to Kilmorack."

"I told you I can'na do that right now, leannan, you must be patient, but I believe you'll like what I've brought you. Come and see for yourself." He put out a hand

I pushed it away. "I don't need your help!"

"Suit yourself, but it's right this way."

I followed him limping slightly on my sore ankle into a nearby clearing where a gray mare was tied to a tree.

"What's this?" I asked.

"What does it look like?" Sam asked.

"A horse, but …" I glanced at Sam, "is it mine?"

Sam smiled broadly. "It's yours to ride until we reach Eilean Donan."

I was speechless and I had to fight the impulse to throw my arms around him in gratitude. How I had been dreading another three days of teetering on the front of the saddle while my hind quarters were bounced about mercilessly.

"Thank you. She's wonderful!" I stepped toward her holding out my hand and she nuzzled my palm. "Sorry, girl I don't have anything for you." I rubbed her cheek. "Where did you get her?"

Sam rubbed his jaw then looked at me from the corner of his eye "Was from a Frazer actually."

"From a Frazer?" I stared at Sam.

He spread his hands and shrugged. "I did a little cattle reiving, and the horse was a part of the tascal their owner paid to recover them."

I opened my mouth to speak then closed it again. I didn't know whether to be grateful that I had a horse to ride or horrified that he'd blackmailed some poor Frazer into giving it to him, but I knew I was glad of my own horse and that my ride would go easier tomorrow. Finally I just settled for, "Thank you, Sam. It will be very comfortable to have my own horse."

"Aye, and mayhap we can travel a little faster without you whining to stop and stretch your legs at every turn."

I punched his shoulder again, but playfully this time.

He smiled down at me. "Oh, I almost forgot!" he reached for something up under his plaid. "I brought you these as well."

He pulled out a pair of well worn sheep skin boots and held them out to me.

I felt my eyes tear up as I took them from his hands. The leather was bit water stained on the bottom and I could tell they'd be a little big for me, but I was overwhelmed to be the recipient of such kindness. I cleared my throat too chocked up to speak.

"I know they're a wee bit big, but your feet are large for a lasses so I thought you could keep them on."

"My feet are the perfect size for the rest of me," I managed.

"Do you want to try them on? Here, I'll take those sticks for ye."

I handed my bundle of sticks to Sam and he put them down on the ground while I sat down on a nearby fallen log. I pulled one of the shoes over my foot. There was quite a bit of room in the toe, but they were fur lined and blissfully warm.

Sam stood in front of me and instructed. "If you tighten the laces a bit I believe they'll stay on. Do you want me to do it?"

"Thank you, but I think I can manage." I tightened the leather thong that laced it until I thought it would stay on without slipping too much. Then repeated the process with the other foot and stood up. When I did I found myself just inches from Sam's chest and almost fell backwards, but Sam caught my shoulders. I raised my eyes and found him staring at me intently with those ever changing eyes of his now looking a darker shade of blue. He smelled of man sweat and the dust of his journey. I should have been repulsed and yet somehow those eyes were pulling me in.

"Better then?" he asked his voice sounding husky to my ears.

"Much, I… I don't know how to thank you."

His eyes locked on mine again and I felt a pull like a physical force. "No need to thank me, leannan. As you've told me often enough it was all my fault you were barefoot in the first place."

He smiled broadly and his lower lip thrust forward again. I knew I was staring but I couldn't look away. "That's right. If you'd left me at home I'd never have missed my shoes in the first place."

"Right now, I'm glad I didn't." He brought his face down to mine…

"There you are!"

Sam dropped his hands from my shoulders and we both turned to see Fergus striding towards us.

"So you made it back you great lummox and I see you brought a horse for the lass."

"And a pair of boots." I pulled up the hem of my skirt a few inches to display them.

"Very bonnie," Fergus said, "I bet there's a story to tell about those, aye?" Fergus clapped Sam on the back.

"Aye, but I'll not waste my time telling it to you alone. Let's go back to camp so I can tell it to everyone at once."

We walked back to camp leading the horse and I found myself very glad of my new boots, too large or not. When we returned to the camp we found the men in a jovial mood. Mungo had put two pigeons in the stew pot and even Conrad seemed cheered by the return of Sam and the twins.

The men took turns telling each other tall tales around the campfire for hours. Alpin turned out to be quite the bard telling some old fairy stories that I'd heard before but never told so well. Some of the tales the mend told were very bawdy, particularly one Hugh told about a miller's daughter, but by far the most amusing tale of the night was the one Sam told about reiving the cattle.

It seemed that when they'd left us at the inn they'd ridden back over the border onto some Frazer land where Sam had noticed a fine herd of cattle grazing unattended. They'd driven the cattle into a nearby canyon then sent word to their owner with the boy who was supposed to be watching them that he'd have to pay to get his cows back.

"The farmer came back with a brace of men but by then we'd driven the cattle up to the walls of the canyon. When the farmer threatened not to pay and kill me instead, I told him he was welcome to do so but Hugh and Henry would be driving his cattle over the cliff as soon as they heard the first shot fired. He was fat as an old sow of a man and when he realized he'd have to pay his face turned purple with rage, but he handed over the coin in the end. I thanked him kindly then asked for his horse. I thought he was going to cut up rough. He looked at me as if he'd like nothing better than to stab his dirk in my eye, but after a moment he got down out of the saddle and handed me the reins." Sam paused for effect. "That's when I asked him for his boots."

The men laughed uproariously.

"But the best part of all was when I told him I'd enjoy spending his money in Loch Carron."

This had the men rolling on the ground with mirth but I couldn't understand why so I whispered to Fergus, "Why is that so funny?"

"Because Loch Carron is the home of clan McDonnel!"

The men kept me so amused with their stories that it wasn't till bedtime that I began to fache. I had never slept outdoors before, but Sam had secured a place close to the fire for me and showed me how to make a bed of heather. It was a cool spring night but with my earasaid and my boots I was warm enough.

It was what Fergus had said early about the McDonnel raiders that had me upset. I found that I couldn't settle myself and I thrashed from one side to the other trying to find a a spot while the men snored around me.

"What has you fached, leannan?" Sam said softly.

He'd made his bed down only a few feet behind where I lay.

"Nothing, I just can't get comfortable."

"Tell me, leannan. Neither of us will get to sleep with you thrashing about like a trout on a line."

"It's something Fergus said about the McDonnel's raiding around here."

"Ach, Fergus needs to keep his mouth shut."

"Is it true? Do the McDonnel's raid here?"

"Aye, but don't fache yourself, leannan, Conrad has a man posted guard all night and if he sees any McDonnel's he'll sound the alarm."

"But what will you do if they come."

"We'll show them our swords and our pistols and make them think better of meddling with the Mackenizie."

"But I don't have a sword or a pistol."

"Ah well, I don't think they'd do you any good against a McDonnel anyway."

"What should I do if they come?"

"Run for the woods and stay hidden until one of us comes to get you. Can you do that?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"I'll not let them harm you, leannan. As long as you're with me you'll be safe. Now go to sleep!"

And finally I did feeling glad that Sam had returned.

 _Do you think the shoe thing was too hoaky? How are we feeling about Sam?_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 _I make the rules up as I go_

At some point during the night I must have fallen asleep rather soundly for I woke to the noises of the men breaking camp. A fine dew had covered my earasaid in the night and I felt damp all over and a little chilled. I sat up pulling my earasaid closer and looked around me blinking in the thin morning light.

Mungo who was sitting by the fire dipping a stale looking bannock into his tea gave me a gap toothed grin. "Morning, lass."

"Good morning, Mungo," I said absently trying not to wrinkle my nose at the smell of him. All the men were dirty from their travels but that wizened little man was the only one I could actually smell at a distance.

I looked around and saw that the men were packing to leave. Alpin was checking the girth on his saddle while Rory muttered discontentedly to himself as he packed up the cooking pots and utensils. I had discovered that Rory was low man in our group and as such was left to do the more unpleasant and undignified tasks required on our journey. Hugh was holding his horse's rear right forelock up to show Henry something in its shoe that seemed to be of concern to them both.

I turned my head to look the other way. Gordon was talking to Fergus while he twirled a dangerous looking dirk on his forefinger and Fergus put something into the satchel hanging from his horse's side. I wondered where Sam was.

"He's over there, lass." Mungo pointed to where Sam squatted next to Conrad and Lachlan looking at something Conrad was drawing in the dirt. Their heads were drawn close together as they conferred and the looks on their faces were grim.

I turned back to Mungo. "I wasn't looking for anyone in particular."

Mungo's gap toothed grin grew wider and he made a dubious sound in the back of his throat before standing up, pitching out what remained in his cup behind him and walking away.

I got to my feet smoothing my now hopelessly crumpled skirt and patting my hair. Wayward curls were escaping everywhere so I began pulling out the loosened pins and trying to straightened my tangled brown locks with my fingers.

"You're awake, Leannan."

I looked up to see Sam striding towards me with a big smile on his face and felt a surge of annoyance to be caught in such a state of disrepair. "Yes! Why didn't you wake me earlier? I look a fright and now I don't have time to do anything about it before we leave."

"Don't fache, Leannan. Your still bonnie even with your curls fallen about your face like Medusa's locks."

I glared at him. "Is that a compliment?"

He smiled at me in a way that said it was not and handed me his water skin. "Here, there's no stream about so go do what you can with yourself, but hurry. Conrad wants to ride on soon."

I grudgingly took the water skin and trooped into the woods to do what was "necessary" but there was little to be done about my appearance. I gave up and let my hair hang loose around my shoulders just pinning it back behind either ear. One must be forgiven for looking like a hoyden at times like these. What would Aunt Una think if she saw me like this? I pictured her face with a look of shock and horror upon it and smiled. Then I felt a wave of sadness wash over me.

I must really be getting soft in the head if the thought of Aunt Una could make me homesick, but it had. She would be out of her mind with worry. What must Eoghann being going through? They must know by now that I'd run away. I wondered if Eoghann and Beiste were out searching the countryside for me and wondering if some terrible accident had befallen me. It had in a way when I had met up with these Mackenzies. I was sure they'd never guess what had really happened to me and it would be weeks if not months before I could get word to them. By then they might think me dead. Awash in these guilty and depressing thoughts I returned to camp.

The men were ready to ride and Sam stood holding the bridles of both his horse and mine. As I approached I surveyed my mount. She wasn't exactly an excellent piece of horse flesh, but she was serviceable enough. She was a trifle sway backed and not a filly by any means, but she seemed lively and I was grateful for her. She snorted a greeting at me as I approached her so I reached out and patted her nose. "Hello, beauty. Are you going to let me ride you today?"

Sam frowned at me. "I didn't think to ask if you could ride."

I stifled the impulse to tell him that I was an excellent rider who'd had her own pony at six because I thought it unlikely that a servant like Flora would have much opportunity to ride. "I can ride."

He gave me one of his measuring looks. "I thought as much."

If he hoped for more information on the subject he would get none from me. I'd learned yesterday to keep my mouth shut if I didn't want Sam drilling me for information. I simply smiled at him vacantly and waited.

"Shall we mount up then?" Sam asked.

I stood next to my mount and gave her a pat on the side murmuring "pretty girl" in her ear. I looked at the saddle hoping I could mount the horse without help, but it had only a leather strap for a pommel and there was little chance of my being able to get my foot in the high stirrup. I looked over my shoulder and saw Sam watching me.

"Could you give me a hand?"

He gave me a patronizing smirk as if he'd known all along I couldn't mount the horse myself but graciously stepped up, squatted down in front of me and meshed his fingers into a stirrup. Acutely aware of his big body so close to my own, I reluctantly placed my hands on his shoulders feeling the warmth of his skin through his coat and inserted my left foot into his hands.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded in answer and he lifted me easily till I could reach the pommel strap and bring my right leg over the horse.

"Now take her for a bit of a canter just so you get to know each other."

I did just that riding her in a wide circle around the camp. I found my mount to be a better ride than I expected. Though she was a bit long in the tooth she was responsive to me and seemed eager to go. She wasn't exactly the sort of mount I was used to but riding any sort of horse was far better than bouncing along on someone else's saddle all day with no stirrups.

I reined up next to Sam who was now mounted on his own horse exhilarated by my ride. "She's a sweet girl. I think I'll call her Ash." I patted her neck and she whinnied as if in approval of her new moniker.

Sam gave me a stern look. "She's a farm horse and not used to riding these mountain paths so I want you to stay close to me and Fergus lest ye take a fall."

A large part of me wanted to protest that I was likely better at keep my seat on a horse than he was, but I remembered what Fergus had told me about the border between Mackenzie and Frazer lands. I swallowed my protest and nodded instead.

Conrad looked back to see that we were all mounted and raised his arm making a forward motion that was our signal to ride. The trail was not narrow here so we settled into pairs. Mungo led with Conrad and Lachlan behind him a ways likely trying to avoid his stench. Rory and Gordon were next, followed by me and Sam, Fergus and Henry, and Hugh following alone at the rear.

My stomach let out a loud growl and I realized I hadn't had any breakfast.

Sam reached into his sporran and pulled out a cold bannock. "Here," he said handing it to me, "your breakfast such as it is."

I accepted it gratefully, bit off a piece of the oat cake and chewed. A warm bannock could be quite tasty hot from the grease it was fried in but a cold one that was two days old was as tasteless as saw dust and much harder to chew. It filled my stomach but I found myself longing for some hot porridge sweetened with dried fruit and cooled with a little cream.

As we rode along I noticed that the mood of the men seemed lighter this morning or perhaps it was just my mood. I had my own horse, warm feet and Sam to entertain me. As we rode Sam amused us by telling Irish folk stories. There was one about Oisin, a great warrior who was lured away from his home by a beautiful maiden to the Land of the Young. When he returned to his home hundreds of years later he found himself a withered old man whose family had died long ago. Then he began the tale of Fionn mac Cumhaill a giant who lived on Antrim's north coast with his wife Oonagh.

"Fionn had a bitter rivalry with a giant who lived across the water in Scotland named Benadonner. He challenged him to a fight one day, but in order to get to Scotland without getting his feet wet Fionn decided to build a causeway. He built the causeway as he traveled across the water and just as he reached Scotland he caught sight of Benandonner who happened to be a much bigger giant than he. Thinking better of a fight between them Fionn turned on his heel and ran back to Ireland but Benadonner had seen him and he used the causeway to come after him.

With Benadonner hot on his heels Fionn ran to Oonagh and told her she must help him hide from the great Benadonner. Now Oonagh was a crafty giant. She disguised Finn as a baby and put him in a huge cradle, so when Benandonner saw the size of the sleeping 'baby', he assumed the father must be enormous in comparison. Benandonner ran back to Scotland in fear of his life and ripped up the causeway steps on his way back lest Fionn come after him."

I laughed. "That one's very clever."

"Ah, it's just a tale they tell children to explain about some stone pillars along the coast."

"How is it that you know so many Irish stories?"

Sam looked away from me distracted by something then his eyes returned to my face and he smiled. "Well I lived there for some time."

"Really, and why was that?"

"I was a …personal aid to an Irish Laird for some years. He needed someone to watch his back because of all the fueding between the Lairds and he trusted me because I had no loyalties in Ireland to any save him." He turned his head and looked over his shoulder.

"You were a gallowglass?"

He looked at me and shrugged. "I suppose, if you want to put it that way."

I stared at him trying to reconcile what I knew of this man with what I'd heard of the gallowglass. They were elite mercenary warriors who served as cavalry to the Irish nobels. A hundred years ago they had been men dispossessed of their lands for fighting against the English for Scottish independence, but now they were more likely to be men escaping the law. "And how did you end up back here?"

"I went to Ireland to make my fortune, but my brother wrote and asked me to return."

"To do what?"

"Excuse me. I'm wanted." He pointed ahead and I saw that Conrad was signaling him to come forward. He looked over his shoulder at Fergus. "Stay close to her."

Fergus dutifully trotted up beside me and Sam went to join Conrad. I watched as Sam reined his horse close to Conrad and they began speaking. I wondered what they were talking about.

The sound of a gun shot rang out and Ash started.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 _When I'm broken down and I can't stand_

I tightened my knees and reins as I tried to understand what was happening. Another shot exploded next to me and Ash reared on her hind legs in a panic. I fought her down pushing my weight over her neck and glanced in the direction of the shot. I saw Fergus slumped in his saddle with a red blossom of blood growing across the back of his shirt. They're shooting at us!

Another shot sounded and Ash reared again. They're shooting at us! They're shooting at us! The thought reverberated around my brain while I desperately fought to stay in my saddle. Suddenly Ash was descending to all fours. Someone was pulling her head down with the bridle. I felt a wave of relief until I saw the man who held her. He was a stranger, a ginger haired man with squinty eyes and a nose turned up so sharply at the end that it looked like a snout.

Terrified I kicked hard at him trying to make him let go but he only grunted and continued to grab at me. I kicked again and again while pig face spewed a stream of curses and Ash crow jumped from side to side trying to escape us both. He got a hold on my skirt and managed to drag me out of the saddle. I fell to the ground and rolled barely avoiding being trampled by Ash's hooves. I scrambled to my feet and started to run but a heavy weight crashed against my back driving me to the ground again.

He snarled in my ear, "Be still, piseag!" He yanked my hair back viciously dragging me to my feet in front of him. I thrashed and tried to kick behind me but he put his arm across my throat cutting off my air supply and began dragging me backwards.

I clawed at his forearm feeling the satisfying rip of his flesh beneath my nails but his hold on my throat did not loosen and I was getting no air. Some detached part of my brain took in the chaotic scene before me. Men were locked in battle everywhere. I could see Conrad trading sword blows with another man. They were too close to maneuver their horses and slashed savagely at each other, right then left then right again. I heard Conrad's attacker scream and he clutched at his side. Then he slumped over in the saddle and I saw Sam behind him pulling his bloody dirk from the man's back.

My eyes met Sam's for just a moment then another man charged up behind him with his sword raised above his head. I tried to shout a warning but I couldn't make any noise come out of my crushed throat. I dug my heels in the dirt bucking and thrashing as I pulled desperately at the arm across my throat. I tried to keep my eyes on Sam, but my vision began to tunnel and I couldn't see him anymore. My only thought was that I must have air. My lungs felt as if they might explode.

Just as I found myself sliding into unconsciousness my attacker released his arm from my throat and threw me face down into the damp leaf covered earth of the woods. I gasped sweet air into my burning lungs. Then I tried to rise but I felt a knee digging painfully into the small of my back. Pig face pulled my arm behind me nearly wrenching it in the socket. I cried out in pain as he grabbed my other arm pinning my wrists together.

"I'm going to make you pay for these scratches piseag!" I could feel rough fibers chaffing against my wrists as he wrapped something rope-like around them. He pulled it tight and I cried out as the cords bit into my flesh. With my arms secured tightly behind me he flipped me onto my back. When he bent down over me his thin lips were pulled back over small pointy teeth and I felt the full terror of my helplessness. My arms were pinned beneath my own torso. Whatever he chose to do to me now, I could not stop.

He pulled back his hand and slapped me hard across the face. My cheek stung and the force of his blow made my teeth cut into the side of my mouth. I tasted coppery blood while he grabbed my hair pulling it painfully from my scalp and dragged me to my feet. I struggled as best I could with my arms tied behind me wiggling and trying to kick out.

He pulled a dirk from his belt and held it to my throat until I felt the point puncture my neck. I stopped struggling and he focused his squinty pig eyes directly into mine. "Give me any more trouble and I'll slit your throat for ye."

He threw me over his shoulder and began walking. He was a big man but my weight was a burden and his steps were heavy each one slamming my pelvis against his shoulder. After a few moments of our bone jarring walk I heard a horse snort and then he was pushing me off his shoulder and onto the horse's back. He positioned me so that my body hung across the horse's saddle with my head dangling over one side and my legs over the other. It was very uncomfortable trying to breath with the weight of my own body crushing me against the saddle. With my hands bound behind me I could not relieve the pressure. When I tried to raise my head he shoved a greasy rag into my mouth and bent down to whisper in my ear. "Soon you'll get what you've got coming."

I felt lightening steaks of panic coursing through me and my heart thudded against my ribs. I craned my neck hoping to see someone coming to my rescue but all I saw were trees. Pig face mounted the horse, shoving me forward and sitting on the saddle behind me. He kicked the horse's sides and we rode deeper into the woods.

Between my crushed diaphragm and the rag stuffed in my mouth it was hard to breathe. I realized that though my hands were bound I might be able to maneuver the rag loose. Carefully, I pushed it out of my mouth with my tongue and tried to spit out the nasty taste it left in my mouth. My balance on the back of the horse felt precarious and I dared not make any sudden movements for fear of flipping off the horse's back.

With every step of the horse I was jounced against the saddle and I began to feel all the blood settle at the ends of my body. My head, bound hands and feet were all throbbing painfully. I realized I still had my shoes and stifled a giggle lest pig face discover I'd shed my gag. I was very uncomfortable but my discomfort was nothing to my fear. I could feel the cuts and bruises pig face had already dealt me, and feared he planned to do much worse at the first opportunity.

I cast about in my mind trying to come up with a plan. If I tried to throw myself off the horse, I wasn't likely to get very far even if I managed not to break my neck in the fall, and I hadn't forgotten the promise pig face made me to slit my throat if I troubled him again. In the end I was so stupefied with fear that I jounced along in a dithering panic and made no plan of escape. I thought of Sam and Fergus and prayed for their safety. I begged God to have mercy on me and all the Mackenzie men, even Conrad.

With each step I became more nauseated and my head and digits throbbed more painfully. I longed to be off the horse, but when Pig face finally halted I found myself terrified at the thought of what he would do to me now.

"Who have you got there?" a male voice called.

I looked up but the voice seemed to be on the other side of the horse from me and I couldn't see him.

"A Mackenzie bitch who needs to be taught a lesson," pig face answered.

The man chuckled. "That's a lesson I wouldn't mind to help you teach her!"

I felt my heart leap into my throat where it beat wildly.

Pig face dismounted carelessly hitting me in the shoulder with his knee as he did so. "Where are Beathen and Ragnall?"

"I dinna know of Beathen, but I saw Ragnall stabbed through the chest by a big blaigeard with a crooked nose. I don'na think he'll be coming back."

"Mo Chreach!" Pig face grabbed me by the shoulders and dragged me off the horse's back throwing me to the ground. Bending over me with his face thrust in front of mine, he growled. "You'll pay for Ragnall, Makenzie siursach!"

Terror flooded through me and I felt my body shake as I tried to scramble backwards on my elbows. Pig face grabbed me by the throat. I wanted to weep and beg for mercy but something about the bullying look on his face made me raise my chin and glare right back at him, fool that I was.

He drew back his clenched fist ready to hit me and I cowered.

"Wait! Who is this lass?" I looked up at my unlikely savior. He was not so large as pig face with swarthy skin and a black beard so thick it left only an inch of hairless skin beneath his black eyes.

A greasy, young man in a plaid bonnet still seated on his mount said, "Maybe we could ransom her back to the Laird Mackenzie?"

Pig face sneered at me. "Not likely, by the look of her dress she's no lady. We may as well use her till we tire. Then I'll slit her throat for her like I promised." He raised his fist again.

My bearded savior came to my rescue again. "Wait, she's likely to be the wife of one of those Mackenzie men. If they've captured Beathen we may need her to bargain with. You smash up her bonnie face and her husband may not want her anymore… besides I'd rather slip my gogan into a lass with a bonnie face than a bleeding one, aye?"

They all chuckled at that and I thought I might vomit.

"Alright then, but I get first go." Pig man pushed me down and began fumbling at my skirts. My arms were useless pressed beneath the weight of my own body, but my legs were free. I waited for the right moment. When he had my skirts rucked and began to fumble with his breaches I brought my knee up as hard as I could aiming for his bollocks. He managed to turn away and my knee only glanced off his private parts but I'd hurt him.

He lay next to me clutching his hand against his bollocks. "You siursach! You're going to pay for that."

I rolled to one side and found my knees and then my feet. I ran like panicked hare zigzagging as I went desperate to find cover. Behind me I could hear the sound of men laughing and heavy footsteps. I made it perhaps a hundred feet into the woods and then he tackled me again and I landed hard on my side. Then he was on top of me his pig face inches from mine with a feral gleam in his eye. My terror was a palpable thing. There was no bearded savior here now, only this animal mad with fury.

I heard a horrible ear splitting scream and realized it was coming from my own throat.

"Shut up, piseag!"

I screamed louder putting all the volume I could into it and turning my head so that my mouth was close to his ear. Then on impulse I bit down on the side of his ear as hard as I could.

He screamed and hit his fist against the side of my head. I bit down harder during the next blow but the third one loosened my jaw and I let go. I felt about to pass out and went still.

Pig face rolled off me and I heard him yelling. "You bloody siursach! I'm going to kill you." Then he kicked me hard in the ribs.

I rolled to the side and found myself tumbling over and over down an embankment until I hit something hard that stopped my fall. I came to my knees ready to flee.

"Leannan!"

I looked up and saw Sam standing over my attacker. Pig face lay limp on the ground with his throat cut from ear to ear. His life's blood pumped steadily from the wound and stained the ground around him. Revolted I looked away and pushed myself to my feet.

Sam came up behind me. "Hold still and I'll free you."

I held my arms still and he sawed through the rags that bound my wrists. As he pulled the them away he bent his head to mine. He kissed my temple and whispered, "Hide!"

I was off like a hare again. Hide! Hide! Hide! But where? In the bushes… behind the fallen log… Then I saw the tree. It was a tall elm with a low branch on one side. Remembering a tree I used to hide in as a child I launched myself at the branch. My breath left my body as I fell against it, but I threw out one leg to the side and managed to get it on the branch. I pulled myself to a seated position then stood and worked my way higher, branch by branch until I was well hidden in the tree's foliage. Settling myself on top of a high branch I looked cautiously out into the glenn.

My breath caught as I saw three McDonnels moving towards Sam. The bearded man reached him first and swung his sword toward Sam's neck as if to slice his head off. Sam caught the man's sword against his own and pushed it to the outside. Then he spun in like a top toward his attacker. The bearded man's hairy face showed only mild surprise when Sam stabbed him in the throat with the dirk he held gripped in his other hand. The wounded man grabbed his throat and when Sam pulled his knife free the man sank to his knees while blood seeped through his fingers.

Sam advanced toward the other two men his broad sword held ready. The first to reach him was the greasy, young man. He swung his sword at Sam's head, but Sam ducked and slashed his dirk against the back of the young man's calves. Rising he kicked the young man in the stomach pushing him backwards into his second attacker, a heavy set man I hadn't seen before.

The heavy set man side stepped leaving the wounded man to fall to the ground. He raised his arm and brought his sword down in a mighty blow towards Sam's head. Sam blocked the blow with his own sword, but the force of the contact reverberated through his body. They traded blows, with the sound of their clashing swords ringing through the glen. They maneuvered each other thrusting and parrying, each man wary lest the other get in too close and stab him with his dirk.

The heavy set man was strong. His muscles bulged through his shirt as they fought, but Sam was the bigger man and he was using his longer reach to tire his opponent. He swung his blows in from the outside and the smaller man could not reach him unless he stepped inside making himself vulnerable. It was a strategy I'd heard Beiste explain to Eoghann many times as they sparred, but seeing it used in a battle to the death was horrifying.

The man grew desperate and when Sam feinted right he pressed in too close hoping to land a fatal blow with his dirk. In the blink of an eye Sam had raised his sword high. He slashed down cleaving a deep gash between the man's neck and shoulder. A fountain of blood spewed forth from the wound covering them both in the man's blood. Sam came in close stabbing his dirk into the man's eye for good measure. When he pulled it free the man dropped to the ground.

Sam stood there panting, a warrior painted in the blood of his enemies. It dripped down his face and into his snarling mouth. Sam walked to the young man who lay moaning on the ground his legs useless. He squatted beside him and plunged his dirk into the man's chest. Then he pulled it free and wiped the blade neatly off on the man's shirt. When he rose he stood looking about the glen his head thrust forward like a mad dog searching for another kill.

I shrank back behind the tree's trunk suddenly afraid of the feral beast Sam had become. I remained still and quiet but the sound of his footsteps moved closer and closer to my hiding place.

"Leannan, it's alright now. They're all dead. You can come out."

I held my breath listening to the sound of my rapidly beating heart.

"I'm sorry if they hurt you, leannan, I came as quickly as I could."

His voice sounded so forlorn that I looked down. The bloody warrior had Sam's voice if not his face.

"I'm here in the tree." I managed to squeak out.

The warrior smiled up at me his teeth white against his blood darkened face. "Good lass, you're safe now." He walked up under my tree and held up his bloody hands. "Come down quickly before they find us."

I hesitated.

"Please, leannan, we've no time. There may be more McDonnels coming."

I came then moving down swiftly branch to branch, when I reached the lowest branch Sam held out his hands to help me, but the blood on them sickened me and I rejected his help. "I can do it."

I sat on the branch as I had done when a wee lass then flipped backwards to hang down from my knees and hands. Then I flipped off the branch and landed more or less on my feet. I giggled and the part of my brain that seemed detached from the rest of me wondered at my sanity.

"Come with me, Leannan, quickly."

As Sam herded me past pig face I looked down and saw his open eyes staring vacantly up at me and the mark my teeth had made on his ear. I began to shake all over.

Suddenly Sam was beside me. "He's dead now. He can'na hurt you." He put his arm around me and I was overwhelmed by the scent of blood.

"Don't touch me!" I shrieked.

He dropped his arm instantly. "Alright."

I walked beside him careful to keep my distance. We walked to where his horse was tied. The big roan snorted and fidgeted when we approached. Sam quieted him crooning as he untied the reins from the tree. Then he crouched in front of me hands clasped together. I hesitated.

"Quickly! They're coming."

I flinched but came forward placing my hands on the shoulders of his blood darkened shirt and my foot into his bloody hands. He practically threw me into the saddle. As soon as I was mounted he was up behind me slapping the horse's rump and urging it into a run. The strong scent of blood coming from Sam assailed me again and I felt a wave of nausea and weakness. My shaking grew worse and my teeth began to chatter.

Sam wrapped his arms around me. I was repulsed by the feel of his blood dampened shirt against my back but too weak to protest. "It's alright now, Leannan. Your safe wi' me. They can'na hurt you anymore."

I could give no credence to his words. I had not been safe before and I had no reason to believe that I would ever be safe again. The heat of his body comforted me, but I was still afraid. I would always be afraid.

 _How do you feel about the violence in this chapter? Did the character development justify it? In many ways this is a coming of age story for Catriona. For a girl of her time she has led a sheltered and privileged life. She is physically brave and willing to take risks, but part of her bravery is simply ignorance. She did not really comprehend either what she risked in running away or how well Sam treated her until this point in the story. In my mind this is the chapter where she really begins to grow up and see the world as it is and the violence was necessary to cause that change. Your thoughts?_

 _How does seeing Sam as a ruthless warrior impact your feelings toward him? Do you think Catriona's shock when faced with the reality of warrior Sam is realistic?_

 _I enjoyed writing this action scene but it is easy to confuse readers when you write action. Anything you found unclear or confusing? My research was minimal if you have any suggestions on how to make sword/dirk fights, horse riding or spurting arterial blood more realistic please let me know. I don't mean to pepper you with questions. Thank you for any comments you care to write. They really motivate me to keep going with the story._


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 _When I'm broken down and I can't stand_

We rode hard until the sun was well overhead and Sam gave up checking over his shoulder for pursuit. I found I no longer had the energy necessary to muster any concern for our safety. I simply stared vacantly in front of me while fractured images of my old life and the gruesome things I'd seen today tumbled about in the kaleidoscope of my mind's eye. Happy memories of my father teaching me to ride and playing tag with my brothers were in juxtaposition with images of pig face shaking with rage as he threatened me and Sam cleaving the black bearded man's neck half off his shoulders.

I worried the cut inside my mouth with my tongue, prodding the sore spot again and again despite the pain it caused me or perhaps because of it. My ribs ached on the side I'd hit during my tumble down the embankment, one cheek felt bruised and swollen, and my lip was cut, but my physical injuries were minor. They belied the extent of the trauma I felt.

I wished I could return to the lass I had been just a few days ago, one who did not know that uncles plot against their nephews and marry their nieces off to men who ravish innocent maids, one who had never lain helpless while she was slapped, pulled and beaten fearing for her life, and one who had never watched Sam hack four men to death and wipe his bloody dirk as if he'd just cut up a roast pig. I wanted to be that lass again, she who slept soundly in her bed at night believing the world to be a better place than it was.

How could I go back to my old life now? How could I pretend that people were good and the world a safe place? Why would Finn or any man want me now? I might be a maiden still, but I was damaged and broken in ways that couldn't be seen on the outside.

I don't remember much of that journey, but I was dimly aware that time was passing. When Sam finally turned the horse down a narrow track that ended close to a tree lined loch it was growing late. The sun was still well above the trees but it was June in Scotland. The sun wouldn't set properly until a few hours before midnight so I judged it to be close to supper time despite the fact that I had no appetite.

Sam reined his horse up beside the loch. "I need to wash. I can'na ride into Strathcarron like this and we're no more than half an hour's ride away."

When Sam tried to dismount his bloody shirt was stuck against the back of my gown and he had to peel us apart. He dismounted then and reached up for me with the blood on his hands now dried. This time I was inured to the gore and let him help me down. I only flinched when I noticed the dark blood that had congealed in the braid of his hair.

Sam led me to a fallen log on the bank of the loch and motioned for me to sit while he led the horse to loch to drink and then hobbled him in the grass nearby.

Sam sat down beside me and pulled off his boots and his stockings leaving them where they dropped in front of the log. I would have complained of their sour odor but it didn't seem worth the effort.

He stood and pulled his dirk from his belt holding it out to me handle first with the long thin blade pressed between his thumb and forefinger. I stared at it for a moment then grasped the carved wooden handle. It was thick and felt too large in my grip.

"Be careful with that. The blade is verra sharp."

I looked at the dirk curiously testing the weight. It was far heavier than I imagined. It was near a foot long and honed to a vicious point at one end. A channel was cut into the blade that ran its length perhaps a quarter inch from one edge. I laid it across my lap where it pressed heavy against my thighs and felt comforted by the thought of the protection it afforded me.

Sam unbuckled his sword belt and laid it carefully over the log next to me with his broad sword still in the sheath it held. Finally, he sat carefully down on the river bank unbuckled the studded belt at his waist and unwrapped his kilt from around him. Then he stood wearing only his bloody shirt. "Rest here while I wash and cry out if you see the birds startle from the trees. You have my dirk."

He walked toward the loch with his usual cat like grace his posture relaxed and perfectly balanced despite the fact he was covered in drying blood. He held his head high while his powerful haunches shifted right then left under the linen fabric of his shirt. As he waded into the water his shirt leached a trail of pink stain behind him.

When the water reached his chest, Sam turned to look at me a moment before submerging himself beneath it entirely. He was under for what seemed like a long time, but I didn't even consider trying to escape. In fact I began to panic at being alone until Sam sprang up out of the water some length from where he'd submerged himself. His head and shoulders broke the surface of the loch as if he'd been shot from a cannon. He flung back his head and the wet curtain of his hair arched up and over his head making a slapping noise like a beaver's tail as it landed against his shoulders.

Sam wiped the water off his brow with one hand and then his eyes sought and found mine. He gave me a reassuring smile and a wink, but it didn't completely dispel the aura of danger and wildness about him. He sank back into the water until only the top of his head, brows and gleaming eyes squinted against the sunlight on the water were still visible. He looked like a predator lurking while he waited for some unwary prey to pass by.

Sam stood up in the water again and stripped off his wet shirt exposing his naked chest. His was not the first naked chest I'd beheld. I'd seen all my brothers and even my father stripped to the waist on many occasions, yet I stared at Sam like an explorer finding some heretofore undiscovered species. I should have been embarrassed, but during my trauma the strange feeling that I was only a detached observer of the world had come upon me and I still felt unabashed.

The skin that lay beneath Sam's shirt was far paler than his sun bronzed neck, but the sunshine had kissed it to a light apricot color. Every bone and muscle beneath his skin was defined. Sam splashed water against his chest with one hand and it sluiced down the shallow channel that began beneath his collar bone and ran between the bulging muscles of his chest and down the hard ridges of muscle across his abdomen until it disappeared at his hips where the lake covered him. Droplets of silver water clung to the little forest of brown hairs that sprung up between the muscles of his chest and spread out over his peaked nipples and downward in an ever thinning line.

His arms were thick with muscle. They bulged out from his shoulders and upper arms like flesh covered boulders and I took note of a jagged pink scar from an old wound that sliced across the muscle of his right upper arm. It had long since healed but I wondered how he'd come by it.

Sam bent and scooped silt from the bottom of the stream. He scrubbed the black gray grains against his face, throat and chest removing any traces of the blood that had dried in the creases there.

He began to pull his shirt through the water beside him in a serpentine motion like a swimming eel. Then he dunked his shirt under the water and pulled it out to scrub the linen against itself. He repeated this process again and again until the cinnamon colored stains of dried blood faded to a harmless beige that might have been left by a careless splash of tea.

Only the very edges of the stains did not fade. Perhaps the blood had dried there too long to be washed away. A thin brown line was left to mark the stain's original outline. I doubted that stain would ever wash out completely even with the application of lye soap.

Sam walked toward the bank holding his wet shirt out in front of him as if about to hang it out on a line.

"Keep looking this way, leannan, and you may see more of me than you like."

More startled than embarrassed, I stood up, turned around, and stepped over the log. When I sat down I was facing the other direction and Sam was behind me.

After a few long moments he called, "I'm decent, now."

I turned back and stepped over the log sitting down so I faced Sam. He stood in his kilt and boots with his plaid over his shoulder and his wet shirt in one big hand. I watched as he twisted it into a rope and forced the water from it. Sam had a bloody nick under one eye and a deep scratch on his right forearm, but other than that the only trace of the blood stained killer I'd ridden here with was a dark smear across his plaid.

He walked to the log and picked up his sword belt fastening it around him. "I'll take my dirk back now if you don't mind. Hold it by the handle. I don'na want ye cutting yourself."

I presented his dirk to him blade held outwards and he took it carefully back and sheathed it in his belt before sitting down beside me on the log.

"Let me look at you, Leannan." He took my chin in his hand and turned my head to one side tilting his own head back to observe me. I noticed the purple grey color of his eyelids and how his long lashes shaded his blue eyes. His lashes were dark at the root but the sun turned them golden at the tips.

"You've a cut lip." He took the corner of his damp shirt and dabbed at it.

The water stung against my wound. "Ouch!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." He held out his big hands to me. "Let me see your wrists."

I held my hands out and Sam gently pushed back my sleeves. He took my hands in his turning them palm upwards and stared down at my wrists. They were raw and chaffed where my bonds had bitten into them and I saw anger flash across Sam's face. I started to draw my hands back, but he schooled his features into careful neutrality.

"I am a violent man, leannan, but I hope you know that I'd never harm you."

He draped his damp shirt over my wrists and the cool, soft cloth was comforting. Then he looked down into my eyes his gaze both tender and searching.

"I must look terrible." I blurted out suddenly self conscious under his scrutiny.

He smiled. "You've a bruise on your cheek and a split lip, but twill all be mended in a week or two. You'll soon be as bonnie as ever."

"What happened there?" I gestured with my head to indicate the scar on his upper arm because he still held my hands captive in his own.

"That's just a wee reminder of the cost of mercy on the battlefield."

A vision of Sam plunging his knife into the wounded MacDonnel man's chest made me pull my hands from his.

Sam touched the lump on my head very gently but it was sore and I winced. "You've a nasty goose egg there, lass."

"Pig face gave me that when I tried to bite his ear off."

"You shouldn't have done that, leannan. He might have killed you."

"He'd already told me he was going to kill me so I had nothing to lose."

"You were very brave, leannan, far too brave for my liking. A wee lass like you will never best a man in a fight."

"I'm not wee and just because I'm a lass doesn't mean I can't fight a man. I'm not a coward!"

"I dinna say you can'na fight against a man. I said you can'na win against one. And I think women are far braver than men."

"Why?"

"Because they have to be. They must submit to the victor if they are to survive and keep their weans alive. The worst a brave man faces in battle is a hero's death, but to submit and survive takes a verra courageous heart."

"Would you have had me submit to pig face's assault?"

He looked me in the eye. "Your life has far more value to me than your virtue. As long as you survive … there's hope." He held my gaze and I saw the tension around his eyes and the taut lines of his mouth. Very softly Sam asked "Did he … hurt you?"

I hesitated. Of course he had hurt me, but I sensed that was not Sam's meaning. I thought of pig face fumbling with my skirts. I wasn't sure exactly what would have happened had I not found his crotch with my knee, but I knew somehow that Pig face had not accomplished his goal.

"No … not in … that way."

I saw the relief in Sam's face as the tense lines broke there. "I thought not when he claimed first go."

"You heard that?"

Sam's face grew hard then and the warrior reemerged. "Aye."

"Where were you?"

"In the woods."

I stiffened. "How long were you there?" Had this been one of Sam's strange lessons like letting me almost drown in the river?

"Not long, I saw him pull you from his horse and set upon you." His eyes narrowed then and his face took on a brooding look.

"And you let him do it?" I felt the horror of it wash over me.

He turned his face toward mine and met my eyes. "I am but one man. I had to wait my chance or they would have killed us both."

I nodded but I felt betrayed. Sam had been waiting and watching while pig face hurt me!

"Would you have watched while he ravaged me or beat me with his fist?"

Sam seemed to consider this cocking his head ever so slightly to one side. "I can'na say, leannan. I knew if I acted rashly you would not survive and yet there are likely limits to my discipline even when your life hangs in the balance." He paused. "I can say I never enjoyed killing a man more."

The smile that spread across his face chilled me to the bone.

"Do you always enjoy killing?"

"Not always, but I often enjoy the battle."

"Have you killed many men?"

"I suppose as many as any soldier."

"Is that why you went to Ireland and became a Gallowglass, because you wanted to be a soldier?"

"Not exactly, my father died when I was seventeen and I was chaffed that he left my older brother in charge of me."

I frowned. "So you ran off to Ireland?"

"It was a bit more complicated than that. There was a lass you see that I wanted to marry."

"Did she refuse you?"

"She did, but she claimed she would love me forever anyway. Her father wasn't interested in a bridegroom without property and my brother would not consent to give me any. He din'na approve of the match either."

"What happened to her, your lass?"

"She married a man of her father's choosing." He smiled ruefully. "When I saw her again she was a plump wife with three sons." He made a pinching gesture at me with his fingers. "She even pinched my cheek and told me I must meet her bonnie niece."

"Didn't that make you angry? You went all the way to Ireland to forget her?"

"Nah, it was but calf love between us and I was foolish to think otherwise." He shook his head. "A lad of seventeen is given to rash decisions when he finds himself disappointed in love." Sam smiled and gave me a sideways glance. "Have you ever been disappointed in love, leannan?"

Had I? There were many plausible excuses for why Finn might have failed to meet me in the graveyard. My note could have gone astray and never reached him. He could have been delayed or discovered by his father. He might even have been so hurt by the announcement of my betrothal to Angus that he didn't read my letter, but in hindsight it seemed more likely that Finn had simply decided the obstacles in the path of our love were larger than he cared to surmount.

Rather than answer Sam's question I asked, "If she, the lass you thought you were in love with, had said yes, what would you have done?"

"Whisked her away and forced some priest to marry us before her father or my brother could stop me. Mind you, I may have lived to regret it, but I'm stubborn. Once I set my mind to something I won't be turned."

I looked into Sam's steady gaze. No, Sam would not be discouraged easily. He'd already proved that. Was Finn a man who could be easily discouraged? Was such a man worthy of my love?

I tried to summon a picture of Finn's pretty face and golden curls, but my senses were filled with the man in front of me. The smell of blood and sweat was gone from him and only the faintly muddy scent of the loch remained. He pushed his wet hair back from his forehead with his fingers leaving it in lumpy rows about his face and revealed his deep widow's peak. His head was tilted back slightly with his blue eyes squinted against the sun and a deep groove had formed between his eyes. I observed how his nose crooked to the left then turned right again, but rather than finding it ugly I was fascinated by line of it like the twisted root of an old tree root. His beard had grown shaggier from the water with little stray hairs escaping the sides like loose twigs from a bird's nest. He looked a dangerous brigand but his smile softened his fierce countenance.

He leaned towards me ever so slightly turning his head to one side and cocking one expressive eyebrow wickedly. "I don'na let anything stand in the way of getting what I want."

I found myself drawn into his gaze as his face grew closer and closer to mine. I heard his shallow breathing above the beating of my heart and felt the heat his body radiated. I wanted him to kiss me.

Then sanity returned like a slap in the face and I pulled back.

Sam froze and I thought I saw a flicker of disappointment cross his face before he turned up one corner of his mouth in a rueful smile and sat back.

I cast about in my mind for something to say to fill the awkward silence. "Why a Gallowglass?"

Sam frowned. "What?"

"Why did you decide to run off and join the Gallowglass?"

"Oh!" He smiled. "Fergus invited me. He'd already served several seasons in Ireland with the Gallowglass by then."

"Fergus was a gallowglass as well?" I couldn't believe it of the mild mannered man.

"Oh, aye." He shook his head. "I was a foolish lad with a lot to learn and he taught me well."

The image of Fergus slumped over in the saddle came to me. "Is Fergus … do you know what happened to him?"

"No, when I saw them take you I followed and left the other men to care for themselves. Why do you ask, leaanan?" His face took on a worried frown.

"I saw him slumped over his horse before pig face dragged me away. He'd been shot."

For the first time I saw fear in Sam's face. "Shot where?"

"I'm not sure. There was blood on his back and he went very still."

Sam's mouth became a grim line and he stood up abruptly. "We'd best be riding on to Strathcarron. If Fergus has need of a healer they'll likely take him there.

I suddenly felt a selfish fool. I'd been wallowing in the misery of my bruised ribs and split lip when Fergus might lie dead or dying.

 ** _I think this chapter may suffer from overwork. I have attempted to explain how Cat might have a change of heart and mind regarding Finn. Did it work? Is it too much too soon?_**

 ** _Does her attraction to Sam feel real or contrived? I've been trying to work up to it slowly and I don't think there's ever been much doubt that Sam is attracted to her._**

 ** _Did I minimize Cat's trauma too much? She has every right to feel traumatized and I don't want to make her seem unrealistically resilient, but she doesn't really have time to wallow in her emotions right now._**

 ** _Did I overdo the descriptions and the symbolism? I felt like Cat would be kind of hyper-observant under the circumstances but I may have over described._**

 ** _With the holiday next week I don't know if I can publish on time, but I will try. Did I mention that feedback keeps me motivated to write? Okay so I've already told you that, but it really, really helps!_**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

 _Lie to me I promise I'll believe_

We arrived in Strathcarron in less than the half hour Sam predicted. It was a fairly large town situated at the head of a sea loch. Sam seemed to think Conrad would be staying at one of the local taverns where a room could be hired to tend Fergus. Stathcarron sported no less than three taverns so the only thing to do was visit them all.

The first, The Tapping Sailor, was just a few feet from the docks and was indeed full of sailors but the Mackenzie men were not to be found among them. The second tavern, The Leaky Bucket, was also full of sailors, so full that it was difficult to see anyone in the press. Sam stopped the proprietor who was pouring out pints in his loud public room and asked him if he'd seen Conrad Mackenzie.

The stout publican barely paused in his work. "Big bald bloke with a long beard, aye, I know 'im, but I've no seen him today. I'd try down to the The Three Brothers if I were ye. If you'll excuse me we're a bit busy."

A young sailor much the worse for drink stumbled toward us. "Where's me pint? I'm dry as dust!" He swiped a tankard from the publican's tray as he made his way by.

He was thin and wiry with greasy, black hair tied back in a pigtail, and he wore a dirty green kerchief tied on his head. His face took on a lecherous lear and he smiled at me revealing a surprising number of missing teeth for such a young man. "Someone been smacking you about, lass? If you need to earn a coin or two I'll be quick." He pointed at the crotch of his breeches.

I stared at him dumbstruck for an answer, but Sam already had the point of his dirk against the young man's throat and was hissing into his ear.

"The lady's no whore. Apologize or I'll make sure you never have need of a woman again?" He glanced downward as he spoke and pressed the point of his dirk closer.

The terrified young man froze his eyes gone round as saucers. "I'm sorry, very, very sorry, Mistress," he managed to squeak out.

I noticed that we were drawing the attention of the other patrons and it occurred to me that the sailor's friends might take umbrage at Sam holding a knife to his throat. "Apology accepted. Come on Sam, we've no time to waste brawling here."

Sam seemed reluctant to give up his prey. His eyes flashed dangerously and his mouth was skinned back from his teeth as if he might bite.

"Please Sam. We must see to Fergus."

Sam hesitated but then pushed the young man away from him. The man stumbled and gave us one more fearful glance over his shoulder before making his way quickly back to his friends in the corner of the room where they sat drinking their fresh pints.

His friends seemed more amused than annoyed by Sam's intervention calling out. "Block head! Did you no see that big Highlander behind her?"

"You're lucky you still have your bollocks!"

"A man who'd beat his wife like that won't be bothered about slitting your skinny throat."

The last remark troubled me as Sam led me out the tavern door into the street. It seemed very unfair that Sam should be blamed for my injuries and disturbing that he'd been mistaken for my husband, but what else could those men assume? A man and woman traveling alone together were either related, married or sinful.

I didn't even want to think about how thoroughly my reputation must be ruined by now. Word of my disappearance had likely spread through the entire Frazer clan and probably half the MacDonnel clan as well. How could I possibly explain my sudden reappearance when I returned to Kilmorack. I certainly couldn't tell them I'd been traveling unchaperoned across the Highlands with a group of Mackenzie warriors. If Finn would not have me I'd likely be a spinster for life.

Sam interrupted my thoughts. "I'm sorry about that sailor."

"Tis no matter." Given the day's events it hardly rated a second thought.

"I'm to blame. I shouldn't be exposing you to such places."

I paused in the street and faced him looking him in the eye. "If it weren't for you I'd be dead now. Thank you."

He smiled that teasing smile of his and I noticed that his eyes were more green than blue in the fading light. "I thought I was to blame for abducting you against your will in the first place."

"You are … but I'm still very grateful that you saved me."

He reached out a hand and smoothed a lock of hair away from my face. "It's my duty to protect you while you travel with us."

I would not travel with Sam much longer. He'd told me earlier that we were less than a day's ride from Eilean Donan and if I was to continue my masquerade as Flora McNeal the lady's maid I would not be encouraged to spend my time in the company of soldiers. I was surprised at how much I minded. Sam had been my friend and protector these last days and I would miss him even when I returned home to Kilmorack. I felt my eyes growing moist and looked away. How ridiculous I was! I should be glad to be rid of him.

"Come." Sam took my arm and led me down the street again for some blocks working our way into the village and away from the shore.

As we passed the stables he pointed to a large black stallion. "There's Conrad's horse. They must be here."

A sign bearing the words "Three Brothers" with a trio of mountains painted beneath came into view on our right and we hurried towards the door. Sam pushed it open and ushered me inside.

The public room was full of patrons but Sam caught the eye of a pretty, red headed serving girl who smiled at him.

"I'm looking for a party of Mackenzies? Have you seen them?"

"Aye, they've taken the private room in the back." She smiled up at him flirtatiously and jerked her head toward a room at the back. Then she noticed me on his arm and her smile faded. "Could I bring you and you wife something to drink?"

"Not right now, lass, but thank you."

He towed me to the room she'd indicated and threw open the door. We stepped inside. The one window in the room had been covered with a thick drape and there was something large laid out on a table in the center of the dim room. As we approached it became clear the table's center piece was a body. It was too gloomy to see who it was but the man was clearly dead.

"So you found the lass, did you?" Conrad's angry voice came from behind us.

We both turned at once.

Conrad stood there with a bottle in one hand swaying slightly on his feet. "I don'na why you came back. I gave you a direct order not to follow the lass and you disobeyed it. My nephew is dead because you!"

I felt ill. Young Rory was dead! Just this morning I'd watched him grumbling about his chores and looking forward to the day when he could turn them over to someone else. Now that someday would never come.

All eyes were on Sam. Lachlan stood next to Conrad while Hugh, Henry, Mungo, Alpine and Gordon all stared at Sam from across the room where they sat around another table.

Sam swallowed and pursed his mouth in a thin line looking down respectfully. "Apologies, Conrad, I must have misheard you. I thought you bade me to follow the lass and I'm very sorry about Rory. He was a fine young lad."

"Aye! And now he's a dead one and I must tell my sister her youngest bairn was killed in battle after she bade me to keep him safe." Conrad took a long pull from the bottle of whiskey in his hand swaying a bit as he did and I realized he was drunk.

Sam patted Conrad's shoulder. "Rory died bravely in battle. There is no better death for a man."

Conrad focused his eyes angrily on Sam. "He was shot through the heart in the first volley. I doubt he knew what happened."

Sam warily removed his hand from Conrad's shoulder. "Better still for he had no time to be scared. Let it be a comfort to you."

Conrad began to sob and embraced Sam. "He was too young to die. Why couldn't the Lord have taken me instead? If only I'd stayed closer to him"

Conrad was clearly a man whose emotions were out of control and deep in his cups. I looked around at the other men and noticed they all had pints or bottles in their hands. A mirror on the wall was turned to face it so that only the silvered back showed. We had stumbled into an impromptu wake for Rory.

Sam took Conrad by the shoulder. "You did everything you could. Your sister knows as well as you do that our lives are only borrowed from the Almighty. No amount of caution can save a man when God is ready to take his soul."

"Aye," Conrad nodded vigorously. "When the Cu Sith(1) comes for you there's no avoiding him."

I struggled to think what I might do to make myself useful. "I could kistan the body." I'd never cleansed a body by myself before but they'd let me help when they'd cleansed my father and I wanted very much to do something for poor Rory.

Conrad stopped hugging Sam and turned to me angrily his shaggy gray brows drawn together in a scowl. "Don't you think his mother will want to do that herself, lass?"

I took as step back, "I'm sorry. I didn't think. Of course she would."

Sam deftly turned Conrad away from me and back toward himself. "Conrad, where is Fergus?"

"Upstairs." Conrad now occupied with wiping copious tears from his eyes said vaguely waving his hand as if swatting at an annoying fly.

Lachlan who'd been watching our conversation closely said quietly, "He's with Mistress McGregor upstairs in a private room. She's said to be the best healer in the area."

"How is he?" Sam asked.

Lachlan frowned. "In a great deal of pain. He took a musket ball in the back and it broke two ribs."

Sam swallowed and looked Lachlan in the eye. "Will he live?"

Lachlan shrugged his narrow shoulders. "The healer could not say."

"I must see him. Where?"

Lachlan pointed. "Up the stairs, first door on the right."

Sam turned on his heel and headed to the stairs and I followed. At the top of the stairs he pushed open the door on the right entering the room without knocking.

Fergus lay on the bed unconscious and pale with the most beautiful Romany woman I'd ever seen sitting next to him. She gave us a positively regal glance looking down her straight nose that was hooked just slightly at the end. Her eyes were enormous, a luminous dark brown under heavy kohl lined lids with thick dark lashes and two perfect winged black brows above them that met in feathery waves in the center of her forehead. He skin was smooth and poreless, the color of strong tea mixed with hot milk. Her bow shaped mouth was as red as the tight little beanie she wore on top of her head under a gauzy white veil that flowed over her shoulders covering her long, straight, inky black hair.

Taken aback but trying not to show it Sam said, "Mrs. McGregor?"

"Yes."

"I'm this man's nephew, Sam." He gestured toward the bed. "How is he?"

"Sam, yes, he asked after you several times. He was shot in the back. It broke two of his ribs, but I've removed the musket ball. I cleaned the wound and wrapped his ribs but they will take some time to heal. I've given him syrup of poppy for the pain." As she spoke she nervously fingered the elaborately filigreed gold chocker at her neck that matched the long, dangling gold earrings in her pierced ears.

"How do you know how to heal?" I asked. Then feeling I'd spoken rudely I added, "I mean what is your training?"

"The women in my family are all healers me, my mother, my grandmother, my grandmother's grandmother all the way back until before we leave Rajasthan."

I was familiar with the Romany as herbalists. There was a group that passed through Kilmorack every year who made very useful tisanes for maladies such as a lingering cough or menstrual cramps but I had never met one who claimed to be a healer. "I uh … helped nurse my father after he fell ill. Is there anything I can do to help?" I cleared my throat nervously.

"He should sleep for several more hours. Could you sit with him while I go home and feed my children? I'm a widow and my babe has been home alone with my daughter Tanvi all day. She's only ten."

"I suppose, if you're sure he won't wake up."

"I'm sure." She stood and smoothed her skirt. It was red with three horizontal yellow stripes running through it. She'd topped it with a loose white chemise and tight, bottle green velvet bodice trimmed in gold braid that showed her trim waist and framed her soft full bosom. "I will be back before he wakes, if he gets restless give him another half spoonful of the syrup in the bottle there." She pointed to a brown glass bottle sitting on the table next to the bed with a small spoon beside it.

Sam moved to block the door. "Mistress McGregor, it's too late for you to go alone. Twill not be safe. I'll go and bring your bairns here to you."

I was fairly sure Sam's concern was motivated by the fact that he thought the Romany woman just as likely to disappear forever as she was to return, but I said nothing.

Mistress McGregor hesitated and focused assessing brown eyes on Sam for a long moment before saying. "Alright, I will write a note to Tanvi telling her to come with you."

Mistress McGregor took a scrap of vellum, ink pot and quill from her bag and placed them on a desk in the corner of the room then began writing. I was surprised. Though literate women among the lower classes were less of rarity since the Presbyterian schools began teaching everyone to read the bible, I doubted this Romany woman would be welcomed there.

I glance down at her note but what I saw there was not written in English. The characters were odd and swirling with many accent marks above and below them. The letters almost seemed to be hanging upside down from the lines. Mistress MacGregor finished and blew on the paper to dry the ink before handing the note to Sam. "There. I've written a list of things for her to bring with her, but it may take some time to gather them.

"You stay here and keep an eye on Fergus, leannan. I will tell Henry and Hugh to keep a watch on you while I'm gone. Call out for them if need be."

Sam left me with Mrs. McGregor and I sat down next to Fergus listening to him snore while Mistress McGregor checked his bandages. They were clean and tight and the hole where the musket ball had come out seemed to have stopped bleeding. His color was still pale and his breathing a little shallow.

"How is he?" I asked.

"As well as can be expected. Your husband did not introduce us. I am Zoya." She put her hand to her chest.

"I'm Flora, Flora McNeel and Sam isn't my husband."

"If he isn't your husband then why does he beat you?"

I gestured toward my face, "This uh … isn't his handiwork. I was abducted earlier today and Sam came to my rescue."

Zoya looked at me steadily as if judging the truthfulness of my words and finding them suspicious. "As you say. I have a potion you can drink that can bring on your flux if you fear you may be with child?"

"You're very kind , but I was not … they did not hurt me in that way."

She looked at me dubiously. "Do not fear being truthful with Zoya. I carry many secrets and I take them to the grave. It is part of my oath as a healer..

"Really, I'm fine."

Zoya made a humphing noise in her throat then dug in her bag and brought out a small jar. "Here, a salve for your lip."

I reached out for it. "Thank you."

"I am weary. Could you keep watch over him while I try to rest?"

"Of course."

"Thank you." She made a little pallet out of her cloak and lay down on the floor next to the fire . Within a few minutes I heard her snoring gently. A great deal of time passed. At least,it seemed like hours to me as I struggled to stay awake next to Fergus in the overly warm room.

He never woke though he moaned in his sleep from time to time. At last I heard Sam's voice down stairs. I sat up straight and patted my hair lest he think I'd been asleep at my work and Zoya seemed to come awake instantly getting to her feet and checking her patient.

We heard footsteps on the stairs and the door opened to reveal a dark haired lass carrying a sleeping babe on one shoulder. She was the spitting image of her mother right down to a smaller version of her hooked nose and her stripped skirt.

Sam followed her into the room carrying a large, bulging satchel. The girl ran to Zoya who hugged both children close a moment before taking the sleeping toddler from her daughter's arms. The boy did not look like his sister. His nose was turned up not hooked, and his skin was pink instead of tan. Perhaps the deceased Mister McGregor had fathered this child but not likely the older daughter. I had never known a Romany woman to marry a Scot. Zoya was a truly unusual woman.

"Did you bring the comfrey?" she asked her daughter.

The girl nodded looking about her nervously.

"Good." Zoya put the babe down on the pallet she'd made. He sighed and pulled his thumb into his mouth but did not wake.

Zoya turned to Sam and put out her hands for the bundle.

Sam placed it in her hands.

"Do you …" Sam seemed to struggle with himself but he squared his shoulders and asked, "Do you think he will live?"

"If the wound heels without becoming inflamed, if his bones knit, if the Gods have no other plans for him, then yes, he will live."

Sam swallowed. "How long before he can travel?"

"If you want him to live … two weeks. The bones will not heal properly if he is jounced about on a journey."

"Two weeks, I canna stay here two weeks! I have news that must reach the Mackenzie."

"I could stay with him," I offered.

"You canna stay out of trouble for an hour let alone two weeks. I will have to convince Conrad to leave some of the men to look after Fergus and staying here at the inn will be damned expensive."

Zoya frowned. "He could stay with me. I have a cottage and it will be easier for me to heal him there."

Sam puffed out his lips and frowned considering. "Perhaps, I'll have to speak with Conrad about it. Is there anything else you need?"

"No, I have my daughter to help me now. Go and sleep. Flora can sleep here with us if you wish. It would be safer than with those men."

"No, the lass stays with me." Sam took my arm.

Clearly Sam did not trust Zoya and I hurried to step in lest she be offended. "I am quite used to the men. We have been traveling together for some time. Do you expect Fergus to wake in the night?"

"I hope he will not if he does I will dose him with more syrup of poppy. He will be in a great deal of pain from his wound and his ribs when he wakes so the longer he sleeps the better."

"I'll be up to check on Fergus from time to time during the night." Sam warned.

"My offer to help still stands," I added. "Just come and get me if I'm needed."

Zoya patted my arm. "Thank you, but Tanvi knows how to help me. There will likely be no need."

"Good night then, Zoya, and thank you for the salve for my lip."

"Good night," Sam said as he steered me toward the door, "Call for me if he worsens."

Zoya nodded at us and shut the door behind us.

When we reached the private room downstairs the men were much the worse for drink since last I'd seen them. Conrad had fallen asleep head down on a table with one hand clutching a whiskey bottle. Hugh and Henry were slumped in their chairs with identical daft smiles on their faces. Gordon was telling a story about Rory while Alpin nodded off and Mungo bobbed his head vigorously as if agreeing with every word. Only Lachlan seemed unaffected by drink. He sat near Conrad watching them all with a disapproving stare.

Sam led me to the opposite corner of the room and handed me his bed role. "Here, you must sleep."

"Thank you but you must sleep also."

"I have my plaid and I've slept on far worse than a tavern floor."

Alpin rose from the table where he was sitting and made to move toward us but was quelled by a stern look from Sam and sat back down. I wondered if Fergus told him of our previous altercation but I was too exhausted to consider the question. I was bone weary and just the suggestion of sleep had me yawning and ready to collapse. I spread out the skin and laid myself upon it. With my earasaid to cover me I was quite comfortable and I drifted off to sleep as Gordon droned on feeling safer for the presence of Sam and all the Mackenzie men.

I dreamed that pig face was choking me again and I couldn't breathe. I was terrified but my limbs would not obey me. I couldn't move I awoke with a jerk and pulled away the wool fabric that smothered me with my heart still pounding. I sat up and looked about the room. It was dark now except for the light from the fire. Conrad still slumped at the table but the rest of the men had transformed into snoring blanket covered lumps about the floor except for Sam who sat on a bench against the wall near Rory's body staring into space.

My heart was still beating fast and the panic I'd felt during my dream had only begun to recede. I stood wrapping my earasaid around me for warmth and walked to Sam.

He looked up and said quietly, "Couldn't sleep, leannan?"

"I had a nightmare about pig face."

He patted the bench beside him. "Sit with me awhile till it fades."

I sat next to him. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"The men were supposed to take turns waking Rory, but I was the only one Lachlan could rouse when his shift was up so tis only me to keep Rory's spirit from falling to the devil." He shook his head.

"And me."

I put my hand on his arm and he patted it. "No need lass. I'm used to keeping watch."

I looked at Rory. It was the first time I'd gotten this close to his body. They'd covered him in his plaid and there was no sign of his mortal wound. His eyes were closed but he did not look as if he were sleeping like dead children sometimes did. His face had taken on that strange waxy slackness of the dead as if whatever spirit that animated it had departed. Rory had been a handsome lad and I could see that he resembled his uncle. They had the same straight nose and square chin it was just hard to notice the resemblance because Rory had thick black waves of hair and Conrad was mostly bald.

A tear slipped down my face as I thought of all the things Rory would never do. He'd never become a confident Mackenzie warrior like the men he'd emulated. He'd never have his own tales of battle to tell, or make them laugh with complaints about his wife, or brag to them about his bairns.

My tears fell faster and I wiped at them with my hands.

Sam pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to me.

I sobbed harder and he put one arm around my shoulder. "Go ahead and cry, leannan. The lad would be proud to have a bonnie lass weep for him."

I did cry then. I turned my head into Sam's shoulder and wept for the waste of a young man's life and all who would mourn him. Then I cried for myself and my broken dreams and all the while Sam held me gently stroking my hair and whispering words of comfort in my ear. Finally, I had no more tears and lay silent against him feeling empty and drained.

"Better now, leannan?" he whispered.

I nodded against him. Then suddenly became self conscious about weeping all over him and moved away wiping my nose with his handkerchief. Too shy to look at him I said over my shoulder. "I hate to think of Conrad having to tell his mother."

"Aye, there is nothing harder than telling a man's family that he won't be coming home."

"Have you ever had to do it?"

"Oh aye, though in Ireland I was more often writing a letter. It's a terrible thing to look into a mother's eyes and tell her how her son died."

"And he was so young. He'd barely started to live."

"Aye, he was a fine lad was Rory. He reminded me of myself at that age. So full of myself with no idea how much I needed to learn. He would have grown to be a fine man if …"

Sam was silent a moment then he turned to me and asked, "Do you think Conrad was right. It might have made a difference … if I'd been there?"

"No," I said firmly, "It was his time." If not I must take my share of the blame for Sam had been chasing after me against Conrad's order. I shuddered to think where I would be now if he had not come for me. Probably just as dead as Rory.

"I keep thinking if I'd been paying more attention on the trail perhaps I'd have tipped to the ambush." He shook his head and I thought I saw a tear slip down one cheek.

I turned and looked up into his eyes. "No Sam. This wasn't your fault."

Then I moved to give him a kiss on the cheek but he turned his head and his lips found mine in a soft kiss. He gently slipped his tongue between my lips and I felt his hand against the back of my head. His fingers tangled in my hair and a gentle pressure brought my lips more firmly against his. His tongue teased mine beckoning it to swirl and dance with his. I found myself responding. His mouth tasted of whiskey and he smelled of dust and sunshine with a hint of the sea and his own male tang.

He pulled me onto his lap and I gave a squeak of surprise and pressed my palms against his solid chest. I could feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric of his shirt and the rapid beat of his heart. His kiss was intoxicating and thrilling. The need to be closer to him seemed to flow through my body with every heart beat and flick of his tongue against mine. The more he kissed me the higher my need climbed until I was gasping against him hungry for more.

He pulled his lips from mine and I felt bereft until he brought his lips to my neck gently kissing and nibbling. I stifled a moan as the pleasure of it shot through me like a bolt of lightening. My nipples hardened painfully against my stays and I felt a tightening between my legs that made me rock my hips back and forth against him.

He groaned and grasped my waist with his big hands pushing me against a rigid bulge in his lap…

And suddenly he was standing holding me away from him. His big hands were still at my waist or I would have fallen. I felt disoriented. What had I done wrong?

I looked up into his face and his eyes locked with mine. He stood there breathing hard the intensity of his gaze a physical force that was both magnetic and terrifying. I had the sense that I had unleashed something too powerful to for me to contain but I couldn't look away. Finally he broke our gaze.

"Go to bed, leannan. I must check on Mistress McGregor and Fergus."

With that he turned on his heel and headed for the stairs.

I stood there staring after him for a moment. Then I made my way back to my bedroll wondering if I should keeping watch over Rory's body until Sam returned. The devil seemed very close indeed.

1.) In Scottish and Irish legend the Cu Sìth, which means 'fairy dog,' was said to have a dark-green, shaggy coat and to be about the size of a large calf. Green was a traditional color worn or attributed to denizens of the fairy realm. Its eyes were large and had a fiery glow and its tail was long and curled and some times it was braided. It was said to have paws the size of a man's hand. The beast was said to roam the wild moors and highlands, making its lair in rocky clefts and crevices.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

 ** _I make the rules up as I go_**

When Sam returned much later I pretended to be asleep. He did not come to my bed roll or speak to me, but sat back down on the bench to watch Rory's body. I was far too upset and confused to sleep. I lay there fretting until dawn was peaking around the edges of the blanket that hung over the window, but I still had no explanation for what happened.

I'd kissed Sam and liked it. How could that be? I was in love with Finn. I wanted to marry Finn, and yet when I tried to remember Finn's kisses all I could think of was the raging storm of feelings Sam stirred in me. Sam seemed to be enjoying our kiss as much as I was so why had he stopped? What had I done wrong?

It didn't matter why Sam stopped. I was going to marry Finn and I couldn't go around kissing other men regardless of the way they made me feel when they put their lips on my neck. Lady Catriona Frazer might marry Finn Swinton but under no circumstances could she marry Sam Mackenzie … but Sam didn't know that. Sam thought I was Flora McNeel the lady's maid so why had he stopped our kiss?

I must get hold of myself. Sam obviously regretted our kiss and wanted nothing more to do with me and I felt the same. The best thing to do was forget it ever happened. Except that I couldn't stop thinking about the feel of his mouth against mine.

And so it went my thoughts chasing each other around and around in the same circle until my head throbbed.

I must have fallen asleep because suddenly someone was shaking my shoulder and I opened my eyes to see Sam staring down at me from where he crouched alongside the bed roll.

"Wake up, Flora, wake up."

I pulled myself up on my elbows and pushed a stray lock of hair out of my face trying to focus my sleepy eyes. "I'm awake."

Sam looked tired. His pallor was sickly and there were circles under his eyes. "I have to go get Fergus moved to Mistress McGregor's house and I can'na take you with me. You must stay here until I return."

"Here in this room?"

He seemed annoyed at my question and rubbed his hand against his bearded cheek. "No Flora, upstairs, come wi' me."

I stood up smoothing my dress and gathering my earasaid around me wondering what it meant that Sam was now calling me Flora instead of leannan.

"This way," he said brusquely over his shoulder as he headed for the stairs. Clearly our kiss had put a strain on our normally easy relationship. He must be regretting it as much as I was.

I followed Sam upstairs to the room now vacant of Mrs. McGregor and Fergus. It had been tidied. The bed was neatly made and there was no evidence that they had ever been tenants of the room.

Sam turned to me compelling me with his gaze until I raised my eyes to meet his. "Promise me, you will stay in this room and not leave it for any reason."

"What if the tavern catches fire?"

He compressed his mouth in a grim line making the lines on either side of his mouth deepen. "Flora, this is no joking matter. I must go settle Fergus with Gordon and Alpine and the rest of the men will be with Conrad arranging for a cart to transport Rory's body. You must bolt the door behind me and stay in this room until I return. You haven't forgotten what happened yesterday, have you?"

I thought of pig face and felt my split lip with my tongue. Sam's eyes dropped to my mouth and I immediately thought of how he'd kissed me. Then I wondered if he was thinking the same and felt a blush rising in my cheeks so I looked away.

"Flora!" he said sharply and I found myself staring into his eyes again, "Give me your word that you will stay in this room or I will tie you hand and foot to that bed and leave you there until I return."

His face was a thundercloud of wrath and I had no doubt that he meant what he said.

"I promise."

He turned his head slightly giving me a fiercely suspicious look from the corner of his eye and jabbing one finger at me as he spoke, "If I return and find that you've broken your promise I'll …" he broke off and seemed to swallow what he intended to say, "I'll tie you up and leave you that way till we reach Eilean Donan."

I looked him steadily in the eye. "I promise I'll be right here when you come back." There, that gave me a little room to maneuver.

Sam raised one eloquent eyebrow and speared me with a look. "Promise that you will not leave this room until I return for you. Swear it!"

"I promise that I will not leave this room until you come back for me." Drat! Now I was committed.

"Good." He finally smiled. "Bolt the door behind me."

He stepped outside and I slid the bolt into place.

Sam rattled the door and shouted through it. "Now stay put until I return."

I heard the stairs squeak under the weight of his steps and then he was gone.

I lay down on the bed and tried to sleep but found myself tossing and turning as thoughts of what would happen when we reached Eilean Donan. Obviously, I could not afford to reveal my true identity. If Kenneth Mackenzie was really the scoundrel John Og believed him to be then the Mackenzie would use my precarious position to his advantage or worse he would quietly kill me so as not to damage his alliance with the Frazer clan. No, if I was to have any hopes of returning to Kilmorack and marrying Finn then Flora McNeel I must remain.

I did want to marry Finn. He was handsome, much more handsome than Sam, and a gentleman who could provide for me and move in my social circles. I thought of how well Finn danced the night of the feast. We had moved as one perfectly in tune with the music and each other. Sam probably didn't even know how to dance.

Best of all when I married Finn my home would be near Kilmorack and my brothers. I tried to summon the picture of Rabbie and Finn smiling fondly at Martine and I as we dandled their sons on our knees but images of Sam's wicked smiling face kept intruding.

Why did Sam keep invading my mind? I had no interest in him and he had no interest in me beyond his duty. He only wanted to get me safely to Eilean Donan and rid himself off the responsibility of me.

I sat up and looked around the room trying to distract myself. I must concentrate my mind on how to get home. I felt confident that I could maintain my role as Flora among the Mackenzies, but I wasn't sure how to get myself back to Kilmorack. I didn't know how much servants were paid, but I knew it wasn't a great deal. I no longer believed I could travel alone so I would need to find a family or tradesman going to Kilmorack who would be willing to take me along for a fee, but what would a fair price for such a service be and how long would it take Flora the lady's maid to earn it?

With every day that passed my reputation was more thoroughly ruined. If it took months for me to return to Kilmorack would Finn's parents even let him marry me? If only there was some way to get word to my family. I couldn't imagine that Angus with his rigid standards of propriety would still be interested in our alliance, but some story must be arranged to account for my disappearance that would not compromise my reputation beyond repair if I was to have any hope of marrying Finn.

If I could get a word to my brothers at Kilmorack surely they could spirit me quietly away from Eilean Donan and arrange some plausible story about me seeking shelter with a distant relation. Once I explained what Angus had done surely they would understand why I'd had to run away. I felt a hot stab of guilt as I thought of how worried Eoghann and Beiste must be about me.

I looked out the window trying to distract myself and noticed that a crowd had gathered around some kind of spectacle in the street out front. I looked more closely. A very tall thin woman in a pink dressed juggled three small balls in the air while a dwarf dressed like a jester danced and tumbled about to the delight of the crowd. His fool's cap showed alternating quarters of green and yellow fabric with a peak standing out from each. I observed him more carefully. The dwarf had a large square head, a thick lipped mouth and a black goatee shaped into a point like a devil's. Wait, I recognized him! He was part of a troop of performers who came through Kilmorack every spring to perform at the castle.

If I could get the dwarf to carry a letter to Eoghann my problems would be solved. I could use my earring as payment for delivery of the letter. I reached into my pocket and felt the round pearl on the ear drop. I must find something to write on and ink.

I looked at the desk in the corner of the room where Mistress McGregor had written her note last night. Hadn't she pulled the ink and quill she'd written her note on from inside it? I rushed to the desk and pushed open the top. To my delight there was an ink well and quill inside, but I couldn't find any paper. I searched the drawers in the desk and finally found an old yellowed bill for two kegs of whiskey forgotten in the back of one of them that had nothing written on its back side. Not the best for letter writing but it would have to do.

I dipped the quill in the ink and wrote "Dear Eoghann, I am well. I ran away because I could not marry ..." I stopped and considered. Anyone might read this letter so I should be as discrete as possible. "him. He's done terrible things you don't know about. I am traveling to Eilean Donnan with…"

Here I paused again considering possible falsehoods. I needed a story that kept my reputation up somewhat better than the truth. Finally I settled on, "a kind family of Mackenzies. They believe me to be Flora McNeel a lady's maid. I will continue to act that part until you can come for me. Please be as discreet as possible for the sake of my reputation. Say you are my brother Michael McNeel when you come to take me home."

Hopefully Eoghann could manage that. Discretion did not come naturally to him.

Now, how to sign it? I dare not use my real name lest it fall into the wrong hands, but I must sign something Eoghann would recognize. Finally I settled on "Love, your Beachlannair".

Then thinking how furious Eoghann would be with me for not leaving him with any word of my whereabouts I added a post script. "I'm sorry if I caused you any worry."

There! That would have to do. I had no wax or seal so I wound the paper into a tight tube and tied it with a thread I pulled from my earasaid. Now all I had to do was arrange the letters delivery.

I peaked out the door cautiously looking both ways, but the hallway was deserted. I crept stealthily down the hall clutching my skirts in one hand lest they rustle and the letter in the other. I'd almost reached the bottom of the stairs when I heard a feminine giggle followed by a deep masculine chuckle. Just as I picked up my skirts to run the red headed bar maid emerged from the door of the private room straightening her bodice. She stared at me eyes wide. I smiled at her then put my index finger to my lips and whispered "Shhh". She smiled back and mimicked my gesture holding her finger to her own lips. I smiled at her and nodded then skittered down the steps and out the front door of the tavern into the street.

I'd made it. Now if only the dwarf was still here!

With great relief I saw that he was still performing in the street with a small crowd gathered around him. I joined them and began watching his performance. He was dressed in worn green velvet breeches that covered his stubby legs to the ankle, a thread bare tunic of yellow silk and a green velvet vest. He wore leather shoes with long tips that curled up with bells sewn on the end. The bells jingled merrily as he danced in accompaniment to his song.

The song was a bawdy and amusing one about a princess who kissed a frog. When he finished it he rolled himself into a ball and somersaulted over and over again until he landed on his feet. Then he leaned back on the palms of his hands and kicked his legs in the air to the great amusement of the children in the crowd.

He noticed me watching him and moved in front of me to sing a silly song about an old dun cow. No doubt he was hoping I would throw him a coin but I had none to give so eventually he moved on to more likely customers. It seemed to take forever for the crowd to lose interest in his performance while I looked about nervously afraid that Sam or one of the other Mackenzie men would find me outside my room.

Finally, the juggling lady sat down in the shade and I was the last one watching the dwarf dance save two children of perhaps five or six.

"Sir, I was wondering if you could help me with something."

"Well that depends, lass. What do you want me to do and what's in it for me?" His voice was surprising deep, much lower than the falsetto he'd been singing in.

"Will you be passing through Kilmorack?"

He stopped dancing and looked at me. "Aye, if all goes well we should reach there in a fortnight. Why?"

"I'd like you to carry a letter for me to someone who lives there. Could you do that?"

"Aye, but as I said before, what's in it for me, lass?"

I slipped the ear drop from my pocket and held it out in my palm for him to see.

The dwarf moved closer to me pushing my hand back to my side and whispered, "Not here, lass. There are too many eyes and ears about. Meet me behind the tavern in alley in ten minutes"

"Alright, in ten minutes then."

He began a merry jig then and I heard the children laughing as I skulked around to the back of the tavern ever wary lest I be caught by Sam or one of the Mackenzie men, but my luck held and I found myself by the taverns back door waiting impatiently for the dwarf to show himself.

I had almost given up hope when I saw him trotting down the alley toward me.

When he reached me I whispered, "I have the letter."

He shook his head nervously. "No, not here, someone might step out of the tavern. Come with me."

I hesitated. Should I go with him? The memory of my recent abduction was still very real. My cuts and bruises were still fresh. I looked down at the dwarf. The scraggly little ragamuffin couldn't weigh more than fifty pounds. Surely if it came to it I could wrestle my mother's ear fob back from him.

"Alright, but I don't want to go far."

"Just round the corner," he said then jerked his head to the right.

I followed the dwarf around the corner and behind a shed. He turned and looked up at me holding out his hand. "Give me the letter."

I handed him the roll of paper tied with thread and it disappeared under his filthy tunic like magic. "That is for Eoghann Frazer only," I cautioned.

He nodded. "Now give me the jewelry."

I hesitated. "You promise you will deliver this letter to Laird Frazer's brother Eoghann and nobody else. You remember him, a very big man, tall with bright red hair?"

"Aye. Who could forget that great, red headed lout? Now give me the jewel."

I hesitated. I couldn't be sure he would deliver my letter, but I decided I had nothing to lose. He was the only messenger I was likely to come across for quite some time. I reached deep into the pocket of my skirt and found the earring, but when I brought it out I kept it clenched in my fist. I looked down into the dwarfs eyes. "You promise you will deliver my letter without fail."

"I swear on me mother's life," he said solemnly putting his right hand on his heart and stretching the left one out for his payment.

"I'm sure Eoghann will give you more if you deliver the letter to him. Tell him I said he should give you a generous payment." Carefully, I placed the earring on his hand and his little fist closed around it. Then he turned and ran down the alley.

"Wait..."

"Consider it done mistress," he called over his shoulder before disappearing around the corner.

"Morning, Mistess."

I turned and saw a lad of about twelve or thirteen coming around the other side of the shed. He was a few inches shorter than me with dirty strings of mouse brown hair hanging around his rodent like face. "I saw you give that dwarf something and I wondered if you had a coin or two to spare for us."

He gestured toward the group of a half dozen children who followed behind him like a pack of dogs. They were raggedy and dirty but not very menacing. They ranged in age from about seven to ten, and I thought I recognized a few of them from the crowd who'd been watching the dwarf. Then a heavy set lad who had a few inches and quite a few pounds on me stepped around the corner and I began to feel nervous.

I turned out the pockets of my skirt and spread my palms wide. "I've nothing else to give you. That was the last thing of any value I owned."

The leader stepped closer and I began to feel afraid. Most of the children were small but there were a lot of them and the big burley lad gave me pause.

"Well perhaps we can work out a bargain. Take it out in trade perhaps."

I thought to run but they were blocking the narrow alley. I decided to try a bluff.

"If you don't leave me be immediately I'm going to scream for my husband. Perhaps you've seen him, the really big fellow with the crooked nose and the nasty temper." I followed this with my best "I dare you" look.

The ring leader looked at the thick set lad and rolled his eyes before looking back at me. "Aye, we've seen 'im, but he ain't here now is he? I doubt you want him to hear about that love letter you just paid the dwarf to take to your red haired lover either. Brother to a Laird you said. Surely he gave you a few baubles as tokens of his love."

The leader thrust his long nose forward and stepped closer to me like a rat smelling cheese. I was considering screaming when I heard someone cough.

The boy leader turned angrily as if to reprimand whoever dared interrupt him, but what he saw must have put the fear of God in him. He ran down the alley as if he was chased by the devil himself and the rest of my would-be attackers scattered like cockroaches from the light of a torch. Relief flooded my body and then I saw what had made them all run.

Sam stood looking daggers at me with his legs spread wide and his arms crossed. "Hello Flora.

"Sam I …" What could I say. I couldn't tell him about the letter.

Sam raised his eyebrows at me. "Did you or did you not promise to stay in your room while I was gone?"

"I did but …" How could I explain?

Sam gave a thin smile. "And are you in your room now?"

I shook my head.

Sam began rummaging through his sporran. Then he gave a grunt of triumph and pulled a long piece of twine from it.

"What's that for?" I began to back away.

Sam walked toward me holding the twine out in front of him. "You may not keep your word, leannan, but I keep mine.

As I backed further away I held up my hands. "I can explain."

Sam came closer. "There's really no need. It won't change anything."

I found I'd backed myself into a wall and I tilted my chin up to look into his eyes. "I'm sorry. I promise. I won't do it again."

Sam gave a small shake of his head. "I'm sure you won't. Now hold out your hands."

"But I said I was sorry." I crossed my arms and pressed a hand under each one concealing them from Sam.

"Aye, you did. Now give me your hands."

I raised my chin higher and glared at Sam. "You can't tie me up. I won't let you."

He cocked one eyebrow mockingly. "Oh won't you?"

I made a dive to Sam's left trying to get past him but he caught me by my waist and held me under his arm. I kicked and struggled while he hauled me around in front of him and placed me on my feet again. I tried to get away but he took me by my shoulders and pressed me up against the wall.

Furious, I pushed against his chest with all my strength but he didn't budge. "You're a brute and a bully!" I tilted my head back to look in his face and saw a self satisfied smile on it. I tried to free my hands to slap him but he quickly took them by the wrists and held them above my head.

Sam looked down into my eyes and pressed his body close against mine as he spoke through gritted teeth. "I am a man who is tired of pulling you out of whatever new mess you've gotten yourself into with your recklessness. It will be safer for everyone this way. I doubt even you can find trouble between here and Eilean Donan tied to my saddle."

I wanted to scratch his face but pinned to the wall with my arms above my head all I could manage was a fierce glare. "I don't find trouble. It finds me."

Sam vibrated with fury as he spoke enunciating each word as if I were slow. "I told you to stay in the room where it was safe, but at the first opportunity you defied me and snuck off to send a letter to your red headed lover, and yet you have the gall to tell me that trouble finds you!."

Sam had obviously heard my conversation with the children, but he thought Eoghann my lover rather than my brother. Well let him think it! What did I care?

"I wasn't in trouble!" I shouted.

"Aye, you were. You were about to be robbed or worse by a gang of beggars!"

I glared at him and tried to push him away with my chest but he only pressed his body closer to mine.

Despite his measured tones and calm demeanor. I saw the barely contained rage in his eyes. "The Laird's son will never get your letter. That dwarf's already thrown it aside. He's probably using your money to pay for his ale even as we speak."

"You don't know that. He said he would deliver my letter within a fortnight!"

"And I suppose you think your lover will come for you then just like he came for you in the graveyard?

His words stung and I defended Finn hotly despite my doubts. "Something must have happened to keep him away."

"He didn't come to the graveyard because he was jilting you?"

"You're just jealous!" I spat.

Sam smiled his wicked smile and then he bent his head and kissed me. His kiss was not gentle or sweet. It was dominating and demanding. He forced his tongue between my lips. I was furious. I struggled and writhed against him trying to resist, but I had nowhere to go with my arms pinned over my head and his body pinning mine against the wall.

His tongue pillaged my mouth and his body seemed to call to mine. As I struggled against him my breasts grew heavy and my nipples peaked. I felt myself growing moist between my legs and the desire to grind myself against him returned. My will to resist him faded and I began to kiss him back.

Suddenly he pulled away.

I felt disoriented and swayed against him.

"I don'na claim to know your Finn, but tis generally the man whose not getting the kisses tis the jealous one."

He brought my hands down from above my head and while I was still reeling from his kiss he bound them together with the twine and tied them in a knot.

"You blaigeard, I'll never forgive you for this."

He bent over suddenly and hefted me over his shoulder. I squealed in surprise and beat against his back with my bound hands as he spun me around.

"Aye, well perhaps you'll think twice before breaking your word to me again!"

I kicked and struggled on his shoulder but Sam just patted my rear and settled me more firmly against him. He was laughing as he carried me back toward the tavern.

 ** _You have all been very patient. I hope you can see that what seems like random side stories generally works into an important part of the plot, not that it isn't just fun to write about gypsy healers and dwarf performers. In the next chapter we arrive at Eilean Donan and things really begin to heat up. I know it is ridiculous but I can't tell you how much it helps motivate me that 18 people besides me (and I know one of them to be my sister) actually care what happens next. Your comments really keep me going. You guys are the best! Tell me what you think! I really do adapt the story to your suggestions._**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Sam carried me over his shoulder like a sack of grain to the front of the tavern where the men were already mounted and ready to ride.

"Have you lost your touch with the lassies, Sam? I've never seen you have to tie one up before," Hugh or Henry one teased. I couldn't see from my position with my head down facing Sam's back and they sounded very alike.

"The wench has cost us an hour of daylight. You should take her over you knee and scalp her ass for her," a voice that I thought must be Lachlan's suggested.

"If you aren't up to it I volunteer for the job," someone, probably Alpin, said.

This remark was met with a chorus of laughter until Conrad cut in.

"You lot shut your gobs. I've no more time for delays. I intend to reach Eilean Donan before night fall.

Sam unceremoniously put me up on Ash's back where I managed to get myself into a reasonably comfortable sitting position before he rode off with her reins tied to his own mount.

The men seemed as anxious as Conrad to get home and we only stopped occasionally to water the horses and eat from our saddlebags. From a conversation I overheard between Sam and Alpin I gathered that Gordon had been left behind with Fergus to help bring him home to Eilean Donan when he was well enough to travel and to keep him safe from Zoya's Romany curses in the meantime.

There was no story telling or ribald talk to distract my thoughts and pass the time today. As we rode along the coast toward their home the men were unusually quiet. Between the presence of Rory's body and the effects of a long night of drinking no one was in the mood to joke or sing.

Sam was quiet too. He spoke only briefly to the men and only when it was absolutely necessary to me. Even when I had to empty my bladder Sam did not relent and untie my hands, but told me that if I couldn't manage alone he'd hold my skirts. Needless to say I managed.

I spent the first hour or two of our ride in a blind rage planning all the humiliating things I would do to revenge myself on Sam for his completely unfair treatment of me. As my rage cooled I began to worry about what I would find at Eilean Donan and how I would be received there. At Kilmorack our servants were treated kindly. They were fed well and clothed warmly. If they followed orders and got along with others they had nothing to fear from the steward, but that wasn't the case everywhere.

The longer we traveled the more I worried and the more I worried the more insurmountable my problems seemed until I began to feel quite low. By the time the sun started to descend I was exhausted, hungry and deeply worried about what awaited me at Eileen Donan so it was with a strange mixture of relief and dread that I first caught sight of the castle through the trees.

It was built on a tidal island where three sea lochs met, Loch Duich, Loch Long and Loch Alsh. During low tide Eilean Donan sat on a peninsula that could be reached from the shore across a piece of boggy ground, but when the tide came in the ground was covered by the loch's waters and Eilean Donan rested on an island.

My maternal great grandmother had lived at Eilean Donan and as a child my mother had visited here every summer. According to my great grandmother the old magic was strong on tidal islands and Bheur's children could still work their magic there. My mother loved to listen to her grandmother's tales of the old gods and goddesses and lived in a state of terrified excitement that she might be lured into the loch by a kelpie or a selkie while she visited. I never met my great grandmother for she died long before I was born, but I had fond memories of sitting on my mother's lap while she told me those same exciting tales. A strange wave of nostalgia and a longing for my mother swept through me. As we turned our horses onto the beaten path that led from the cliffs down toward the castle I said a quick prayer to my mother that she might watch over me here.

As we came closer I saw that the evening tide had come in and the castle was completely surrounded by water. A thin wooden bridge that would permit only two riders to pass at a time stretched out from the shore and reached across the water over to the slim stretch of green ground around the castle.

My first impression of Eilean Donan was not that it was magical, but that it was a very large, perhaps twice the size of Kilmorack Keep. It was built of gray stone showing its age where the stones were darkened to black and brown by soot and stain. Thick green moss festooned the walls and covered the roofs of the buildings making the castle seem as much a part of the landscape as the scrubby trees and brush around it. A large keep stood six or seven stories tall on the right with a smaller wing of four stories to the left. The two buildings were joined by impressively tall and thick stone walls that formed a large courtyard in between them. A hexagon shaped bastion jutted out just where the bridge landed on the island further promoting the sense of impenetrable strength that exuded from the castle. "Meddle me wa dar!" it seemed to say.

Our mounts sensed they were nearing the comforts of home and trotted eagerly toward the bridge. The men too began to chatter with the excitement of a long journey's end, but I felt my trepidation increase with every step. Suddenly I was keenly aware of how bedraggled I must look after four days on the road in a dress that had belonged in a rag bag before the journey even began. Add to the mix my split lip, bruised cheek and tied hands and I must look a beggar and a thief. I need not worry that anyone might recognize me as a lady, but would they be willing to offer me a position as a servant or even a place to sleep?

I stared at Sam's back as he rode in front of me. My anger with him had not completely faded but I'd had time to consider my behavior from his point of view. I'd broken his trust and he had a right to be angry. If only I could tell him the truth surely he would understand, but I could not so it was best that I kept my distance. I doubted I would ever see Sam again after he delivered me to the Mackenzie and rid himself of the odious responsibility that was me.

Conrad led the procession as horses, men and wagon clattered their way across the bridge. When he reached land the sentries atop the bastion wall began calling out greetings. The castles entrance was half way down the wall that ran between the bastion and the smaller south west wing. By the time we reached it the portcullis was raised with the gates opened wide and a group of a dozen or so well wishers stood in the courtyard ready to meet the men.

The men dismounted and exchanged greetings with those waiting in the crowd. I saw Alpin embrace a very pregnant woman and then pick up a little boy of about three. Hugh and Henry were both crushed against the ample bosoms of a large, stout grey haired matron while Mungo was greeted shyly by a slight young woman with dark hair and an elfin face. I thought she must be his daughter until he clasped her in a romantic embrace. I saw her wrinkle her nose over his shoulder before he kissed her soundly and hoped for her sake he would find time to bathe himself.

I could see the news of Rory's demise and Fergus' injury spreading through the crowd like a terrible contagion as smiles and voices raised in delight changed to tears and sober murmurs. One plump young woman took the news particularly hard nearly fainting into Sam's arms, and I couldn't help but wonder if the bad news would have taken her quite so hard had Mungo delivered it.

My eyes followed Sam about the courtyard as he greeted members of the crowd, exchanging words with grim faced men and giving conciliatory pats on the shoulder to weeping woman. I heard a rapping sound that made him pause. He turned his face upward toward the main keep then smiled broadly. My eyes followed his to a window some three stories above the courtyard where a pretty woman with pale blond hair in a mint green dressed smiled conspiratorially at him. He gave her a low gallant bow and she touched two fingers to her lips in answer. I felt an unwelcome shock pass through me and wondered if the blond could be Sam's wife. For all the adventures we'd shared I knew next to nothing of his life.

Any feelings I'd had that I was becoming a part of this group of Mackenzie men faded as I continued to wait alone while they greeted friends and family. I felt a wave of homesickness for my own people and wished fervently that I would soon experience my own homecoming. I was still sitting on Ash's back unable to get down on my own when I noticed a plump man with fair flushed skin and a silky light brown beard hurrying out from the main keep toward us. He stood out from the other men in their travel stained kilts as he was wearing yellow hose and a red silk doublet with a starched ruff around his neck.

"Conrad, Conrad!" he called out as he came closer, "The Mackenzie wants to see you right away."

Conrad turned and scowled at the man. "Can't it wait Torquil? I need to inform my sister that her youngest son is dead."

Torquil covered his mouth with soft looking hands and shook his head. "I'm so sorry, Conrad, but you know how he is. He wants to see you in his study right away."

"Fine," Conrad tossed his reins to Lachlan and jerked his head at Sam. "You're coming with me and bring the lass." With that he strode toward the main keep leaving us to follow.

Sam moved towards me and I had no choice but to wait until he came beside me putting his hands around my waist and lifting me down. I swayed when my feet touched the ground and stumbled against Sam's chest. He caught me up against his warm, solid chest for just a moment before placing me gently back on my feet.

"Bear up, lass. The Mackenzie only wants to speak with you."

Sam pulled his dirk from its sheath and cut the twine that bound my wrists. My bonds had not been tight but I felt relieved at having them free and rubbed at my wrists. After returning the twine to his sporran Sam took me gallantly by the arm and I felt glad of the support. He led me across the expansive courtyard to the entrance of the main keep.

We proceeded inside and through the great hall where the delectable smells of roast meat and fresh baked bread still hung in the air from supper and my stomach growled. The servants we passed were still clearing the tables and they greeted Sam as he led me to the stairs.

Our surrounding grew ever more and more elegant as we climbed and I felt more filthy and disheveled. The walls were covered in large, intricately woven tapestries, weapons of all sorts and ancestral portraits in gilded frames. I could not remember how many days it had been since I'd washed myself properly and I had not seen my reflection in a glass since I left the tavern this morning. I knew I must look the filthy beggar wearing grimy rags with a rat's nest of hair. At least I wasn't bare footed.

We reached a long, windowless stone corridor where Conrad stood waiting. He signaled for us to follow and we walked the length of the hall until he stopped suddenly in front of a heavy timber door and knocked.

"Come," a clear resonate voice called from inside.

Conrad opened the door and we walked into a book lined study. It was paneled in oak with a bank of western windows showing a breathtaking view of the sun going down over the loch behind the mountains. A man sat in front of the windows in a large stuffed chair with a ledger open on the small table in front of him looking up at us. His face was in shadow but he was an imposing figure even sitting down. I could see the outline a large high crowned head over broad shoulders clothed in burgundy velvet.

"You wanted to see us, Laird," Conrad said.

There was a long moment of silence while we stood respectfully waiting for the Laird to speak. He seemed to be staring directly at me and as the silence lengthened I felt the disarray of my appearance more and more with each hammering beat of my heart. My filth caked shoes stood upon a soft Turkish carpet and I felt I had no more business being here than one of the sheep from the fields. Was the Laird about to demand that Conrad remove this filthy beggar from his presence?

Then the Mackenzie stood and moved out from behind the table coming toward us. With his face removed from shadow I saw at once that he must be some relation of Sam's. They had the same peaked hairline, prominent cheekbones and thick arched brows though the Laird's hair was dark and pulled back in a que. His prominent nose was long and thin from bridge to tip where it hooked slightly at the end and I wondered if that was what Sam's nose had looked like before he'd broken it.

The Mackenzie must have been upwards of thirty years old but there was little decay about his person. He stood straight and tall with his arms and chest still thick with muscle though he had begun to soften around the middle. He was only a few inches shorter than Sam and he gave Conrad a ferocious glare pulling his dark eyebrows down over sherry colored eyes. "Can you explain to me why in the name of God the Lady Catriona Frazer stands before me in this state of disarray?

There was a moment of shocked silence during which Sam, Conrad and I exchanged looks.

"Well?" the Mackenzie roared impatiently, "I sent you to make sure our alliance with the Frazers was maintained not broken."

"They were about to wed her to Angus MacDonnel, the Laird's youngest son," Conrad said in explanation.

Fury suffused the Mackenzie's cheeks with blood and he brought his face close to Conrad's . "So you thought you must abduct her and carry her half way across Scotland with only your men for chaperones!"

Sam spoke then. "It was my fault. I came upon the Lady as she was being attacked. After I cracked open the man's skull for him she introduced herself as Flora McNeel, lady's maid to Lady Catriona. I forced her to come along with us because I thought she would know what the MacDonnels were up to. I did'na realize she was a lady."

The Laird's attention fell on me then and it was all I could do not to quake when he focused those sherry colored eyes on mine. I saw something dark and terrifying move in their depths and he asked, "Who has seen you traveling with her?"

Conrad thrust out his bottom lip in thought. "Only my men and the peasants we met, and they all believe her to be Flora McNeel, maid to Lady Catriona."

Sam cut in. "I didn't have time to tell you before we left Strathcarron, Conrad, but I caught her dispatching a letter to someone at Castle Kilmorack this morning. The messenger got away with the missive before I could stop him."

The Mackenzie made a frustrated noise at the back of his throat. Then suddenly his demeanor completely changed and he smiled charmingly at me. "Let us begin again. I am the Laird MacKenzie," he gave me a courtly bow before continuing, "and you must be my cousin Lady Catriona Frazer."

I managed a curtsy out of habit alone. When I raised my eyes to his again he smiled even more broadly at me displaying the same bracketing dimples on either side of his mouth that Sam possessed and I felt brave enough to ask, "How do you know me, Laird, for surely we have never met?"

"Aye, but I knew you for your mother's daughter. Except for your dark hair you are her image, lass. Your mother was still a woman of great beauty when I visited your keep as a young man, and I spent most of our visit there admiring her and envying your father." He smiled down at me fondly.

"Oh, my father always told me I looked very like her but I thought he exaggerated."

"I was very sorry to hear of your bonnie mother's death. She was so young and it must have been very hard for you to grow up without her."

"In truth I can barely remember her."

He gave me a concerned frown. "How sad for you both. Here," he gestured toward a stuffed chair. "You must sit and rest. I'm sure you're exhausted."

"Thank you." I was too terrified to feel my exhaustion, but I sat down anyway.

"May I offer you some brandy wine?"

I nodded and a moment later a glass goblet of golden liquid appeared before me. "Thank you," I said. As I took it from the Mackenzie's large hand I noticed the mount in flames carved into his gold signet ring.

He poured whiskeys for Sam and Conrad and urged them to sit as well. I sipped the brandy wine but found it too strong for my taste.

Then the Mackenzie sat down and crossed his legs taking a sip from his own goblet. "Now tell me from the beginning, lass. How did you come to be here?"

"I … well... I looked up at Sam and he gave his head an almost imperceptible shake that I knew was meant to silence me. For once I was not anxious to speak so I closed my mouth and looked up at the Laird through my lashes feigning coyness.

Sam smiled. "Lady Catriona convinced her brother that she must not marry Angus MacDonnel and that he should help her flee. She arranged to meet him in the same graveyard where I was to meet our … friend."

"Yes." Pleased with Sam's answer I added to the story. "I discovered that my Uncle had not received my brother's permission for the betrothal between Angus and I. Eoghann was to take me to the home of a distant relation who would hide me until my brother, Laird Raibeart, returned from France. When I arrived at our meeting place I found Eoghann was detained and then the ruffian attacked me and … well you know the rest."

"Had I but known she was the Lady Catriona during our journey I would have arranged for her to arrive more suitably attired," Conrad said becoming a willing participant in our conspiracy to reassure his Laird.

"Ah! I wondered at your appearance, my Lady." The Laird cocked an eyebrow and ran his gaze from my dirty shoes to my mussed, uncovered hair.

"I fear we were attacked by brigands on the journey and I received a few minor injuries before Sam could rescue me." I cast my eyes down modestly as I said it for fear the Laird would see the things I'd left unsaid in my eyes.

The Laird turned to Sam who took up the story. "Twas the work of MacDonnel clansmen, Laird, all four now dead at my hands. They attacked us as we rode past the MacDonnel border on our journey here."

"They killed my nephew Rory and wounded Fergus as well," Conrad added.

The Laird slapped his hand hard against his thigh. "Damn all MacDonnels to hell! Oh, I beg your pardon, my lady."

I nodded my pardon and smiled at him. I shared his opinion of MacDonnels.

The Laird looked at Conrad. "Please give my condolences to your sister, Rory was a good lad. I trust Fergus will recover?"

"In due time," Conrad said.

Then the Laird turned his attention back to me. "You are lucky to have avoided becoming part of such a filthy, violent clan as the MacDonnel's, but I'm sorry for any hardships you've suffered on your journey. We'll see to your injuries soon and have you looking like a lady again in no time, however, right now there is the more pressing matter of restoring your reputation."

His words sent a cold shiver of dread down my spine.

"I'm sure your lady mother will haunt me if I do not find a husband for you right away. You must be married and quickly or the Frazers will be feuding with the Mackenzie clan in a trice?"

I felt a bubble of hysterical laughter well up inside me. Had I endured this four day odyssey of torments only to be cast out of the frying pan and into the fire?

"Unfortunately we have very few eligible Mackenzies to choose from. My own sons are but babes and all my brothers are married."

"Not all," Sam said quietly, "I have no wife."

I was stunned and stood staring at Sam.

The Laird seemed taken aback at this suggestion as well and he was silent, turning the thought over in his mind for several slow moments then he looked sharply up at Sam again. "Aye, you might do at that. You're my brother for all that you're a bastard, and I can think of no better bride groom to suit our purposes."

I opened my mouth to protest but a quelling look from the Laird silenced me. "You must not protest, my Lady, my men have compromised your reputation beyond repair and marriage to a Mackenzie is the only honorable solution."

I opened my mouth to protest but the Laird cut me off. "I will see you married whether you will it or not. It is the only way to prevent a feud with your brothers. It will have to be done quickly and there is much to prepare."

The Laird turned toward Sam. "You will inform the good Reverend Wells that he will perform the marriage ceremony tomorrow morning. If he protests at our haste remind him whose coin built that new church of his and whose warriors keep the papists from burning it to the ground while he sleeps."

Sam nodded and the Laird turned to Conrad. "You will see to it that Lady Catriona is fed, rested and restored to her proper state of appearance for her wedding." The Laird bowed over my hand. "Rest well Lady Catriona for tomorrow you become part of the Mackenzie clan. Now I must make some arrangements myself so I suggest you get some well deserved rest."

The Laird had dismissed us. We rose and Sam took my arm and led me swiftly from the room with Conrad following. Conrad shut the door behind us and we were half way down the hall to the staircase when he said softly, "We need to talk."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Conrad opened a nearby door and we followed him into a deserted looking bed chamber. This time Sam shut the door behind us. There was no fire in the hearth and the room was frigid, but Conrad made no move to light it. Instead he turned to Sam clapping him heartily on the back. "Well done, lad! You've pulled my fat from the fire and made a better match for yourself than anyone would have thought possible. The old devil will have to grant you some property now."

I was stunned. Until that moment it hadn't occurred to me that Sam's offer to marry me had sprung from anything but pure altruism. Now I realized I was simply being made pawn to yet another man's ambitions and it stung me to think I'd thought marrying me only a kindness on Sam's part.

"It was very wise of you lass to keep your mouth shut and go along with things. Sam is a far better bridegroom than any Mackenzie the Laird might have come up with, not that you had any choice in the matter. Never fear you can trust me to keep your secrets."

Something about the way he said it made me know he would expect payment in full for his silence.

"That's kind of you, cousin. Consider it my debt," Sam said putting an emphasis on the word "my" that implied a warning against seeking any compensation from my direction.

"I'm sure we can come to an arrangement. After I get Lady Catriona settled I'm going to go and speak with the men. I'll do what I can to make a story about the Lady traveling in secret circulate among them."

"They will be quite surprised to find out our little maid is a lady." Sam chuckled.

"Aye, well I'll leave you two alone a moment to have a private word, but don't be too long about it. It wouldn't do to start any rumors about the lady's purity."

Sam focused eyes glittering with malice on Conrad. "No, it would be very dangerous to a man's health to spread rumors of that kind." Their eyes clashed but Conrad was the first to look away.

"Aye, well congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. I wish you every happiness." With that Conrad left us alone in the room and closed the door behind him.

Suddenly I felt very shy of Sam. As physically close as we had been over the last days, I realized now that I knew next to nothing about him. I had assumed he was a common clan soldier not the ambitious bastard brother of the MacKenzie plotting to advance himself. What else didn't I know about him? I thought of the blond in the window and turned fresh eyes on him. Sam stood there looking quite the same but I knew him to be different than I'd thought.

"Let me apologize for my treatment of your person, my Lady. If I'd known…"

"Do you pretend you would have done things differently?" My eyebrow arched with disbelief.

He smiled wryly down at me. "Likely not, but I apologize just the same, leannan…I'm sorry, tis a habit I will endeavor to break."

"If you are to be my husband I suppose you can call me as you wish."

"Do you mind very much, Lady Catriona, marrying me? It seemed a good solution."

"One which benefits you a great deal."

"Yes, but you are in need of a husband in a hurry and I saw few alternatives. Still, I would have your consent and not force our marriage upon you, though I warn you that if you refuse to marry me the Mackenzie will find someone else willing to be your groom."

What choice did I have? Even if the Mackenzie was willing to let me cry off from marrying Sam and substitute another groom, I had traveled cross country in the company of a dozen rough men with no chaperone. Any man who was willing to marry me now was likely to be of far worse character than Sam and need my fortune very badly. I thought of Angus MacDonnel and shivered. No, I could do far worse than Sam.

Sam took me by the shoulders. "Do we have a bargain then, my lady?"

I tried to picture Finn's face in my mind, but try as I might I could not. "You know that my heart lies with another," I said bluntly.

"I know you fancy yourself in love with a man who's proved unworthy," Sam said hotly and then seemed to regain control of himself, "I think you will come to appreciate the true nature of your relationship in time. I never believed it was your brother you intended to meet, leannan. I know you planned to elope with this Finn."

He looked down at me as if waiting for me to deny it before continuing.

"You are correct in thinking our marriage will raise my position in the world, but I would understand if you'd been taken in by the charms of an unscrupulous suitor. If he's left you in … difficulty then I am more than willing to take his place. I know how unkind the world can be to a bastard."

I was dumb struck. I didn't know what to say. Sam thought me a fallen woman who carried another man's child!

There was a banging on the door and Conrad said, "Hurry up in there.

"We must go, leannan. I need your answer."

"I canna wait any longer!" Conrad called through the door.

I felt caught in a trap with nowhere to turn.

Sam tightened his grip on my shoulders and looked into my eyes. "Will you marry me?"

I didn't want to marry Sam or anyone else. I wanted very badly to return to my home and resume the old life I'd known, but that was not a choice. I must marry Sam or let the Mackenzie choose another husband for me. I looked as Sam. His brow was wrinkled with worry but his mobile mouth carried the hint of a smile in one corner and his blue green eyes twinkled.

"Yes. Yes, Sam, I'll marry you."

 _ **Thank you for all your suggestions. I use them to improve the story. At some point perhaps I will post an improved version on this or another web site. This was a chapter I've been longing to write. We are finally getting to the good stuff but I want to give these next chapters the proper time and attention even though Christmas is almost upon us. I may have to skip a few weeks of publication at some point. Please keep the comments coming. Did you think Catriona acquiesced to marrying Sam to easily? Did you think the bit about Sam thinking she might be pregnant was over the top?**_


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Sam beamed at me then he bent his head and gave me a quick kiss on the mouth. "I will endeavor to make sure you never regret marrying me.

Conrad chose that moment to burst through the door. "If you're quite finished."

"Aye, we are. I will see you on the morrow, my bride." Sam made me a courtly leg and I couldn't help but remember the bow he'd made in the courtyard to the blond woman.

Sam turned to Conrad. "Take good care of my Lady. I must see to the wedding." Then with another brief smile at me Sam was gone.

"Come, Lady Catriona, I have many tasks ahead of me as well." Conrad led me down several floors toward the kitchens where we crossed the path of the gray haired matron who's been hugging Hugh and Henry.

Conrad halted. "Mistress McCreary, I have a job for you."

"Master Conrad." She gave him a curtsy and then her small blue eyes darted to me.

Conrad gestured toward me. "Mistress McCreary, may I introduce the Lady Catriona Frazer."

If she felt any surprise that a dirty lass wearing a dress most servants would have considered their second best was named a lady she did not show it. She curtsied again. "My Lady."

I nodded as regally as I could manage in my current state.

"Could you see to some accommodations for her and perhaps a suitable dress. She is to be married to Master Sam Mackenzie in the morning."

Mistress McCreary's eyebrows raised but she quickly composed her features and said. "Of course, Master Conrad, leave it to me."

Conrad pulled his lips back for a moment in what could have been interpreted as a smile but looked more like a grimace and stroked his long beard. "Thank you. I must speak with my sister as soon as possible."

Mistress McCready nodded. "And very sorry I was to hear of Master Rory's death. He was a fine lad."

"Thank you." He turned to me, "Well, I leave you in good hands Lady Frazer. I'm sure you'll be well taken care of." With that he was gone.

Mistress McCready gave me an assessing look. "Poor dear, I can see it's been a hard journey."

I smiled at her wondering if this was simply a statement of fact or a dig at my disheveled apprearance.

"Are you hungry? Would you care for a bath?"

Music to my ears. "Yes, please, both would be welcome."

Mistress McCready was a capable woman. I followed her into the kitchen where she sat me at a table with a cup of strong tea while she barked orders at the other servants and soon I was following her to a freshly turned out bedchamber.

It was large for a bed chamber with walls and ceiling paneled in oak. The room was dominated by a huge bed hung with drapes of brown velvet trimmed in gold and covered with a counterpane of gold silk. The dark wood posts and headboard of the bed were intricately carved with exotic animals like peacocks and lions. It was a far cry from the worn plaid I'd been sleeping under lately.

Mistress McCready turned to face me. "I hope this will suit you. Twas the dowager's chamber until she passed."

"Oh yes, it's lovely. Thank you."

"I'll leave you now, my Lady. Jenny will be up with your supper and we'll soon have a hot bath ready for you."

"I look forward to both. Thank you, Mistress McCready."

She seemed to hesitate a moment.

"Was there something else?"

"It's just that I knew your mother. When she was a lass she used to visit her grandmother here and I just wanted to make you welcome. Your grandmother was very kind to me when I first came to Eilean Donan, and I know she'd want you to be happy here. If there's anything you need, please come to me."

"How kind, thank you again."

"You're lucky in your husband if I might say so. Sam is one of my favorites."

"You may and thank you."

"Well, I must be off. Jenny should be up with your supper in a trice." With that she swept out of the room closing the door behind her.

With nothing else to occupy me I explored the room. A fireplace six feet wide and four feet high with figures carved in relief above it burned brightly between two recessed windows. The windows appeared to be set in dormers but the walls inside the dormers were stone. They were the only walls in the room not clad in wood and I wondered if the windows were indeed dormers or if the rooms paneling had been built with a large gap between it and the castles stone walls perhaps to keep out the drafts or prevent the wood from warping against the damp.

Brown velvet drapes were drawn across each window to block the night air. Matching tables with curved legs flanked either side of the bed, and a pair of dark wood armchairs with embroidered cushions sat on either side of the fire looking cozy and inviting.

There was a delicate looking writing desk tucked in one corner next to a sitting area with a fainting couch and a table with two chairs. I sat down at the desk and pushed back the top of the desk. Inside was some yellowed parchment paper, a dried up ink well and a seal. I picked it up and looked at it. The raised figure on the end showed the Mackenzie crest, a mount in flames with the latin motto Luceo non uro, I shine not burn. I wondered if the old dowager had left it there. I supposed I would be entitled to use the Mackenzie seal soon enough.

I smiled. My mother had one of those seals. I remembered that she let me play with it one day stamping blobs of wax all over her writing paper. I tried to work out how I might be related to the dowager who had lived in this room. I remembered that my great grandmother had come here to live when she widowed because the Laird at that time was her brother, but I didn't know which Mackenzie that would be. Would it have been the present Laird's grandfather or his great grandfather? Regardless the dowager had certainly enjoyed her luxury.

This opulent bedchamber was far grander than the Laird's chamber at Kilmorack and it increased my feeling of unease. I had not expected a country Laird's keep like my father's to rival that of the Chief of Clan Mackenzie, but the Mackenzie seemed very wealthy indeed.

A slight, sandy haired young maid of perhaps thirteen who fairly shook with nerves arrived with a tray of food that smelled so tempting it made my stomach growl. While I supped on salmon, pheasant, mashed turnips, cooked cabbage, cheese, roasted hazelnuts, bread with butter and cherry pie all washed down with a fine claret a tub was brought and filled with buckets and buckets of steaming water.

"Lady Frazer, your bath is ready," the sandy haired maid said.

"Wonderful, I can't tell you how glorious a bath will be! What's you name lass?"

"I'm Jenny. I'm to be your lady's maid. At least until they can find someone more suited." She dropped her eyes and I saw a blush rise beneath her freckles.

"Thank you, Jenny, how old are you?"

"I turned sixteen in April. I've been working in the kitchen but I told Mistress McCreary I wanted to be a lady's maid so Ailith, the Lady Mackenzie's own maid, has been training me." Jenny frowned. "I shouldn't have told you that. Ailith says I must learn to mind my tongue."

"You're fine. Just help me get out of these clothes." I stood and Jenny helped me to divest me of my soiled dress, stockings and shift, and then step into the pleasantly warm bath. I gloried in the bath washing myself all over with the bar of castile soap scented with lavender and rosemary that Jenny gave me.

"Would you like me to wash your hair, my lady," Jenny asked eagerly.

"Please," I said handing Jenny the soap.

Jenny massaged my scalp with soap until a thick lather formed and I felt myself relaxing. "So Jenny, tell me of your Laird and Lady. They've been so kind to me and I'd like to learn everything about them that I can."

"Well my Laird is a very important and busy man. They say he has the ear of King James, but he's gone from Eilean Donan more often than he's here. He keeps a town house in Edinburgh and goes to London several times a year." Jenny dipped a pitcher into the bath to fill it.

"And Lady Mackenzie?"

"She is kind and generous lady, but she has five bairns now and they keep her very busy so she leaves the running of things mostly to Master McAlpin our Steward and Mistress McCready. Are you ready for me to rinse your hair?"

I nodded and Jenny poured the pitcher over my head and continued the process until my hair was squeaky clean.

I considered the wisdom of asking my next question, but my curiosity overcame my caution. "I saw a woman when I arrived. I wonder if you could tell me who she is, very pretty with pale blond hair."

"Oh, the Lady Grant, sad case that one. She was married to a gentleman old enough to be her grandfather when she was a lass of fourteen. He grew old and senile and accused her of trying to poison him. There was a great hullaballoo and Lady Mackenzie invited Lady Grant here when her son in laws turned her out. She's a cousin I believe on her mother's side."

"Oh indeed, are she and the Lady Mackenzie close friends then?"

"Well, they were very close at one time … until Lady Grant became rather more friendly with the Laird than the Lady." Jenny giggled and then looked contrite. "I'm sorry my Lady, I am gossiping and I know that is something ladies can'na bear."

I almost giggled back but managed a neutral. "Who told you that?"

"Ailith, she said that ladies can'na stand a gossiping maid and they'll dismiss you for it."

I smiled. "What ladies can't stand is having a maid who gossips about them. Most ladies, including me, love to hear the castle gossip. They just don't want any of it to be about themselves."

"Very good, my Lady, for I'm afraid I'm prone to gossiping, but I know how to keep quiet as well."

I doubted very much that she did and made a mental note never to tell Jenny anything I didn't want the whole castle to know. Should I argue against having Jenny for my maid? Probably not, I had a good deal more to gain than to lose from a gossiping servant in this place where I was a stranger who knew no one. All I needed to do was mind my own tongue.

I felt a sudden longing for Flora. She'd been my maid since my nanny left and was completely devoted to me. Though she was quite a sphinx when it came to gossip I felt certain she'd never carry any tales about me.

The bath began to cool so I stood and Jenny helped me to dry myself and dress in a shift and blue velvet dressing grown borrowed from the Lady Mackenzie herself. I sat in one of the chairs by the fire while Jenny combed out my damp hair.

"What do you know of Master Sam?"

"Master Sam, well everyone loves Master Sam. Is it true you're to marry him tomorrow?"

My, gossip did run rampant at Eileen Donan! "Yes, how did you know?"

"Oh, I overheard Mrs. McCready making arrangements with Ailith to get you a dress for tomorrow. That's when I volunteered to be your maid."

Quite the cunning spy, little Jenny, but you had to admire her initiative. I nodded at her as she continued.

"Master Sam's quick with a joke and very kind, not all nose in the air don't even know your name like some of the fine. Oh, begging your pardon, my Lady, I didn't mean …"

"Not at all, I understand what you mean, but what I'm wondering is what Sam's position here. When I met him I thought him a common soldier."

"Well, folks say Sam will be War Chief when Master Conrad gets too old or is killed, but I'm not sure what you'd call what he does now. Sam travels with the Laird, and trains his men to fight, and sometimes the Laird sends him off from here but who knows what he does when he's gone."

"I see, sort of a general aid de camp then, but Sam said the Laird invited him back here from Ireland a few years ago."

"Aye the Laird was set upon by footpads when he traveled home from Edinburgh. In a terrible fury about it he was because he thought it the work of the McCleods. The Laird said he needed someone with his own blood who he could trust to watch his back and Sam may as well protect him as some Irish pogue so he sent for Sam in Ireland."

A knock sounded on the door.

"Lady Frazer, it's Lady Mackenzie. May I come in?"

Lady Mackenzie, on no, I wasn't ready for her yet! I swallowed, squared my shoulders and stood. "Please come in."

A pretty, plump woman of perhaps six and twenty entered the room. She too seemed ready for bed. Her thick mahogany colored hair was braided for sleep and she wore an apricot dressing gown that complemented her peaches and cream complexion. She has followed by two serving women whose arms were piled with gowns.

"My Lady." I curtsied low then raised my eyes to her.

"Welcome dear, but don't stand on ceremony with me. We are to be sisters." She took my hand and pulled me till I stood upright. "What is your given name?"

"Catriona."

"Catriona, you must call me Jean. Aren't you a pretty thing? Kenneth told me about your ordeal. I can't believe those MacDonnels had the boldness to abduct you from your own home. Thank God almighty Sam and Conrad were there to help you!"

Wondering what version of my story she had been told I decided the best thing to do was agree. "Yes."

She took my chin in her hand and examined my face making dismayed little tsks. "Look what those evil MacDonnels have done to your face. Never mind, a bit of rouge and ceruse and none will be the wiser tomorrow. I'm so happy that you and Sam will be wed. I've been telling Kenneth it was time Sam married ever since he called him back from Ireland. What he needs is a genteel woman to soften those rough edges of his. You can't expect courtly manners from a lad raised as he was."

I wondered what she was talking about. Sam had never seemed rough mannered to me.

Jean covered her mouth and shook her head. "Oh, listen to me going on and on when you must be so fatigued. Have you eaten you fill? Have the servants tended your needs?"

"Oh yes, Lady Mackenzie… I mean Jean. They brought me a wonderful meal and a hot bath. I've been quite well tended. My compliments to Mrs. McCready." I nodded toward Jenny. "And be sure and tell her that little Jenny here has done very well for me."

Jenny smiled broadly and I felt glad to have pleased her so.

"They told me you had to travel in disguise and have none of your things with you. I know you must be ready to drop from exhaustion, but I we must find something for you to be wed in tomorrow."

She gestured toward the sallow skinned woman with a sour look on her face beinde her who still stood holding a pile of dresses. "This is and Ailith my maid … and Marjorie my seamstress." Jean pointed to a nervous looking woman with bulging blue eyes and a few locks of brown hair straying from beneath her fawn colored mushroom cap.

"Of course, Marjorie will soon make you your own gowns, but even she cannot sew a gown in one night so I thought she could alter one of mine for you."

"That is very kind of you … Jean, but surely you need not alter so many." I gestured at the piles.

"Do not trouble yourself my dear. These gowns are far too small for me now. I've born the Laird five children and with each birth my waist expands another inch. It seems Kenneth cannot look in my direction without getting me with child." Jean patted her stomach and smiled.

I realized that she was not simply plump but pregnanat and wondered when the babe was due.

She smiled slyly at me. "Perhaps soon you to will find yourself expanding as well."

I swallowed thinking of Sam's erroneous assumptions about me and wondered if I would have a chance to correct them before the wedding.

"You need not look so troubled, Catriona, t'will be some time yet before you find yourself a weary old brood mare like me. Now let us see to our choices for tomorrow."

Jean gestured at Marjorie and Ailith who laid their burdens down on the bed. Marjorie began holding each gown up in front of me by turns while they all chimed in with their thoughts about the dress, except for Jenny whose initial comment had been quelled by a stern look from Ailith.

"Not the yellow. It makes her look to sallow," Jean said of one

"The scarlet makes her pale," Marjorie said of another

My favorite was a lovely emerald green silk but Jean said, "No you can't wear a fairy color on your wedding day. It's bad luck." Then whispered to me, "Marjorie's French and she doesn't understand Scottish ways."

And so it went. There were two contenders left among the rejects, a white dress trimmed in gold and silver favored by Jean and a pink one favored by Marjorie, when Marjorie held a gown of periwinkle blue in front of me and they all gasped.

"That's the one, Cartriona. It's perfect. It turns you eyes a lovely shade of violet and your skin looks like alabaster," Jean said.

After the application of corset, farthingale, bumroll and petticoat on my person Marjorie finally drew the periwinkle kirtle up to my waist and fastened it. The kirtle's forepart was heavily embroidered with silver thread as were the gowns bodice and full sleeves. Marjorie added a ruff of shear lace starched to sharp pleats attached to a periwinkle ribbon that she tied around my neck. Then she dressed my hair pinning it up under a thin periwinkle caul to hold it back and covering the loose bun of hair at my neck with network of delicate silver threads.

Jean clapped her hands together "Beautiful!" She took me by the arm and led me to large mirror on the wall. "You see."

I was stunned. The grubby peasant I'd last seen in the mirror was transformed into an elegant lady. "Thank you, Jean, it is lovely. I couldn't have dreamed of anything more beautiful for my wedding dress."

"Oh tis nothing. I only wish we had time to prepare things properly for your wedding day. How I would have enjoyed looking over patterns and fabric and trim with you. Still I'm not sure we could have created a dress that suited you any better for you look like an angel in this one." She patted my cheek.

"Come Marjorie, we must get Lady Catriona fitted so she can go to sleep. Everything is so rushed but let me tell you of the plans we've made. Of course if you want to make changes all you have to do is tell me."

"Thank you so much for doing all this, Jean. I'm afraid Sam and I might be asking too much of you."

Jean gave her hand a dismissive wave. "Nonsense, I love to plan parties and weddings better still. We have not had a wedding at Eilean Donan for far too long."

As Marjorie pinned the gown for the alterations necessary to fit the dress to my form Jean prattled on about the flowers she'd arranged to decorate the church and the food she'd ordered for our wedding feast. I only half listened as she chattered trying to wrap my mind around the enormity of the change these last days had wrought in my life. I was to be a Mackenzie and live far from my home with Sam the fearsome warrior for my husband. I tried to imagine what my life would be but I could not. I didn't know where we would live or how.

Jean continued merrily, "The wedding itself will be small but the wedding feast should be merry. I've invited all the neighbors within riding distance and they will all come if only to see who has stolen Sam's heart. He has been our most eligible neighborhood bachelor these two years past."

I wondered just how eligible Sam really was. Everyone thought the Mackenzie would settle a living on Sam when we married but what would he? Sam seemed to think my brother would give him a nice dowry for me, but we were to be married without Roibeart's permission and he was under no obligation to do so. Would we live here at Eilean Donan or somewhere else? So many unanswered questions left my mind whirling.

My future was completely out of my control. A great Mackenzie storm had barreled through my life dragging me in its wake and there was nothing I could do to break its grip. In my desperate attempt to escape one man I had irrevocably tied myself to another.

"I've finished the pinning, my lady. Best get this dress off Lady Catriona so I can begin the alterations," Marjorie said through a mouthful of pins.

"Wonderful, Marjorie, I'm sure Lady Catriona is ready to drop with weariness and she must look her best tomorrow."

Marjorie moved swiftly to remove all the clothing she'd layered upon me until I stood once again in my borrowed shift. Jean herself pulled the counterpane back on the large four poster bed and ushered me under it tucking the bedclothes up under my chin.

"I am very glad to have you for my new sister in law, Catriona, and I hope we will be dear friends. You are a very lucky girl to be marrying such a kind and handsome man as Sam." She patted my shoulder and I felt comforted by her motherly touch. "Sleep well my new sister for tomorrow will be a long and exciting day."

With that she snuffed the candles, ushered everyone out and left me to sleep, but I knew my rest would not come easily. Jean thought Sam kind and I knew he could be so, but I had also seen the fierce and ruthless warrior inside him.

Jean thought Sam handsome. Was he? Certainly not in the smooth and sweet smelling way that Finn was handsome, but some irresistible force seemed to draw us together and when Sam held me in his arms a fire ignited. I didn't know whether to feel terrified or tempted by Sam.

Tomorrow I would lay with this stranger and surrender myself to him forever. I would become a married woman, Sam's wife, perhaps even the mother of his child. The thought of such an overwhelming responsibility left me shaken and nauseated. I wasn't ready to protect a child from the world, and I must explain to Sam that I was not the fallen woman he thought me.

Was it possible that only four days ago I was an innocent girl that had never been kissed or known any dangers? How I'd longed for excitement in my life. Well Jesus help me, I'd found it and now my life was about to be changed forever. How ironic that all I wanted now was for things to return to the way they'd always been. I turned my head into the pillow and wept.

 _ **So I'm doing some world building here and introducing some characters. Jean Mackenzie is an actual historic figure and she did have six children. I know it isn't the most exciting chapter you've ever read so if you have any suggestions to make it more interesting let me know. Also let me know how you feel about the new characters. Any strong feelings? I have been publishing every Thursday (or at least in the wee hours of Thursday) but I think I am going to have to take a break for Christmas. My goal is to publish next Thursday (the wedding chapter) and then lay off for two weeks and when I come back we will have the honeymoon chapter. Unfortunately, I am not as far along on my Christmas shopping as I would have hoped so we will see if I can accomplish my goal. As always thank you so much for your comments and for your patience as well.**_

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	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

I looked at myself in the glass. My wedding dress was beautiful. Marjorie had performed a miracle. The periwinkle satin dress fit me perfectly. The bodice hugged my curves and my waist looked tiny due in part to my meager diet on the journey here and in part to Jenny's vigorous tightening of my stays. Marjorie had split the fine lace of the ruff that went with the dress and now it formed a high collar on either side of the dress's neckline which plunged to reveal just the top swell of my bosom.

My hair was parted in the middle and arranged in a braided bun on either side of my head. The caul that circled my head was periwinkle velvet sewn with tiny silver beads and a fine silver net covered my hair.

Ailith pulled a curl loose on either side to frame my face. "How do you like it?"

I turned my head in the mirror watching my reflection. It was a becoming hairstyle for me making my neck look long and elegant. "It's wonderful. Thank you."

My eyes showed no trace of redness from last night's tears and the dress's color lent them a violet cast that was quite startling. The slight bruise on my cheek from pig face's slap had faded so Jean satisfied herself with applying a bit of rouge for my lips to conceal what was left of my split lip and a pinch to either cheek to make my complexion rosy.

"There," Jean said, "The finishing touch. You are perfection itself."

"Thank you all so much. You've done wonders with me in such a short time and the dress fits like a glove, Marjorie."

Marjorie smiled broadly. "Thank you, Lady Catriona, you have a fine figure and a fair face so it takes no great skill to make you look beautiful."

I smiled at her compliments grateful for the courage they inspired in me. Perhaps I could make it through the wedding without trembling, stammering or fainting.

"And Ailith my hair is lovely. You must show Jenny how to fix it this way."

Ailith's sour demeanor was transformed by a shy smile and she gave me a curtsy. "Of course, Lady Catriona."

"Now lasses," Jean clapped her hands together. "I'm afraid I must ask you to leave us. Time is running short and I have a few things to discuss privately with Lady Catriona."

With sly looks at me and knowing smiles on their faces they all melted from the room.

Jean twirled a lock of chestnut hair around one of her bejeweled fingers while she pursed her lips nervously and looked at me with her big brown eyes. Her dress was apricot silk trimmed in cream satin and embroidered with gold thread. It clung to her swelling breasts while the dress's empire waist concealed the bulge in her womb. Jean was a truly lovely woman and I was sure she had been devastatingly beautiful on her own wedding day. No wonder she inspired the Mackenzie to such fertility.

Jean cleared her throat. "I had not thought to have this conversation so soon, not till my own wee daughters were to be married, but it seems that it falls to me to tell you the particulars of a wedding night."

I felt a blush rising to my cheeks and looked at the floor.

"Have you some idea of the parts of the body involved?"

I nodded. You could not live with three brothers all your life without being aware of what hung between their legs.

Jean's own cheeks began to color. "The man's … member will swell and stiffen."

I nodded. I had come upon Eoghann once in the woods pulling at his swollen member. He had screamed at me for spying on him and I'd run away. I had only been ten or so but the image had stayed with me.

"He will open your legs and push his member inside you breaching your maidenhead. It will hurt a bit. Like a hard pinch and you'll bleed just a little. Not like your monthly flux just a few drops, but the next time he enters you and every time thereafter there will be no pain. I know it sounds very barbarous and strange to you, but the act can become … pleasurable with some practice."

Jean looked at me and I stared back at her unsure what she expected of me.

"Do you have any questions?" she asked.

I shook my head grateful that this supremely awkward conversation was about to end.

"Sam is a man of certain … experience and he will know how to proceed. All you need do is be compliant. Sam will take care of the rest. Is there anything you want to ask me?"

I found my voice. "No … but thank you for telling me. My own mother is dead and I have no sisters so…"

Jean pulled me into her arms and hugged me. "You have a sister now, Catriona. Don't worry it will be fine. Sam will know just what to do."

Jean lowered her voice, "I know we are all Protestants now to please King James, but if you are of Catholic inclination I can arrange a priest to marry you through a friend of mine who keeps one in her home, not today of course, but within a fortnight at least."

I was surprised, not that Jean had such a friend for many Highland Lairds were Protestants in name only and still practiced the Catholic faith away from the prying eyes of the crown, but that she would risk making such an offer to me was very kind indeed.

"Thank you, Jean, but it won't be necessary. I am not a secret Papist."

Jean dropped her arms from around my shoulders.

Afraid that I might have offended her I added, "Though I do hold sympathy for those who are."

Jean smiled and took my hand. "It's just as well. Kenny does not approve of Catholics. He does not like to risk losing the King's favor." She said the last with a certain bitterness that made me wonder what her own religious inclinations might be.

I had no issue with the Catholic faith. I had simply been brought up a Protestant. My father had diligently taken us to kirk every Sunday, but his own worship was jaded by what he'd seen men do in the name of their religion. He felt a great disgust for the suffering and waste brought about by the civil war between Queen Mary's Catholic supporters and the Protestant forces loyal to her infant son James.

He was fond of saying that greed corrupted churches headed by Kings just as surely as it did those headed by Popes and that men should be left to worship God in whatever way they saw fit. This was not a view popular with our minister, but my father was given to sharing it with him anyway. The minister and my father did however find a point of agreement in parish schools. My father was a big supporter of the Protestant belief that everyone should be taught to read the bible and had directed a good deal of his tithing towards the schools on his lands.

How I missed my father! I thought when I married I'd have my brothers with me at least, but now I was to marry with no family or friends about me at all.

As if reading my mind Jean said, "I wish your family could be here today to see you wed."

I felt tears prick my eyes.

She squeezed my hand. "Don't fache. Kenny will make everything right with your family. He could charm the birds from the trees. Your brothers will be visiting you here soon enough."

There was a knock on the door and a voice I recognized as Kenneth Mackenzie's called, "May I come in."

Speak of the devil.

"You may," Jean called giving my hand another squeeze before stepping away from me.

Kenneth entered the room looking resplendent and every inch the Laird. He was an attractive man with more than his fair share of charm and in our short acquaintance he had been nothing but kind to me, yet each time I met him I felt a shiver of unease.

Even wearing rags the man would have projected an aura of power and confidence, but today he wore a burgundy satin doublet over matching breeches and silken hose. His collar was trimmed in wide white lace and he wore a thick gold chain around his neck that hung down to beneath his breast. It was set with a large emerald that had a gold crest hanging from it probably denoting some government office or another that he held. He wore a ring on each hand. A large ruby on the left and a gold signet ring on his right. If he meant to impress me with his wealth and position he had succeeded, but he was not a complete dandy. Though the belt he wore was worked with silver neither the sword nor the dirk it held looked ceremonial.

With a beseeching look on his face he said, "Jean, Nanny is asking for you. There is some trouble about Barbara wanting to take her doll to the kirk and John refusing to wear his ruff."

Jean patted his arms then made for the door giving me a harried look over her shoulder. "I'm sorry Catriona. I must see to the children. I'll be with you in the coach."

The Laird gave me an assessing look and I saw real admiration in his eyes. "May I say that you look truly beautiful, Lady Catriona. That dress suits you."

"Thank you, my Laird." I curtsied.

One side of his mouth pulled up in a smile that was so like Sam's I was disconcerted. "My half brother is a lucky man."

I smiled unsure of what to say to this remark.

"I have something for you." He pulled something out of his pocket. "Close your eyes."

I closed them and jerked with surprise when I felt something passing around my neck. His breath stirred the hair on my nape, and the feel of his fingers there sent a shiver through me as he fastened something behind me. His fingers lingered at my neck a moment, but just as I began to feel uncomfortable he put his big hands on my shoulders and led me a few paces. "Now look," he said.

I opened my eyes and saw my reflection in the glass. My mother's pearls were around my neck with the addition of a star sapphire pendant framed by diamonds hanging from them. "It's lovely, thank you."

His sherry colored eyes found mine in the mirror. They burned with a mesmerizing intensity that disturbed me. I broke our gaze and became aware that his hands were still on my shoulders. I stifled the impulse to shrug them off.

"Actually the pearls were Sam's idea, but I had them add the pendant, a little wedding present to welcome you to the family." His hands dropped from my shoulders. "It was Jean's idea."

I felt relieved somehow by this admission. "Thank you. It's perfect with the dress."

Laird Mackenzie frowned and his voice grew serious. "Lady Catriona, I need to speak with you about something of importance to both of us."

"My Laird?"

"My brother and I are doing our best to protect your reputation but I'm sure you understand the importance of maintaining a … consistent account of events."

"Yes, my Laird."

"Toward this end we have set about a tale that glosses over some events."

"I see," I said but in truth I was confused.

"It is important that we agree on our accounts of what transpired."

"Yes." Since the account of events we had given the Laird had already been edited to I wondered what further alterations he felt necessary.

"I have put it about that you chose to leave Kilmorack on your own because you did not wish to marry Angus MacDonnel."

I nodded. That part was true enough.

"But I have said that you and Sam first met when you were set upon by MacDonnels. Sam rescued you and fell in love at first sight."

"That's a very romantic tale."

"Indeed but it suits our purposes. The reason for your marriage becomes true love rather than the need to restore your ruined reputation and in your brother's eyes Sam becomes a hero not a villain."

I nodded an acknowledgment and wondered who was likely to believe that Sam's desire to marry me was motivated by anything less than my dowry. I looked at Laird Mackenzie from the corner of my eye and cleared my throat. "Do you think people will believe that I made it all the way to the border of MacDonnel lands without any assistance?"

"In our version of events the MacDonnels attacked you on Frazer lands."

"But that will lead to a feud!"

His smile was amused and his tone patronizing. "Surely you realized that was a foregone conclusion the moment you ran away from your marriage to Angus."

His words struck me with the force of a blow. I had not in fact even considered such a prospect. The thought that my kinsman might be wounded or even killed in a feud brought about by my thoughtless actions sickened me. What if Eoghann met the same fate as Rory?

The Laird continued, "The MacDonnels of Glengarry are a hot tempered and ignorant. Once they take offence there is no reasoning with them."

"But I did not intend to cause a feud. Is there no way to mend things with the MacDonnels?"

"Perhaps, but I am the Chief of Clan Mackenzie. It's my duty to maintain Mackenzie alliances not Frazer ones."

"But the fault of this lies with me not the MacDonnels or the Frazers."

"The Clan does not exist separately from the actions of its leaders. You are Lady Frazer of Kilmorack and as such your choices can have serious consequences for your clan."

"I didn't think…" I let my words trail off as the full horror of what I'd done came home to me. I should have known. How many times had my father told me that what I did reflected on him and the rest of the clan?

"Aye, well in future you will have your husband to guide and counsel you, but for now will you help me maintain the alliance between the Mackenzies and the Frazers? I assure you that many more of your clansmen would die in a feud with the Mackenzies than with the MacDonnels."

I felt cornered and bullied, but my rash actions had already put my clan in danger so I considered his words carefully.

Angus MacDonnel was an unrepentant rapist. Both he and his brother John Og were far beyond reason in their blood feud with the Mackenzie clan. They spoke of a grudge from twenty years ago as if it had happened yesterday, and they were unlikely to forgive my transgressions no matter what amends I tried to make. Their father and Chief thought he could defy the King and survive the consequences. Was an alliance with the MacDonnel Clan a wise choice? In fact wasn't there something to be gained in distancing my clan from theirs.

I looked at Laird Mackenzie. His sharp eyes were on me watching as I considered his words. The MacDonnels called Kenneth Mackenzie ruthless and untrustworthy. Perhaps he was, but he was also intelligent and diplomatic. His star was rising while the MacDonnels sank themselves in the mire with one feud after another. I made my decision. I would throw my lot in with the Mackenzie, but I would not make the mistake of trusting him.

"I will stick to your story and claim I was attacked on Frazer lands."

"A wise choice." He smiled and offered me his arm. "Come, we must be away. You must not keep your bridegroom waiting."

As we walked the Mackenzie made charming conversation about the events of the day ahead while I wondered what would have happened to me if I'd refused to go along with his wishes.

 _ **Thanks for reading. Sorry I didn't get as far as the wedding in this chapter. Jean and Kenny just took over the story and thickened the plot all on their own. Thanks to Jaybird for giving me the idea about the secretly practicing Catholics. I'm not quite sure how it will fit into the story yet but I think it will make an interesting plot twist somewhere. Please keep those comments coming they are really helpful and motivating.**_

 _ **I plan to take a Christmas vacation for the next two weeks and publish again on January 3rd. Happy Holidays and hope you continue to read when I return.**_ _ **T**_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Laird Mackenzie led me outside to where our wedding walk had assembled and a cheer went up from the crowd. It was not the small party I had imagined. More than a dozen elegantly dressed men and ladies were mounted and ready in front of the carriage while many more humble folk stood ready to walk behind it.

The weather had conspired in our favor. The sun was out and the morning was warm for early June. A soft breeze blew off the loch and the blackthorn bushes were thick with cream colored blooms.

I caught a glimpse of Sam at the front of the procession. He was not mounted but stood holding the reins of his own dark stallion and smaller bay. Before I could observe him more closely a man and woman came to speak to him blocking my view.

Jean was there standing by the carriage waiting for us with a broad smile on her pretty face.

She took both my hands. "Oh my dear, you look so lovely. Sam will count himself blessed when he sees you!"

I managed to whisper a thank you though my throat was dry with nerves at the thought of standing up with Sam at the kirk. I felt I was walking about in someone else's life. How could this possibly be my wedding day?

Jean pressed something into my hand. "A coin for your shoe, it's supposed to bring prosperity and we'll cross over water both going and coming to the kirk so you shall have luck as well."

A rhyme about wedding days ran through my head "Monday for wealth, Tuesday for health, Wednesday the best day of all, Thursday for losses, Friday for crosses, Saturday no luck at all", but I couldn't recall what day it was today so I asked, "What day of the week is it?"

"Tuesday, my dear, you are to be married on a Tuesday. I'm not surprised you've lost track with all you've been through."

Four days, it had only been four days since I left Kilmorack yet my life had changed beyond recognition. I gave Jean a shaky smile and she squeezed my fingers.

"I've named myself Matron of Honor so I'll be leading Sam to the kirk. He's waiting for me now so I must go. Soon we will be sisters in law!" Jean stood on her tip toes to kiss my cheek and whispered in my ear. "Have courage my dear. It will be over before you know it." Then more loudly she said, "See you at the kirk!" as she hurried away.

Laird Mackenzie handed me into the carriage and followed me inside. When we were both settled and the door closed behind us he banged on the carriage roof. The driver gave a shout and a piper began to play a march. Then I heard the clatter of horses hooves on cobbles and the carriage began to move forward.

I opened my hand and stared at the silver sixpence inside rubbing my thumb over King James regal profile. His nose was beginning to wear away. Had my prosperity been rubbed away like the monarch's proboscis? I had no dowry and no idea what Sam's own fortune entailed. Well, perhaps the coin would work its charm. I raised my eyes to Laird Mackenzie. "Could you excuse me my Laird?"

The Laird's dark brows drew together in confusion for just a moment then relaxed as he realized my intent. "Of course." He turned his back to me and faced the carriage window.

I lifted the undetectably lengthened hem of my gown and slipped the coin into my slightly worn slipper. Jean's slippers would not accommodate my large feet and it had taken an extensive search to find a member of the household whose foot rivaled mine in size. I was currently wearing the shoes of a tall Mackenzie cousin named Bridget whose feet were even larger than my own, and the toes of her black silk slippers had been stuffed with wool to insure that they stayed on my feet.

Laird Mackenzie cleared his throat. "Are you finished? The kirk is not far and before we reach it I must tell you about your marriage contract."

I replaced my skirts. "Yes, I've finished."

The Laird turned to face me.

I cleared my throat. "I don't understand. How can there be a contract without my brother's consent?"

Smiling like a man about to surprise and delight the Mackenzie pulled a sheaf of papers from beneath his jacket and smoothed them against his knee. "The contract is incomplete. Your marriage portion has been left blank. He pointed to the large blank space at the bottom of the paper just above his signature and Sam's. I read "Samuel Hamish Alexander Campbell Mackenzie". Now at least I knew my groom's full name. I wondered who the Campbell was for.

A giggle escaped me at the absurdity of my situation. I was about to be bound for all eternity to a man I barely knew, a man completely unknown to my family. Laird Mackenzie gave me a worried look as if he thought I was about to run mad. Perhaps I was.

"There is no dowry recorded but the jointure has been taken down in writing." He pointed to the written portion at the top. "I've granted my brother Mackenzie property near the Frazer border and guaranteed that the rents and profits will continue to come to you even should Sam die before you. The rents and profits from the crops will continue to be paid to you until such time as Sam's heir gains his majority or you should also pass."

My eyes skimmed the document while the words "near the Frazer border" echoed around in my head. The property was extensive but there was no way to know how fertile the land might be. I looked at the Laird and smiled. "Thank you, my Laird, that was very generous."

I hoped Rabbie would be so generous. I'd spent a good deal of the previous night imagining exactly how I would explain my flight from Kilmorack and subsequent hasty marriage to my brothers. I'd lined up the argument in my head providing what proofs I could of MacDonnel betrayal, but I knew they would be furious with me regardless, particularly Rabbie.

I swallowed. "I'm afraid I can't guarantee that my brother will provide a dowry for me given the circumstances."

The Laird reached out to pat my hand and I felt the full force of his charm as he focused his eyes on mine and smiled warmly. "I understand, Lady Catriona. This is my gesture of good faith to show your brother that I mean to treat you with respect despite the rather odd circumstances of your marriage. If he sees fit, your brother can provide for you later, but I would see you and Sam well settled regardless."

"Thank you, my Laird." I lowered my eyes trying to break the spell of his charisma. "This is a very kind gesture."

The Laird squeezed my hand and met my gaze again. "The Mackenzie clan places great value on good relations with the Frazers, Lady Catriona. I will do everything in my power to see that our alliance continues despite our current difficulty. It is a shame that your marriage wasn't contracted in the usual way but I will see things set right if I can."

The usual way… I thought of Angus MacDonnel with his odd green eyes assessing me like a piece of horse flesh and little Jamesina quaking with fear at the thought of confronting him. If that was where the usual way led they could keep their dowry. I thought of Finn and felt a momentary pang of regret, but I wasn't sure if my regret was for the life I'd planned but would never lead or for the loss of Finn himself?

Releasing my hand the Laird looked down and frowned. "This match with Sam cannot be what your brother would have planned for you, but sometimes we are ruled by forces beyond our control and compromises must be made."

From the moment I'd taken Sam's hand in that graveyard I'd been swept along by a force beyond my control. That force was not God or fate or chance, but Sam Mackenzie. Despite all my efforts he had dragged me back to him again and again until truth be told I'd lost the will to resist him.

The Laird's eyes softened and his voice was resonant with conviction. "My brother may not have been anyone's first choice for your bridegroom, but I know him to be a good man and true."

Was Sam a good man? He'd been kind to me when he'd thought me only a lady's maid, but I'd seen him met out his retribution. Visions of Sam hacking his way through the MacDonnels who abducted me came into my mind and I shook my head to clear them. I was being unfair. Sam had come to my rescue then and he was coming to my rescue now. Whatever his motives might be I owed him a debt of gratitude.

I looked up to see the Mackenzie staring at me thoughtfully and stammered. "Sam is brave and k…k…kind and I'm most grateful to him. I hope he doesn't come to regret our bargain."

The Mackenzie smiled and shook his head. "You are not a bargain, Lady Catriona. You are a prize of great value. Sam has won you and now he must fight to keep you."

I didn't quite like being thought of as a prize and it seemed to me that the fight was over now. "You make marriage sound like battle."

He chuckled. "In many ways it is. You will find yourselves fighting a series of skirmishes with each other until you come to respect your opponent and the borders are clearly drawn."

Did the Laird consider his own marriage a battle then? I tried to picture Jean in battle. She'd been sweet and motherly to me, but she had issued orders to her staff like a general. I remembered her comment about the Laird charming the birds from the trees and what Jenny had said about his relations with Lady Grant. Perhaps they did battle.

"And what would you advise for my battle strategy."

One black brow arched up toward his peaked hairline and he curled the corner of his mouth up in a smile. Suddenly the Mackenzie looked so like Sam that it startled me, but much alike as they were in appearance and manner I could not bring myself to trust Kenneth Mackenzie. He always seemed to be charming or bullying me one step further into a labyrinth from which I could not easily extract myself.

He patted my hand. "Give no quarter and when Sam retreats you must watch your flank for he will surely attack again when you least expect it."

"I'm surprised. I thought you would advise obedience and compliance."

He laughed and slapped at his knee. "I fancy myself a good judge of character. Had you not already proved yourself woefully disobedient to your elders I would still think it unlikely that you would take such advice."

I smiled wryly. I could hardly deny it.

The Laird focused his eyes on mine with a burning intensity. "All I ask from you is your loyalty. You are to be a Mackenzie now and as such our interests are aligned. Sam's fortune and yours rises or falls with mine. Will you swear your fealty to me?"

His face was solemn and his eyes did not waiver from mine.

"Yes, of course, my Laird. I swear my fealty to you."

He smiled again but the smile did not reach his fierce eyes. "As long as you remain loyal to me and the Mackenzie clan no harm will come to you which it lies in my power to prevent."

He left unspoken what would happen should I break my oath.

"Now," he said transforming from fierce war lord to charming rogue in that mercurial way he had, "I must tell you of some of your Mackenzie relatives before you meet them."

He regaled me with amusing stories and cautionary tales of my new Mackenzie kin counseling me to avoid his flatulent Uncle Hector, stone deaf Aunt Minerva and cousin Hilda, a flaxen haired toddler with a tendency to bite. I had laughed a good deal and was feeling much less tense when I felt the carriage roll to a stop and my stomach lurched along with the coach.

"We are to stay inside the carriage until they knock."

Sweet Jesus it was time! Please God, give me the strength to go through with this without fainting. My heart raced and I felt a cold sweat breaking out at my temples.

My panic must have shown on my face for the Laird said soothingly, "Don't fache, lass, I will support you to altar then just do as the minister tells you and all will be well."

I forced myself to breathe slowly in and out and my heart beat began to slow, but sweat pricked under my arms and trickled down my spine.

"I'm sorry your family couldn't be here to see you wed, but you'll see your brothers again soon enough."

I felt tears come to my eyes at the thought of my brothers and chocked them back. A big ball of misery rose in my throat and I felt suffocated. All I wanted to do was spring from the coach and run from here as fast as my legs would carry me back to Kilmorack.

Childish giggles from just outside the door of the coach proceeded a knock on the door. Out the window I saw a dark haired lass of about ten with sherry colored eyes and Jean's smile peaking in at us.

Laird Mackenzie rose and held out his arm to me. "It's time."

I took his arm and rose on quivering legs. A liveried footman opened the door and helped me down the steps to where the dark haired lass waited with a plump cheeked, girl of perhaps three or four years old with mahogany curls.

The Laird stepped out of the carriage and took my arm. "Lady Catriona may I introduce my daughters? This is Janet," he gestured to the dark haired lass and who executed a perfect curtsy, "and Barbara."

Barbara's mahogany curls bounced as she bobbed in a half hearted curtsey and thrust up her round face to get a good look at me. "Are you going to marry my Uncle Sam?"

"I am."

"We're going to throw petals for you to walk on." Barbara held up a wicker basket full of flower petals.

"Thank you. That will be lovely of you."

Barbara smiled proudly.

"Mother asked me to give you your wedding garland." Janet held out a garland made of rosemary tied with white heather and pink roses.

As I took it I noticed my hands were shaking ever so slightly. "Thank you."

The Laird looked down at me. "Are you ready?"

I nodded.

"Go on then lasses. Spread you petals."

The girls walked before us scattering petals and the piper began to play again as the Laird led me to the kirk door. It was a low slung building of gray stone that was still new enough that mud showed around the foundation instead of spring grass.

Our march to the church was somehow both unbearably slow and far too swift. The scent of rosemary from the garland was overpowering and a wave of nausea swept over me making me feel light headed. I took shallow breaths and prayed I wouldn't wretch in the kirkyard.

I was blinded for a moment when we crossed the threshold and the bright sunlight of the outdoors suddenly gave way to the dim confines of the church. I stumbled slightly against the Laird but his strong arm supported me until my vision cleared. The church was crowded with people who all standing turned to watch our approach. I felt like a hare being led into a wolves den as all eyes fell upon me. Then I saw him.

Sam was standing next to the alter looking like himself but quite different. The rough warrior had disappeared replaced with a gentleman of the fine. His feather trimmed braid was gone. His hair had been cut now it hung down to just his shoulders in thick caramel waves which the sun shining through the windows beside him lit with gold threads. His dusty kilt and travel stained shirt had been replaced with a coat and breeches of indigo satin. The coat was well cut accenting his deep chest and wide shoulders. I couldn't help but remember how good it felt to lay my head down on that broad space. He looked very handsome and every inch a Laird's son from the top of his arrogantly tilted head to his shining black boots. I should have been pleased to be marrying such an impressive creature, but somehow the change in his appearance served to remind me just how little I knew of who he really was.

The indigo of the coat made his eyes appear sapphire blue and as they met my own he smiled at me his top lip thinning and his lower lip thrusting out. It was a smile I'd seen many times and suddenly Sam seemed the only familiar thing in the kirk and I wanted to throw myself against his chest and feel the comfort of his embrace again.

Laird Mackenzie kissed my hand and left me at the alter with Sam and then went to stand next to Jean and the brood of children that surrounded her.

The minister began to speak and I looked up at him."We gather in the presence of God to give thanks for the gift of marriage, to witness the joining together of Catriona, and Samuel …"

The minister looked as if he'd been cast for the part, tall thin and dour with a large beaked nose and dark hair graying at the temples. As he continued to speak my mind seemed to drift somewhere above me. I tried to focus my attention on the minister's face but found myself concentrating instead on the dust mots that swirled in the sunbeam shining through the window as he intoned. I was about to marry the man who stood beside me, but none of it seemed real.

"Catriona and Samuel,"

I snapped back to attention at the sound of my name.

The minister continued "since it is your intention to marry, join your right hands, and with your promises bind yourselves to each other as husband and wife."

Sam turned to me and took my hand and I felt his palm slick with sweat against mine. The minister began to coach him through his vows. Sam's voice was deep and sure, but for the first time I wondered if he was a nervous as I was. "I, Samuel, take you, Catriona, to be my wife; and I promise, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband…

The words he spoke poured over me like water but I took little notice of them. Instead I found myself studying Sam's face. He'd shaved off his beard and his square jaw gave a clean line to his face that made him look lean and sharp somehow like the blade of a knife. The slight indentations left on his cheekbones by some childhood pox showed more prominently, but neither his scars nor his crooked nose seemed to mar his appearance. Instead they seemed perfect imperfections serving to make him more virile and attractive.

Sam's expression was earnest and his mobile brows neither arched nor pulled together in the frown I was used to seeing. His blue eyes sparkled but I thought I detected a tiny tick under one eye. Was he regretting his choice to marry me?

Then suddenly it was my turn and I found myself repeating after the minister while Sam smiled encouragingly and I fought to keep my voice steady as he squeezed my hand. "I, Catriona, take you, Samuel, to be my husband; and I promise, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful wife; in plenty and in want; in joy and in sorrow; in sickness and in health; as long as we both shall live."

The minister held up a small gold band. "By your blessing, O God, may this ring be to Catriona and Samuel a symbol of unending love and faithfulness, reminding them of the covenant they have made this day, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."

The minister held the ring out to Sam. Sam released my hand and I fought the urge to clutch at him, my rock in the sinking sand. Sam took the ring from the minister then held out his left hand to me. I started to give him my right hand, but Sam gave a tiny shake of his head and I corrected myself holding out my left instead. He took it in his large palm and I felt the comfort of his warmth again.

"This ring I give you, as a sign of our constant faith and abiding love, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." Sam slid the ring onto my third finger and I felt the cool metal graze my knuckle and settle snuggly at the base of my finger.

"Before God and in the presence of this congregation, Catriona and Samuel have made their solemn vows to each other. They have confirmed their promises by the joining of hands and by the giving of a ring. Therefore, I proclaim that they are now husband and wife. Blessed be the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit now and forever."

The minister took our right hands and joined them together. "Those whom God has joined together let no one separate."

Sam bent his head and kissed me briefly on the lips. It was a chaste kiss but somehow not devoid of passion and when his eyes met mine I felt the heat of his gaze on me and blushed.

Then the worst was over and all that was left was to stand upright as the minister prayed, charged the congregation and finally blessed our marriage.

"The grace of Christ attend you, the love of God surround you, the Holy Spirit keep you, that you may live in faith, abound in hope, and grow in love, both now and forevermore."

As my new husband took my arm and led me from the kirk my relief that the ordeal was over mixed with panic at what the future held. I tried to keep my body from shaking but it had a will of its own.

Sam leaned down to me and whispered, "It's alright, leannan, you're mine now and I'll keep you safe as long as I've breath in my body.

How odd that might life belonged to this stranger now instead of my own family. We were joined forever come what may.

Sam led me to the bay I'd seen him holding the reins of earlier and stirruped his hands to lift me into the saddle. When I stepped into his hands he whispered in my ear with hot breath, "God, leannan you're so lovely it hurts to look at you. I can'na wait until we're alone!"

Then he vaulted me into the saddle, mounted his own stallion and led the way back to the castle for the wedding marchers.

 _ **Thanks for you patience gentle readers and all your encouragement. In this chapter the consequences of Catriona's actions are coming home to roost. I tried to convey both her growing panic and her growing attraction to Sam while preserving a tiny bit of romance because all weddings are romantic. Let me know what you think and any suggestions for this chapter or the next one. Next week I should finally publish the honeymoon chapter. Hope you had a happy holiday!**_


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

 ** _I find myself with a lot of content for this part of the story so here is sort of a teaser chapter. I still plan on publishing my regular Thursday chapter._**

My face hurt from smiling, my feet hurt from dancing and my head hurt from too many wedding toasts despite the fact that I'd done my best to sip sparingly at my wine. The wedding feast like everything else Mackenzie was large and lavish. The meal featured baked peacock served with the birds fine feathers as garnish, but I had been far too nervous to do more than pick at the sweet meats and I was beginning to suffer a bit of lightheadedness from hunger.

I'd met every Mackenzie relative, minor noble and wealthy merchant for miles around and all their names were muddled in my head until I could barely remember that my own name was now Mackenzie. I was currently introducing myself to Aunt Minerva who, if not stone deaf as reported, heard very little of what was said to her.

She was a tiny, wizened woman stooped with age dressed in faded black crepe. Little was left in her appearance to give testimony to how she might have looked in her youth except for her thick white hair, but there was something about the graceful way she moved her hands and turned her face that spoke of a woman who had known herself beautiful.

Aunt Minerva explained to me that she could read lips but so far she had not proved to be terribly good at it, and she shouted every remark she made to me as if I were the deaf one.

She used her long tin ear horn to point to my lip. "What happened to your lip, dear? Did Sam do that?"

"No, of course not, I was captured by McDonnel warriors and Sam rescued me. They were the ones who split my lip."

"Sometimes it's just better to give them what they want. The Mackenzies are a very lusty bunch."

"No, I'm trying to tell you," I raised my voice, "It wasn't Sam."

"Oh well dear, let's just keep that between us. What Sam doesn't know won't hurt him. Most families have a few coo coos in the nest."

I saw Alec Mackenzie, one of the Lairds younger brothers stifle a laugh at the last remark. He had been at the keep on business when we arrived and he was the only one of Sam's half siblings to attend our wedding. I gave him a helpless look and he gallantly came to my rescue.

"I'm afraid you've got that wrong Aunt Minnie." He gestured for her to hold up her ear trumpet.

Aunt Minerva held the horn to her ear and Alec shouted into it. "It wasn't Sam who hit her. The MacDonnels did it when they tried to capture her"

"Och those McDonnels are blaigeards. I knew old Donald. He held a grudge closer than any man I've ever seen. You're better off with a bastard Mackenzie any day." She patted my arm. "I'd best sit down now. I'm getting tired, but you're a lucky lassie. If I'd met Sam when I was a younger I wouldn't have waited for my wedding night."

I stared after her helplessly as she stubbed away leaning heavily on her cane. Then both Alec and I dissolved into giggles.

Alec wiped tears of laughter from his sherry colored eyes so like the lairds. He was tall, but thinner than his brothers. While they were broad and brawny he was sleek and strong like a whipcord with a biting wit to match his appearance. "I'm sorry. Either Aunt Minnie really can't hear a thing or she just enjoys saying outrageous things without consequence, but don't worry. Everyone knows better than to pay any mind to what she tells them."

"She has a very lecherous mind for such a prim old lady."

Alec's thin mouth turned up in a smile and he shook his head. "Oh, she's not prim. She's put four husbands in the grave and family rumor has it that the third one killed the second one to have her to himself."

"Really!"

"She was right; the Mackenzies are a lusty bunch."

I followed his eyes to where Lady Grant stood in close conversation with Laird Mackenzie with Jean less than ten paces away. If Jean had any knowledge of the supposed affair between them it did not show on her face. Jean looked perfectly unaware as she spoke animatedly to the group of men and woman gathered around her.

Lady Grant was looking lovely today in a gown of pearl gray silk trimmed with pink ribbons that perfectly set off her pale hair, gray eyes and delicate complexion, particularly the skin that showed above her décolleté neckline that was currently garnering the attention of the Mackenzie.

I found myself glancing at Sam who was telling some ribald tale to the group of men about him that made them snort with laughter and slap their knees. I remembered the bow Sam had made Lady Grant in the courtyard and wondered what exactly his relationship with her might entail.

"Don't worry," Alec said as if reading my thoughts, "Lady Grant is only interested in what a man can do for her. Now that Sam is married he has nothing she wants."

Alec's tone was bitter and I wondered why. He had recently married and his wife was home at their estate awaiting the birth of their first child. Had Alec too been among Lady Grant's acolytes?

"But Lady Grant is married herself. Why is Sam's marital status her concern?"

"Even Lord Grant can't live forever no matter how much he wants to spite her."

Ah, so that was how it was. Lady Grant amused herself with the men at hand while she waited for the old Laird to die and tried to secure her next husband.

I was still looking in Sam's direction and thinking what a fine figure he cut. No wonder he'd attracted Lady Grant's attention. Suddenly his blue green eyes found mine. I felt a little thrill pass through me as he excused himself from the men around him and walked toward us.

"Pardon me Alec, but I'd like a dance with my lovely bride." With that Sam took me by the arm and swept me toward the dance floor, and I could do nothing but wave over his shoulder at Alec.

Sam had proved to be a good dancer during our first dance together, our wedding grand march. He did not dance with the effortless flow that Finn did, but Sam moved around on the dance floor with the same cat like grace with which he did everything else. He did not make me forget myself as I glided about him, but he made me keenly aware of his presence with every glancing touch of his body against mine. I had almost forgotten the rest of the wedding party existed by the time the Laird and Lady joined us on the floor. During this dance I must endeavor to keep my wits about me.

My head barely topped Sam's shoulder and I had to tilt my head up to look at him while we danced. "Alec seems very charming."

Sam pulled one corner of his mouth down in a grimace. "Alec is always very charming to the women he hopes to bed."

Sam spun me around and I said, "He made no improper advances."

Sam gave a dubious roll of his eyes and I felt his shoulder flex beneath my hand in a shrug. "Did he not? You have already told me you found him charming and I saw his eyes straying to your bosom from across the room."

"Are you to be a jealous husband then, Sam?" My tone was light but I felt a prickle of worry. I had seen wives who were afraid to even glance at another man for fear of their husband's fury and it would be a very tiresome if not dangerous way to live.

When the dance brought us close again he said softly, "I am to be a husband who permits no trespasses against what is mine." He smiled when he said it but his eyes held a fierceness that let me know his words were not meant in jest.

"You needn't worry. I can take care of myself."

His arm tightened against my waist. "Indeed, when have you ever managed it before?"

"I've no experience against armed men or bands of thieves but I've been outmaneuvering lechers in good company since I was a girl of fourteen." I tried to loosen his arm from my waist with an arch of my back, but his arm was a band of iron, and all I succeeded in doing was rubbing my breasts against his chest which made my traitorous nipples pucker against him.

When he bent his mouth to my ear and I felt his warm breath stirring against it my core tightened in a delicious shiver as he whispered, "You have been jealously guarded by your father and brothers and now you will be even more jealously guarded by your husband."

He softened his words with a kiss to my temple but the truth of them still stung. I had proven myself to be quite helpless in our short acquaintance and it galled me that Sam thought me nothing but a ninny. "Well am I permitted to guard what's mine? For if I am, I would see that you avoid Lady Grant!" I hissed.

He stiffened. "Lady Grant is a woman with no man to shield her from the world who must rely on the kindness of distant relatives. Given your recent circumstances I should have thought you would be more sympathetic to her plight."

If I had not been jealous of Lady Grant before I certainly was now. How dare he defend her behavior to me? My rage caught fire like a spark in dry kindling, and I was trying to think of a crushing rejoinder when I felt a light hand on my shoulder. I turned to find Jean standing with a large party of nervously smiling women behind her.

"If you will excuse us, Sam. I believe it's time for the bride to depart the wedding feast. Catriona will come with us to prepare herself for … bed," the ladies behind her giggled, "and you," can drink a few more toasts with the lads until we send for you." She gestured at a large party of men with sly looks on their faces gathering behind Sam,

With that I was whisked away with the giggling ladies while Sam suffered many hardy pats and ribald comments about his wedding night duties.

Less than a half hour later I found myself in my bedchamber soon to be "our" bedchamber experiencing a fit of nerves. Amid much giggling and feminine advice from "close your eyes and don't open them till it's over" to "just squeeze his nipples if you want him to hurry and get it over with." They all seemed to have something to say on the subject of how attractive Sam was, all except for Lady Grant.

Jenny had stripped me of my clothing and redressed me in a scandalously thin, white, lawn nightgown and a heavily embroidered blue velvet dressing gown. I was in the company of more than a dozen women, but the only ones whose names I knew for sure were Jean, Lady Grant, Aunt Minerva and Cousin Bridgette, who turned out to be a tall, handsome, red haired lass with a pleasant demeanor who mostly talked about horses.

Jenny was brushing my unbound hair and the soft bristles of the brush stroked gently through my hair again and again, but I wasn't soothed. All my scheming, suffering and lying had achieved nothing. I was married to a man I had not chosen and Finn and my former life were lost to me forever.

I tried to form a picture of Finn's face in my mind's eye, but all that came to me were images of my brothers. Eoghann reining his horse beside me and daring me to race him across the meadow, Al trying to teach me to play dice, and Rabbie reading to us from his dull husbandry and agriculture books while we all sat by the fire at night. Even Bieste's face formed there glaring at me in disapproval with his split eyebrow beetled in a scowl. How angry they would all be with me when they discovered that I hadn't been abducted but had run away. Worst of all I'd accomplished nothing for my trouble, but trading one unwanted groom for another.

Had I given up too easily? Perhaps I should have tried harder to persuade the Mackenzie that I need not marry. I remembered the strange cold look in his eye when he asked Conrad if anyone else knew that I traveled with them, but he wouldn't have harmed me. Would he?

Not that it mattered. There was no going back now. I felt tears in my eyes, but I bit my tongue to hold them at bay. At least I had not married Angus MacDonnel. My father need not spin in his grave. Though in truth, he was unlikely to have chosen a bastard son barely recognized by his own family for my bridegroom, but if my father had thought a MacKenzie good enough to marry himself perhaps he would be happy enough that I had followed his example. I supposed I wouldn't know what he thought until I reached the pearly gates myself, but Rabbie was likely to make his opinion known a good deal more quickly than that so perhaps I should focus on my more immediate problems.

How was I going to tell Sam I was not with child from another man but a virgin? What should I say? Should I try to explain why I'd lied? Well, I hadn't exactly lied. It more accurate to say that I'd let him get the wrong impression.

Jenny interrupted my churning thoughts. She pulled her brush from my hair and stepped back to admire her work putting her hand on her hips and tilting her head to look at me. "There now! Aren't you pretty as a picture? "The elaborate coiffure Ailith had spent so much time creating for my wedding was no more and my hair fell in soft waves about my shoulders.

Jean bent and picked up a silver backed hand mirror from the table in front of me. "Here, have a look."

Little did I care for my appearance when my entire life stretched before me an endless wasteland, but I obediently took the looking glass she handed me and peered at myself. My hair was shining now from Jenny's ministrations and darkened to black by the dim lights of the bed chamber. I could feel the weight of it as I turned my head from side to side and the ends moved against the small of my back. I looked at my face. Who was that pale, terrified creature I saw in the mirror?

I sighed retuning the glass to Jean. "Thank you, Jenny. My hair looks very bonnie."

Jean must have noticed my dismal tone because her voice became determinedly cheerful. "You look beautiful. Just wait until Sam sees what a pretty lass he's married. Now come along, dear."

Jean took my arm and urged me to my feet. I looked around my bridal chamber. It gleamed with polish and smelled of bee's wax. The generous fire laid in the hearth burned brightly. As Jean shepherded me to bed I noticed fresh flowers on the bedside table. I thought of Mister Conway and what choice words he would have had for me if I'd asked him to prepare a last minute wedding feast and bridal chamber.

"Thank you, Jean, for all you've done for us, and please give my thanks to Mrs. McCready as well. The wedding feast was sumptuous and this room is lovely."

Jean smiled with such obvious pleasure that I felt ashamed that these were my first compliments for her obviously Herculean efforts on my behalf.

"Not at all lass, twas nothing beyond the usual. Now we best get you tucked in." She chuckled. "Your bridegroom will be here soon."

Jean pulled back the heavy velvet drapes from the large bed and I moved to get into it.

"Oh no, dear, you can't wear that robe to bed on your wedding night."

I wrapped my arms around myself "But it's rather cold and …"

Jean clucked in disapproval. "You'll be warm soon enough dear. Give that to me."

Jean put out her hands and I reluctantly slipped out of the dressing gown and handed it to her. She took it and laid it on a nearby chair before pulling back the bed clothes for me. "In you go."

Reluctantly I crawled onto the large bed. My knees sunk down into the softness of the mattress. It was stuffed with feathers. It had been bliss to sleep in a soft, warm bed last night after so many nights of lying on the cold, hard ground, but now I was expected to share it.

The sheets were slippery and cold against my bare feet and calves. I shivered and my nipples sharpened to peaks as I settled a pillow up against the headboard then turned to nestle myself down in the bed.

Aunt Minnie tucked the sheets tightly around me with her claw-like hands and I thought suddenly of Aunt Una. How disappointed she must be with me. I hoped Uncle Malcolm didn't blame her for my escape. Aunt Minnie whispered very loudly, "Don't worry about that little tiff you and Sam had on the dance floor."

The woman had eyes like a hawk regardless of the state of her hearing.

"A man who can'na make you shout in anger can'na make you shout with pleasure either."

I blushed scarlet as she gave me a gap toothed smile. I looked away in embarrassment to find Lady Grant staring at me with a deeply insincere smile on her lips and malice in her eyes. I glared back at her a moment despite myself.

Then I looked back to Aunt Minnie who was saying, "Sam reminds me of my third husband. He wasn't an easy man, but he was worth the struggle."

Aunt Minnie moved away and Jean replaced her at my bedside.

"Good night, lass." Jean patted my arm in a motherly fashion. "I'm so glad of my new sister."

"Jean …" I hesitated. I wanted to reveal my misunderstanding with Sam to her, but how could I possibly explain in front of all these people.

Jean shook her head slightly. "Don't fache, lass. Sam is a good, kind man and he'll know just what to do. You needn't worry."

I blushed too embarrassed to say more.

I'd seen dogs and cattle breeding, but the act itself looked awkward and humiliating. I knew men spent a great deal more time discussing what was between their legs than women ever did and it seemed to be a constant source of humor for them. Men boasted of all the woman they lay with and seemed to like the act, while women generally complained of it. After all women were the one who had to bear the consequences.

Mo Creach! I might be bearing those consequences myself soon. The thought of bearing a child terrified me. I knew far too many women who'd died in childbirth and God seemed unlikely to protect a disobedient liar such as myself.

The fear must have shown on my face for Jean said kindly, "I'll just leave the candle burning for Sam. I doubt you'll be waiting long."

Then she sat the candle on the table by the bedside and winked at me broadly before shooing all the women folk out the bedchamber door and closing it behind them.

With the closing of the door the foolishness of my choices seemed to come home to me. In a vain attempt to have things my own way I had been brought to this. For the first time I began to wonder if I should have heeded my Aunt Una and done my duty. At least then I would be only a few days from home and not estranged from my family, but then I would be awaiting Angus instead of Sam. I shuddered.

No, better that it be Sam. He might not be as polished as Finn, but he had proven to be strong and capable if a bit high handed. What, after all, had Finn proven to be except absent when I'd needed him? Perhaps Eoghann was right and women were indeed too foolish to choose their own husbands, but why had Sam chosen me? Why would he choose to marry a woman he thought was carrying another man's child?

What kind of man would willingly become a cuckold and what would happen when he discovered I had tricked him? That I was indeed a tiresome virgin?

I started when I heard male voices in the hall. There was much laughter and shouting. A voice I thought must be Alpin's called out. "I'd be happy to show her how it's done."

Then Sam's voice rose amid the din. "Lads, please! I assure you I have no need of your assistance in this matter."

And another voice that might have been Conrad's shouted, "I should have first dibs. You'd never have married her if it wasn't for me."

"I'll not be sharing her lads, this night or any other, and those of you who want to keep you bollocks best remember it!"

Then I heard the door open and Sam slipped inside still smiling broadly and shut the door firmly against his hecklers.

 __ _ **I have received many kind comments of late and I want to thank you all for reading and commenting. Keep them coming. How do you feel about Sam and Cat showing their jealous sides? I will be publishing chapter 21 tomorrow. It is going to have some explicit sex in it so I am going to change the rating to M. I hope that doesn't offend anyone, but I checked the ratings on the web site again and it looks like I'd better to stay in compliance.**_


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

I observed Sam closely trying to discern whether he was the worse for drink, but he seemed steady on his feet and perfectly aware as he looked at me. His jacket had been discarded somewhere in his revelry, but he still wore his waistcoat. It fit tightly snuggly against his chest and I could see the bulge of his muscles outlined against the satin.

"Ah, my lovely bride." He made an elegant leg before rising and then as he looked into my face and his smile faded. "Is something amiss, leannan?"

I stared at him trying to compose my features and producing only a tremulous smile.

Sam smiled reassuringly and sat down in the chair where Jean had placed my dressing gown then quickly hoped up again and moved the robe to one side so he could sit more comfortably.

"Do not fache, lass." He reached over to pat my hand but I flinched and he drew back.

To my horror I felt tears slipping down my cheeks.

"There now, lass, tisn't as bad as all that. Is it?" His voice rose a bit in concern.

Embarrassed by my tears I tried to dash them away with my fingers. "I'm sorry."

"Nah, you've nothing to be sorry about." He pulled a handkerchief from his waistcoat and handed it to me. "You're married to me. It's enough to make any lass cry."

I smiled at that and wiped my eyes with the kerchief. "It's not you. I'm just … homesick."

"Oh aye." He gave me an assessing look as if judging the truthfulness of my words then nodded his head. "Did I ever tell you how homesick I was when I first came to live here?"

I shook my head. "No, I thought you were born here."

"Did you now?" He gave me a bemused look. "Well, I never even knew I was a Mackenzie till I was ten year old."

"Really?" Despite my misery Sam had peaked my interest. "How was that?"

"Well," he sighed, "it's a bit of a long story. Are you sure you'll be wanting to hear it now?"

"I don't mind," I assured him cheered at the thought of putting off the inevitable.

"Perhaps, I'll just get myself another whiskey to drink then." He gestured to a decanter and some glasses I hadn't noticed before on a table against the wall near the fire. "Would you care for one?"

I had never been offered a whiskey, not even when my father died. I always drank wine or ale with my meals. I had taken a shot of whiskey once on a dare from Al when I was eleven or so, but I'd spit out the burning liquid almost immediately. As I recalled Al had gotten quite a beating for that trick. My father was not one to see good whiskey wasted.

I considered. Why not have some whiskey? If I got myself a trifle foxed perhaps this would go a bit easier.

"Yes, please." I nodded.

Sam walked in a leisurely manner to the table and slowly poured out an inch of whiskey in first one glass then another. Then he walked back to the bed and held out one of the glasses to me. "As you know I'm a bastard."

I did know, but I felt awkward discussing it with him. To cover my confusion, I took the glass from his hand and nodded quickly taking a small sip of the whiskey. I held it on my tongue a moment savoring the slightly sweet burn.

"The story really begins with my mother. You see she was rare beauty, and even though she was only a poor merchant's daughter she attracted the attentions of young men from far and wide."

I swallowed. The whiskey felt warm in my stomach. "What did she look like?"

"Oh, she was almost as bonnie as you."

I looked up sharply to see him smiling at me and found myself blushing.

He held up his glass. "A toast to the two most beautiful women in my life, my mother and my wife. Slange." He took a large swallow from his drink.

I did the same but whiskey burned on the way down and I found myself a bit chocked with watering eyes.

He sat back down in the chair. "My mother had fine fair skin like yours, but her hair was golden. She had really lovely eyes." He sighed. "They were large and blue green, the color of a loch when you look down deep into the water on a sunny day."

"Your eyes are that same color," I said without thinking and then felt awkward.

He looked at me and gave a pleased smile. "You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, leannan. Sometimes they mind me of sapphires, sometimes violets and sometimes they're the color the clouds go before a storm." His eyes locked with mine and I saw something burning in them.

Sam cleared his throat.

"My mother was always very careful about keeping her figure neat. Even after bearing three children her waist was almost as small as yours is now."

I found myself blushing that Sam had noticed my eyes and my waist, but I'd often caught him looking at me, especially today. Could he have been wondering what I would look like without my gown? It felt very strange to think that he would soon find out.

"Your mother sounds very beautiful," I said hoping to lengthen his story.

"She was and a bit spoiled I think. She had suitors galore, but none of them tickled her fancy, not even the rich merchant's son her parents wanted for her. Then she caught the Laird Mackenzie's eye, and he did only have the one eye you know." Sam chuckled.

"I know. I met him once when I was a wee lass. My brothers scared me to death telling me what was under that patch. Did you ever see under it?" Then I realized I was being rude. "I'm sorry. That's far too personal a question."

"Nonsense, you're my wife. You can ask me anything you want."

I smiled shyly. How odd to be someone's wife.

Sam pointed to his left eye. "This eye was cloudy and discolored under the patch. He'd taken a sword blow to it in a battle and he had a scar from his brow to half way down his cheek. Is that what they told you?"

"Oh no! It was much more gruesome than that! It involved a slithering asp who lived in the gaping hole left where his eye used to be."

Sam chuckled. "I must meet your brothers some time. They seem to have a rare sense of humor."

"I think you'd get along with them, particularly Eoghann the youngest, but I'm sorry. Please continue your story.

"Alright, the old Laird was a widower then. It may have been foolish for a merchant's daughter to believe she could marry a Laird but believe she did, right up until he became promised to someone else."

"That must have been terrible for her."

"I think it broke her heart when she found out, but she was a proud woman, my mother."

"She didn't tell your father about you?"

"The old Laird?" He shook his head. "No, she never did."

Sam took another sip of whiskey then and I wondered why Sam didn't call the old Laird father.

Sam continued "As I told you my mother was a very proud woman. She didn't want to shame her family by bearing a bastard even if the babe was to be the git of a Laird. My mother might have been a foolish lass, but when she set her mind to something it was hard to move her. My grandfather traded a bit and she convinced him that he should take her with him to a market in Strathcarron so she could get away from the Laird and mend her broken heart. She thought to find a husband there in Strathcarron for she had not begun to show herself with child, and many of the young men there sought her favors. There was only one man who took her attention though." He paused for effect.

"Who?"

Sam walked to the table and picked up the whiskey bottle bringing it to the bedside. "Have another nip of whiskey lass and I'll tell ye."

I held out my almost empty glass and he poured in another inch.

I sipped dutifully and he continued.

"Hamish Campbell, he was a baker by trade and recently widowed with three boys the oldest of whom was only seven. He set up his stall near my grandfather's and as you can imagine his sons were plunging into everything while he tried to ply his wares. My mother first met him when she saved his son youngest son Craig from being run down by a wagon. Hamish was quite grateful and insisted on paying my mother in baked goods if she would manage his sons and keep them from harm while he worked. By the end of the week she was treating his sons like her own. She was the eldest in her home and used to managing her younger siblings.

Hamish was smitten, of course, but he thought my mother just a kind lass who had no interest in a middle-aged widower because there were so many eager young lads swarming around her. My mother, however, was not without wiles. She was after all the most beautiful girl in the county. She flirted shamelessly, yet Hamish still treated her as if he were his daughter or perhaps his niece no matter how she tried."

Sam looked down at his half empty glass. "Would you like another?"

I looked down at my still almost full glass. "I haven't finished this one yet."

"Slange!"

He took a big gulp of his drink and I did the same feeling it burn all the way down my throat. I wondered if the whiskey was having any effect. I wasn't feeling foxed, but I was a good deal more relaxed then I had been.

Sam held out his hand and I gave him my empty glass. "Now tell me what happened."

He moved to fill my glass again but I shook my head so he sat it down on the table next to the bed. "She fainted."

"She fainted?"

"Yes, it was a hot day and she'd been working hard helping her father and keeping Hamish's sons out of trouble. When she came to herself her head was lying in Hamish's lap. He was very worried of course. He asked her what had made her faint and she began to cry. It took some coaxing but after a while she finally told him of her dilemma."

"How did he take it?"

"He called the old Laird any number of vile names vowing to seek revenge for her virtue, but she would have none of it. She told him she must bear the shame of her actions alone like all fallen woman. Well this was too much for kind-hearted Hamish. He insisted she let him marry her and claim her child as his own."

"So rescuing the damsel in distress is a family failing?"

"Perhaps I'm just following my Da's good example."

I couldn't let thing go on like this any longer. I had to tell Sam I wasn't pregnant. Before I could think better of it I blurted out, "Sam, I'm not … with child."

Sam's eyes widened with surprise and he frowned. "Oh … I just thought…well, you were in such a hurry to get back to … him."

"I think you might have been right about Finn. I'm not sure he really cared for me the way he said he did," I said rather quickly then looked away so Sam wouldn't see how embarrassed I was. I cast about for a change of subject. "Were they happy together, your parents?"

"Well, they seemed to be. I had a very happy childhood. My Da was true to his word and I never realized I was not his natural son. My mother bore him two daughters and with her help he became a very successful merchant. He opened another shop and began to sell dry goods as well."

"How did you discover the truth?"

"Ah, well that is another long story. The fire's burning down and I'm growing a bit cold here in the chair. Would you mind?"

He gave me a questioning look and I realized he was asking me if he could get into bed with me.

I could hardly deny my husband my bed on our wedding night. "Uh… by all means." I moved to the other side of the bed. The little nest I'd made for myself in the bed had been warm but the sheets on this side of the bed were cold and I shivered a little.

"I'll be there in just a moment to keep you warm lass." Sam smiled at me as he pulled off one long black boot, set it down by the chair and then pulled off his stocking. His calf was hairy, thick and muscular and the knee above it was large and square. Everything about Sam was big and intensely masculine, even his feet. They were long and wide with square toes and their own dusting of brown hairs.

Shoes and stockings discarded Sam stood and unbuttoned his waist coat. As he shrugged it off and I admired the breadth of his muscular shoulders under his shirt. His hands moved to his waist and I watched nervously as he unfastened his belt and lay it in the chair atop my robe and his waist coat. I felt a moment of panic as Sam turned away from me and stepped out of his breeches one leg at a time.

Sam was dressed only in his shirt now. I could see the outline of his naked body clearly as the light from the candle behind him shone through the linen. His broad shoulders tapered down to a trim waist and muscular haunches. He turned back to face me and I saw the bulge between his legs.

I jerked my eyes up to his face lest he catch me staring and saw that he had opened the collar of his shirt to show a V of golden skin with curly brown chest hairs just peaking out at the bottom. I swallowed. Was Sam about to bed me?

Sam shivered "It's a bit nippy out here!" He reached for the blanket at my chest and I drew back instinctively.

He froze. "No need to be skittish, lass. I will'na hurt you; I promise. I just want to get under the blankets. It's chilly out here."

I eyed him warily then pulled the blanket free of my chest and flung it to the other side of the bed.

He smiled at me and climbed into bed. When he reached across me to pull the blankets back over us I was careful not to move and he didn't touch me. He nestled down against the warm pillows I had so recently occupied and sighed.

My side of the bed was cold and I shivered.

Sam patted his chest. "Here lass, rest you head a moment and we can warm each other."

I hesitated, but he gave me another winning smile so I acquiesced and lay my head atop his shoulder. He kissed the top of my forehead in a brotherly fashion and patted my shoulder leaving his big warm hand to rest there. His chest was deep and I had to nestle down beneath his arm to keep my neck from being stretched uncomfortably. His hand felt heavy on my shoulder and I listened to the steady beat of his heart while my own fluttered rapidly.

I tried to hold my body away from Sam's but the soft mattress dipped under his weight leaving me rolled tightly against his side. I could feel the firm muscles of his chest against my cheek and the hard bone of his hip and against my own. The warmth of his body seeped through my thin gown warming me. I could smell his musky scent and the whiskey on his breath and my stomach grew tight with dread and something else.

"So you said you wanted to know how I came to find out I was a bastard?"

"Yes." I nodded against his chest.

"My mother died in child bed when I was a wee lad of seven without telling me the truth about my birth."

I turned my head to look at him. "I'm sorry about your mother. Mine died when I was little too."

"You're sweet to say so lass." My eyes met his and he looked into them for a moment then he began to lean his face down toward mine very slowly.

I moved my head back to his shoulder. "But please go on with your story."

He made a noise in the back of his throat that somehow conveyed both mirth and frustration .before continuing. "One day when I was about ten I was playing in the street with my older brothers. We were fighting with sticks pretending they were swords, and I was doing very well against Gilbert considering he was three years older. I'd scored a blow on him and was crowing about it when I noticed a dark haired man wearing fine clothes staring at me from atop a big black horse. It gave me a queer feeling so I stopped and stared back at him.

The man got a sick look on his face like he'd seen a ghost and asked, 'What's your mother's name, lad?' I told him Mary Campbell, wondering all the while why a fine gentleman like him wanted to know. He glared at me then and asked me rather rudely what her family name was before she married. I was tiring of all his questions so I told him a bit curtly it was Brodie. Then a very strange look passed over his face and he asked me how old I was. When I told him I was ten years in March he got very agitated and asked me where my mother lived.

I should have been kinder about it because I'd begun to understand that he knew her, but he'd been rude to me and I wanted to get back to my play so I just blurted out that she was buried in the church yard these last three years. When I saw how it pained him I felt like a heel, but before I could say anymore he turned his big horse and cantered off without another word."

"Do you think he recognized you for his son then?"

"I suppose he must have at least suspected that day, but months went by and I'd forgotten all about the strange, dark haired man when a I came home for supper one night and found him sitting at the kitchen table with my Da. I knew something was amiss when Da told me to sit down and shooed the other bairns away. Da told me the truth then about who my parents were."

"That must have been awful for you."

"Not so awful really. It explained a lot. I'd always looked and felt quite different from my brothers. My Da told me that he loved me and I would always be his son no matter what. He said it was a happy day for me because now I would have two fathers and two families, but the old Laird kept silent while my Da spoke looking me over the whole time like I was a horse he was considering for purchase. When my Da said I had to go foster with this stranger he called my father I wanted to cry. I was only ten years old and I couldn't bear the thought of leaving my family for so long."

My heart went out to that young Sam. "Were you terribly homesick?"

"Truth be told I wept into my pillow a good deal that summer, but it got easier as time went by. The Mackenzies were good to me. I loved training with the weapons and the horses and Conrad was very patient in teaching me for I knew nothing when I came here. My Uncle Fergus took me under his wing and that helped a great deal. He's one of my mother's younger brothers and he was already one of Conrad's soldiers then. It made things a good deal easier having him to look after me."

"Ah, I was wondering how you came to have an Uncle not much older than you are. Do you still visit your," I paused for a moment to choose the right word, "other family?"

A shadow crossed his face. "My Da died a few years after I came here and then after awhile my brothers asked me to stay away. They thought having a bastard brother chilled my sister's prospects of making a good marriage."

"Sisters?"

"Yes, I have two younger half sisters, Breana and Janet."

"How old are they?"

"Let me see … Breana is twenty one and Janet eighteen… no nineteen."

"Did they ever get married?"

"They did, and I am an uncle many times over between them and my brothers, but I fear we've grown apart. I fought in Ireland for many years ,you see, and I didn'a spend much time on Scottish soil. By the time I came back to Scotland for good the girls were grown and did not remember much of me, but I always sent a bit of money back home to help with their dowries and they remember that."

The pity must have shown in my eyes for he said briskly. "Perhaps tis enough about me lass. Tell me of yourself."

I was full of questions about Sam's childhood with the Mackenzies, but I began to tell him of my family and my home. At first I was only trying to fill the awkward silence, but Sam seemed genuinely interested so I warmed to my tale especially after being plied with yet another glass of whiskey. I described Kilmorack castle and told him about all my brothers and even Beiste. I told tales of my childhood with my father and what it was like being the only girl and the youngest to three brothers. The world took on a warm fuzzy glow and all the sudden I wasn't just relaxed but sleepy. I stretch out an arm and yawned.

"Ah, you're tired. How inconsiderate of me to keep you awake chatting for so long, leannan." He kissed my temple and picked up one of my curls. "Have I told you how bonnie your hair looks down around your shoulders? It's so soft and smells of lavender."

"It must be the soap I used to wash it," I said nervously.

Ever so softly he dropped a trail of feathery kisses from my temple and down across my cheek until he reached the corner of my mouth and I realized he meant to kiss my mouth.

I pulled away. "Perhaps we should snuff out the candle."

"I thought we would leave a candle burning lest you wake in the night in strange surroundings." He smiled wickedly.

I had a good idea what was coming and I didn't want to suffer it in the light. "Thank you, but I prefer to sleep in the dark. I fear the light from the candle would… keep me awake."

"As you wish." He picked licked his thumb and used his thumb and forefinger to pinch out the candle beside the bed.. Suddenly the room was swathed in darkness with only the glow of the smoldering fire giving off any light.

Fear gripped me and I wished I hadn't requested the dark. Sam seemed more terrifying than ever. Who was this large, hairy stranger who lay next to me giving off heat from his body like a stove and breathing so loudly?

"Do not fache, leannan. You will come to no harm by me. I'll do nothing without your permission."

I lay paralyzed with fear next to him but said as bravely as I could manage, "I … I will not try and prevent you." I gulped to swallow the saliva in my mouth.

"Ah, so you will suffer me willingly."

I could hear the smile in his voice.

Then he brought his mouth close to my ear and whispered. "Tis a start..."

He nipped my ear lobe and kissed down my neck to the place where it joined my shoulder then he lingered there sucking gently on my neck until I groaned with pleasure.

I felt the smile on his lips when he brought them to mine and kissed me ever so gently on the mouth. Very, very slowly he deepened his kiss, flicking his tongue between my lips in quick bursts and then finally opening it completely to his assault. His tongue swirled in my mouth teasing and flicking my tongue.

With a groan he pulled my body tightly against his and we were melded together from hip to chest. I felt his stiff cock against my stomach but didn't move away. We kissed for a very long time until I became senseless, aware only of the pleasure his mouth on mine and the feel of his hard body pressing up against me.

Sam moved his lips to my neck again and my nipples tightened until they were unbearably hard and aching. When I finally felt his hand moving slowly down from my chest I longed for his touch. He cupped my breast through the thin fabric of my nightgown and I gasped with pleasure as my tight nipple met his palm. Still kissing my neck he rubbed his palm over my nipple in a circular motion and I groaned as my aching nipple sent a thrill of pleasure down from its tip to the place between my legs.

His lips returned to mine and slowly, ever so slowly, he circled his palm and I felt a gush of moisture between my legs and my hips begin to move of their own volition against his. His mouth lowered and he laid feathery kisses all the way down from my throat to the low neckline of my night gown He tugged gently at the laces there until they gave. Then he pulled the shoulder of my gown down very slowly until one breast was exposed.

I thought I would die with pleasure when he dropped his head and began to suckle my nipple. The feeling was at once exquisite and unbearable. His hand went to my other breast and he began to tease that nipple with his fingers. It went on and one as he teased one nipple with his mouth sucking and nipping and the other with his fingers rubbing and pinching until I was out of my mind with need and thrusting myself against him as if begging for some relief from the unbearable tension that was building inside me.

Finally, I could endure no more. I tangled my finger in his hair and whispered, "Please, Sam, please!" though I didn't know exactly what I was begging for. I felt him slip one hand down to the hem of my gown. In our struggles against one another it had ridden up to my hips and he pulled it away to my waist then slowly moved his hand between my legs.

I should have been shocked but my need to break the tension building there was unbearable. I welcomed his touch spreading my legs and arching my back. He rested his thumb gently against the swollen bud between my legs and I thought I would die at the pleasure of it. I thrust myself against him moaning his name and heard him make a deep chuckle.

He rubbed his thumb against me while I bucked and thrashed desperate to reach I knew not what. He slid two long fingers up and inside my hot wet opening as he continued to flick his thumb against my bud and all the while he tortured my nipple with his mouth. My need climbed higher and higher until I thought I would surely die or my heart would explode.

Then suddenly my tension burst like a bubble and I felt shocks of pure pleasure radiating out from his thumb through the rest of my body. Thrills traveled down my legs and up through my belly making me cry out Sam's name and convulse helplessly against his hand again and again.

When I floated back down to earth from my cloud of pleasure I found myself turned towards Sam with my head buried against his chest.

"That was wonderful," I murmured feeling as if every bone in my body had melted and left me completely limp.

I would have dozed off, but Sam whispered in my ear. "Don'na fall sleep yet, leannan. The best is to come."

He worked his knee gently between my legs as he dropped kisses on my hair and cheeks. Then he rolled on top of me and pushed his hips between my legs. I felt his swollen cock settling against the place where his finger had been and it felt good. I rubbed myself against him and it made us both groan.

Very slowly he began inserting his cock inside my slick opening.

Mo Creach! I hadn't told him I was a vgrgin! Was it too late now? Jean said it would only pinch a little perhaps he wouldn't notice I was a virgin if I kept quiet. The sensation was pleasant enough. I was beginning to enjoy the feeling of him filling me and he was breathing raggedly with his own pleasure when suddenly I felt his cock meet resistance inside me.

It was not a pinch but a stretching sensation that grew more and more painful with each thrust. Once, Eoghann had put a twig into my ear while I lay sleeping on the grass. I'd startled awake and the twig had pressed painfully against my ear drum making me scream. The pain I was feeling now was much the same.

I tried to bear it stoically but the pain was too much. I began to try to scramble away from Sam, but he was too lost in his own pleasure to notice and he pinned me down harder thrusting his hips against me again and again. Just when I thought I couldn't bear it a moment longer the barrier gave. Sam broke through and the pain lessened.

I felt Sam hesitate just a moment, but then he began thrusting against me again like a man possessed. A few more strokes and the pain was gone. I wanted to feel as I had before, swept up in a wave of passion, but my lust would not return to me. I found myself feeling alone and isolated from this stranger who thrust himself inside me.

I could see almost nothing in the dark so I began to focus my other senses. I heard Sam's ragged breathing and the creak of the bed beneath me. I felt the slap of his flesh against mine as he thrust into me again and again. The smell of our bodies mingled. The arcid scent sweat mixed with lavender of my soap and an odd almost buttery scent that seemed to come from our joining.

I felt Sam jerk inside me. "Oh God, leannan," he choked out. Then he convulsed against me and something left his body and flowed into mine. He moaned and fell heavily on top of me.

For a moment Sam was still inside me and I felt the full weight of his torso no longer supported by his arms crushing me. I couldn't breathe so I pushed against his chest. He pulled himself out of me and rolled away to the other side of the bed leaving me cold and alone.

"Christ," Sam whispered in the horrified tone of a man deceived, "you're a virgin!"

 _ **I tried very hard here to make the reader feel what Cat feels. She is seduced by Sam, blown away by her first orgasm and then let down by her first experience with sex. Hopefully that was something like your experience. I welcome your feedback suggestions for improvement.**_


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

"Not anymore." I started to giggle at that, and then Sam laughed and suddenly he wasn't such a stranger anymore.

When he stopped laughing he said, "I'm sorry. Why didn't you tell me?"

I frowned. "Well if you'll remember I didn't have much time when you first accused me of being a fallen woman."

"But tonight?"

"I was going to, but I got… distracted and then … it was too late."

"If I'd known I wouldn'a have..." he let his words trail off.

"Wouldn't have what?"

He chuckled. "Well I guess I would have, but I would've been a bit gentler about it. I'd have spent less time trying to show you what a good lover I was and more time trying to keep from being scared."

"How did you know I was a virgin?"

"I felt something when I pushed inside you. Then when we finished things felt wetter than usual so I wiped myself with my hand. Then I smelled blood and..." He held out his palm towards the firelight and I saw the dark stain.

"Oh …"

He got out of bed and lit a candle. I was thankful that he still wore his shirt. It covered his nudity as he walked to the ewer and poured a bit of water into it from the pitcher. He dipped his hand in the bowl to rinse it before wiping it on the towel by the basin.

He walked back to the bed and held out the towel to me. "Would you like to…"

I felt slimy so I took the towel, but I was embarrassed about washing myself there in front of Sam which was odd considering what he'd just done to those very parts of me. Still I felt embarrassed just the same so I said, "Could you turn around?"

When he did I got up out of bed, dipped the cloth into the basin and washed myself. I didn't know what to do with the cloth so I folded it and laid it on the side of the basin. Then I got back into bed and covered myself with the bed clothes. I didn't want Sam to see me in just my nightgown which was also ridiculous. What must he think of me? I blushed at the thought. Sam might know I wasn't a fallen woman now, but he'd certainly proven me to be a wanton one. I was still amazed at my own behavior.

"Are you a good lover?" I asked.

"What?" he seemed startled at the question and turned around. "Ah, well, I suppose that's a question for you to answer, leannan."

"You made me feel … very good, and I didn't mind the other until it started to hurt."

"Didn't mind it eh?" He turned up one corner of his mouth and shook his head. "Ah, well I suppose that answers your question."

He got back into bed with me propping the pillow up behind his head so he could sit up. When he put one elbow behind his head my eyes were drawn to his upper arm and the muscle that bulged there. "Did the other lasses not tell you anything? Did they at least tell you it only hurts the first time?"

"Jean told me, but she also said it would only pinch a bit and it hurt a good deal more than that."

Sam gave me a guilty look. "I'm sorry lass. Perhaps it's like childbirth. They say that women forget the pain of that as soon as it's over."

The last thing I wanted to think about now was childbirth. God forbid I was already pregnant. I wanted a change of subject and I found myself very curious about how Sam knew so much about virgins. "Have you ever lain with a virgin before?"

"Humph!" Sam made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a grunt. "Just once, but I was a virgin myself then and I didn't know what I was doing."

I wondered who she was, this virgin, but somehow I knew Sam wouldn't tell me even if I had the courage to ask. "Have you laid with a great, many woman, Sam?"

"Not so many really for a man my age and a soldier."

"What does being a soldier have to do with it?"

Sam tilted his head towards mine and looked at me from the corner of his eyes. "Well, soldiers are always afraid the next battle will be their last so they lay with women, and then when they cheat death they lay with them again to prove they're still alive."

I laughed, "So no matter what happens a soldier always has a reason to lay with a woman."

He smiled ruefully and shrugged. "So it would seem."

"How old are you?" I asked.

"Twenty three."

"You're not so very old then."

Sam frowned at me. "I'm a good deal older than you. Most men my age have a wife and three or four bairns."

"Well, you have a wife!" I reminded him.

He quirked an eyebrow at me and chuckled. "Oh, that's right. I'd forgotten."

I swatted his arm. "You had not!"

"How could I ever forget you, leannan?" He squeezed me in a tight hug and laid a loud smack of a kiss on my cheek.

"Sam … are you angry that I was a virgin?"

He held me away from him and looked in my eyes. "God no! I'm a selfish man and a jealous one. I'm glad you're mine and mine alone but …" Sam glanced away.

"But what?"

He let go of me saying softly, "I'm afraid you've made a bad bargain, leannan. You're a verra bonnie and a titled lady. The Laird Mackenzie provided you with a good dowry and you could have done far better than a bastard son like me for a husband, ruined reputation or not. When I thought you were with child I told myself I was not such a bad match for you, that it was a fair deal, but now…"

"I'm glad it was you, Sam, and not some stranger." I ducked my head embarrassed. "Thank you for … volunteering."

He put two finger beneath my chin and tipped my face up so I was forced to look at him. "Leannan, do you not know how bonnie you are? You've probably never met a man who didn't want ye and with the promise of a dowry besides the Mackenzie would have had plenty of willing volunteers far worthier than I to pick from."

"Why did you volunteer … to marry me I mean?" I asked and it was his turn to look away.

Sam shrugged. "In truth , leannan, the words fair flew out of my mouth the moment the Mackenzie said you needed a husband and I didn't give it much consideration, but when I had a moment to think it seemed we'd suit very well."

"Why?" I asked warily wondering if he was about to tell me it was my dowry that suited him.

Sam paused as if considering his answer for a moment. "Being a bastard sets a man apart. I'm not quite good enough for the fine, but the common men won't accept me as one of them either. I'm a strainseir who doesn't fit in anywhere."

I nodded, but I was surprised that this man who seemed to exude cockiness and confidence considered himself an outsider.

"When you ran away you became a strainseir too. No fine Laird would take you to wife anymore, but you couldn't marry a common man either. I thought if we married I could protect you from the worst of it. You could bring me up a bit in the world, while I'd keep you from falling too far, and we'd have each other to keep company with."

"That's very sweet," I said touched by his concern for me.

He pulled me to him then and gave me a long, deep kiss that took my breath. When he released me he played with a lock of my hair. "I may not be worthy of you, leannan, but I'll do everything I can to be a good husband to you."

He spoke quietly but I could feel the swell of emotion behind his words me and knew that he meant what he said.

"Do you trust me to take care of you, Catriona?" Sam whispered in my ear.

"Yes." I said without hesitation.

Sam held me away from him so he could look in my eyes and his brow creased in a frown. "Then will you tell me the truth now of how you came to be in the graveyard that night? I fear I can't keep you safe unless I know the whole of it."

Well," I said mimicking his earlier words in a mocking tone, "it's a bit of a long story. Are you sure you'll be wanting to hear it now?"

He didn't laugh at my attempt at a joke and his tone was serious when he said, "Yes, I want to hear it all."

And so I settled back and began at the beginning telling him everything. I told him of Finn's letters to me, his proposal and even how angry Eoghann was when he found out. I told him about Angus and my aunt and uncle and finally about Jamesina.

Sam didn't interrupt or hurry me. He just listened until I was finished then he drew me into the crook of his shoulder and settled me there before kissing me on the forehead. "You need not fear Angus anymore, leannan. You have me and all the Mackenzie warriors to protect you now."

I thought of Sam standing over the fallen MacDonnel warrior dripping with his blood and I knew his boast was not an idle one, but I wasn't completely reassured. I had been taken once and I knew it could happen again. I would never feel completely safe again.

We were both looking at the ceiling when he said. "I wish you had told me the truth about who you were from the first, leannan. It would have made things easier for you."

I wondered how the truth might have changed my life. Would I be lying in Sam's arms now if I had convinced Conrad of my true identity that night? I doubted it. Conrad would probably have tried to figure some way to use my misfortunes to his advantage. Then I realized that was exactly what Laird Mackenzie had done.

Sam turned to look at me and our faces were just inches apart. "Will you promise me there will be no more lies between us? Will you give me your word that you will tell me the truth from now on if I promise you the same?"

It seemed right that there should be no secrets between man and wife. I had never liked lying to Sam. "I promise. I will always tell you the truth."

"And I give you my word that I will speak only the truth to you." He paused and looked closely at my face, "Leannan, do you love him, this Finn?"

"I don't," I paused. I had promised him honesty, "think so."

Sam was silent a moment and I wanted to ask him if he was in love with Lady Grant, but I was afraid to hear the answer so I asked instead, "Why did you offer for me, Sam?"

Because you were already mine," he said simply.

His words rang true. Sam had claimed me long before he'd offered to marry me or taken my maidenhead. I'd felt it that day on the riverbank. It was why I'd run from him so desperately. I'd known even then that I was already his and now he was mine as well. We were married for better or for worse till death do us part. My heart was beating against my ribs like a caged bird. There was no undoing our marriage and that thought terrified me.

Sam put out the candle. "Sleep awhile, leannan." He lay down behind me and pulled me close so we were spooned together and drew the counterpane more closely about us.

It was nice to have someone warm sleeping next to me in bed. I supposed that was one of the great advantages of being married. You didn't have to sleep alone anymore. Someone would always be there when you woke up scared in the middle of the night, but I was too horrified by what I had done to sleep. I just lay quietly listening to Sam's deep, even breathing and taking comfort in his warm presence while I waited for my panic to subside.

Sam awakened me sometime during the night with tender kisses to the back of my neck. The fire had burned to embers and the room was pitch black. I turned over and moved myself toward him until we were face to face.

"I want you, leannan. Will you have me? I promise I'll be verra gentle" he whispered in my ear.

I nodded my ascent and he pulled my nightgown up over my head. My nipples puckered in the cold air and I shivered. He gathered me up against him and I realized he was naked too as he pulled me down until my pubic bone met his already hard cock.

Sam had been gentle before, but this time he was unbearably tender. He barely touched his lips to mine as he kissed me running his hands over my face like a blind man trying to see with his fingers. He ran his hands down my neck and shoulders delicately until he covered my breasts with his palms. Slowly he moved them against me as if he was polishing the most delicate glass.

When my hips began to move against his he groaned and moved a gentle hand to my buttock barely touching me there with his finger tips. I felt the wetness growing between my legs and my breathing became as ragged as his. "Sam, please!" I breathed.

He dropped his hands then and slowly spread the lips of my sex with just the tip of his finger and rested it against the swollen bud hidden there. "What do you want, leannan?"

"You!" I said in a ragged whisper. "I want you!"

Very gently he replaced his finger with the tip of his cock. I moved against him and he groaned. I rubbed my bud gently against the tip of his cock slowly at first then faster and faster. Sam groaned as if he was in pain.

He took my hand and placed it on his rock hard shaft. "Put me inside you. I won't move. I don't want to hurt you."

With infinite slowness I eased him inside my hot slick opening inch by inch. I felt no pain only a little tenderness. I slid myself further and further down his shaft until he was buried to the root and I felt the wonderful fullness inside me. Sam didn't move but I could feel him quaking all over with need.

I began to move sliding up and down, up and down very slowly until I found the friction I needed. Then I moved faster pressing harder and harder against him trying to find a release for the tension that gathered there. As I pressed and stroked myself against him the pressure built unbearably, until I was slamming myself wildly against him. I felt my body tighten and jerk with the first shocks of pleasure. I writhed and whimpered against him calling out, "Sam, yes! Oh, yes, Sam!" as the pleasure flooded through me. My insides tightened and my flesh clenched around him, but he barely moved as I felt him shudder against me and something warm rushed from his body into mine.

I lay helpless and panting against him for several long moments feeling boneless and perfectly relaxed.

"Did I hurt you, leannan?"

"Oh no, it was anything but pain. It was pleasure, pure pleasure?"

I smiled then and turned away from him snuggling my back up against his front. He put his arm across my waist and pulled me closer. "I'm sorry I hurt you earlier, leannan."

Then I realized our lovemaking had been part of Sam's apology to me and smiled.

"Sleep now, leanan," he whispered.

And this time I did.

 _ **I've had some comments about Sam being too perfect. I am hoping his issues are pretty obvious after the last two chapters. I'd like to know how you feel about Sam now? Zay called me out on the practicalities as usual. Do you think my explanation of how he knows she's a virgin works? I could just turn the lights on! How are you feeling about their sex life? I was trying to portray Sam as the experienced lover with Cat learning fast. Their bond is supposed to be instinctual and sexual leaving their rational minds to catch up. Have I portrayed that? What can I do to improve?**_


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

I woke feeling cold. I opened one eye to the early morning light that was streaming in through the window and saw Sam sitting on the bed next to me staring down at my naked body. I opened the other eye and saw that he was in a state of nakedness himself.

"Good morning, leannan. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I just wanted to look at you. Your skin is so beautiful. It gleams like a pearl all white and pink and blue." He trailed one finger down my arm making me shiver.

He cupped his hand under my breast squeezing it gently. "And your breasts, God your breasts they're so perfect with your tiny nipples like strawberries." He bent and suckled my puckered nipple and I jerked in surprise. He smiled wickedly and ran his hand lower down trailing his fingers across my ribs, my stomach and then lower still until he pressed the heel of his palm against the thatch of dark hair between my legs. "And your quim, leannan, God, your quim is so lovely." He bent his head suddenly and kissed me there.

I laughed and pushed his head away. "Stop it!" Then I pulled the sheet up to cover my nakedness. "You're embarrassing me."

"Why ? I'm telling you you're the bonniest naked lass I've ever seen."

"Oh, and how many lasses have you seen naked?"

He smiled. "I don't rightly know, but none of them were as bonnie as you, and none of them were my wife."

He lay down beside me and propped himself up on one elbow staring at my face. "I love to see your hair down around your face." He ran his hand through my mussed hair picking up a curl and pulling it out gently. "It's soft like silk and dark as the night." He kissed the lock of hair he held before letting it drop.

"Your eyes are a different color every time I look at them. Sometimes they're blue like a sapphire and sometimes they're violet like a storm cloud. They tilt down ever so slightly at the corners there." He pointed the corner of my eye with his finger. "And your lashes are so long and dark that they look like wings lying against your cheeks when you sleep."

"Have you been watching me sleep?"

"Just since daybreak, you wouldn't let me look at you last night, leannan, and I was longing to see all of my bride."

I thought of Finn's compliments and wondered if Sam truly meant what he said. "And you like what you see?"

"I think everything about you is perfect. Even this little mark right here." He kissed the little raised brown mole on my face just below the corner of my mouth.

I looked up at Sam. He was the perfect one. He looked at me with those intense aqua eyes. His thick brown hair was hanging loose to his shoulders and the shadow of a beard grew on his square chin under his crooked nose. He was smiling at me with his lower lip jutting out so invitingly.

"I'm not perfect," I said, "I could make a long list of my flaws.

Sam took my hand and held it against his hard cock. "See how bonnie I find you."

Sam was all muscle and sinew under golden skin. The brown hairs on his deep chest curled around little beige nipples. My eyes followed the V of hair down from his chest to his swollen cock where he had placed my hand. I stroked it and he groaned. It was smooth yet hard like a sword encased in velvet. Amused by my new play thing I stroked him until his breathing grew ragged and he pulled my hand away.

"Enough, leannan, or I will spill my seed in your hand."

"I would like to see that." I reached for him again but he caught my hand and kissed it.

"Two can play at this game." He kissed my palm then my wrist and then he kissed his way down the inside of my arm raising goose bumps until he turned his head and took my hard nipple in his mouth. He had me moaning in minutes twisting and writhing with need.

He raised his head and looked down at me with smoldering eyes. "I want you, leannan, but I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't!"

He kissed me with his tongue pillaging my mouth and all the while he worked his knee between my legs widening them until he positioned himself there and slid inside me. I was slick with need and I welcomed him with pleasure as he filled me.

"Wrap your legs around me, Leannan."

I complied wrapping my legs around his back. He reached behind his back pulling my legs higher around his waist until I was positioned tightly against him. Then he moved inside me and I sucked in my breath at the feeling. He moved very slowly at first until I caught his rhythm. With my hips rocked forward I could feel the pleasure of the friction and my need grew. I began to urge him on with my own movements and as the tension built I was pushing myself harder and harder against him. "Faster, faster!" I breathed into his ear as I dug my heels into his back.

He complied moving against me faster and harder and faster until my pleasure fractured and then exploded. I let out a shout of pure joy that Sam quickly stifled by covering my mouth with his hand as he drove himself deeper and deeper inside me. "Leannan, oh God, leannan that feels so good!" he whispered hoarsely. Then I felt him jerk against me and the gush of his seed.

He lowered his body down on top of mine for a moment panting and I clutched him against me wanting to remain joined with him forever, but too soon his weight made it difficult to breathe and I pushed against his chest.

He rolled off me then propping himself on his elbow and looking down at me with drowsy eyes. "I'll never tire of you, leannan. I plan keep you here all day swivening you and then sleeping until I get enough strength to do it again."

I rolled to my side and propped myself up on my elbow until we were nose to nose. "I refuse stay here starving all day. I hardly ate anything yesterday and I'm famished."

"Ah well, I suppose I must feed you if I want you to keep that round ass of yours." He slapped me playfully on the buttocks.

Sam rose and picked his shirt up off the floor pulling it over his head. I watched as the fabric fell over his wide shoulders and down to his muscular buttocks where it rested a moment against the swell of his pale butt cheeks before Sam pulled it down and turned back to me. "Promise me you'll be right here in this bed when I return."

"Can't I at least put my robe on and eat my breakfast at the table?"

Sam sat down in the chair and shook his head. "You may not." He pulled one of his stockings over a muscular calf.

"Am I to be allowed no modesty at all?"

Sam pulled on his other stocking and surveyed the room for his breeks locating them on the floor next to his chair. "You can be as modest as a nun in public my bride, but not when you're alone with me." He stood and pulled on his breeks then walked to the bed.

Sam bent and kissed the top of my head. "I'm your husband and I can't see enough of you."

I pouted. "I can't spend the whole day lying here like this."

Sam finished dressing and walked to the door. He stopped and looked over his shoulder and said sternly. "If you're not lying naked in that bed when I return, I'll not let you have a bite to eat." With that he left the chamber closing the door behind him.

I didn't think Sam meant it, but I remained where I was until he returned. I was far too ravenous to risk the loss of my breakfast and then I fell asleep.

 __ _ **Here's a bonus chapter thanks to my day off today. I hope you don't think it's going to be all sex from now on. I just wanted to give the kids a romantic honeymoon. Am I hitting the sweet spot between sexual and romantic? Your advice is welcome. More to come Thursday.**_


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 23

I woke feeling cold. I opened one eye to the early morning light that was streaming in through the window and saw Sam sitting on the bed next to me staring down at my naked body. I opened the other eye and saw that he was in a state of nakedness himself.

"Good morning, leannan. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I just wanted to look at you. Your skin is so beautiful. It gleams like a pearl all white and pink and blue." He trailed one finger down my arm making me shiver.

He cupped his hand under my breast squeezing it gently. "And your breasts, God your breasts they're so perfect with your tiny nipples like strawberries." He bent and suckled my puckered nipple and I jerked in surprise. He smiled wickedly and ran his hand lower down trailing his fingers across my ribs, my stomach and then lower still until he pressed the heel of his palm against the thatch of dark hair between my legs. "And your quim, leannan, God, your quim is so lovely." He bent his head suddenly and kissed me there.

I laughed and pushed his head away. "Stop it!" Then I pulled the sheet up to cover my nakedness. "You're embarrassing me."

"Why ? I'm telling you you're the bonniest naked lass I've ever seen."

"Oh, and how many lasses have you seen naked?"

He smiled. "I don't rightly know, but none of them were as bonnie as you, and none of them were my wife."

He lay down beside me and propped himself up on one elbow staring at my face. "I love to see your hair down around your face." He ran his hand through my mussed hair picking up a curl and pulling it out gently. "It's soft like silk and dark as the night." He kissed the lock of hair he held before letting it drop.

"Your eyes are a different color every time I look at them. Sometimes they're blue like a sapphire and sometimes they're violet like a storm cloud. They tilt down ever so slightly at the corners there." He pointed the corner of my eye with his finger. "And your lashes are so long and dark that they look like wings lying against your cheeks when you sleep."

"Have you been watching me sleep?"

"Just since daybreak, you wouldn't let me look at you last night, leannan, and I was longing to see all of my bride."

I thought of Finn's compliments and wondered if Sam truly meant what he said. "And you like what you see?"

"I think everything about you is perfect. Even this little mark right here." He kissed the little raised brown mole on my face just below the corner of my mouth.

I looked up at Sam. He was the perfect one. He looked at me with those intense aqua eyes. His thick brown hair was hanging loose to his shoulders and the shadow of a beard grew on his square chin under his crooked nose. He was smiling at me with his lower lip jutting out so invitingly.

"I'm not perfect," I said, "I could make a long list of my flaws.

Sam took my hand and held it against his hard cock. "See how bonnie I find you."

Sam was all muscle and sinew under golden skin. The brown hairs on his deep chest curled around little beige nipples. My eyes followed the V of hair down from his chest to his swollen cock where he had placed my hand. I stroked it and he groaned. It was smooth yet hard like a sword encased in velvet. Amused by my new play thing I stroked him until his breathing grew ragged and he pulled my hand away.

"Enough, leannan, or I will spill my seed in your hand."

"I would like to see that." I reached for him again but he caught my hand and kissed it.

"Two can play at this game." He kissed my palm then my wrist and then he kissed his way down the inside of my arm raising goose bumps until he turned his head and took my hard nipple in his mouth. He had me moaning in minutes twisting and writhing with need.

He raised his head and looked down at me with smoldering eyes. "I want you, leannan, but I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't!"

He kissed me with his tongue pillaging my mouth and all the while he worked his knee between my legs widening them until he positioned himself there and slid inside me. I was slick with need and I welcomed him with pleasure as he filled me.

"Wrap your legs around me, Leannan."

I complied wrapping my legs around his back. He reached behind his back pulling my legs higher around his waist until I was positioned tightly against him. Then he moved inside me and I sucked in my breath at the feeling. He moved very slowly at first until I caught his rhythm. With my hips rocked forward I could feel the pleasure of the friction and my need grew. I began to urge him on with my own movements and as the tension built I was pushing myself harder and harder against him. "Faster, faster!" I breathed into his ear as I dug my heels into his back.

He complied moving against me faster and harder and faster until my pleasure fractured and then exploded. I let out a shout of pure joy that Sam quickly stifled by covering my mouth with his hand as he drove himself deeper and deeper inside me. "Leannan, oh God, leannan that feels so good!" he whispered hoarsely. Then I felt him jerk against me and the gush of his seed.

He lowered his body down on top of mine for a moment panting and I clutched him against me wanting to remain joined with him forever, but too soon his weight made it difficult to breathe and I pushed against his chest.

He rolled off me then propping himself on his elbow and looking down at me with drowsy eyes. "I'll never tire of you, leannan. I plan keep you here all day swivening you and then sleeping until I get enough strength to do it again."

I rolled to my side and propped myself up on my elbow until we were nose to nose. "I refuse stay here starving all day. I hardly ate anything yesterday and I'm famished."

"Ah well, I suppose I must feed you if I want you to keep that round ass of yours." He slapped me playfully on the buttocks.

Sam rose and picked his shirt up off the floor pulling it over his head. I watched as the fabric fell over his wide shoulders and down to his muscular buttocks where it rested a moment against the swell of his pale butt cheeks before Sam pulled it down and turned back to me. "Promise me you'll be right here in this bed when I return."

"Can't I at least put my robe on and eat my breakfast at the table?"

Sam sat down in the chair and shook his head. "You may not." He pulled one of his stockings over a muscular calf.

"Am I to be allowed no modesty at all?"

Sam pulled on his other stocking and surveyed the room for his breeks locating them on the floor next to his chair. "You can be as modest as a nun in public my bride, but not when you're alone with me." He stood and pulled on his breeks then walked to the bed.

Sam bent and kissed the top of my head. "I'm your husband and I can't see enough of you."

I pouted. "I can't spend the whole day lying here like this."

Sam finished dressing and walked to the door. He stopped and looked over his shoulder and said sternly. "If you're not lying naked in that bed when I return, I'll not let you have a bite to eat." With that he left the chamber closing the door behind him.

I didn't think Sam meant it, but I remained where I was until he returned. I was far too ravenous to risk the loss of my breakfast and then I fell asleep.

 __ _ **Here's a bonus chapter thanks to my day off today. I hope you don't think it's going to be all sex from now on. I just wanted to give the kids a romantic honeymoon. Am I hitting the sweet spot between sexual and romantic? Your advice is welcome. More to come Thursday.**_


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 24/25

I roused when Sam returned with a rattling tray bearing freshly fried bannocks, honey, plums, cheese, porridge, tea and a crock of fresh cream.

I moved to get up. "Surely you have enough for four there."

Sam gave me a quelling look. "Don't move. I'm going to feed you breakfast in bed."

I propped a pillow up against the head of the bed and leaned back against it pulling the sheet up under my chin.

Sam sat the tray down on the table next to the bed then gently pulled away the sheet until I was completely exposed again. I started to protest, but he gave me a stern look and said, "Are you hungry or no?"

I rolled my eyes but said nothing.

Sam cut off a piece of the cheese and held it out for me to eat from his fingers. I was tempted to bite him but instead I bent my head forward and took the cheese. It was soft and creamy in texture. I chewed it slowly savoring the nutty taste until I swallowed.

He held out a ripe plum. I bit into it gently but the skin was tough and wouldn't give so I bit harder and it burst open. The flesh inside was sweet and ripe and the juice ran down my chin. Before I could wipe it away Sam kissed my chin and sucked it away himself making me laugh. I finished the plum taking small neat bites and chewy carefully while Sam watched me closely. Then I licked my lips and I saw his pupils widen.

Sam tore a piece off one of the bannocks and dipped it in the honey. He held it out for me to eat, and as I nibbled a drop of honey dripped down onto my breast. It lay there in a golden glob just above my nipple. Sam looked at me and turned up the corner of his mouth in a smile before he bent his head to lick it away. I felt his hot breath on my nipple and then his tongue flicking against the honey as he licked it clean.

Sam picked up the little wooden dipper from the honey pot, raised one eyebrow and smiled wickedly at me. Honey flowed from the egg shaped end of the dipper back into the pot. I felt a little thrill of anticipation as our eyes met and I wondered what he intended to do with the honey as the flow slowed to a stream. The end of the dipper was carved with a groove that wound around it from top to bottom. I watched with nervous fascination as he continued to twist the dipper round and round until the honey stopped dripping and the clung inside the grooves.

Then very carefully he moved the dipper without spilling a drop until he held it just over my nipple. With infinite patience he began to drizzle the honey until he had painted my entire nipple. The honey clung to my hardened nipple for a long moment and Sam stared at it with concentration unit I took a breath and the honey began to run across my breast in a rivulet towards the outside of my breast. Sam bent his head to catch it with his tongue licking his way to my nipple where he suckled until all the honey was gone and my tender nipple was taut and aching with pleasure edged with pain. When he'd finished giving the same attention to my other breast my need for him was urgent and my hips were grinding against the mattress of their own volition.

I watched with breathless anticipation as Sam prepared the honey dipper again wondering what he intended and longing for him to put an end to this torture and release my pleasure. He spread my legs and moved between them lowering himself until his head was just above my mound.

"Sam, what are you doing?" I said my voice squeaking with panic as I tried to close my legs.

"Be still," he said crossly putting his big hand on my inner thigh to prevent me.

I lay still and a thrill shot through me as he parted the lips of my sex. I felt the cool sticky honey dribbling onto my little nub and running down between my legs. Sam returned the dipper to the pot, bent his head and very slowly began to lick the honey away until I thought I would lose my mind with pleasure.

The feelings were so intense as he sucked and licked at me that I tried to push him away, but he paid me no heed and as I squirmed against his tongue the pleasure grew even more unbearable. I started to buck and moan twisting my fingers in his hair as he flicked his tongue against me and drove the wave of my pleasure higher and higher until it crested and broke over me with explosive force. I let out a wail as spasms of intense pleasure rippled through me again and again until I was left drained and limp.

Sam raised himself until his head rested on my stomach and looked up at me with his long lashed blue eyes. "Did you like that, leannan?"

"Yes," I said out of breath, "Oh yes, but where on earth did you learn that?"

He put an innocent look on his face. "I can't say as I recall."

Sam raised himself up until he was supporting himself on his arms above me with his pelvis resting between my legs. He pushed his hard cock still bound by the confinement of his breeks against me.

Suddenly I felt embarrassed again. I murmured, "Do I taste…"

Sam bent and kissed me deep and long thrusting his tongue into my mouth and swirling it against my own. I tasted honey and the tang of my own fluids before he raised his head and said, "Ah leanan, I meant to pleasure only you this time, but I want you again." He rubbed his cock against me as said he it.

Between panting breaths I managed to say, "Yes, I want you."

He stood and stripped off his breeks then pulled his shirt over his head in one swift motion throwing it aside on the floor. "I promise to be quick, leannan, I'm about to burst."

He was back between my legs in a trice. I grabbed his buttock with each hand and pulled him against me burying him to the root and catching my breath as he rubbed against the slight soreness there. He moved against me then in quick hard strokes and I found the pain blending with pleasure until they became one in the same. I ground myself against him encouraging more violence as he thrust deeper and deeper. This time the pleasure was not so intense as before but it seemed to come from somewhere deep inside me. I made little whimpers as each thrust made contact with the pleasure point on the wall of my womb. He drove into me again and again and I felt a jolt of pleasure with each movement. Then I felt my womb seizing and clenching around him. Sam gave a cry and thrust his hips hard against mine one last time before laying still.

He rolled next to me and we both lay there quietly staring at the ceiling and trying to recover our breathing and our wits.

When we finally returned to our breakfast the porridge was quite cold. This time Sam allowed me to feed myself. I had finished a bowl of the cool porridge, another bannock and a plum and I was sucking the last of the plum's flesh from the pit when I noticed Sam staring at me with that smoky look in his eye.

"Sam, you can't possibly want to …"

He interrupted me. "I thought I wanted to keep you here all day, leannan, but perhaps we should go out for a wee boat ride and a picnic. I'd hate to swiven my new bride to death on the verra first day of our married life."

"Yes, that's wonderful idea . It looks like a lovely day," I agreed. The sunshine was streaming brightly in from the windows and I hoped a little rowing might tire Sam out a bit because my nether regions could use some rest from his attentions.

Sam dressed in his very rumpled shirt and breeks and left me then saying he would send Jenny to me while he found us a boat and someone pack a lunch.

When Jenny appeared shortly I had washed myself as best I could, donned my nightgown and robe and made up the bed clothes over the hopelessly stained and sticky sheets.

Jenny carried a towel, a pitcher of steaming water and fresh sheet over her arm. There was a knowing smile on her face, but all she said was, "Why Mistress Mackenzie, don't you look well this morning. Slept soundly did ya?"

The saucy wench! "Yes, Jenny I did. Master Mackenzie and I are planning a picnic and I need you to help me dress."

"Oh, aye, I thought you might want a bit of a wash this morning as well."

"Yes a wash would be nice."

Jenny threw out the pink water in the basin without comment and refilled it with hot water from her pitcher."

"Jenny, do you know what happened to the dress I wore here? I can hardly wear my wedding gown for a picnic on the loch."

"Och, Lady Mackenzie bade us burn it."

"Oh, I see." I would either have to remain in my room or wear my satin gown everywhere.

"But she had Marjorie alter a few more dresses for you mistress, there in the wardrobe, yon." She pointed to the tall wardrobe in the corner of the room with burl walnut doors.

I walked over to the wardrobe and opened it. I was delighted to see the emerald green gown, the pink gown, and two more serviceable gowns. One was of blue wool and the other a blue and brown tartan.

"How on earth did she have time to do all that?" I noticed masculine clothing hanging in the wardrobe next to mine and felt confused for a moment before I realized it belonged to my husband.

"Marjorie sewed all during your wedding day, mistress. She said it wouldn't do for you to go round raggedy being a lady and all."

"Well you must thank her for me. She's a wonder that woman."

"So Lady Mackenzie says as well."

Jenny changed the sheets on the bed while I washed myself more thoroughly. She was uncharacteristically discreet, whisking the old sheets away with only a smirk in my direction. Then she dressed me in the blue wool and arranged my hair in short order. She was already gone when Sam returned with a basket full of lunch.

Noticing Sam wearing his rumpled wedding clothes I pointed toward the cabinet in the corner, "They've put your clothes in the wardrobe if you want to change."

Sam looked down at himself, "Oh, aye."

He stripped off his clothes leaving them on the chair. If he suffered any self consciousness about me seeing his naked body he didn't show it. He walked around in the nude just as confidently as if he were fully clothed and I found myself taking discreet looks at his body. He was beautiful, tall and long limbed, and he moved with the grace of a man who lived by his strength and skill. Wide shoulders tapered down to a taut waist and muscled haunches above long legs that were muscular from thigh to ankle. When he turned I saw his cock dangling small and soft in front of bollocks nestled in soft brown curls. I wondered at his cock's change in appearance and then I saw it jerk.

"If you don't want to be on your back beneath me again, leannan, you best stop staring at my cock."

I looked away as he pulled a clean shirt over his head and felt a hot blush rising.

"My cock isn't hard all the time, leannan. It grows when I want ye, but I suppose you haven't had much occasion to see me without a cock stand yet."

I did in fact know that his cock was not hard all the time. I had just been curious to see it soft.

"I'm decently covered, leannan. You can turn around."

He was dressed in a plain shirt and a tartan, hunting kilt of muted greens and grays, and he looked much more like the Sam I was used to which served to remind me just how little I knew him. A prickle of apprehension made me frown.

Sam held out his arm, "Are you ready then, wife?"

I was nervous at the thought of meeting anyone on the way to our picnic. Jenny's smirking had been bad enough, but if we ran into some of Conrad's men the chaffing would be far worse.

I blurted out, "Do you think everyone knows what we've been doing in here?"

"Likely, all but the bairns," Sam smiled broadly, "did you think we invented swivening, leannan?"

"It's just embarrassing. How will I face people knowing they're thinking about me doing …that?"

"Well how did you face them before, leannan, because I doubt there's a man in this castle that hasn't pictured himself swivening you!"

"That's ridiculous. Just because you …"

He interrupted me. "I'm telling you true, leannan. When a man sees a bonnie lass swivening her is the first thing he thinks of. You should have heard what Conrad's men said about ye."

I stared at him in disbelief. "They never said anything to me."

"That's because I threatened to beat the life out of them if they did. You've got a lot to learn about men, leannan. We've very, dirty minds and a lad will do just about anything to get a lass he wants into his bed. You're lucky you have me now to protect your virtue."

"Is that what you've been doing?" I laughed.

"Well, perhaps I should say I've been protecting it for myself." He hugged me to him and bent to kiss me.

We were lucky in our walk through the keep. Aside from a few giggling chamber maids and smiling kitchen servants we saw no one except the kindly Mrs. McCready who simply curtsied and said, "Good morning, Master Mackenzie, Mistress Mackenzie."

When we reached the courtyard our luck ran out. Conrad was speaking to Mungo, Hugh and Henry next to some horses saddled and bearing supplies.

"Good morning to you Sam!" Conrad called out when he caught sight of us. "Did you rest well Mistress Mackenzie?"

"Fine, thank you." I said hoping that would bring an end to it.

"You look a bit fached, Sam." Hugh said with a grin. "Something keep you up last night?"

"I very much enjoyed my rest," Sam said.

This garnered chuckles and laughs from the group.

"Are you about to take a journey, lads?" Sam asked pointing at the horses.

Conrad said, "The Laird wants to know what the MacDonnels have made of your bride's disappearance."

"Ah!" Sam frowned. "I wonder that he didn't send me along with ye."

"I believe he thought you might prefer a little more time with your bride," Conrad said, "but don't worry the Mackenzie will have you back out on the road again soon enough."

"If you wish to trade places wi' me I'm willing enough to care for your bride while you're gone!" Henry said with a big smile on his face while all the lads smirked and chuckled.

"You best keep a proper distance from my wife or you'll find yourself wishing you had," Sam said shaking his fist theatrically.

They all chuckled again and Henry slapped Sam on the back.

"Mungo, could I have a private word?" Sam asked.

Mungo smiled showing his pointy teeth then followed Sam to the corner behind the well.

Conrad stroked his gray beard with his fingers and looked down at me. "So lass, I hope you'll not be forgetting the promises you made now that you're safely married."

"Promises?"

"Yes, stick to the story. The MacDonnels are your enemies now as surely as they are mine and you best remember that when you meet your brother again."

I gave him a cold look, but nodded my assent.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sam clap Mungo on the back as they walked back towards us.

Conrad saw him too and moved away from me. "Saddle up, lads," he called out, "Best you be going. The Laird is anxious for some answers."

Mungo and the twins mounted their horses.

"God speed." Conrad said giving Mungo's horse a swat on the rear.

"Safe journey," I added as they trotted toward the gate.

" I'll be leaving the two of you to enjoy married life, then " Conrad said as he tipped his bonnet, "Good day to you."

"Good day, Conrad," Sam said.

"Good day," I managed.

After Conrad walked away I asked, "What were you speaking to Mungo about?"

"I wanted him to try and find out a bit more about Angus MacDonnel. If what Jamesina told you about him is true there are bound to be rumors about other lasses."

"I'm quite sure it's true," I said angrily.

"Then the girl would do better to have someone else to support her claims about Angus, no?"

"Yes, that was clever of you. Thank you."

"And what was Conrad talking with you about?" Sam asked.

"He wanted to make sure I would stick to my story about the MacDonnels attacking me on Frazer land."

"Ah," Sam looked down at me his mouth held in a stern line, "and will ye?"

"Yes, or course, I promised the Laird I would but…"

He jerked his chin. "But what?"

I looked away, "I'm just not a very good liar."

Sam took my chin in his hands until I met his eyes and stared down at me. "Well you best practice then for I don't want to be shedding any of your clansmen's blood."

I nodded but it made me feel very uncomfortable to be conspiring against my brothers even if it was with my husband, and I didn't like being reminded of the terrible mess I'd left for my family at home.

We walked in silence from the courtyard to the wide quay behind the castle. Many crafts were docked there including the Laird's own galleon, but after a word with the guards an old man with a shock of white hair and skin like tanned leather pointed us to a small but solid looking skiff. Sam handed me into the shallow bottomed craft and I sat carefully on the wooden bench in the front before taking the lunch basket Sam held out to me. He followed me into the boat and it swayed just a little as he untied the rope that moored it.

"You look a bit nervous, leannan. Do you not trust me to row you safely."

"The loch is just so … large."

"Is your home not on a loch, lass?"

"It is but not such a vast one. This seems more of an ocean than a loch."

Sam pulled on the oars and we moved swiftly away from the dock. After we were some ways away Sam held one of the oars flat making the boat sway and I squealed.

He laughed. "Don't fache, leannan. Haven't I've already proved I can save you from drowning?"

I laughed. "You villain, I just don't fancy being wearing a soaking wet gown again. Are you an experienced sailor? Can you promise to keep me dry?"

"Dry enough, you can't be a soldier without spending a good deal of time on ships. They're often the fastest way to get troops where you need them."

The day was sunny and the breeze off the loch pleasant if a bit cool. As Sam rowed I enjoyed the sun on my face and the wind in my hair. It was a short trip to the sandy cove where Sam rowed us inland. He took off his boots before plunging in and dragging the boat ashore. I stood holding the picnic basket out to Sam but he bent and grabbed me behind the knees picking me up.

"Put me down," I squealed, "You're going to drop me!"

Sam gave me a playful smack on the rear end. "Stop your wriggling or I might." He carried me past the sandy pebbled shore before sitting me down on a rock.

"Here, best take off your shoes too. You've only the one pair." He flipped up my skirt and untied the laces of my borrowed slipper. He pulled it off and held my foot in his hand stroking my instep with his thumb.

I gave him a strained smile. The rowing hadn't seemed to tire him, but his rubbing thumb was starting to tickle a bit so I pulled my foot away. "That tickles," I said apologetically.

He picked up my foot and kissed my instep. "I can barely touch you without wanting ye, leannan."

"You better stop touching me then because I'm far too sore to accommodate you again right now."

One corner of his mouth turned up ruefully and he sighed heavily. "Ah weel, if you won't let me admire your feet perhaps we could explore a bit. There's a cave down the shore a way." He removed my other shoe but refrained from tickling my instep this time.

We strolled along the shore barefoot enjoying the sunshine and the water. I showed Sam how to build a castle with dribbles of wet, muddy sand and he insisted that our keep must be properly constructed for defense with a bastion, portcullis, thick surrounding walls and mote. Then he amused himself by planning attacks to its defenses with sticks for soldiers and pebbles for cannon balls until he'd destroyed it.

"Has anyone ever told you you're a bit destructive?" I said testily.

Sam looked at me sideways his eyes glinting with amusement."Oh aye, most of the Lairds I've lent my sword to have told me that at one time or another, but they thought it one of my better qualities."

He stood up and brushed sand from his knees. "Shall I show you how to skip stones?"

He put out his hand to me but I swatted it away. "You shall not, conceited lad. My father showed me how years ago," I found my feet without his help, "In fact, I'm better at it than all my brothers."

"Is that a challenge then? Shall we see who can skip one the farthest?"

"Tis a challenge I shall win!"

"Would you care to place a wager on it then?"

"I have no coin."

"Aye," His eyes swept over me from lips to ankle and back again. "but you have many things of value to trade."

I shook my head. "I told you I was sore."

"Ah weel," he shrugged, "if you're too scared to wager, leannan…"

Challenged I found myself protesting, "I am not too scared! What do you want to wager?"

He rubbed his stubbled chin with his palm and looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "If I win I shall take you into that cave and have my way with you."

"And if I win?"

He sighed. "Then I promise I shall not have you again till the sun sets. Is it a deal?"

"If I win you shall not have me again until the sun rises!"

Sam gave me a narrow eyed, assessing look. "If you win I shall not have you again until the sun rises," he paused, "unless you give me your permission."

Not exactly what I asked for but it would do. I agreed and we began searching for our stones.

I looked about the shore for some time until I found a flat stone with a sort of triangle shape about the size of my palm. "Found it." I cried triumphantly.

"About time. I don't know what you were making such a to do over one flat stone is as good as another if you're skilled!"

"Picking the stone is the most important part. You'll see," I said smugly coming to stand beside Sam on the shore.

"Are you ready then?" Sam asked.

"I'm ready."

"Whoever skips the stone with the most bounces before it sinks wins and you're disqualified if you step into the water. Do you want to go first?" Sam asked gallantly.

"No, you go ahead. Then I'll know how many hops I need to beat you."

Sam smirked then he turned his body at a slight angle to the water and leaned back. Holding his arm at hip level he brought his arm back then released his stone. It bounced one, two, three, four times before sinking.

Sam turned to me with a triumphant smile. "Your turn, leannan."

I stood up straight and faced the water at a slight angle with my hand low. I put my thumb on top of the stone and my middle finger underneath it hooking my index finger along the edge.

I threw out and down at the same time flicking my wrist at the last to give it some spin. It hit parallel with the water and skipped one, two, three, four, five times.

I gave a whoop and jumped up into the air. "See, I told you I was good at this."

"Indeed you did, lass. I see I should have taken more notice of what you said," He reached out and rubbed one thumb gently down my cheek, "It's going to be a long and lonely night."

I grinned.

"You say your father taught you."

"Yes, one day he found me crying because I could never beat my big brothers at any of their games. My father hated to see me cry so he told me he could teach me how to skip stones better than any of them if I would only stop crying. He did, of course, but I had to practice quite a few years before I could finally beat them all."

"I shall endeavor not to underestimate you in the future, leannan. Your father was a fine teacher and you a determined student."

"What was your fa… I mean the old Laird like, Sam? You never speak of him."

Sam frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "That's because there isn't much to say. We saw very little of each other. He traveled a great deal and when he was at home I only saw him at meals and family gatherings where he was far too busy to notice me. We barely spoke. In fact I often wondered why he bothered to bring me here at all."

"Because you were his son and he wanted you with him."

Sam made a disgusted snorting noise. "He spent more time speaking to his groom than he did to me."

"But surely you and the old Laird had some things you liked to do together."

"He used to come sometimes and watch me training especially with the broadsword. He'd observe me from afar like some Roman Ceasar watching one of his gladiators. He never said anything to me while I sparred, but sometimes he would call Conrad over and speak to him. Then Conrad would come back with some suggestion on what I should do differently. That might have been as close as we came to doing something together."

My heart ached for the rejected little boy he must have been. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"Don't be sorry. It didn't matter. I had Da and my mother's love. I never expected much from the Laird and Lady Mackenzie."

"Tell me about your Mackenzie brothers and sisters."

"Kenneth was the heir and six years older than me. He barely noticed my existence then, but Rod is my own age and Alex a year younger so we became close friends. Lady Barbara resented having one of her husband's bastards foisted off on her so she discouraged them from spending time with me, but we got along quite well anyway until they were both sent to foster with other Mackenzie families."

"And your sisters?"

"Katherine was already married when I moved to the castle and she died in childbirth shortly after so we never met."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't be sorry for me, but it was very hard on the family, especially Lady Mackenzie."

"Was she your only Mackenzie sister?"

"No, I've two more," he smiled, "Jeannette is three years younger with a quick wit and a sharp tongue and little Mary is five years younger sweet and bonnie as they come."

I noted that "little" Mary was my own age, but asked, "Where are they now?"

"Both married and living with their own families. Jeannette married a Grant and she has two bairns and Mary married a Ross and she has one on the way."

"Do you miss them?" I asked thinking of my own brothers and how hard it was for me to be away from them.

"Of course, but you forget that I was away in Ireland for many years. I grew quite used to being away from my family. That's not so for you though is it?"

"No, I miss my brothers, but…"

"But what, leannan."

"Oh," I looked down at my feet, "I've just made such a mess of things. Eoghann thinks I'm dead or worse and he'll be furious with me when he finds out I ran away without telling him. And Rabbie, well Rabbie will never forgive me for starting a fued with the MacDonnels. He's only just begun to be a Laird and I don't think he's quite sure how to do it. Now I've gone and made it harder for him. He's going to be so angry with me!"

"I'll not let him beat you, leannan, you need not worry on that score."

I looked up at him in surprise. "Rabbie won't beat me. He never has before."

Sam gave me a probing look. "Are you sure lass? I doubt you've ever started a feud before and you've cheated your clan out of a valuable alliance by marrying me and not the man your brother intended for you."

I was silent. Perhaps Sam was right. I hadn't just tattled that Rabbie had been out all night or lost all my pin money at dice. I had caused grievous harm to my clan. Once they discovered I wasn't dead would my family ever forgive me?" I felt tears start in my eyes.

"Don't fache, leannan. We will make it all come right somehow." Sam took me in his arms and held me close rocking me just a bit. I buried my head in his chest and took comfort there. We stood there for long minutes while I listened to the steady beating of Sam's heart and told myself my brothers would forgive me. They had to, didn't they?"

Finally I brought my head up. "I'm alright. Why don't you show me this cave?"

The cave was in the cliffs near the shore and Sam claimed that smugglers used it to hide their wares from the revenue men. It would have been a good place for such things. The entrance was hidden by a copse of trees but it was large enough to accommodate a man bearing a load and once inside most men could stand upright, though Sam had to stoop a bit.

After our tour of the cave Sam took me back to the shore and we ate our picnic of meat pies, cheese, fruit and ale. As we sat on the blanket afterward Sam began a campaign to persuade me to give him permission to have his way. He began by massaging my shoulders, and then he moved to blowing in my ear. When he started dropping kisses on my neck I said I was tired and suggested that we return to the keep.

As Sam's strong oar strokes pulled us toward the keep the questions I had about our future invaded my head. Where were we to live? How would Sam earn his way? I decided it was time to find out.

"Sam how do you plan to …" I wasn't quite sure how to put it but he seemed to be able to read my mind.

"Care for you and our bairns?"

"Well, I suppose so, yes

"You know that I work for Kenneth as a sort of soldier come protector?"

"Yes."

"For that service I'm paid a good wage and Kenneth is very generous with any spoils of war that come our way. I'm not rich as a Laird by any means but when you add my wages to the rent and taxes from the property the Laird granted me we'll have enough to live comfortably."

In my experience men frequently underestimated the cost of living comfortably and grew quite cross when faced with necessary economies like less beef in the broth and peat on the fires. They wanted instead to forego the replacement and maintenance of important things like chair cushions and drapes, but I didn't feel it was time to make that point so I just said, "Where will we live?"

"Well for now you will stay at Eilean Donnan. The rent isn't due until the gathering and the manor house on the land I've been granted is in poor repair at the moment. It wouldn't be safe for you to stay there alone anyhow with no men to care for you."

"Why can't you care for me? Where will you be?"

"I go wherever the Laird sends me as it is my duty to protect him and command his men as he sees fit.

"Jenny says the Laird is gone more often than not."

"I suppose that true. The Laird is an important man of business and he must see to it not molder away in his keep."

"Does that mean that you will be gone more than you are home as well?"

"Most likely lest the Laird orders me to stay for some reason."

I was silent. My stomach churned at the thought of being left alone at Eilean Donnan for months while Sam was away on the Laird's business. "Will I ever get to go with you?"

"Perhaps, Jean sometimes accompanies the Laird and she might enjoy having you with her."

"How often does Jean go?" I asked hopefully.

"Oh, perhaps two or three times a year when she isn't heavy with child or nursing one."

My shoulders sagged. "I see." I was to be deserted and left behind with strangers at Eilean Donnan.

"I'm sorry, Leannan, but did you no understand you married a soldier? We don't hang about at home like country gentry. We must go where the trouble is."

We might have said more but the quay loomed and we both fell silent. We said little of consequence on the way back to the keep. I was lost in my own thoughts and Sam seemed happy enough to leave things alone.

When we entered the courtyard my eyes were drawn by a flash of red hair, a very tall man stood…

I began to run.

Eoghann saw me and ran toward me with his arms spread wide. I catapulted myself into them wrapping my arms around his neck. He grabbed me around my waist smashing me against his chest in a crushing hug and spinning me round and round.

"Cat, oh, Cat, thank God, you're alright!" He placed me feet back on the ground. "Where have you been?"

From behind me I heard Sam's voice.

"You must be Finn. I don't believe we've met." Sam's words were polite enough but the tone was as challenging as the whine of a tomcat.

Eoghann removed his arms from around my waist and thrust me behind him.

Sam walked toward Eoghann putting out his hand, but his eyes glittered with malice. "I'm ..."

Eoghann threw a fist landing Sam a solid punch in the jaw.

Sam's head snapped back, and he fell back a step, but he recovered quickly dealing Eoghann a left hook to the face followed by a punch to the kidney's. They circled each other fists raised. They were both bleeding now, Sam from the mouth and Eoghann from the nose.

"Wait!" I shouted, " Let me explain."

Eoghann jabbed at Sam's face but Sam held him off and Eoghann became reckless in his rage. Eoghann brought back his fist to deal Sam a mighty blow, but Sam came in close and jammed a crippling blow into Eoghan's stomach.

Sam was bringing his own fist back when I yelled, "Sam, he's my brother!"

Sam's jerked his head towards me just long enough for Eoghann to slam Sam with an uppercut to the chin followed by an elbow to the head that made Sam stumble.

Sam was looking at me with a shocked expression on his face when I heard the hiss of Eoghann's dagger leaving its sheath.

Without thinking I threw myself between them shielding Sam with my body. "No Eoghann! Don't!"

"Get out of my way!" Eoghann bellowed.

"No, Eoghann! He's my husband!"

 __ _ **Sorry guys! Chapter 23 went wonky and I can't seem to get it down so I reposted it as Chapter 24 making this Chapter 25.**_

 __ _ **In this chapter I am trying to capture that weird honeymoon time when you are very attracted and intimate with someone who you don't know very well. How did I do?**_

 __ _ **To me the most important thing in a romance is if I like the male love interest. Are we still liking Sam? I've shown you his flaws trying to portray him as a real guy not a perfect one. He has issues and I was trying to somewhat realistic in portraying a soldier's personality. Did I go too far?**_


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

A giant of a man with a bald head and a fringe of dark hair hanging down over his ears to his shoulders reached us in three long strides.

"Eoghann!" he shouted, "Put that away. You can make your sister a widow later."

"Beiste!" I cried out in relief. He put out his hand and helped me up.

Eoghann gave Sam a nasty scowl but sheathed his dirk.

Sam stood up and moved beside me resting one hand on my back protectively and Eoghann scowled at him again.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

"The dwarf." He said as if I'd asked a particularly stupid question.

"The dwarf! But he wasn't to make it back to Kilmorack for a fortnight."

Eoghann rolled his eyes at me. "Cat, did you honestly believe we'd sit about on our hands waiting for you to return to Kilmorack when you disappeared?

"No, I …" I didn't know what I supposed. I'd tried so hard not to think about the worry and miserly I'd caused them.

Eoghann threw up his hands in agitation. "We've been searching for you since the moment we discovered you were gone. We tracked you to a tavern and the dwarf recognized me there. He was only to quick to give me your letter in hopes of a reward."

The dwarf had made good on his promise after all. I felt a wave of regret engulf me. A day too late, my rescuers had come a day too late and now there was no help for it. I couldn't go home with them no matter how badly I wanted to.

Eoghann glared at me. "What were you thinking Cat! How could you just leave without a word like that?"

I felt a flash of anger and raised my chin. If Eoghann had only been more reasonable I might not be here now. "I couldn't marry Angus! There's something him you don't know about him."

Eoghann's tone was scornful. "But you could marry this stranger? Who is this Tolla-thon?"

"I'm Sam Mackenzie, half brother to the Chief of Clan Mackenzie." Sam held out his hand.

Eoghann made no move to take Sam's hand and glared as if he might pull out his dirk again.

"You're old One Eye's bastard then." Beiste concluded.

A crowd of hostile looking Mackenzie men began to gather around us. Sam gave an easy smile and said, "It's alright, just a family squabble. This is my new brother in law, ah…

"Eoghann," I supplied.

"Perhaps we should take this discussion inside where we can have some privacy," Sam said already shepherding me toward the keep.

Eoghann nodded and he and Beiste followed. As we were crossing the great hall we met Conrad.

"Beiste!" Conrad called enthusiastically as he came toward us, "How long has it been?"

Much to my surprise Beiste actually smiled. "Long enough for you to get old, Conrad! You had a good deal more hair when we last met."

They shook hands and clapped each other on the back like old friends. "Well, you are as ugly as ever, Beiste. Come, the Mackenzie saw you from the window and he's delighted you're here. He wants to see you right away."

We followed Conrad on the same opulent path I had first journeyed to see the Mackenzie, and when I glanced back I could see Eoghann assessing his surroundings carefully taking the measure of his opponent.

Conrad ushered us into the Laird's study and the Mackenzie stood up from behind the big mahogany desk where he'd been working. A beaming smile lit his face as he said in delighted tones. "Beiste, how good to see you again."

He put out his hand and Beiste took it giving a slight bow, "Laird Mackenzie."

The Mackenzie turned to Eoghann. "And this must be one of Catriona's brothers."

"Eoghann Frazer, youngest brother to Laird Roibeart Frazer," Beiste said.

Eoghann bowed stiffly.

The Laird gestured toward some chairs. "Please, sit and Conrad will get us some whiskey."

We all sat. I placed myself on the settee and Sam sat down beside me taking my hand in his. Conrad went to a decanter on a nearby table and began pouring the delivered a cups of whiskey to Eoghann and Beiste before heading back to repeat the process with me and Sam. I took a tiny sip, but the whiskey was too strong for me so I set it aside.

"I suppose you're wondering how your sister came to be married to my brother." The Mackenzie looked down into his glass for a moment, "Well, it's a bit of a long story, but perhaps you will tell it, Catriona?"

Blindsided for a moment I opened and closed my mouth like a fish while Eoghann and Beiste turned curious eyes on me. I swallowed. "You asked why I left without telling you. The night I … left, little Jamesina the chambermaid came to me. She'd been attacked," I looked at Eoghann but his face registered only mild surprise. "and the man who attacked her was Angus MacDonnel!"

Eoghann's eyes widened with shock.

"She didn't want me to tell anyone. She was terrified Angus would kill her if he found out she did."

"Cat," Eoghann's face twisted in pain and revulsion, "Why didn't you come to me?"

"I didn't think you'd believe me. You were angry with me about Finn, remember? And you'd already told me that I was too foolish to choose my own husband. I thought you'd think I was making the whole thing up so I could marry Finn."

That silenced Eoghann and he sat staring at me with guilty eyes. I swallowed. This next part was going to be a little harder.

"I'd sent a note to Finn earlier asking him to meet me in the graveyard by the kirk."

Eoghann looked shocked but Laird Mackenzie's face remained stony and impassive. I hurried ahead with my story eager to get it over with.

"As you will recall the announcement of my betrothal was a complete surprise to me. Finn and I, well, we had an understanding between us, and I wanted to explain what had happened to him," This was news to no one but the Laird and Conrad, and I glanced at the Laird as I said it, but his face remained impassive, "but when I arrived he wasn't there."

"That's because he was in a drunken stupor. We found him the next morning still dead drunk at the Siursach house."

Now it was my turn to be shocked. I stared at Eoghann for a moment noting the 'I told you so' look on his face. Perhaps he'd been right about Finn all along.

I continued "There was … another man there in the graveyard. He attacked me and when I cried out Sam came to my rescue."

"The reverend found his body the next morning." Beiste chimed in.

I looked at Sam but he seemed neither surprised nor regretful. I was beginning to understand that Sam wasted no sleep over the killing of a man he thought deserved it.

Beiste looked at Sam. "That's how we came upon your footprints and were able to track ye."

Sam nodded and Conrad said, "You always were a braw tracker."

Then Beiste looked back at me lowering his chin and raising his eyebrows as if to ask why I wasn't continuing.

I cleared my throat. "My attacker's friends called out for him and we could hear them coming. Sam told me to run to the kirk for protection, but of course I know Reverend Reed would send me back to my uncle. I refused to go. Then Sam said if I woudn't go to the kirk I must follow him."

"What did you think you were doing spiriting a lady away from her home in the dead of night?" Eoghann asked Sam accusingly.

"I dinna expect to find a lady in the graveyard in the middle of the night and besides she didn'a look like a lady at the time."

Eoghann's faced suffused with anger but before he could explode I said, "I was dressed in rags. I borrowed them from the clothes Aunt Una was collecting for the poor. Jamesina helped me dress, and when Conrad asked me who I was I pretended to be Flora my maid."

Sam gave me a confused frown. "Why did you lie?"

I lowered my eyes. "I never realized you would take me with you. I thought you would help me escape the danger and then leave me to go on my merry way. I was afraid if I revealed my true identity you would try to ransom me back to my uncle."

"So there was no "kind Mackenzie family" as you said in your letter then!" Eoghann accused.

"No," I admitted.

Eoghann looked down and ran agitated fingers through his red curls before he raised dismayed eyes to me. "So you traveled here in the company of Conrad's men with no one to chaperone you?"

"Yes," I said softly.

Eoghann sprang to his feet and gestured angrily toward Sam. "Is that why you married him? Did this blaigeard…"

"No, Eoghann, no," I put a restraining hand on his arm, "It was nothing like that. Sam and all the Mackenzie men behaved like perfect gentlemen."

The Laird came to my aid. "It was I who suggested the marriage. When Catriona arrived here I recognized her immediately." He looked at me and smiled so fondly I felt touched. "She's so like her late mother there was no mistaking her identity." He turned back to Eoghann. "When I found out she'd traveled here with my men and what happened with the MacDonnel soldiers I …"

"What MacDonnel soldiers?" Eoghann interrupted.

The Laird frowned as if confused by Eoghann's lack of understanding. "The ones who attacked her as she traveled here…"

Eoghann turned horrified eyes to mine. "Cat did they…?"

"No! They abducted me and clouted me about a bit, but Sam rescued me before …" I let my words trail off and a shiver of revulsion ran through me at the thought of pig face on top of me.

Eoghann turned to Sam. "Tell me of this attack."

Conrad chimed in, "It was just afore we crossed out of Frazer lands. Some twenty of them set upon us. They killed my nephew and abducted your sister. We didn't know who she was then, but Sam went after her anyway."

Eoghann and Beiste exchanged a look.

"And the man who abducted her?" Eoghann asked.

"Dead, there all dead," Sam said.

"All?" Beiste asked.

"There were four of them," Sam said angrily, "The first one I killed was the one who gave her that split lip."

Beiste smiled approvingly at Sam before looking at me. "I take it Angus MacDonnel was not among the party who attacked you?"

"No," I said, "I'd never seen those men before."

Sam looked sharply at Beiste. "Why do you ask?"

"When we rode out to look for Cat, Angus rode out with us, but when we discovered she hadn't run off with Finn Swinton we split up. Angus went off with his own men. He seemed to think the Mackenzies had something to do with Cat's disappearance." Beiste mouth twitched at the corner as if trying to control a smile.

"Do you know where Angus and his brother are now?" the Laird suddenly chimed in.

"No," Eoghann said, "We've pursued Catriona ever since we found her tracks. I donn'a ken where Angus is now, but he was in a rare temper even for a MacDonnel."

The Laird looked around the room until he had gathered our attention to him then he began to speak, "I think we can all agree that the MacDonnels will not be happy about this marriage. It's bound to cause a feud between your clans. You Frazers have my apologies. A marriage seemed the only way to salvage your sister's reputation and when Sam offered for her it seemed the best solution."

"You need not apologize, Laird Mackenzie. You've done the best you could for my foolish sister and I thank you for it. As for our feud with the MacDonnels, we Frazers can take care of ourselves," Eoghann said.

"Of that I have no doubt, young Eoghann. You Frazers have fearsome reputations as warriors, but I wonder if there might not be a way for us to ally ourselves in the present situation," the Laird said.

"Are we not already allies?" Eoghann asked.

"Yes, of course, but I meant that our clans could stand with each other against the MacDonnels. The MacDonnels have been enemies of the Mackenzies these past twenty years but it seems now you Frazers have fallen foul of those ill tempered blaigeards as well."

"Surely the Laird of Glengarry will not hold the foolishness of one lass against the entire Frazer clan. Twas only a misunderstanding," Eoghann said.

"Eoghann," I said, "There's something I haven't told you. I would have told you earlier, but you were so angry I didn't think you'd believe me."

"Aye, well I'm in no better frame of mind now, but tell me," Eoghann said.

"I overheard a conversation between Uncle Malcolm and John Og. I'd gone to ask him a question about the kitchen staff, but as I stood outside the door ready to knock I heard voices." I explained.

Eoghann gave me a knowing smile. "I thought you'd have outgrown your spying by now, Cat.

I grimaced t him. "I was not spying. I just chanced to hear John Og was making some kind of deal with Uncle Malcolm about cows, but John Og refused to come to an agreement until they agreed on another matter. I didn't know it at the time but I believe they were speaking of my betrothal to Angus. Uncle Malcolm said he couldn't settle things because he hadn't gotten permission from Rabbie yet, but that made John Og very angry. It seems Uncle Malcolm had told him that he was the one truly in charge of the Frazer clan and Rabbie was only his pawn."

Beiste sat up straight in his chair. "I suspected it all along!"

"That lying scum! I can't believe my Uncle would plot with the MacDonnels against his own nephew!" Eoghann said.

"I told you your father never trusted him," Beiste said, "and now you see why. The MacDonnels and your uncle will use Catriona's disappearance to take what they wanted anyway!"

"We must warn Rabbie!" Eoghann said. "We cannot let Uncle Malcolm and the MacDonnels usurp his position."

"I think I know a way you can help your brother," The Makenzie said.

Eoghann turned to him. "How?"

"Glengarry has been ignoring his summons to Edinburg to stand before the Privy Council these two years past. With your testimony I believe we can have him declared an outlaw and a rebel. If I can get the King to grant a commission of fire and sword against the MacDonnels, then when your brother returns we will stand ready to protect what is his! Will you come with me and testify before the council?"

Eoghann nodded. "Aye, aye I will. It seems we have no choice in the matter now."

I thought I saw a smile of satisfaction flick across the Laird's face but it was gone so quickly I couldn't be sure.

 **Did you understand what was going on in this chapter? What is confusing or unclear?**


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 26

When Sam opened the door to our bed chamber his face was a thunder cloud. He slammed the door behind him and ripped his plaid off his shoulder.

I jumped up out of the chair I'd been waiting in. "What happened," I asked alarm creeping into my voice.

Kenneth had dismissed me from the room when the men began to talk strategy against the MacDonnels saying such things were not for my ladylike ears. I had been sent to inform Jean of my family's presence so that she could have a supper prepared in their honor. Sam whispered that he would tell me everything later as he escorted me out of the room, but that had been more than an hour ago.

Sam turned angry eyes on me. "You are to go with us to Edinburgh!"

"Go to Edinburgh, oh that will be wonderful. I've never been before!" I would get to see it for myself, the ten story buildings, the high street, Edinburgh castle, perhaps even King James himself.

Sam scowled at me. "Wonderful is it? Don't you understand that you may be asked to testify before the privy council?"

"About what?" I asked.

"About your abduction by the MacDonnels," Sam said impatiently.

"Oh…" My heart began to pound. I had managed to convince my brother and Beiste that my abduction was on Frazer lands, but that was with Conrad's help, and I didn't know if I could convince a council of nobles and bishops on my own.

"Aye, the Earl of Montrose will not be as easily taken in as your brother. If you're proven to be bearing false witness they could imprison you!"

I must have looked stricken for Sam took both my hands is in his big ones and smiled down at me. "It's not likely to come to that. No doubt Kenneth will connive to spare your ladylike sensibilities and have Conrad do his lying for him. He's a good deal more practiced at it."

"So you don't think I'll be called to testify?" My pounding heart slowed a bit.

"I think Kenneth will spread the story of your abduction about and all you need do is swoon prettily when the subject is alluded to in good company, but I can'na say for sure."

"Well, it will be alright then!" I could swoon when called upon. In fact I really did feel ill every time I let myself think of pig face, which wasn't often if I could help it.

"I would have left you out of this if I could, leannan, but Kenneth persuaded your brother that your presence would convince the council."

"Lord knows I would like to see Angus MacDonnel and my Uncle Malcolm get what they deserve. I'll do my best. I just hope they believe me."

Sam blew out a frustrated breath. "I didn't want you put at risk. Your testifying is bad enough, but our journey to Edinburg is bound to be dangerous. Kenneth has plenty of enemies to begin with, but if the MacDonnels catch wind of our mission they will do everything they can to make sure we never reach Edinburgh."

I looked up at Sam and gave him a smile that trembled only a little at the corners.

He brought me into his arms folding them protectively around me. "I'm sorry, leannan, I argued against this but Kenneth was convinced it was the only way. I'll do my best to see that no harm befalls you, but I wish to God you were staying here safe at home with Jean and the children!" He kissed the hair at my temple and his arms tightened around me till I could feel his hard chest against my cheek and he made me feel safe for the moment at least.

It was strange to think it, but I had begun to take Sam's protection for granted. I wore it like a mantle against whatever threatened. Even now, when Beiste and my brother were here I relied on Sam. It was an oddly empowering feeling having my own personal warrior.

"When do we leave?" I asked.

"In the morning. Time is of the essence. We must obtain the writ against the MacDonnels with all possible haste and move against them before they realize our plans."

"What about Eoghann and Beiste?"

"They will come with us, but Beiste will only travel as far as Kiliwhimin. Then he'll take your Frazer warriors and go on to Aberdeen to await your brothers' ship and tell them what's taken place."

"Won't my uncle be alarmed that Eoghann and Beiste have been gone so long?"

"Eoghann is going to send a messenger with a letter saying there was a report of you on the Isle of Skye and that they are going to search for you there."

"And what of Angus MacDonnel?"

"I've sent men to track him, but I expect Mungo and the twins will return soon enough and tell us the state of things in the MacDonnel clan."

Sam kissed my forehead and put me away from him. "I must dress for dinner. It's time to try and convince the Frazers that a bastard Mackenzie is worthy of you."

Supper was a grand and well attended affair. Eoghann and Beiste had not traveled alone but simply left their thirty strong party of warriors outside the castle per the advice in my letter. Jean had not been as dismayed by their numbers as I feared, but I suspected this was because she had very little understanding of the chaos it wrought on her keep's staff. Mrs. McCreary was a stoic woman.

Sam was doing his best to make friends among the Frazers and giving an impressive performance as the charming, but noble brother of the Laird Mackenzie. He looked as impressive as either of his half brothers in his wedding clothes. They'd been cleaned and pressed thanks to a diligent Jenny.

Tonight Sam was clean shaven with his brown hair combed back from his forehead. It hung thick and shining like a lion's mane around his head and shoulders. His big head had a beautiful shape with a high rounded crown, and his face was all hard planes with those broad prominent cheekbones and that long chiseled chin with the small cleft at the end. Sam was not a pretty man, except perhaps for his long lashed blue eyes, but he was well formed and eminently masculine.

His jacket fit closely accentuating his broad shoulders. As I watched Sam lifted his cup and the muscles in his upper arm flexed under his coat making me think of how his arms felt around me. He touched the cup to his lips and I remembered his lips against my breast and my nipple tightened. A delicious shiver ran through me and I felt myself growing wet between my legs. Perhaps I would permit Sam free access to my body tonight after all.

I watched Sam work the room learning each Frazer man's name and finding common ground on which to build their acquaintance. They were all warriors and as we visited among them he encouraged them to tell tales of their battles. He was listening to one of Beiste's more seasoned soldiers, a big red faced man with half of one ear missing named McGregor. "So I stepped over his body, picked up that wee bit of ear and put it in my sporran. Damned if I'd leave even a wee piece of myself on MacDonnel lands."

The men laughed in that hearty but obligatory way of those who've heard a story many times but still appreciate the telling none the less.

McGregor gazed at Sam's face curiously, "If you don't mind me asking, how did you come to break your nose?"

"Well in mixed company I usually say I was struck by the butt of a pistol, but the truth is," Sam touched his nose, "I didn't get this in battle."

Sam paused before going on and I was reminded of my father and his way telling a tale so that the crowd hung on every word.

"When I first took my sword to Ireland to be a Gallowglass I was seventeen and green as grass. Oh, I'd done a bit of raiding and cattle lifting from time to time at home in Scotland, but I'd never been in a real battle. When I pledged my sword to Laird O'Byrne he only took me on for the sake of my Uncle Fergus who'd proved himself to be good with a blade, and I'm sure he came to regret his kindness.

I was wild as a buck and I'd take any bet to prove I wasn't a coward. I'd discovered that I could drink a good deal more whiskey than most without falling down dead drunk and that talent combined with my poor judgment got me in quite a bit of trouble. I'd already drawn the Laird O'Byrne's attention over a wager that involved a chicken and a greased piglet as well as a quarrel over a lass of shall we say dubious morals that led to a little bloodshed. The long and the short of it was that I was trying very hard not to draw the Laird's attention again.

Now Laird O'Byrne had been feuding with Laird O'Toole for years and we'd been skirmishing back and forth for weeks. Everyone was on edge, because even though Laird O'Byrne had far more swords under his command than Laird O'Toole Laird O'Toole had new cannons on his ships.

This particular night I'd been a liberty and I'd had a few whiskeys to drink though not as many as I might have. I was sleeping soundly on my pallet in the keep when the first cannon blast woke me. I didn't realize what had happened at first, but a great cry went up, and all the officers were calling us to arms. I jumped up and realized I didn't have my boots on so I grabbed them up off the floor and began hopping about on one foot trying to pull my boots on in the dark," Sam pantomimed pulling on his boots, "but just as I was getting the second one on I fell over and banged my nose into the wall."

Sam paused a moment for the laughter to die down.

"I heard a nasty crunching noise and my nose hurt like hell." Sam grasped his nose with his fingers and winced. "Blood was running from my nose so freely that it was practically chocking me. The other men were already heading for the battlements and I didn't want them to think I was lagging behind out of fear so picked up my sword and targe and ran after them dressed only in my bloody sark. I was running out into the fray with my sword held high screaming like a banshee when I ran straight into Laird O'Byrne.

I knocked him flat on his back. I stopped to help him up apologizing all the while and sure he'd have me lashed for it, but Laird O'Byrne looked up at me all covered in blood and said, "Killed one already have you, young Mackenzie?"

The men laughed heartily at this.

"I just stood there too stunned to speak. Then Laird O'Byrne said 'Well don'na just stand there! Go and kill another one,' so I did. By the time we got them pushed back my nose was so swollen there was no putting it back in place so it healed like this, and in all the years I worked for Laird O'Byrne after that I never told him it was me own blood he saw on my sark."

I watched as the Frazer men chuckled and nodded at Sam's story and realized that the Laird was not the only Mackenzie brother with charisma and powers of manipulation.

Sam continued to engage the men in conversations about themselves. He was a born story teller. As the men became more comfortable they asked more questions of Sam and little bits and pieces of his own story came out. He liked Irish music. He was fond of mashed potatoes.

The war stories went on and on, and my attention wandered to the people left on the dais. It hadn't taken long for the beautiful Lady Grant to cast her spell over Eoghann. He was sitting next to Jean preening under her attentions while he boasted more than usual for the benefit of Lady Grant who sat nearby casting him interested glances.

Lady Grant gave a high tinkling laugh at something Eoghann had said and Sam glanced up at her frowning.

I felt the burn of jealousy. Why should Sam care if Lady Grant flirted with Eoghann? He was married to me now. Then I remembered that Sam had married me for my dowry and to prevent a feud between our clans, not because he loved me. For all I knew Sam was Lady Grant's lover and planned to resume his relationship with her as soon as was decently possible.

The thought set me back on my heels. Sam had certainly been playing the part of adoring husband but was he? He'd as much as told me he was playing the part of the charming and dutiful husband tonight to impress my family, but when we returned here from Edinburgh he might return to Lady Grant or whatever woman had taught him to play a woman's body like a musical instrument until she thrummed with passion.

I looked at Jean who was smiling at something Lady Grant said as if she was only her friend and not also her husband's lover. Could I become as cool and self-possessed as the Lady Mackenzie?

I felt Sam's hand on my arm, "If you'll excuse us lads, I don't want to neglect my new brother-in-law. I'm hoping that if I impress him he won't try to run me through again for marrying his sister!"

We strolled back to the dais as the men laughed, and Sam helped me up the stairs then held out my chair for me. The dishes had been cleared but I took a sip of my wine and glanced at Lady Grant. She wore an ice blue gown tonight and her pale blond hair was caught up under a silver caul. She caught me staring.

"That's a lovely dress Lady Grant," I said hoping to cover my rudeness with a compliment.

"Why thank you, Mistress Mackenzie. That dress looks lovely on you as well."

"Thank you." I was wearing the emerald green tonight and had felt I looked quite splendid in it until now. I wondered if Lady Grant was making reference to the fact that it had been Jean's dress before me.

"Eoghann tells me you're on your way to Edinburgh tomorrow." She glanced down the table at Eoghann as she said it giving him a conspiratorial look before returning her gaze to me.

"Yes, I'm very excited. I've never been to Edinburgh before."

"Really?" Lady Grant raised her brows in surprise.

"My father thought unmarried ladies should stay at home," I said defensively, "I've rarely left Frazer lands at all."

"Your father was a verra wise man," The Mackenzie chimed in, "I will seek to keep our daughters home until they are safely married as well." He looked to Jean who smiled sweetly but said nothing.

"Oh how I envy you!" Lady Grant sighed. "It has been so long since I've seen the sights of Edinburgh or spent time in court. How I long to see the latest fashions and the theatre." She clapped her little hands together and opened her eyes wide. "You must see the theater while you're there."

"You must be careful in Edinburgh, little Catriona, gossip abounds. One missed step and you will be the talk of the town in a way you won't appreciate," Alec warned.

"I doubt they'll be much time for theatre. We have business to transact and we don't intend to stay long." Sam said sounding a bit annoyed.

"Oh my dear," Lady Grant said shaking her head sadly, "I'm so sorry. Tis worse to be in Edinburgh and not get to see the sights of it than to be left here at home like me and Jean."

"Why don't you come with us!" Eoghann said eagerly to Lady Grant, "you could be a companion to Catriona during the day so she need not sit alone."

Lady Grant opened her green eyes wide as if amazed and delighted by this idea, but then she frowned, looked to Jean and shook her head. "Oh no, I couldn't. With Catriona gone Jean may need me here."

"Don't be silly, Ann, of course you must go. I can manage," Jean said with a credible lack of sarcasm in her tone.

All eyes turned to the Mackenzie for his verdict.

He took a sip of wine for his goblet and swallowed before saying, "Yes, I suppose it would be a good idea to have you along Ann to entertain Lady Catriona and keep her out of harm's way in court, but this is no pleasure trip. We will be riding hard both ways and there will be no time for dallying on the journey."

A strange look passed between Alex and the Laird. Eoghann smiled broadly and looked inordinately pleased with himself while Sam all but glowered, and Jean wore a carefully neutral expression.

After casting about in paroxysm of joy for a few moments Lady Grant excused herself to go and pack.

I saw Jean stifle a yawn and thought of her condition. "It's getting late gentlemen. Perhaps it's time for the ladies to retire to their beds. I have a long journey tomorrow."

Jean gave me a grateful smile. "I too wish for my bed."

"By all means ladies. No doubt, the gentlemen will follow soon enough," the Laird said

Jean and I said out good nights and headed out of the great hall together. When we reached the hall and some blessed privacy Jean said, "Thank you, my dear, I was quite fatigued." She patted her stomach. "This bairn is beginning to be a heavy load to carry around."

"When is the bairn due to arrive?"

"Not until after Yule but I'm already big as a barn."

"Not at all, I doubt most men can tell."

"Ach, men, when do they ever lower their eyes past a pair of breasts.?"

I giggled.

"How was it last night, dear? Sam didn'a hurt ye did he?"

"Oh, I'm fine. It hurt a bit a first, but nothing to fret about."

"I di'na want to scare you, lass, but perhaps it hurts a bit more than a pinch." She smiled a secretive smile. "And Sam, is he a good lover?"

I dipped my head in embarrassment, "Well, I don't have any to compare him to, but yes. I think he must be."

" I thought you would fare well on that score, but watch out he'll have you breeding before the month is out."

"Is there…" I began hesitantly, "is there any way to prevent it. I mean for a little while at least."

Jean placed a hand on her stomach and smiled. "Not that I know of dear, or I wouldn't spend so much time in this condition."

We both laughed and I thought again how much I liked Jean.

She frowned and her tone grew serious. "I must warn you about Ann."

"Yes," I said wondering if I was about to hear the Lady Mackenzie's real opinion of her cousin.

"Be careful. Don't let her lead you astray. Ann does mean to get into trouble, but she has very poor taste in men and she can be entirely too trusting. It is very hard for her being young and beautiful but having no man to protect her. They throng around her, or course, and make all kinds of promises they have no intention of keeping because of her sad state. Will you watch out for my cousin?"

I was overwhelmed by Jean's charity. Perhaps is wasn't true. Maybe Lady Grant was not bedding her husband, or perhaps Jean was being willfully blind.

Jean looked heavenwards. "If only God would be merciful and take Laird Grant. It would be the best thing for all of us, including Laird Grant. Then Ann could marry and stop living this odd existence where she is neither widow nor wife."

We reached my bedchamber door and she paused. "Good night, Catriona. Sleep well."

"And you also," I said.

Jean hugged me. "I look forward to having you all home again. Take good care of them for me, especially Sam."

"I will."

She released me and gave me a searching look. "You may not love him yet, but I promise you will. He's the best of them is Sam."

And with that she patted my arm and left me.

I called for Jenny and was soon tucked up in bed wondering when Sam would return. I wondered for an hour and then another. I began to wonder if his promise not to touch me till sunrise had anything to do with his absence. Without the incentive of laying with me it seemed Sam was not interested enough to seek my company which left me wondering whose company he was enjoying.

 _ **I haven't heard many comment lately. Have I lost you? Is the sex too weird? Have you lost interest in the relationship? Geraldine I am taking your advice on Lady Grant. I hadn't intended to take her along on this trip to Edinburgh, but I think it will make things more interesting.**_


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 27

Without Sam's warm presence the bed felt cold and entirely too large. I pulled a pillow from Sam's side of the bed and put it a top my own giving it a savage punch as I did so. The candle I'd left burning was almost gutted. Where could he possibly be? A vision of him lying in Lady Grant's arms with her pale hair on his shoulder entered my mind, but I pushed it away. I was being absurd! Wasn't I?

Finally, I heard heavy footsteps coming down the hall. Quickly I turned on my side and closed my eyes feigning sleep. I tried to draw shallow even breaths but my heart was racing.

The door scraped open then closed again. I heard the sounds of Sam boots as he made his way across the floor toward our bed and then the squeak of a chair as it protested at the heavy weight forced upon it. His boots thudded as first one then the other hit the floor. Metal rattled against metal and I knew he must be removing his belt. Then I heard the soft thud of fabric hitting the ground.

Suddenly the bedclothes were ripped from my body and I turned to see Sam getting clumsily into bed stark naked. The weight of him caused the bolster to give on his side and my body rolled against his. I scrambled away trying not to touch him. Seemingly oblivious to my reluctance he reached out and pulled me against him wrapping his arms around me and gathering me against his chest.

"My beautiful wife." His breath smelled of whiskey. When he planted a kiss on my mouth I tasted it.

I pushed against his chest trying to free myself. "What have you been doing into the wee hours of the night?"

"Trying to convince your brother that I was a worthy of you."

I wrinkled my nose. "By bathing in whiskey?"

He shook his head. "By losing at dice, winning at arm wrestling and matching him drink for drink."

I looked away from him. "As far as I'm concerned you should have kept at it. You're drunk."

"I am only slightly foxed and when I began to think of you all alone in this big, cold bed. I thought I better come keep you warm."

"How kind of you, but if you'll excuse me I'd like to go back to sleep." I tried to turn away from him but he held me tightly against him.

He took my chin and turned my face to his. "Excuse you is it, leannan? I damn near got myself killed acting the fool over that sweetheart of yours today."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I don't have a sweetheart."

"Aye, you do." He rolled me beneath him pinning me down with his hips over mine. Then he worked a knee between my legs spreading them and positioning himself between them until his hard rod of flesh pressed against me. "And he wants you."

I pushed hard against his shoulders. "I believe you lost a bet!"

He groaned and rolled off me lying on his back for a moment staring at the ceiling before propping himself on one elbow smiling down at me. "Fine, it will give us time to talk. I've some questions for you about this Finn."

I hoped Sam couldn't see me blushing with embarrassment. "I don't want to talk about him."

"When I saw you throw yourself into Eoghann's arms today I wanted to cut his heart out."

It was a disturbing, graphic picture and the violence of Sam's feelings surprised me. As far as I knew Sam had married me out of a combination of pity and avarice. He was kind enough to want to protect a lady in distress and ambitious enough to want a bride who would better his place in the world. I knew that he was attracted to me physically. He freely and frequently admitted his lust, but this was the first time he had admitted to jealousy. Perhaps it was just the effects of too much whiskey.

"You better tell me what he looks like, this Finn, before I try and kill another of your brothers. Is he really bigger than Beiste like Eoghann said?"

I chuckled. "No, he's only a half head taller than me and slender."

Sam snorted. "Small is he? I should have known Eoghann was pulling my leg. What else?"

"Well…" I considered the wisdom of describing Finn accurately to a man who had just threatened to cut his heart out and had the skills to do it.

Sam scowled. "Can't remember what he looked like then, the love of your life?"

"He has yellow hair and blue eyes."

"Blue like yours?"

"No, a lighter blue." I refrained from mentioning they were the color of the sky on a sunny day. Strange to think those eyes had fascinated me just a short week ago.

Sam covered his eyes with his hand. "What color are my eyes, leannan?"

"Your eyes are ever changing sometimes blue and sometimes greener."

He took his hand away from his eyes and smiled. "It seems you've been paying attention. Is this Finn really a master with a sword?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, but he's a very good dancer."

Sam laughed. "Aye, well I suppose that's more important to a lass."

I nodded and stifled the impulse to say anymore on the subject.

"What did you talk of, the two of you?" He narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously.

I gave a little laugh that sounded nervous even to my own ears. "Oh the usual things, the weather, books, his father's business interests and sometimes poetry."

"You spoke of poetry?"

I nodded. "Well yes. He would copy poems out for me."

Sam raised his eyebrows. "And your uncle let you receive these poems?"

I frowned. "Not exactly. We … Finn sent them to me through the servants. His groom would give them to my lady's maid."

"Flora?"

"Yes, Flora!" I said a little more sharply than I meant to and drew in a deep breath to calm myself.

"So he wooed you with secret love letters and poems." Sam looked skeptical.

"Yes!"

Sam began to recite a poem

"A slender, lovely, graceful girl,

Just budding into supple line,

And you scare her and make her shy.

Laid her down in a thousand flowers,

And put my soft wool cloak around her.

I slid my arm under her neck

To still the fear in her eyes,

For she was trembling like a fawn,

I caressed the beauty of all her body

And the desire of love wringed my heart

Like a huge cloud cloaked my eyes

And stole the sweetest breath from my chest."

"That's beautiful." I looked into his eyes trying to understand what he meant.

He shrugged and looked away. "Aye, I learned it to impress the lassies." Sam brought sharp eyes back to me. "Is that the sort of poetry you mean?"

"Not exactly, I remember something about a thousand graces sitting on my eyelids."

Sam frowned. "This Finn, did he woo you with kisses?"

I wanted to lie but decided that would be cowardly. "Yes."

"Like this?" Sam lips came down very softly on mine.

"Yes." I whispered

"Like this?" He opened my lips gently with his tongue and savored my mouth moving his tongue against mine and pressing his lips hard against mine. Then he paused raising his head to look at me.

I nodded silently.

"Did he ever kiss you like this?" He began to kiss down my neck. Then sucking softly he sent delicious shivers down my spine

"No." I managed to breath out as he alternately kissed and sucked my neck driving me mad with pleasure. My nipples became tight and peaked and I longed for him take one of my nipples in his mouth. I groaned when his hand finally cupped my breast . Then we was pulling at the cord threaded through the neck of my shift and exposing my breasts. The cold air hit them and they tightened painfully.

"Like this?" He kissed one nipple.

"No." He took the nipple between his thumb and forefinger rolling it then bent his head and suckled at the other one. The pleasure was so intense that my hips moved up and down begging him to ride me. When I thought I could bear it no more he shifted a little and his lips and fingers left my nipples.

He was breathing hard when he lifted his head and looked down at me, "I'm sorry, leannan, I'd forgotten my promise to you."

I'd forgotten too. "I give you permission!" I gasped out.

He smiled at me wickedly. "I thought you were sore."

I shook my head, "No."

He sighed, "Ah, leannan, I wouldn't want to hurt you in my clumsy drunken state."

"It's alright!"

He shook his head. "No, I can'na take a chance, but perhaps…" He gently took my hand and brought it down slowly until my fingers hovered just over my mound, "I could watch you do it yourself." He took my middle finger and rested it against my bud, then he pushed it harder and I gasped with pleasure. He moved it back and forth slowly at first then faster until I began to move against it my finger and closed my eyes against the pleasure. Suddenly he took his hand from mine.

My eyes flew open. He was staring down at me with that fevered intense gaze I had come to recognize as lust. "Please," I said urgently.

He smiled. "I want to see you do it." He took my finger, placed it gently back where it was and then took his hand away.

I looked up at him and our gazes locked. I began to move my finger in earnest giving myself over to pleasure. "Touch your nipple."

I moved my other hand to my nipple and began to rub my finger over the hardened tip and he gasped. Then he said hoarsely, "Pinch it."

I pinched my nipple gently then groaned with pleasure as my hips tensed. I moved my finger against myself faster and faster until I was on the verge of exploding. Then Sam grasped my hand and pulled it away holding it up over my head. I tried to free my hand but he held it there gently but firmly and looked down at me with burning eyes and his breath coming quick and shallow.

I smiled at him and began moving my left hand slowly down rubbing it gently over my nipple and across my belly. My fingers had reached the thatch of hair between my legs before Sam grabbed my wrist with his other hand.

He pulled my left hand gently above my head and pinned it to the mattress next to my right. "That's enough for now."

He grasped both my wrists in one big hand and spread my legs with his knee. Then he settled himself between then placing himself there against my wet entrance where he paused a moment staring into my eyes smiling down at me. "Do you give your consent?"

I smiled back and shook my head . "No!"

He bent his head and began to nibble my earlobe. I jerked in surprise. His lips trailed down from my ear to my neck . Then he began to suck gently at first then harder until I cried out.

He stopped and looked down at me again. "Do you give your consent?"

"No," I said hoarsely.

He used one finger to move apart the lips of my sex then he began to rub the length of his hard shaft against my bud very slowly, up and down then faster, and faster and…

"Yes! Yes!" I cried out.

In one strong thrust he was inside me to the root. "You belong to me. You are mine and no one else shall have ye."

"Yes." I said.

"Wrap your legs around me."

I wrapped my legs around him settling my heels behind his waist.

"Don't let go." He began to thrust inside me, pounding deeper and deeper, harder and harder until my thighs felt stretched and his flesh was slapping against mine. My legs clenched around him and the waves of pleasure climbed slowly while he slammed into me again and again and then I felt myself going over the edge.

"Sam, Sam!"

The wave of pleasure that he'd built in me finally broke sending shocks of pleasure rippling through me. I convulsed against him but he still rode me harder and harder until finally I felt his body stiffen and then he jerked against me as he found his release.

He fell against me breathing hard and we stayed like that until the weight of him began to crush my chest and I pushed him away.

He rolled off me then wrapped one heavy arm around my waist. "You're mine," he whispered into my ear.

I slipped into sleep almost immediately, far too tired to keep my eyes open another second.

 _ **Happy Valetine's Day. I have one more chapter this week.**_


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 28

 _ **So I did some research and they would most likely have traveled by ship to Edinburgh. I have rewritten and now they are traveling by ship while Bieste and the Frazer warriors return to Kilmorack and act like they know nothing to keep Uncle Malcolm in the dark**_.

I gazed on the ship we were about to board. Like everything else Mackenzie the galleon was impressive and lavish. It must have been three stories high and that was just what I could see above the water line.

"It reminds me of a duck in profile." I turned to Sam and pointed toward the back of the ship. "See how the back end is higher than the front, and it has that long thin point projecting out in front like a beak."

"Actually, they do call that the beak. The high part in the back of the ship is called the stern and the high part in front is called the forecastle."

"And what is that carved under the beak?"

"That's called a figurehead."

"No, I mean what is the carving supposed to represent?"

"A bare breasted woman, almost as bonnie as the one beside me," Sam whispered in my ear as he squeezed me a little closer to his side.

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "I thought so."

Ann and Eoghann had finished saying their goodbyes to Jean and the children, and Sam shepherded me towards her until Jean stood just in front of me with little Barbara perched on one hip.

I put out my hand and Jean took it. "Thank you for everything!"

Jean kissed my cheek. "Hurry back and take care of Kenneth and Ann for me. Don't let them get into trouble."

"I'll do my best."

Jean patted Sam on the arm "And Sam you take care of all of them."

Sam bowed. "Of course, my lady."

Sam helped me up the gang plank to the ship where Conrad, Eoghann and Lady Grant already stood on the deck waiting, and we all watched as the Laird said goodbye to his family.

"Take care of your Mother for me, Colin, " The Laird said patting the shoulder of his ten year old heir who was standing as tall as possible but was still some inches shy of five feet.

"Aye, My Laird."

"And Janet help your mother with the children." The Laird kissed the lithe dark haired girl on the cheek and she smiled up at him.

"I will, father."

The Laird crouched and opened his arms and two dark haired little boys ran into them. At seven and five John and Murdo were hard to tell apart unless they were together. They both had their father's dark hair and their mother's luminous brown eyes. Kenneth stood up hugging them tightly to him and making them both squeal before kissing each one on the head and sitting them back down on the dock. "Be good for mummy and don't hit each other while I'm gone."

He took Barbara from Jean's hip and dangled her above his head making her giggle. Then he hugged her close. "Don't pester your brothers, and do what Mummy and Janet tell you, Babs"

"Will you bring us back presents?"

"Only if your Mother says you were good while I'm gone." He put Barbara on his own hip tugging one of her curls and slipped his arm around Jean's waist.

He kissed Jean's cheek. "I'm sorry to be leaving you with this brood again, my love."

She shook her head. "You're always leaving me here to do the real work."

He smiled ruefully. "Yes, but I miss you when I'm gone."

He gave Jean a long kiss on the mouth. When he finally pulled away Jean placed her hand on his cheek and looked up at him with shining eyes. "Be careful."

"I will and you take care of yourself and the babe." He laid a hand on her swelling belly then kissed her softly again and handed Barbara back before walking up the plank to meet the rest of us.

A man with very erect posture dressed much more elaborately than the rest of the crew members in a dark gray jacket with brass buttons and a three cornered hat walked toward us. His long, sun darkened face was handsome but the lines that bracketed his mouth were deep and his black hair was graying at the temples.

He bowed to the Laird. "Laird Mackenzie."

The Laird greeted him with good cheer, "Ah, Captain Ross. You've met Master Mackenzie and Lady Grant. This is Sam's wife, Mistress Mackenzie and her brother Master Frazer."

"Congratulations on your nuptials," the Captain said bowing to me "Everything is ready for departure, mi Laird."

"Let us depart then, Captain."

The Mackenzie brood stood on the quay calling out cheerful goodbyes as the ship began to pull away. We stood by the rail waving back and I thought how much I wished it was Jean traveling with us instead of Lady Grant. The Laird continued to look back until his family was mere specks on the dock. Then he turned to me. "Would you like to see my ship?" he asked as pleased as any young boy with the opportunity to show off his first pony.

"Oh yes. I've never been on such a large ship before." I said with real enthusiasm for I was curious to see how such a huge vessel operated..

"Then we shall have the complete tour." The Laird took my arm and began walking about the boat's deck. I looked over my shoulder to see Sam smile weakly at me while Eoghann offered his arm to Lady Grant and Conrad wore a put upon expression. I wondered how many times Sam and Conrad had taken the tour. "To begin let me say that this type of ship is called a galleon and I had it built so that it can be used for both hauling merchandise and battle."

As I looked about at the huge proportions of the ship I thought of the labor that must have been involved in crafting it from such long timbers.

"How long did it take to build?" I asked.

"The better part of two years." The Laird pointed to the mast in the front of the boat, "The ship has three masts, the fore," then he pointed to the mast in the middle of the boat, "the main,"then he pointed to the mast in the back of the boat, "and the mizzen."

"They're so very tall," I said admiringly watching the full sails and feeling the wind strong on my back. Then trying not to let any alarm creep into my voice, "I wonder that they don't snap off in high winds."

"They are quite secure, I assure you. Each mast extends down through the deck to several levels below in the bowels of the ship."

"How comforting, the ship must be able to sail very quickly with all those masts."

"The galleon has a maximum speed of five knots."

"So fast!" I said as if I had any idea of sailing speeds, "How long will it take us then to reach Edinburgh."

"If the winds cooperate we should reach Inverness tomorrow afternoon and Edinburg two or three days after that."

The ship took a sudden roll and I found myself glad of the Mackenzie's arm as I was thrown against him. He put his arm around me to keep me upright. My stomach too had lurched and I found myself feeling sick. I looked up into the Laird's sherry colored eyes and they crinkled at the corners with amusement. "I'm sorry, my Laird, I lost my footing."

He smiled with his eyes still focused on mine. "No need to be sorry. It takes some time to find your sea legs. I wouldn't go moving about the ship without an escort just yet."

Just as I was beginning to feel uncomfortable he set me on my feet and released me.

I glanced over my shoulder to see Lady Grant with Eoghann's arms wrapped about her. No doubt she too had fallen when the ship pitched. Sam had a forbidding look on his face and I wondered why. Was he jealous of Eoghann with Lady Grant?

As my our tour continued I leaned that the ship was powered by a combination of some nine sails on the three masts, and steered by the huge rudder at the back of the boat. The rudder in turn was controlled by a whip staff, a large wooden handle below deck that was moved by the force of a burly man who couldn't even see where the boat was going.

The Mackenzie assured us that we were well protected from privateers while on board. Each mast had a fighting platform from which arrows could be released and razor sharp blades at its outmost corners that could rip another ships silks to ribbons should it come to close. When Eoghann heard that nothing would do but for him to climb up the rigging to see the view from the platform himself while Lady Grant paced below and begged him to be careful swooning against the captain every time the rigging swayed in the wind until I wanted to slap her silly.

More than seventy guns were mounted on either side of the ship with two more mounted on the rear deck. The Mackenzie took an inordinate amount of time explaining how they were primed and fired while Eoghann asked tedious questions about every detail down to where the powder was kept. This necessitated a tour of the ship's magazine and a lecture on keeping your powder dry on a sea faring vessel.

When the talk of guns was finally exhausted we toured the hold. The majority of the hold was below the waterline and given over to stores of various kinds from fresh water and provisions for the crew to barrels of whiskey on board for resale in Edinburgh. We were not allowed in the crews living area as it was not fit for the eyes of ladies, but we did see the galley which was cunningly fitted out with stores and utensils that hung above the cook's head and tables that swung from ropes.

We ended our tour in the main cabin. It was on the first floor below deck at the rear of the ship. It wasn't dark and dreary as I had imagined. A bank of tall arching windows across the back wall let in the sunlight, and it had a beamed ceiling and oak paneling on the walls. There were upholstered couches set into alcoves of carved wood one side and a large desk with several chairs on the other. A long dining table with a dozen intricately carved chairs with red velvet cushions around it stood in the center of the room with a large chandelier swaying above it. It was set for luncheon and several young seamen in uniform stood ready to serve us.

The meal was quite as good as any I'd had at Eilean Donan with roasted chicken, smoked salmon and a delicious jam cake for dessert, but I found my stomach growing queasy so I ate little. Whether it was from the swaying of the ship or listening to Lady Grant flirt with every man at the table I couldn't say. Even Captain Ross didn't escape her attention.

"I can't believe you were accosted by pirates, Captain Ross!" Lady Grant said.

"I assure you that it is not as rare an experience as you might think."

"But what on earth did you do?" she asked in a voice atremble with fear.

"We fired our guns on them Lady Grant. The Bonnie Jean is one of the best armed ships in the British Isles."

I wanted to roll my eyes at Lady Grant's theatrical remarks but I found myself playing the unfamiliar role of the staid, chaperoning matron and dare not.

The only man Lady Grant seemed intent on ignoring was Laird Mackenzie. Since the Laird sat to my right we chatted companionably through the meal. Though I had my doubts about his motives the Laird knew how to charm me. He praised my new husband and spoke of all the social events and treats I had to look forward to in Edinburgh including a ball in which the King should be in attendance. When luncheon was over he made an announcement to us all.

"I'm afraid that the ship is not fitted out with as many private cabins as I might wish so it seems we will need to share bedchambers. Catriona, you will share your room with Lady Grant tonight. Conrad will bunk with Captain Ross, and Sam and Eoghann will share a room."

It was all I could do to keep a pleasant face as the thought of sharing with Lady Grant, but I smiled at her.

She smiled coldly back and said, "I'm sure Mistress Mackenzie and I will be quite comfortable together."

The Laird dropped his voice and whispered to me, "You won't be separated from your husband for long. After we leave Eoghann at Inverness tomorrow you can share his room."

I glanced at Sam whose face was carefully blank and then at Eoghann who didn't look even glance up. I had begun to understand the Eoghann was giving me the cold shoulder. Since his initial delight at finding me he had drawn back and seemed to be avoiding any contact speaking with me as little as possible.

After luncheon Laird Mackenzie took Sam and Conrad away to discuss business, Lady Grant went to lie down in our cabin and Eoghann said he meant to take a stroll on the ship's deck.

"I'll go with you," I said figuring it would be a good time to find out why he was so angry with me, though I thought I could guess.

Eoghann gave me an annoyed look and said, "Suit yourself," leaving me to follow him up the stairs to the deck.

As I emerged on deck I saw that the ship was well into the ocean now. I could no longer see the shore on the right side of the boat. The wind had picked up and it tugged at my hair and skirts. I turned my head looking for Eoghann and found him at the stern of the boat looking down toward the waters. I managed to make it over to where he was standing by holding my skirts with one hand and my hair with the other crab walking carefully with spread legs lest I fall over.

I decided to take the bull by the horns. "So I take it you're angry with me."

"Angry," Eoghann didn't turn to look at me but his voice dripped with sarcasm, "what possible reason could I have for being angry with you?"

My guilt overrode my temper and I said, "I'm sorry Eoghann."

Feigning disinterest he said, "Sorry for what?"

"I'm sorry I ran away."

Eoghann turned a face suffused with fury on me. "Oh you didn't just run away. You ran away and left me without one bloody word! Do you have any idea how that felt?"

I shook my head mutely and recoiled from the blaze of anger in his eyes as it washed over me like liquid flame, and my skin began to feel clammy with sweat despite the wind.

"At first I thought you'd run off with that wastrel Finn and ruined yourself. That was bad enough, but when we found Finn drunk at the cathouse I began to fear for your safety. When we saw that brute's body in the graveyard we thought you'd been abducted. For three days we tracked the riders and as we rode I imagined all the horrible things they might have done to you, what you might be suffering. I was overjoyed when that damn dwarf gave me your letter because it was proof you were alive. At the last I'd even begun to think you might have thrown yourself in the loch in despair. I was picturing you broken body washed ashore somewhere while the gulls picked at it."

Eoghann turned away from me as if the sight of me sickened him. His chest heaved with anger and I felt bile rising in my throat. Eoghann's words left me feeling raw and scathed like the lash of a whip. I knew what I'd put him through was unforgivable, knew how I would have felt if he had disappeared without a word.

I took a deep breath and fought the nausea rising in me. "I'm sorry Eoghann. I don't know what else to say. I know it was selfish of me, but I just couldn't marry Angus, not knowing what a monster he was. I couldn't see any way out and I panicked."

Eoghann turned wounded eyes on me. "Why couldn't you have come to me, Cat, why?"

"You didn't listen to me about Finn and you got so angry." I had begun to feel quite dizzy and sweat was popping out on my forehead despite the wind.

"That doesn't mean I wouldn't have listened to you about Angus. If you had come to me and told me about Jamesina I would have at least listened! But no, you run off without even trying to make me understand. You left me to suffer the worst kind of hell, Cat. What have I ever done to deserve being treated like that?"

Suddenly the nausea I'd been fighting overcame me. My gorge rose and I barely managed to get my head over the ship's rail before the contents of my stomach began to heave its way out. I might have pitched headlong over the rail but Eoghann's strong arms came around me holding me. Again and again I retched over the edge until my stomach was empty and my throat was painfully sore.

I wiped my hand across my mouth and stood up. "I think I've been poisoned."

"You're not poisoned, Cat. It's only seasickness."

I wondered what that meant but felt too ill to inquire. Eoghann bent and put an arm behind my knees and picked me up. He held me securely against his chest as he carried me across the deck and back down the stairs to my cabin calling for Jenny as he went. When he kicked open my cabin door she appeared.

Jenny held her hand against her mouth. "Oh my, mistress. Have you taken ill?"

"It's just seasickness," Eoghann said laying me down on the bed and then smiled at Jenny, "bring the chamber pot in case she heaves again."

I glared at him as best I could in my weakened state. "You're enjoying my misery, you monster."

"Just a bit," he admitted with a smile."It only seems fair that you do a little suffering too."

Lying down was making my head spin and I was afraid I was going to be sick again, but I knew I needed to make Eoghann understand. "I didn't think you would believe me if I told you about Angus ravishing Jamesina. You were already making excuses for his bad temper and his cheating."

"You should have tried."

" Even if you had believed me could you have stopped Uncle Malcolm from marrying me off to him?"

That took him aback a little. "I would have tried." He sniffed indignantly.

Racked with nausea I was in no mood to be diplomatic. "And I might have been married to Angus anyway."

"Well now you're married to Sam. I hope you made a good bargain because you're going to have to live with it for the rest of your life."

"He's better than Angus. He's a good, decent man and if it wasn't for him those MacDonnels would have killed me!"

"That's why you were so foolish to run off like that. Don't you realize all the awful thing that might have happened to you."

""Do you forgive me?" I asked wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Not yet, but I'm working on it. It's Rabbie who's going to be really furious with you. You may have scared me to death but you made him look weak and foolish to his new bride and his clan."

I looked up at him sharply and saw that he was smiling. "I'm truly sorry I've made such a mess of things."

"Well you should be, but in truth I think it's Uncle Malcolm who began this mess, and now that I know the MacDonnels a bit better I think we'd do well to keep our distance. I just wish I thought we could avoid shedding Frazer blood over this."

My stomach heaved again and I hung my head over the chamber pot. "Maybe it won't come to that."

"Maybe, I'll leave Jenny to care for you and tell Sam you're seasick."

"No, I don't want him to see me like this!"

Eoghann chuckled. "But I do little sister."

Despite my worries over what lay ahead I felt lightened by our conversation. At least Eoghann was speaking to me and if he hadn't forgiven me yet I thought he would soon.

Under Jenny's ministrations I was soon clad only in my shift and tucked up into bed with a damp rag on my forehead, but the room still spun when I closed my eyes so I stared out in front of me miserably wishing I someone would shoot me and put me out of my misery.

There was a rap on the cabin door. "Leannan, may I come in?"

"No," I said, "Go away!" I certainly didn't want Sam seeing me like this.

"But I've brought you some things to make you feel better," he wheedled.

I wavered. "What kind of things?"

"Things to eat," Sam said as he opened the door and stepped into the room carrying a tray. He sat the tray down on the table beside the bed and sat on the mattress next to me.

He picked up a mug off the tray and held it out to me. "This is ginger beer. The cook assures me that it will settle your stomach."

Reluctantly I sat up and turned the pillow behind my head vertical, then leaned back and took the cup. I took a cautious sip. I wasn't bad. The mild ale had just a hint of the hot citrus tang of ginger. I took another sip before handing the cup back to Sam.

He handed me a bannock. "Here, they're a bit hard but the cook said stale bannocks were the best thing for a roiling stomach."

My stomach was indeed roiling so I took the proffered bannock and nibbled one corner.

Sam gently swept a tendril of hair back from my face. "I'm sorry you have seasickness, leannan."

"You shouldn't touch me. I don't want you to catch it."

Sam laughed and then fought to stifle it.

"What's so amusing," I asked.

"Seasickness isn't catching. It's caused by the motion of the boat. As soon as we get you back on dry land you'll recover. "

"Oh, good, that's nice to know. I thought I might be dying."

Sam chuckled and patted my cheek. "Would you like more ginger beer or bannock?"

"No, I'm very tired and I'd like to sleep a while."

Sam leaned down and dropped a kiss on my forehead. "Alright leannan, don't hesitate to call for me if you feel worse. I vowed to take care of you in sickness and health after all."

After Sam departed I fell asleep, but I woke later in darkness to the sound of gentle snoring. I looked down toward the sound and saw Jenny asleep on a pallet beside me. I turned my head toward Lady Grant's bunk It was rumpled and empty.

I lay awake for hours while my stomach heaved but Lady Grant didn't return.

 _ **At your suggestions I have created a rather unexpected back story for Lady Grant which will be revealed in future chapters. I have also addressed the point that Eoghann seemed too ready to forgive Cat for all she put him through. How are you feeling about Lady Grant and Eoghann now? Please keep the feedback coming it is really helpful.**_


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 29

As the seas calmed so did my stomach and I was feeling much better by the time we arrived at Inverness. After Sam and Eoghan took me for a bracing walk on ground that neither pitched nor rolled I stopped feeling as if the sea was still beneath me. We met the Laird, Conrad and Lady Grant at an Inn on the high street, and I was well enough to eat a real meal in the private rooms with everyone else. While we ate Laird Mackenzie's servants located the messenger he'd sent to await Rabbie and Al in a tavern near the docks.

I was tucking into a rather good meat pie with gusto, when the messenger came himself to inform the Laird that my brothers had yet to dock in Inverness. It was decided that Eoghann would take rooms at the inn and await their arrival while the rest of our party sailed on to Leith and then hired a carriage for the short drive to Edinburgh.

Thus I found myself standing on the deck saying farewell to Eoghann. Even though I'd repaired most of the damage between us this parting felt very final as if I was leaving not just Eoghann but my old life behind.

Eoghann clapped Sam on the back. "Take good care of my sister or I won't refrain from running you through next time."

Sam smiled. "I'll do my best so you don't have to try," Sam put emphasis on the last word making Eoghann grin.

Eoghann placed the palm of his big hand atop my head and held it there. "And you," he rubbed my head with his hand, "stay out of trouble and do what Sam tells you to do not whatever damn fool thing that comes into your head. The King's court is not what you're used to and Edinburg is a verra dangerous place. You must never, ever go off alone. It isn't safe. Listen to Lady Grant; she knows how to conduct herself like a lady."

I managed to let that remark pass without contradiction and turned the conversation back to what was foremost in my mind. "Will you explain to Rabbie and Al why I had to run away so they won't be furious with me?"

Eoghann removed his hand from my head and snorted with laughter. "No matter what explanation I make they're going to be furious with you. You're just lucky I had the better part of four days to fear you were dead before I found you."

I clutched his arm. "But you will try?"

"I'll do what I can to smooth things between you but I don't know that I'll succeed. Rabbie will not be happy that you disobeyed us all and put yourself in danger. You are very fortunate that Laird Mackenzie interceded on your behalf and Sam turned out to be a worthy fellow."

"I know they'll be angry, but I couldn't bear it if they disowned me!"

"Don't worry, beachlannair, my guess is Rabbie and Al will be so occupied with strategizing how to handle Uncle Malcolm and the MacDonnels that they will have no time to spare thinking about how to punish you. Besides, disciplining you is Sam's job now." He gave Sam a sideways glance and chuckled making me wonder if Sam had told him more of the story of my journey with him to Eilean Donan than I'd thought.

I continued to hold Eoghann's arm though I knew it was time for him to leave. "When will I see you again?"

"Soon enough I should think. Once Rabbie settles Uncle Malcolm perhaps you and Sam can come for a visit. Hogmanay is not so very far away."

I had never been away from my home and family for more than a week before and Hogmanay seemed ages away. My distress must have shown on my face for in a startling and uncharacteristic show of brotherly affection, Eoghann leaned down and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

Then Eoghann turned quickly Sam. "I leave Cat in your good care, Sam. May Christ have mercy on you!"

After saying his goodbyes to Laird Mackenzie, Conrad and Captain Ross, Eoghann lingered over Lady Grant's hand. "My lady it has been a great pleasure. I hope we will have occasion to see each other again soon."

Lady Grant gave his a dazzling smile. "Perhaps we will, Master Frazer."

With that Eoghann departed and I watched his back for long time as he walked up the street. I wanted very badly to run after him and beg him to take me home with him, but I knew he couldn't.

Sam drew me into his arms. "Don't fache, leannan, you will meet your brothers again soon enough. They will want to see for themselves that you are well taken care of."

"I just feel like I have no home and no family…" I trailed off miserably.

Sam's arms tightened around me and he dropped a kiss on my forehead. "Your home is with me now and I am your family."

I was sure Sam meant for his words to comfort me, but instead I felt myself caught in a trap of my own making. I was bound to this man who was practically a stranger to me despite our physical intimacy. I found myself looking at his long fingers and wide mobile mouth and thinking about all the secret places they'd roamed on my body. Then I'd blush at the thought that I'd abandoned all propriety and given myself over to a man I'd known only a little over a week. I knew far less about Sam then I did Jenny who was always prattling on about herself and her family. I'd come to trust that Sam was a kind and decent man, but I feared the ruthless, pragmatic warrior within him. I just wasn't ready to abandon everything I'd ever known and place myself in his care. No matter how he made me feel.

Even now my traitorous body was roused by Sam's proximity. My nipples grew taut and I felt myself growing moist between my legs. I looked up at him and his intense blue green gaze locked with mine. I'd already come to know that look. It meant he wanted me.

I gave him a half hearted smile. "Perhaps we should go below to the cabin before the seas grow rough again."

He smiled and pushed a lock of hair away from my face. "I would like nothing better but I'm afraid the Laird has other plans for my time."

I blushed scarlet realizing what he thought I was suggesting.

Sam whispered low in my ear. "Don'na blush, leannan, I'm glad to know you want me as much as I want you."

I went below to the main cabin by myself and for a few hours I thought I might have conquered my seasickness with a combination of sipping ginger beer and gazing out toward the horizon, but I soon found myself feeling as if a dozen minnows were darting about my belly in a bath of sulfur.

At least this time my cabin mate was Sam instead of Lady Grant. This state of affairs seemed preferable at first, but then I realized it meant that Sam was going to see a great deal of me being ill so I banished him for the worst of it, and he was only allowed back when there was nothing left in my stomach to purge.

I passed a long miserable day and night, but then the seas calmed and I was able to sleep away most of the morning. I was feeling just well enough to be both bored and irritated by my current circumstances, but not strong enough to get out of bed. Jenny had done her best to keep me relatively clean and well groomed but I felt filthy and positively hideous. I was sure any feelings of attraction Sam had ever felt for me had long since departed, and he'd shown only a fatherly interest in me since I'd begun heaving my guts out on a regular basis.

To his credit Sam made a decent nurse when Jenny wasn't about and he'd spent several hours reading to me from the ship's rather limited library. At the moment he was reading the Odyssey.

"even a darting hawk, the quickest thing on wings," he paused in his reading. "I should probably skip this part."

"No, it's alright. I like the gruesome bits."

Sam continued, "could keep pace as on she ran, cutting the swells at top speed, bearing a man endowed with the gods' own wisdom, one who had suffered twenty years of torment, sick at heart, cleaving his way through wars of men and pounding waves at sea but ..."

The imagery was enough to make my stomach lurch again. I rudely interrupted, "Never mind, you're right. You should skip ahead."

Sam smiled as his eyes scanned the text for a less offensive passage.

I sighed. My father frequently had us read a chapter from the book of our choice after supper. The Odyssey was a favorite of my brothers and I knew it rather too well to be fascinated. "How long until we reach port?" I asked.

"As I've told you the last three times you asked, Captain Ross believes we'll be there tomorrow afternoon if the weather holds."

I sighed heavily. "Have you noticed that except for Penelope all the women Homer writes about are evil temptresses? Calypso, Circe, the sirens…"

"Not all the women, there's Athena," he threw out his palm theatrically as if Athena lay in it.

I shook my head. "She's a goddess not a woman."

Sam shrugged. "So is Calypso."

It seemed Sam knew the story of Ulysses' journey as well as I did. "Why exactly did you choose this book to read to me?"

"Because I thought you'd find it more interesting than naval histories, though if you feel you must emulate one of the characters Penelope would be my choice. She's faithful to her husband for twenty years while he's away at war and clever about keeping other men at bay with her tricks while he's gone."

"I hope you don't expect me to be faithful for twenty years while you lounge about making love to Calypso."

He raised one eyebrow and said sternly. "That is exactly what I expect."

A vision of Lady Grant's empty, rumpled bed flashed before my eyes. Sam had spent last night either sleeping next to me or being shooed from the room while I hung my head over a bucket, but I couldn't speak to his whereabouts for the night before.

Sam continued, "Don't forget I'm a soldier like Ulysses and I am likely to be away from home far more often than not."

I swallowed nervously. "Surely you won't be gone that often!"

Did Sam intend to be faithful to me when he was away from home? Was he even faithful now? It seemed unlikely that Sam would sneak out of the room he shared with his new brother-in-law to meet Lady Grant for a tryst, but I couldn't be completely sure. He was a very lusty man and I'd certainly been in no shape to help curb his lust for him these last few days.

"Things are very unsettled between the clans right now. They're all waiting to see if the English queen chooses our King James for her heir and vying to see who can take the best advantage of the unrest it will create. I expect there will be several more years of feuding before they settle down again. Kenneth will take an advantage wherever he sees one so I expect the Mackenzie will be in the middle of it."

Sometimes I wondered if Sam was making a special effort to smash whatever peace of mind I managed to gather together. I'd rather not face the thought of being deserted by him too when I was just reconciling myself to the loss of my brothers' company.

"What will happen if Laird Mackenzie gets the writ of fire and sword?" I asked.

"We will return to Eilean Donan and gather our clansmen for battle. You will stay there while we will attack the MacDonnels." Sam said matter-of-factly as he picked up the book to read again. "I believe you're focusing on the wrong parts of the story. I think the theme Homer intended was that a man who cleaves unto his wife will accomplish his goals more quickly and find happiness. A theme you might even support if you considered it."

"Do you think Lady Grant has a lover on board?" Why had I asked that? The words seemed to have escaped my mouth against my will.

Sam jerked his head back and his posture grew rigid. Then he said primly, "I wouldn't care to speculate and you shouldn't gossip. Without wood a fire goes out and without a gossip a quarrel dies down."

"You needn't quote proverbs to me. You sound like my Aunt Una, and I'm not a gossip."

Sam stood up and glowered down at me. "Oh no, then why would you spread a vicious rumor like that?"

I couldn't help wondering why Sam was defending Lady Grant so vehemently. "I only asked because she was missing from her bed for several hours in the middle of the night when we shared a room."

"So you just assumed she was meeting a lover!" Sam gave me a contemptuous glance and turned away. "Christ, you woman are all alike. I thought you'd be a little more sympathetic considering what the gossips are probably saying about your disappearance."

My mouth fell open. "I had no choice but to run away!"

"Aye, you did. You could have trusted Eoghann and Beiste to help ye instead of running off in the middle of the night on your own like the reckless little, fool you are. Do you have any idea what might have befallen you if we hadn't come along?"

"I think I have a pretty good idea since you let me fall into the hands of those MacDonnels!"

Sam winced and his face went pale. I was immediately sorry I'd said it.

"Aye, I do bear the blame for that, but you needn't remind me. Not a day has passes that I don't think what I could have done differently to keep young Rory alive, and I suppose you think I enjoyed listening to you recount the details of my failure to Beiste and your brother."

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that."

"But you did say it without regard for how your tongue cut." Sam's eyes flamed with anger and his mouth grew thin and hard. For a moment I was afraid, but then he turned away. "Just keep your malicious speculations about Lady Grant to yourself. If you were moaning and heaving all night, she probably just wanted a little peace and quiet!"

I was stung by his words and thoroughly sick of having Lady Grant defended to me by every man I knew and Sam especially. "Well let me assure you there is no reason for you to endure my heaving and moaning tonight. Jenny is a far better nurse than you are anyway. Feel free to sleep in peace elsewhere."

Sam shut the book he was still holding with a snap then laid it with care on the bed. "Fine, I'll leave you to rest then. I seem to have tired you out and made you cross, but you best heed what I said about spreading rumors, especially about Lady Grant!"

With that Sam stalked from the cabin leaving me to seethe about why he defended Lady Grant so hotly and how unfair it was that I was the one visited with seasickness instead of her! I was so angry that it took me several hours to realize that I'd alienated my only real friend.

 __ _ **So what I'm going for here is that reality is starting to set in. Cat is feeling the consequences of her choices and she doesn't like it. Meanwhile she doesn't trust her feelings for Sam. Does their fight feel realistic or manipulated?**_


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 30

I thought dry land would put an end to my nausea, but the constant jouncing of the coach on the rough roads between Leith and Edinburgh was almost as bad as riding on the ship. My hindquarters were becoming sore from the pounding despite the padded leather seats. At least the stench of fish and barnacles had been left behind at the docks. We'd reached open country and a fresh, grass scented breeze blew through the windows of the coach.

The undulating green ground around us rolled slowly past as we made our way toward the gray hills in the distance. Scraggly Scots pines, silver barked birches and broad oaks shaded the dusty path we traveled on and dotted the surrounding pastures where sheep, cows and a few goats grazed. We occasionally passed families of cotters sweating as they worked in fields tall with flax or corn, but the traffic on the road had dwindled until we rarely met any riders. The scenery had become monotonous and I would have gladly slept if the ride hadn't been so rough.

The coach rolled over a mammoth rut and I was jolted up off the seat and into the air until I landed back down on top of Lady Grant.

"I'm terribly sorry, Lady Grant," I said as I pulled my head and torso from her lap.

"Never mind, Mistress Mackenzie, you are not responsible for the terrible state of the road," Lady Grant said as she patted her flaxen hair, twitched her skirts back into place and flashed me a brilliant smile, "and please, you must call me Ann. We will be spending a great deal of time together and we must become dear friends."

That seemed unlikely, but I smiled back at her wondering why I had suddenly become the recipient of her charm and attention. "In that case you must call me Catriona." I braced my hand against the seat between us to avoid anymore contact with Lady… Ann.

Laird Mackenzie flicked an annoyed glance across the coach at the two of us. "I'm being tossed like a pair of dice and we could have walked to Edinburgh faster than this!"

The ponderous coach was indeed lumbering along at a pace only slightly faster than a brisk walk. The rectangular body of the coach was made of wood and rode on four, spoked wheels with the back set of wheels being slightly larger than those in the front. Someone had painted the outside of the coach a cheerful, robin's egg blue but the paint had long since grown faded and grubby. Fortunately the two, tall Shire horses that pulled us seemed to be better cared for than the coach with there glossy black coats and feathery fetlocks.

There were two windows on each side of the coach and to my left side there was a door between the two windows. The door was solid, but the windows were just openings cut out of the walls and fitted with wooden shutters that could be closed from the inside.

One of the wheels struck a deep hole and the impact snapped my teeth together so sharply that I barely escaped biting my tongue.

The Mackenzie said testily, "I'll not let Sam talk me into riding in a hired coach again, safer or not!"

Sam had been ordering us all about since the ship docked at Leith. I had never seen him perform his duties as protector to the Mackenzie before, but I soon learned that he was thorough and fierce in his work. Laird Mackenzie, Ann and I were all surrounded by armed men from the time we stepped off the ship until Sam saw us all safely inside the coach. Now Sam and Conrad were riding alongside us with the ten or so clan warriors who made up the Laird's personal guard. They were all hardened looking soldiers many of them showing scars of battle on their faces and armed to the teeth with sword and dirk.

I'd recognized Alpin among them, but when I'd stopped to speak with him he greeted me stiffly, bowed formally and called me Mistress Mackenzie. Gone was the friendly lecher I had known, and I felt a pang of regret that my elevation in station might cost me the few friends I'd managed to make among the men.

I caught a glimpse of Sam out the window. His light brown hair hung loose around his shoulders and glinted gold where the sun hit it. He sat straight and tall in the saddle and in profile his jaw jutted out firmly beneath the jagged line of his nose. I admired his long, muscular thighs and the way they clenched around his horse. My nipples tightened at the thought of one of those thighs working its way between my own.

Sam had barely touched me in the last three days and I wondered if he ever would again. He'd come back to our chamber very late last night when I had long since given up on his return. I pretended to sleep and he was careful not to wake me as he eased under the quilt next to me. I'd lain there a long time unable to go back to sleep as I replayed our fight in my head and this morning Sam was gone when I woke.

I'd felt well enough to appear in the main cabin this morning, but Sam had rarely been there. On the few occasions when he entered the room he strode purposefully to the Laird for terse, low voiced exchanges and then immediately left again. Sam had hardly spoken to me at all and when he did he behaved as if nothing was wrong, but I still felt the constraint between us.

The coach listed to the right throwing me into the wall. "How much longer until we reach Edinburgh?" I asked hoping or journey was almost over.

The Mackenzie pulled a gold watch from his pocket and flipped it open."Less than an hour. Are you excited to see it, my dear."

"Yes, very much, especially the palace."

"At the moment Holyrood is chock full of obsequious Sassenachs trying to curry favor with the King before old Queen Bess names him as her successor and dies, but we will be lodging there in private apartments."

"How sublime! I have never been to court before much less quartered in the palace."

"Court is exciting and entertaining, but it can be a treacherous place. These lowland nobles compete for the King's attention with their outrageous behavior and the Sassenachs are only too happy to join in. I hope you are not shocked by the things you see, and don't for a moment think I want you to follow their example!" The Laird gave me a stern, narrow eyed look.

"You can trust me to behave as a lady should my Laird." I hoped he was too well mannered to point out my previous failures in that respect.

"Good, you must be on your best behavior because there is little privacy at court and gossip abounds. Does it not Ann?"

"Indeed it does, but don't fache about it. Most of the gossip is pure fantasy and speculation." Ann gave a brittle laugh and shook her head. "You should hear some of the wicked things they say about me!"

I hadn't realized that Ann's reputation would follow her all the way from the Highlands to Edinburgh, but, after all, how many women noble women in Scotland were suspected of trying to poison their husbands?

The Laird leaned across the carriage and patted Ann's hand. "No one who really knows you could believe such things."

I certainly could!

The Laird's sherry colored eyes fixed on mine and his voice turned silky. "The important thing is to present a united front and trust no one. There are eyes and ears everywhere at court so we must play our parts at all times. You are the innocent, young bride in love with your heroic husband who rescued you from the clutches of the rapacious MacDonnels." He paused and lifted his finger, "Remember, it will not do to flirt with all the men at court who will be attracted to your bonnie face."

His eyes bore into mine and I found myself nodding. "Yes, my Laird."

The Laird turned his eyes back to Ann. "Ann, you are far too beautiful. The women at court tell their husbands you're a murdering temptress just to keep them away from you, and still they gather around you like flies. You must play the part of the sober chaperone and keep the men at bay from both of you. You must be a dragon at the gate and behave decorously at all times."

I just managed to turn my laugh into a cough. Of the two of us I thought I would make a far better chaperone. Ann seemed unable to stop herself from flirting with any male in her vicinity. How could Laird Mackenzie be so daft?

Two pairs of suspicious eyes turned on me.

"What are the King and Queen like?" I asked trying to distract them.

"The King is not much to look at," Anne said. "and his speech is difficult to…

The crack of a gunshot made me jump.

The Laird lept to his feet and turned to bar the door. "The windows!" he shouted over his shoulder.

Ann sprang up and began pulling at the shutters on the other side as more shots rang out. "Get the other one!" she yelled at me.

I scrambled up and began to fumble with the shutters of the other window. The shutter dogs that held them back were just thin pieces of wood that pivoted on a nail. With shaking fingers I rotated the crude clasp while men shouted and horses squealed in protest. There was no doubt about it. We were being attacked!

The shutter swung free as the clang of metal on metal rang out again and again. I worked at the other catch while the noises outside intensified, but the wood must have swollen because the dog wouldn't turn. I beat at it with my fist but it still wouldn't rotate.

I was beginning to panic when the Laird came up behind me. He rested the entire shutter dog out of the wall throwing it behind him nail and all. Then he slammed the open shutter shut and dropped the bar that held them closed into place.

I fell back down on the seat in relief and stared up at him. The Laird sat down gracefully opposite me, pulled his flintlock pistol from his belt, and propped the pistol's handle atop his wrist Then he cocked it all the way back and aimed it calmly at the door.

Beside me Ann was rucking her skirts up above her knees and I wondered if she'd gone mad. Did she hope to save herself by offering her body to our attackers? Then I saw her pull something out from under her garter and she began pulling her skirts back down. When she finished her small hand was fisted tightly around a short knife that tapered from the handle down into a wicked little point. My respect for Ann took a giant leap upward.

The Laird said, "Ann, I'm going to watch the door. If they come I think they'll come that way, but you watch the other side for me and yell if you see anything. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Ann said a bit faintly but turned her head obediently to keep watch on the other side of the coach knife still clutched at the ready in her little hand.

"Lady Catriona, have you a sgian dubh?" the Laird asked.

Another gunshot boomed very close by and I flinched wondering who it hit.

"Catriona?" the Laird asked.

I silently shook my head no.

He pulled something from his boot and handed it to me. "Here."

It was a knife similar to the one Anne held. I took the handle tentatively.

The Laird frowned. "Do you know how to use that?"

I shook my head again. "No."

"Then just grip the hilt firmly and aim for the soft parts, eyes, belly, or lower. I'll have Sam show you how to use it later." He smiled reassuringly at me.

At the mention of Sam I felt sick. He was out there in the chaos. He could be lying dead on the ground outside even now and I was stuck in this coach unable to come to his aid. Only cracks of light showed around the shuttered windows, and I felt like a toad trapped in a basket ready to leap out at the first chance yet afraid of what lay outside.

I listened intently to the noises coming from outside hoping they would inform me of what was happening. The horses and men had settled to their work. Shouts of warning had turned to the grunts of men locked in combat and the occasional cries of pain from both horses and men.

I thought of pig face and tightened my grip on the knife the Laird had given me. Sam had told me a woman could never win a fight with man, but I wondered if the knife might even the odds. Sam also told me that he would protect me, but here I was trembling at the thought of what might come through that door. Yet I knew in my heart that Sam would protect me to his dying breath.

The door shook as a heavy fist pounded against it.

 _ **Let me know if you have any suggestions for building the suspense in this chapter. I want to thank you all for your great patience in reading this story one chapter at a time. I am going to a film festival this weekend that I know from experience will not leave me a free moment to write so I will publish the next chapter in two weeks. Make up sex coming soon. Please keep those comments and suggestions coming. What do you want to see happen at court?**_


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 31

I stared at the door as something toxic spread through my body with each heart beat setting my blood to boiling while my body trembled.

The pounding on the door came again and I felt my heart spring up as it meant to break free of my body and then slam back down into place.

I gripped the sgian dubh in my hand feeling my nails digging into the flesh of my palm while the laird sighted down his pistol ready to shoot at whatever came through the door. What should I do when the door opened? Stab at the man's soft parts, his eyes? No, I must let the Laird shoot first then …

I jerked back against the seat as something heavy slammed into the door!

I stared at the door with such intensity that my gaze blurred straining to hear any tiny noise that might herald its opening over the din outside. Sweat trickled beneath my arms and popped out on my forehead. I could smell the acrid scent of my own fear. My throat felt so dry I could barely swallow, but still the door remained closed and silent.

With the windows shuttered the coach felt cramped and confined. I realized I was panting like a dog on a hot day, but I couldn't draw enough air into my lungs to catch my breath. I began to feel light headed. I concentrated on breathing slowly and deeply. In two, three, four and out two, three four. In two, three, four and out two, three four.

The waiting was miserable, almost painful. I stared at the cracks of light that shone brightly around the door and windows, but rather than cast some light in the gloom they blinded me. My pupils contracted to pin points and I could barely make out shapes in the dim coach. My ears rang with the sound of metal on metal and thump of swords against leather targs. I sat there gripping my little knife and trembling trying not to imagine what was happening outside as men grunted and cried out while their horses squealed and snorted. Was Sam fighting for his life or lying wounded in a pool of his own blood? In two, three, four…

I tried to concentrate on my plan of attack. If the invader fell to the ground from the Lairds shot I must pounce on him stabbing the soft flesh of his belly … or should I be ready to attack the next man to come through the door? If only Sam were here to tell me what to do!

Gradually shouts and screams dwindled to occasional groans and moans. The sounds outside the coach began to fade in intensity. The clangs and thumps of sword play became the jingle of bridles and thud of hoof beats. Someone had won, but whom?

We heard the sound of something heavy being dragged away from the door of the coach.

 _This was it! They'd come for us!_

I felt a click in my head and all my emotions seemed to have been locked safely away into a forgotten room of my mind. All that remained was the experience of this moment. Every sense I had focused on the door. Someone or something was blocking the crack of light at the top of the door and I could just make out the sound of someone drawing heavy breaths.

There was a polite rapping noise.

The Laird tightened his grip on his pistol. "Who goes there?"

"My Laird, it's Sam."

I could feel the wave of relief sweeping through my body. I collapsed limply back against my seat and the breath I'd been holding escaped from my lungs in a woosh.

Sam spoke calmly through the door. "We were attacked but I think we routed them."

The Laird stood and unbarred the door swinging it open and Sam was silhouetted by the light behind him. I craned my neck around the Laird trying to see if he was well and whole but I couldn't tell. Sam's entire body was in shadow.

The Laird sat back down and Sam stuck his head into the coach. His white shirt was dark with blood and sweat. It lay open wide at the neck exposing his muscled chest gleaming with moisture. I smelled the pungent scent of him along and the coppery smell of blood. My eyes searched his body anxiously for a wound. I saw none but the sword Sam still gripped in one hand was stained red. The blood on his shirt was not his own.

I looked up at Sam's face. His hair fell loose around his head and sweat matted it to his temples and forehead. He had blood splatter on one cheek and his mobile brows were drawn together in a fierce frown. He looked like a marauding savage, but when our eyes met the corners of his mouth turned up in a triumphant smile. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and for a split second our eyes met and I thought he would come to me, but then he looked back to the Laird.

"I think it would be wise for you and the ladies to say in the coach a little longer, my Laird, while I make sure everything is safe."

The Laird didn't argue. "Thank you, Sam. We'll wait right here."

"If you would, bar the door again." Sam pulled his head out of the coach and was gone.

The Laird returned his gun to the half cocked position and barred the door. "You see we're quite safe. Nothing to worry about," but I noticed that he kept hold of his pistol rather than returning it to his belt.

We waited for some time in silence. I felt the giddiness of relief and struggled to keep myself still.

Ann said, "I swear this waiting grows so tedious I can't bear it any longer. What can we do to pass the time? Shall I tell you about the queen?"

"If you wish," I said suddenly distracted by thoughts of what lay outside the couch. Sam had not mentioned any wounded men, but my mind turned to young Rory.

"Well she is quite attractive really for a woman of her years. She's approaching thirty, and she's kept her figure well for someone so frequently with child, but her nose is a bit long as is her jaw. She styles herself after the French wearing her hair high and her neckline low, and I find her to be quite gay and amusing. She is of course, a great patron of the arts, particularly theater so that is always safe to chat about, but never mention the Earl of Mar to her. She has never forgiven the King for sending her son to be raised by Mar in Stirling Castle. Even now she plots to have him back at court …

I found I could not concentrate on Ann's words so I gave up trying. Where was Sam and what could be taking him so long? I wanted to leap up out of the coach and demand that he tell me what was going on. I'd been held prisoner in this coach long enough.

Finally another rap came on the door to the coach. "My Laird, it's Sam. It's safe now; You can unbar the door."

The Laird uncocked his pistol and returned it to his belt before lifting the bar from the door and pushing it open. He turned back toward us. "I'm going to go speak with Sam for a moment. If you ladies will remain here a little longer you can stretch your legs in just a moment."

He didn't wait for a reply but stepped out of the coach closing the door behind him. I was frustrated beyond bearing. How dare he ask me to sit here wondering what was happening any longer? I leaned toward the door side of the carriage straining to hear. I could hear Sam and the Laird speaking in low voices but I couldn't make out their words.

"Can you hear anything?" Ann asked.

I shook my head. "No."

"Aye, well," Ann flipped her hand dismissively, "I'm sure they're trying to figure out who attacked us."

"You don't think it was the MacDonnel's?" I asked just managing not to let my voice quiver.

Ann shrugged. "Mayhap, but Kenneth has so many enemies it's hard to say."

I turned to look at Ann. "Enemies?"

"Well for starters there's anyone who didn't like the way he ruled as a member of the Privy Council, most of the Mcleods and the dozen or so gentlemen of Fife who he cheated out of the isle of Lewis."

"Oh, yes, I heard about that," I said vaguely recalling the conversation I had overheard between Uncle Malcolm and John Og.

"Kenneth has more enemies than friends. The only time the Laird Mackenzie finds himself at an advantage and doesn't press it is when he's plotting to get something better."

The bitterness of Ann's tone was clear and I wondered what she held against the Laird. After all, he'd offered her a home when her husband's family threw her out of theirs and he seemed to be her sole financial support. "Do you think whoever it is will try again?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure Sam will tell you a comforting lie if you ask."

This cynical side of Ann was at odds with the woman I'd seen so far and I found myself reassessing my opinion of her. Free of the company of men she turned hard and blunt. I wondered why she bothered playing the part of the sweet tempered lady. She wasn't free to marry. Perhaps there were other things she required of men, but I felt sure she wasn't motivated by her tender feelings for them.

The Laird poked his head in the coach. "Ladies, are you ready to come outside?"

Ann stood gracefully and he helped her out of the carriage. Then she dithered prettily and swooned a little for the benefit of the Mackenzie men who watched while I stood waiting impatiently until it was my turn.

As the Laird helped me down I heard a droning noise. I looked to my left and saw horse flies beginning to swarm the body of a man whose torso was hacked open from his shoulder down almost to his waist. His neck flopped over opposite the deep crevice cut through his body and his dark hair was still neatly qued at the back of his neck even though blood and gore spilled from his body's new fissure. He seemed to have been dragged by the arms and dropped where he lay. A trail of blood was smeared behind him from the door of the coach all the way to where he lay on the ground with his arms still stetched above his head.

Bile rose in my throat and I just managed to make it to side of the road before I vomited.

I stood there leaning my forehead on the cool, smooth bark of a birch tree and waiting for my gorge to settle. I felt a warm arm slip around my waist and a familiar deep voice asked "Are you well, leanan?"

I turned and found myself wrapped in one of Sam's arm. It felt good to be there pressed up against his hard chest and I wanted to lay my head down on his shoulder and take comfort there, but I remembered that things were still not settled between us and wiped the back of my hand across my mouth. "Yes, it was just seeing that man almost sliced in two like that."

The heat of his body radiated into my own warming me like a stove and his eyes turned almost teal in the shade of the trees bore into mine with an intensity that made me want to look away yet I could not. I felt the pull of his desire in their depths and my body began to welcome him even as my mind urged caution. I wanted to nestle against him and press kisses on his throat. I wanted to run my hands over his wide chest feeling the hard muscles beneath. Sam's arm began to tighten about me.

Abruptly Sam took his arm from around my waist and stepped back. He held a water skin out to me with his other hand. "I'm sorry. I should have dragged him farther away. I did not think of your delicate sensibilities."

Was that censure in his voice? Ann could swoon and carry on but I had to remain unaffected by the horror of a man cleaved nearly in two!

I grabbed the water skin out of his hand, sucked in a mouthful of water and spit it out again. Then I drank long and deep quenching my terrible thirst and trying to wash the vision of the dead man from my mind. When I finished I asked, "Did he … was he…"

"He was trying to open the coach door," Sam looked down at me with that cold, remote look in his eyes.

I didn't bother to ask who'd killed him. I loathed this part of Sam, even feared it, yet how often had I benefited from his casual savagery? "Thank you, for protecting us. Were any of your men hurt?"

"Three wounded but only one should require the attention of a healer."

I raised my eyes to his and saw the icy composure fading. Sam leaned toward me and I found myself longing to feel the comfort of his arms around me again.

"Catriona," Ann called startling us both, "would you come behind the bushes with me? I'm too frightened to go alone."

I remembered the cool way she'd pulled her skenan dou from beneath her skirt and doubted my company was needed, but looked over my shoulder and nodded at her. "Yes, I'll come." When I returned my gaze to Sam his face was carefully blank.

"Over there would be best." Sam pointed to some rowan trees with thick underbrush growing beneath them.

When we returned from our business Sam escorted us back to the carriage handed me in with no more familiarity than he showed to Ann. I thought he might leave me with an embrace or even a brief kiss, but he just said, "If you'll excuse me I have much to do before we can continue on to Edingurgh."

When the Laird returned to the coach we began our journey again. At Sam's suggestion the windows remained shuttered for the rest of our trip through the countryside. The dim, stifling coach left me drowsy but unable to sleep for all the jostling the uneven roads engendered.

I contemplated my relationship with Sam at length on the rest of the journey trying to reconcile the gentle and patient lover with the cold ruthless warrior. Could he not have spared a moment to comfort me after such a horrible experience? Just a simple embrace would have been welcome. Was Sam still so angry with me for maligning his precious Lady Grant that he couldn't bear to touch me or was this a lesson in how it would be if I dared contradict him?

Perhaps he didn't want me anymore. Maybe seeing me retching with such frequency had killed any desire he felt for me. Was he already bored with my charms and ready to move on and find his Calypso. What exactly did this man I'd married expected from our marriage of convenience? Uncomfortable and unhappy I grew more and more irritable as we drew closer to Edingburgh, but I kept my tongue behind my teeth.

Ann, on the other hand, commented again and again on the heat while fanning herself and periodically telling us she might swoon. She kept insisting that it would be a shame if I didn't get to Edinburgh as we rode closer. Finally when Edinburgh was in sight Sam relented allowing us to open the coach windows and I caught my first glimpse of the city.

The first thing I noticed was the wall that surrounded it and the way the city rose from east to the west until it reached a dark and ominous looking Castle high on the cliffs. A feeling of foreboding settled on me.

Thank you so much patient readers for waiting an extra week. I know reading a chapter at a time is horrible in the first place and I really appreciate you sticking with me. Next week we make it into the castle and the intrigue ramps up. Please please more suggestions of what you want to see they have been great so far. Do you understand Cat's confusion? Can you guess what's behind Sam's behavior.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 32

"Is that Edinburg castle there on the cliffs?" I asked.

"It is." The Laird looked at me and smiled indulgently. "I had forgotten this was you first time in Edinburgh. What do you think of our famous stronghold?"

"I think it's rather ominous looking. How long has it been there?"

"Well Castle Rock has been a stronghold for Edinburgh since the men of Gododdin died fighting the Angles in 600 AD and there has been a royal castle on the rock since at least the reign of David I in the 12th century."

"Aren't you the historian!" I teased.

The Laird shrugged and dropped his sherry colored eyes looking uncharacteristically bashful. "Scottish history is an interest of mine."

I challenged his knowledge. "Which King moved the court to Holyrood Palace?"

He brightened rising to my challenge. "Twas James the fourth who built it, but Edinburgh Castle was still sometimes used as a royal residence in the time of Queen Mary. Our King was born there"

"What is Edinburgh Castle used for now?"

"The King's troops garrison there." He gave me an assessing look. "If you'd like, I'll try to find time to take you for a tour and tell you the history of the castle. It's quite fascinating."

"I would like that very much," I said and received a rare, genuine smile from him.

We neared the eastern port in the city wall and began passing by merchants of all sorts waiting to get inside. Some rode, some were on foot but most all carried their wares with them. Our coach paused next to a thin, swarthy man dressed in a moth eaten kilt and a shirt that was little more than a rag. He carried a heavy bag over his shoulder shifting it from side to side and back again while an even thinner, boy of perhaps five of six who was wide eyed with excitement kept tugging on his hand and pointing at various wonders while he capered about on bare feet.

A burly man wearing a purple bonnet sweated as he pushed past us with a hand cart piled to the brim with cabbages. When one head tumbled out and rolled away he put down his cart and chased after it muttering swear words in Gaelic. He retrieved the cabbage and replaced it in his precarious pile of leafy orbs, but took no more than a dozen steps before two more pale green heads bounced out onto the road. One rolled in front of the barefoot boy and he picked it up and walked over holding it out to the burly man.

The man gave drew down his brows and gave the boy a fierce look. The boy quaked a bit but continued to hold the cabbage out to the man. The man and said something I couldn't here. Then the he handed the boy another cabbage. The boy ran back to the thin man with a cabbage held tightly under each arm.

The thin man seemed confused as the boy hopped about showing him the cabbages. The thin man finally seemed to understand and turned as if to thank the burly man, but he had already trundled off with his cart, the balance of his load having been restored by his generosity.

"What are they all waiting for?" I asked the Laird.

"No one sells goods in the city without paying the King's tax. Flodden wall has never been very successful at keeping the English out but it's an excellent deterrent to smuggling."

I craned my neck out the window and saw Sam riding forward to talk to the soldiers who guarded the gates. While we waited to pass I examined Flodden wall. It was built with a hodgepodge of stones. Some bore evidence of being quarried with a straight edge on a side or two, but most had been pulled whole from the earth. Some were as large as a hog's head while others were smaller than a hand span. The wall was a patchwork of colors. Stones in warm shades of browns, golds, and rusts were side by side with stone in cooler shades of white and gray. As tall as three men standing on each other's shoulders the wall looked formidable to me.

I gestured at the wall. "How did the English get through it?"

"They generally came through the port gates," The Laird said simply.

I looked to the other side of the carriage. A line of a dozen or so horse drawn wagons in various sizes and states of repair were pulled to the side of the road by the gate. A fine pair of glossy brown draft horses shifted their feet in front of a sturdy wagon filled with barrels. The black bearded driver drooped on the wagon seat staring into the distance with resigned patience while a big, red headed man who sat next to him kept a watchful eye on the crowd with his coat pulled back from his hip so that his pistol was visible.

"What do you think they have in those barrels?" I asked.

"It must be something worth guarding," the Laird jerked his chin at man with the pistol, "They're probably full whiskey of some other spirits."

A nervous little man with a rickety old wagon pulled by a gray horse that looked ready for the knacker man kept flitting about shifting the contents of his wagon, tying and retying the ropes that held a ragged tarp in place over his lumpy load.

I cut my eyes toward the nervous man, "What about him? Do you think he's smuggling something in there?"

Ann pointed to the stout woman sitting on the front of the wagon with a sour look on her face. "More likely trying to keep his nag of a wife happy."

As if on cue the woman turned and shouted at him raising her eyes heavenward in annoyance.

The soldiers motioned us through the gate and the merchants moved aside for the Laird Mackenzie and his warriors staring at us with wide and curious eyes as we passed them and moved through the gates into the city. The city smells assaulted me as we rolled through the gate. The odor of chamber pot, mixed with peat smoke, baking bread and rotting refuse with just a whiff of sweet smelling blossoms mingled in.

The road we turned onto was broad and lined with the tallest building I had ever seen. So tall they blocked the afternoon sun completely and cast the entire street in shade.

"The buildings are so tall. I'd heard about it, but I didn't realize."

"Aye," The Laird pointed out the window, "I think that one has twelve stories."

I looked up at the tallest building on the block and just had time to count all twelve stories before we passed it. Most of the buildings were made of stone, likely the only material that would support such height. A few buildings had lawn around them but most were cheek and jowl beside each other. Along the thoroughfare there were numerous closes and courts with well kept houses, and many of the people who rode and walked along the boulevard looked well dressed and prosperous.

"Edinburgh must be a very rich city," I said.

The Laird turned his eyes to me and lifted the corner of his mouth in a wry smile. "Edinburgh is richer than most cities in Scotland, but there are still more poor peopole than rich one's here. This area is very near the palace and only a privileged few can afford to live here."

"If you look there," Ann said pointing to the end of the street, "you can just see the palace tower.

I looked in the direction Ann pointed and spied the conical cap of the palace tower. "It looks very medieval and romantic."

The Laird nodded in agreement with my observations. "James the fifth was a great fan of continental architecture. He had French masons come over to build the tower at great expense. At the time he favored the Renaissance style."

As we drew closer to the castle I was able to see that the rectangular tower actually sported a pair of turrets on either corner. Each turret was topped with a copper cap weathered to a soft blue green shade by time and the whole thing was built of a golden hewed stone. The palace was surrounded by a vast green park contained behind a stone wall taller than the head of a man seated on a horse.

I couldn't see much of the palace because a massive, stone gate house blocked much of it from view. The gate house was long with an arched entryway and Sam held up his hand to halt our party while he spoke with the soldiers guarding it. Looking through the arched entryway into the gatehouse I could see a series of arches within it.

"Impressive, isn't it?" The Laird asked. "James the fourth had it constructed. Just as the wall around the city is most vulnerable at its ports, a castle is most vulnerable at its gates. The arch has a metal portcullis behind it that can be dropped to bar entrance. Actually, there are several that can be dropped to bar the way through the gate house, and if you look up above you can see the murder holes where they would hurl down stones and pour boiling water on the hapless intruders."

I smiled at the boyish enthusiasm in his voice. "You are quite the expert."

Sam gave the signal for us to move forward and we began moving through the gate house.

The Laird pointed at a slit in the wall where a thin shaft of light shown through. "See that slit?"

I nodded.

"Those are arrow loops. The archers would have shot through them killing intruders who tried to get past like fish in a barrel."

Ann frowned at him and said archly, "Really, my Laird, must you be so gruesome? You're going to scare poor Catriona. I'm sure they haven't used any of those things for years and we are welcome guests after all."

As I wondered if Ann was more concerned about my tender feelings or the fact that the Laird's attention had wandered from her, we emerged from the gloom of the gatehouse into the sunny park. The palace park was thickly forested to the back and sides of the palace, but green lawn and gardens stretched from the gatehouse to far behind it.

In the open meadow a group of brightly dressed courtiers stood in a row practicing their skills at archery. They loosed their bows and a volley of arrow whizzed into hay stuffed targets. A young man in scarlet hose cried out triumphantly when his shaft hit the mark. He turned to bow at the group of ladies picnicking behind him and they clapped in appreciation.

"Is that young Forbes," Ann said excitedly giving the young man a dazzling smile and a wave.

The scarlet hosed courtier looked toward our lumbering coach. His black coat was brightened with slashes of scarlet and a scarlet feather bloomed from the brim of his hat. What little of the face I could see under the hat looked handsome. After a moment he seemed to recognize Ann and enthusiastically returned her wave.

The Laird narrowed his eyes and said sternly "Don't forget Ann that you are playing the part of chaperone this visit. Your task is to keep Lady Catriona away from poor influences not introduce her to them."

Ann smiled serenely. "Of course, my Laird. I shall not forget my duty."

Many courtiers strolled about the gardens and Ann smiled and occasionally waved whispering their names to me as we passed them. She gestured at large, lantern jawed man holding the arms of a pretty older woman and a tall young lady who closely resembled him. "That's Laird Sinclair with his wife and daughter. They'll be looking for a match for her. It shouldn't be too challenging an endeavor since Sinclair will dower her well."

Ann pointed to a man sitting on a bench very close to a young woman. "And there is Laird Bothwick with…," she paused a moment, "Is that Cathcart's youngest daughter? Well, well, I wonder what lady Bothwick thinks of that."

Ann continued an unrelentingly monologue cataloging every person we saw by name, rank and the most salacious details she knew about them. We had not even reached the palace and already my mind was overflowing with gossip and names I knew I would never remember. "Do you visit court often, Ann?"

Without turning her attention from the window Ann said, "Kenneth brings me at least once a year or I would simply die of boredom."

Once a year, well perhaps there were not so many names to remember after all. "How many people live here?"

The Laird answered in matter of fact tone, "The royal household numbered almost six hundred in the last year's census, but the King has promised the council he will cut it back to less than five by the end of the year. A necessary economy until Elizabeth names him her heir."

My head spun at the thought. Six hundred people were probably as many as could be found on my brother's lands altogether.

"There is Lady Salton." Ann waved at a tall, very fat Lady who did not appear to see us as she walked on without acknowledging Ann's wave. "She must have put on another stone since I saw her last, but look at her gown."

It was a splendid creation of apple green silk and teal colored velvet.

"I can tell that the neck and sleeves on my gowns are very unfashionable. I must make an appointment with my mantua maker this very day. Don't you think, Kenneth?"

The Laird waved his hand dismissively and nodded. "Yes, of course, whatever you need to make yourself fashionable, my dear."

I hadn't even noticed the sleeves of the dress but on closer inspection I could see that I would look very much the country bumpkin in the gowns I'd brought with me.

"And for Catriona as well?" Ann asked shamelessly.

 _Could a married woman accept clothing from someone other than her husband?_

I opened my mouth to object, but the Laird said, "Yes, yes you must both appear to your best advantage while we are here at court. It won't do for any of these sassenach lords to think we highlanders have no knowledge of what is fashionable."

Well, if the Laird put it that way surely Sam could not object, and some new gowns in the latest fashion would certainly be welcomed by me.

My attention was drawn to the palace itself. It seemed to be built in a quadrangle though only two of the four sides were in evidence at the moment. The tall tower we'd seen from the road, dominated the north-west corner of the palace, but the other notable part of the palace's façade was an arched entryway with two rounded turrets on either side.

It all looked very intimidating and I was suddenly nervous at making my first appearance at court. My stomach fluttered and my palms sweated. Before I had time to smooth the skirts of my traveling dress and pat my hair the coach halted.

Ann who looked much less frazzled than I was patting her own pale hair into place when she seemed to be struck by a thought and asked, "Oh … what are we to say of the attack upon us, my Laird?"

"If you must speak of it be vague and say we assume the attackers to be highwaymen bent on securing my purse, but please curb your inclination to turn every misfortune into a Greek tragedy. We don't want this attack to eclipse the MacDonnel's abduction of Lady Catriona." With that the Laird rose and exited the coach. He turned and offered his hand to Ann who made quite a show of his helping her down beside him.

Then Sam was there putting out his hand to me. I smiled at him bravely and was reassured by a skeptical arched brow and one of his lopsided grins. "Chin up," he whispered and then he was fetching me down beside him.

"Must we go in through the main door? I look an absolute fright with one thing and another."

"Going through the King's gallery is the closest route to the Laird's apartments, but don't worry. It will be near to deserted at this time of day." Sam gave my hand a little squeeze and I felt the comfort of his big solid presence beside me despite the intimidating sight of the endless row of windows across the front of the palace.

"I sent Gibbs and Jenny ahead to see to your rooms were as prepared as they might be, my Laird," Sam said in the formal tones of a soldier speaking to his superior.

"Thank you, I'm sure the ladies are fatigued from their travels so you must take them straight to my apartment, but I'm afraid I have urgent council business to attend. If you will excuse me ladies, I must part from you?"

"My Laird," I curtsied as did Ann and the Laird was away leaving us with Sam for an escort.

Liveried servants surrounded the coach and began pulling at the luggage attached to it.

"Come, with me ladies." Sam put out his other arm for Ann and we walked through the huge arched entrance to the palace.

The entryway spit the ground floor of this wing and a matched pair of long galleries opened out on either side of us. Sam turned us to the gallery on the left.

The rooms scale was nothing short of massive. Light streamed in from sets of tall, arched windows to my left side onto gray marble floors polished to a shine and walls paneled in dark wood. Just above the windows the dark wood gave way to white plasterwork as it approached a ceiling as high as any boasted by a Catholic cathedral. Huge, circular, iron candelabras hung from ceiling between each window ready to provide light when darkness fell.

The walls were hung with tapestries taller than a man and wider than three men lying end to end. At a glance I thought they must illustrate the story of David and Goliath. At the end of the long gallery the far wall was lined with shelves of books from the floor to the tops of the windows. A huge portrait of a king I thought was likely James the IV from his style of dress hung above it in a gilded frame.

We were not alone in the gallery. A few finely dressed courtiers milled about or stood together in groups talking, but we passed by them unnoticed. A man dressed all in black sat on one of the gilded settees against the wall reading a book while a young couple sat on another so completely absorbed in each other they never noticed our presence.

Here and there intricately carved chairs were placed around small tables. Two gray haired gentlemen playing chess sat opposite each other in the bright sunlight under a window at one table while another seated four young men playing cards who preferred the gloom of the corner.

As we drew near the four a handsome young man with dark curls and a well groomed goatee took notice of us and called out, "Sam Mackenzie!"

Sam stopped and turned toward him. "John Huntley!"

The young man got up from the table, and I saw that he was nearly as tall as Sam as he walked toward us. "What brings you here, man?"

"My Laird Mackenzie's business, as usual. Lord John, you must remember Lady Grant."

"Oh indeed," he bowed, "How could I forget one so lovely."

"And may I introduce Catriona Frazer Mackenzie of Kilmorack."

Laird John made a graceful sweeping bow then raised himself to look down on me with a warm smile that made his soft brown eyes shine beneath impossibly long black lashes. "How utterly charming, are you one of Sam's many Mackenzie cousins?"

"Catriona is my wife," Sam said.

A look or pure surprise crossed Huntley's face and for the first time I felt a tinge of regret that I was a married woman who could no longer enjoy a flirtation with an attractive young man.

Laird John recovered himself and said, "My felicitations on your happy news."

I curtsied, "Thank you, Laird Huntley."

He smiled at me again. "I hope we will see you tonight in the hall. We had quite given up on Sam taking a bride. I'd like to hear a bit more about how this crooked nose old warrior won the heart of such a beautiful lady."

"Master Mackenzie!" came a high feminine voice from behind us, "You have returned!"

Sam turned to tall redheaded woman in a green dress. She was perhaps ten years older than I and striking in her looks. Narrow green eyes tilted like a cat's above wide cheekbones and full red mouth plumped above a pointed chin. She was willowy thin but her tightly lace bodice pushed forth a little swell of creamy bosom.

"Lady Bothwick," Sam said evenly but I saw the tightening of his posture.

"Why didn't you send word you were coming?" the redhead asked in a proprietary tone I didn't like as she put one white long fingered hand on Sam's arm.

Sam took her hand off his arm and held it in his saying "The Laird's business brought us here suddenly," then releasing her hand her turned and gestured toward Ann, "Lady Bothwick you remember Lady Grant?"

She curtsied. "Of course, how could one forget Lady Grant?"

Ann gave a brief smile that never reached her eyes and curtsied. "Lady Bothwick."

Sam turned to me and took my hand. "And this is my bride, Catriona Frazer Mackenzie."

Just a hint of surprise crossed Lady Bothwick's face before she hid it behind a wide and mirthless smile. "Congratulations Master Mackenzie, and best wishes to you Mistress Mackenzie. Sam is the finest of fellows."

I curtsied to her and when I rose she took my hand and patted it. "I will not keep you my dear, I can see the journey has been very difficult for you. We will get acquainted when you feel more yourself."

She dropped my hand and turned back to Sam wagging her finger at him. "This doesn't relieve you of your duties to me."

Sam nodded at Lady Bothwick and my imagination ran wild at what those duties might be.

Lady Bothwick turned back to me. "Sam keeps me up on all the latest Highland gossip and I return the favor by telling him what he's missed here at court I'm a Ross by birth. Rest well my ladies for the King has a fine baird to entertain us tonight and you won't want to miss his performance. I bid you all good day."

With that she turned on her heel and was gone leaving me agog with curiosity about what lay between her and my husband.

"Lady Bothwick reminds me that I am remiss in keeping you from your rest ladies. Until to night, then." Laird Huntley said with a bow then returned to his card game.

We followed Sam through a door at the end of the gallery that led to wide stairs that we climbed to the second floor. There we walked half way down a long, dark paneled hall lined with doors on either side until Sam came to a stop in front of one and opened it stepping inside.

We followed him into a small but elegant privy chamber with two large west windows facing into a courtyard garden. The room was paneled in oak and heavy drapes of blue velvet trimmed in cream satin hung beside the windows. A fire crackled behind the grate, but the furniture was still draped over with canvas.

Jenny bustled out of an adjoining door wiping dusty hands on her skirts. "Oh, are ye here already then? I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to make all the rooms ready yet, but I've prepared your chambers my ladies."

"All is well, Jenny," Sam said, "Just make the ladies as comfortable as you can. It's been a long and difficult journey."

Sam turned to me. "I hope to sup with you if my business does not keep me, but Laird Mackenzie will be here to escort you if I can't break free. Why don't you take a nap until then?"

"Thank you, I believe I will try and rest."

"Until later then," Sam said bowing to us both before he hurried out of the apartment.

I turned to Ann and asked the question upmost in my mind. "Who on earth was that woman and what is she to Sam?"

 _ **This was a hard chapter to write. I had to do a lot of research on Edinburgh and Holyrood Palace and what they would have looked like in 1602. If you see anything that needs correction let me know. I would love to hear what you think about the coming to court storyline. Any suggestions on what you'd like to see. Any ideas on who attacked them n the carriage and why?**_


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 33

Ann gave that tinkling, breaking glass laugh I found so irritating. "Why Catriona, aren't you the wee green eyed monster!"

Frustration welled up inside me. "I want to know, Ann. Tell me!"

"Well really, I have no notion." She smiled and shrugged.

I was in no mood to put up with Ann's evasions, but I knew I'd catch more flies with honey. I took a deep calming breath and put a hand on her arm saying more softy, "Ann, please!"

Ann turned and spoke over her shoulder to Jenny. "Could you arrange to have a hip bath and hot water to be brought up, Jenny? I feel filthy from our journey."

A round eyed Jenny said, "Yes, Lady Grant."

How foolish of me to forget Jenny's presence. No doubt her next letter home would be all about the ravings of her jealous mistress.

Ann turned back to me. "Catriona would you like a bath as well?"

I nodded.

"Please see to a bath for both of us, Jenny," Ann said.

"Yes, mi Lady," Jenny curtsied.

Ann stared at Jenny until she slowly left the room with obvious reluctance. When the door finally closed behind Jenny, Ann looked at me from the corner of her green eyes. "Anything I told you would only be pure speculation."

I stifled the impulse to take Ann by the shoulders and shake the answers out of her. "I don't care! Please tell me."

Ann shook her head at me. "Fine, Lady Bothwick is a widow. Her husband was quite a bit older than she and they never had any children. Lord Bothwick wasn't very fond of his heir, a distant cousin I think, so he left his Lady quite comfortably off with a good deal of property and income. Everyone expected Lady Bothwick to remarry but she seems to be in no hurry. The last few times I've visited court she and Sam," Ann hesitated then said, "seemed to enjoy each other's company."

"In what way?" I pressed.

Ann smiled and shrugged. "The usual ways, they talked and danced and flirted."

"But were they more …," I looked down at my feet and swallowed, "intimate than that?" I raised my eyes to hers again.

Ann threw her hands up dramatically and looked heavenward. "If you're asking me if they were lovers I don't know." Then she leveled her gaze at me and said, "You'd have to ask Sam."

I looked right back at her pinning her with my gaze. "But what do you think?"

Ann sighed and shrugged, "I think they probably were lovers, but Lady Bothwick's reputation remains intact. Sam is always discreet."

My heart jumped in alarm. "What do you mean by always?"

Ann shook her head. "Nothing, don't take it so hard, Catriona." She patted my shoulder. "There's nothing to be gained from digging up old gossip now. You can't hold Sam accountable for things that happened before you even met."

I could and I did! Jealousy gnawed at my gut and I wanted to strangle someone though I wasn't sure which neck I preferred at the moment, Lady Bothwick's or Sam's or possibly Ann's. Did Ann have her own selfish reasons for wanting to keep Sam's past lovers in the past?

"Ann, do you think Sam will be unfaithful to me?"

Ann smiled and patted my shoulder. "I think it's very unlikely. Most men are faithful when their wives are as young and beautiful as you are."

"But later?"

"Well, in truth most husbands stray eventually, but it can be dealt with." Ann looked down a moment then raised her face with a rueful smile upon it. "My own father was a philanderer and less than discreet about his mistresses, but my mother never acknowledged that she knew of his affair de coeurs no matter how flagrantly he flaunted them. She said a lady must never acknowledge a man's infidelities because that gives power to his mistress."

"How is that?" I was skeptical of this claim but enough in need of advice on the matter to hear Ann out no matter how absurd her theory.

"Men become bored with their wives and begin to see them as a burden, but a wife's place in her husband's life is preserved by her wedding vows. When a husband strays his wife must be serene and wait patiently. Sooner or later the mistress will begin to nag for more of his time, money and attention. When she does the husband will look back at his wife and suddenly the mistress becomes the burden. After all, men are not obligated to keep their mistresses until death parts them."

"I'm afraid that didn't make me feel any better." I had no intention of waiting patiently until Sam tired of his mistress.

"Oh, it didn't make me feel any better either, but I followed her advice with Laird Grant and it seemed to work."

 _Sam had said Ann's husband was old enough to be her grandfather! Were men never too old for such things?_

"Now I'd like to take a nap before we dress for the evening. Wouldn't you?" Ann asked.

I nodded but I was far too upset to sleep.

"The larger chamber there," She pointed to the door in the center of one wall, "is for the Mackenzie. We will sleep in the smaller chambers on this side." She pointed to the opposite wall where a pair of doors stood open.

Ann walked toward the first door and I followed her absently with visions of a naked Lady Bothwick lying in Sam's arms filling my head.

Ann pointed inside. "This is Sam's room. I mean… yours and Sam's." The room was furnished with a canopied bed flanked by small tables on each side, a large wardrobe, and dressing table with a chair in front of it. Though not a great deal bigger than our cabins on the ship, the furniture was finely crafted in dark woods and the bed luxuriously appointed with blue velvet bed curtains and a blue silk counterpane shot through with silver threads.

Ann moved on to the next door. "This is the room I usually take. The only real difference is the color."

Ann's room was almost identical in size and furnishings but decorated in green and gold instead of blue and silver. The only other real difference being that Ann's chamber had a window.

"I'm going to rest now, and I suggest you do the same. The revelry at court can go on until the wee hours of the morning and you don't want to look like a hag with circles under your eyes from fatigue."

Leave it to Ann to insult me into acquiescing to her wishes. Since Jenny was still absent we helped each other loosen our corsets and Ann retired to her own room. I lay down on the bed on top of the bed clothes thinking of all the woman Sam might have lain with, but Ann was right. I couldn't hold him accountable for the past. The present, on the other hand, was a different matter.

I wanted Sam to clarify exactly what his remarks about fidelity on the ship had meant. He may have married me out of convenience, but was I to stand by idle while he chased any lady at court who took his fancy? I thought again about the look in Lady Bothwick's slanted cat eyes when she put her hand on Sam's arm and a flare of jealous anger shot through me.

Had Sam been courting Lady Bothwick? Marriage to a rich widow could have provided him with as much or more dowry than a marriage to me. Had they been lovers and if they had been did Sam plan to continue their affair? Would Sam expect me to behave as Ann had suggested and ignore his infidelities in hopes that he would eventually tire of Lady Bothwick? Had Sam lain with her on this very bed? I found the thought repugnant.

I got off the bed and began to pace about the room. I opened a small drawer in the table next to the bed, but it was empty. Was Sam already tiring of me? He had not visited my bed since we left Eilean Donan. No doubt my charms paled against the sophisticated wiles of Lady Bothwick even when I wasn't puking. I slammed the drawer back into place.

There was a knock on my door.

"Mistress are you awake? Your bath is here."

Despite my churning thoughts the bath was wonderful. The warm water caressing my skin soothed me. I felt as if I had not been clean since we left Eilean Donan. Jenny washed my hair with soap scented with rose petals massaging my scalp until it tingled with her strong fingers.

After the bath I was feeling refreshed and beginning to get excited about making my debut among the court. Jenny dressed me in my shift, stockings, and stays. Then I hung onto the bed post while she lace my corset tightly

Jenny grumbled, "You best start eating more or your dresses will'na fit you much longer."

"I will. The journey's just been very hard on my appetite."

Ann poked her head in the door. "Are you feeling better?" she asked.

I nodded "I'm feeling cleaner and yes, better too."

"Now we must decide what to wear this evening. I sent a letter to my Manchua maker and we have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon, but for tonight we must make do with what we already have."

"What do you plan to wear?" I asked thinking of my very limited choices.

"I don't know. From what I saw today I am quite out of step with the latest fashions so I've invited a friend over to give us advice on our gowns. Come, I'll introduce you to him. "

"Him?" I was startled. "But I'm not dressed. I can't receive a gentleman caller."

Ann let out an impatient sigh. "Put on your dressing gown and stop being such a missish prude. I assure you it is perfectly proper to receive a gentleman to your toilette at court and it's not as if you'll be alone with him."

Jenny held out the blue robe Jean had lent me or perhaps now I should say "given" me since it was still in my possession. I wished Jean were here with me. I wasn't at all sure that Ann could be trusted when it came to what was proper, and I knew in my bones that Sam would not consider it to be so, but then Sam might be with Lady Bothwick this very moment so his opinion was of little consequence.

I pulled the robe's sash tight around my waist and Ann ushered me into the main room.

A very fashionable gentleman rose from the chair in where he'd been elegantly lounging.

I stared. He was small. Not just short but slender and delicately boned so that he gave the appearance of being a perfectly proportioned miniature. His head topped the tiny Ann's by less than two inches and came only just above my shoulder.

Ann said, "Mistress Frazer, I'd like you to meet Parlen Spencer youngest son of Viscount Falmouth."

He executed a deep and courtly bow. When he stood again with a mischievous smile playing at the corners of his perfect bow shaped mouth I noticed how very like Ann he was in looks. They might have been brother and sister except that his coloring was as dark as hers was fair. Both possessed a fine boned face of surpassing beauty. His nose and chin were sharper and more prominent, but they gave his face a haughty refined look. His olive skin was smooth and poreless as marble. His black hair fell like a sleek curtain to well below his shoulders and his brown eyes were as large and long lashed as a fawns. He would have made an attractive lass except for his nose, and yet there was something cocky and very masculine in his manner.

"Please call me Quinn. Everyone does. I'm my father's fifth son you see."

I could tell from his accent he was English. I curtsied and gave him a smile as I rose. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Quinn. Please call me Catriona. I have three older brothers myself and I am the youngest in my family."

"You have my deepest sympathies," he said in mock seriousness.

I smiled. "It isn't all bad."

"True, there are advantages to being the youngest. My father's expectations sunk lower with each son. He produced an heir, a spare, a clergyman and a soldier so my options were limited to either politician or wastrel."

"And which did you choose?" I asked.

He gave a roguish smile. "So far I've managed to combine the roles."

I giggled at that.

"Have a seat and tell us all the latest court gossip," Ann said eagerly taking my hand and leading me to sit next to her on the settee.

Quinn waited for us to be seated and then gracefully lowered himself into an arm chair. He possessed the elegance of movement I associated with small men. Perhaps it was because they never had to cope with the years of rapid growth and gangling limbs a taller man must endure. No doubt Quinn would turn out to be an excellent dancer and if I didn't miss my guess the winner in any pursuit where speed and skill could trump size and strength.

Quinn gave a little shrug and said mildly, "Things are much the same as they were when last you visited," but the half smile on his mouth gave him away.

"Don't be a beast!" Ann practically bounced in her seat next to me and swatted his arm. "Tell me everything. What has happened to Lady Salton? She looks like she's put on a stone since I last saw her!"

Quinn whispered conspiratorially, "She's increasing!"

"No!" Ann burst out.

"Yes! In fact she'll soon be going home to Perthshire for her confinement."

"But how old is she? She's a grandmother twice over for goodness sake."

"Not as old as all that. Apparently, she was married at thirteen, but her child will be younger than his niece and nephew."

"I don't suppose she was indiscreet with the groom?" Ann asked in hopeful tones.

"If she was she has Laird Salton fooled. He's been telling everyone it was due to an excess of holiday cheer and brandy at Hogmanay. I heard his mistress was furious."

They both laughed and I smiled politely but in truth I thought them a bit cruel.

Ann sobered. "I heard about the death of the infant Duke of Kintyre. How is the queen recovering?"

"She is still given to bouts of weeping but they say she has resumed her duties in the King's bedchamber."

"Really! How dutiful indeed."

"Queen Anne may be frivolous, but she's also ambitious. After more than forty years of being ruled by a virgin queen, the English aristocracy is hungry for a ruler who is both male and fruitful. Every time Queen Anne's womb swells the popularity of King James I swells with it."

"And the King?" Ann asked archly. "Does he have any new favorites?"

"Some say young Forbes was on his way to winning his affections before he took up with Lady Bothwick."

My ears perked up at Lady Bothwick's name and before I could think better of it I blurted out, "Lady Bothwick, is she the King's mistress?"

A look passed between Ann and Quinn then Quinn said, "All the King's favorites need not be women."

"Oh!" I felt my cheeks grow hot with embarrassment at revealing that my mind sunk to the gutter. Of course the King could have favorites who were simply friends. I would have rested my errant tongue, but this might be my only chance to know more about Lady Bothwick. "I met her today, Lady Bothwick." I said airily, "She seemed very … nice."

Quinn gave Ann a questioning glance and she gave him the slightest nod in return.

"Oh, you'll want to watch out for that one. She's a terrible gossip and she'd rather tell a good story than a true one."

Lady Bothwick was a gossip… but Sam hated gossips. "And you say young Forbes seeks her hand in marriage." Perhaps I need not worry after all.

Quinn gave a knowing smile as if he could read my thoughts, "Lady Bothwick has many suitors for she is both attractive and wealthy, but none have met with success in achieving her hand in marriage. It is said that she was married very young and to an old man who shut her up in his isolated country estate. Now she is master of her fate and enjoying her freedom too much to risk being shut up again."

I frowned. Well she wouldn't be enjoying her freedom with my husband!

"Speaking of shut ins. How is the health of Queen Bess?"

"They say she was already depressed by the death of William Cecil but of late many or her dear friends have departed the mortal coil and she has become more and more withdrawn."

"How sad," Ann said in a tone that did not match her words.

Ann and Quinn continued to gossip, and I watched them with mixture of fascination and horror. From their conversation I learned that the court of James the VI was concerned with many thing from the height of their hair to their adulterous affairs, but they were obsessed with when King James might succeed Queen Elizabeth and rule both Scotland and England.

"They say Queen Ann is already planning the coronation and refuses to curtail her spending because the English will pay their debts when her husband is crowned." Quinn chuckled.

Ann smiled. "In truth she is most likely correct in that! How ironic that the English must give to the Scots for once instead of stealing from them." Then she reached over and patted Quinn's arm. "Oh Quinn, I can't tell you how much I've missed this! How I wish I could remain here at the pulse of everything instead of shut away in the Highlands."

Quinn's face turned serious. "There is something I must tell you, dear Ann, but I fear you may find it upsetting."

"What is it?" Ann said going very still.

"He is here," Quinn said softly, "your nemesis."

"Who?" Ann asked sharply.

"Dougal Grant."

Ann's pale face drained of all color. "Here, but he never comes to court."

Quinn shrugged. "None the less he arrived a fortnight ago and remains in the castle seeking the King's favor."

Ann gave a shaky laugh. "Aye, well Dougal Grant is free to roam about as he sees fit. It is of no matter to me."

"None the less, feel free to call upon me should he … trouble you, my Lady." Quinn took her hand and held it tightly for a moment in his.

"Oh, I'm sure he won't." She shook her head as she stared at the wall with an unseeing gaze. "He never speaks to me if he can avoid it, but … it's a pity. The rumors had begun to die down and now that he's here again." Ann wiped what might have been a tear from her eye and Quinn withdrew a lace edged handkerchief from a pocket and tactfully handed it to her.

Quinn turned to me. "Catriona, what are you planning to wear tonight?"

"I don't know... perhaps my periwinkle," I said thrown by Ann's show of emotion and the sudden change in topic.

Ann snapped "Well, that's why I brought Quinn he has a marvelous sense of fashion and he knows all the latest styles. Go have Jenny put it on you so he can have a look."

Once Jenny had me rigged into my periwinkle dress I found myself feeling some trepidation. I knew the dress suited me and I'd felt very lovely wearing it at my wedding among the villagers, but would it pass muster for court?

When I came back into the sitting room following Jenny Ann was still sitting quietly, but Quinn rose to his feet and appraised me from head to toe, "Charming, that color is ravishing on you."

I began to smile.

Quinn continued, "It's simple and unsophisticated, perfect for a young maiden."

But I was not a young maiden. I was a married woman and it wouldn't do to appear unsophisticated next to Lady Bothwick.

"Let me show you my emerald," I said turning back to my room.

I returned to the room with Jenny who had redressed me without complaint. She was quite fascinated by Quinn and hung on his every word as if it were the gospel.

"Ah, now that is a bit more like it, the he color changes your eyes now they seem almost teal." Quinn paused assessing me. "Does your lady's maid have a hand with the needle?"

I looked at Jenny who said, "I'm quite fair at sewing, mi Laird."

"The neckline is far too high for the latest fashion, but if you could remove the trim here," he pointed to the inch width of ruffle sewn beneath the neckline of the bodice, "it would appear much more the thing." He looked at Jenny.

"Oh yes, mi Laird, I could manage that easily."

"And this ruff. I think it should be replaced with something smaller and more… gossamer." He turned to look at Ann. "Surely you have one among your wardrobe."

"Of course," Ann said though she was paying little attention to his remarks.

Quinn pulled at one sleeve of my emerald green gown. "Jenny, your mistress's sleeves are too wide. Can we do anything to remedy that by this evening?"

"I believe they are stuffed with batting, master, and I could remove that without much trouble.

Quinn smiled. "Excellent, you shall appear quite in vogue then Mistress Mackenzie. Now let us turn our attention to your gown, Ann."

 _ **I am looking forward to writing the next chapters. As you have no doubt noticed I'm setting up the first big fight between Sam and Catriona as a married couple. Please send feedback on what you'd like to see in the Court of King James. Your feedback is very helpful.**_


	35. Chapter 35

_**Sorry for going dark. Many things have happened. I had a visit from family. I got terrible stomach flu (projectile vomiting really is a thing) and I pitched my book to an agent.**_

 _ **The agent asked me a lot of questions and asked me to send her three chapters, but I was troubled by part of our discussion. She asked me what would ground today's readers in my book and I didn't really have an answer. She asked me what would make my book stand out and I didn't really have an answer.**_

 _ **This is my summary of the story you have read:**_

 _ **The Bastard and the Runaway Leanan is a historical romance in which Lady Catriona Frazer comes of age. The novel is loosely based on the historical events surrounding the Battle of Morar fought in 1602 near Loch Morar, in the Scottish Highlands between the Clans Mackenzie and the Clan MacDonald of Glengarry.**_

 _ **When Catriona is unwillingly betrothed she tries to escape her fate by running away. Rash, stubborn, overly optimistic and unlikely to live through the night, she finds an unexpected savior in Sam, the bastard half brother of the Mackenzie chieftain. Catriona has every intention of escaping her rescuer at the first opportunity, but when Laird Mackenzie steps in to make her Sam's wife she discovers that marriage isn't what she'd imagined. Losing your virginity doesn't feel like a little pinch, wives come second to work, and even ladies have to live within their means. Now she's being used as a pawn in the feud between the MacDonalds and the Mackenzies, and the only way to save her people is to let them believe she's betrayed them. Catriona has a plan to end the siege of Castle Strome. If she succeeds she might be hailed as a hero or hung as a traitor.**_

 _ **This is my summary of the story I am thinking of rewriting it into:**_

 _ **The Fate Changer is historical fiction that side steps into the world of magic and the super natural. The novel is loosely based on the historical events surrounding the Battle of Morar fought in 1602 near Loch Morar, in the Scottish Highlands between the Clans Mackenzie and the Clan MacDonald of Glengarry.**_

 _ **Sarah Ward is a college girl balancing her career against her love life in the modern world of gender identification, #metoo and Tinder when she wakes up in 1602 Scotland in someone else's body. The body in question belongs to Lady Catriona Frazer. A young woman betrothed to a monster. When Sarah tries to escape her fate by running away she finds an unexpected savior in Sam, the bastard half brother of the Mackenzie chieftain. Desperate to figure out how to return to her own life she meets a gypsy healer who tells her she's a bhaagy parivartak, fate changer, sent by God to change history. She claims Sarah will not return to the future until she accomplishes God's mission for her. Sarah has every intention of escaping her rescuer at the first opportunity, but he has no intention of letting her go. Now Sarah finds herself being used as a pawn in the feud between the MacDonalds and the Mackenzies, and the only way to save the people she's come to love is to let them believe she's betrayed them. Sarah has a plan to end the siege of Castle Strome. If she succeeds she might return to her life in the future, but if she fails she'll be hung as a traitor.**_

 _ **I am going to send the agent first 3 chapters the way I have written them and the revised way. As you know my writing time is pretty limited to begin with and Spring is a horrible time at work when I work a lot of overtime so I am going to have to ask you to give me a few more weeks to get it together. In the meantime here is the first chapter of the revised version. Comments welcome on which version you like/think I can get someone to publish.**_

Chapter 1

I knocked sharply on the bathroom door yelling over the rap music coming from within. "Hurry up, Jesse. I need to leave for work in fifteen minutes!"

Tubby Cat purred at me and rubbed her furry black body industriously against my ankles until I poured cat food into her bowl. Whereupon she immediately deserted my ankles for her breakfast and purred contentedly to herself as she crunched on her kibble.

"Pretty kitty," I cooed rubbing her head but she was too busy eating to acknowledge me.

I gathered my long cinnamon hair in a ponytail, twisted it into a bun and jammed in a few bobby pins to hold it in place. Then I grabbed a tube of mango lip gloss out of my back pack and spread the thick gloss over my lips with the foam tipped applicator. When I smacked my lips the sticky gloss glued them together and I felt a little pull as I forced them apart with a toothy smile. I checked my teeth for lip gloss in the cheap, plastic framed mirror a previous tenant had nailed to the outside of my bathroom door in complete disregard for apartment complex policy, but they were lip gloss free.

I had attached all my bedroom décor with the approved non-stick adhesive in hopes of reclaiming my damage deposit. Which I would if Tubby Cat could curb her tendency to sharpen her claws on my room's dirt brown carpet squares. In an uncharacteristic fit of craftiness I'd tied-dyed a canvas, drop cloth to match my aqua and coral bed spread. That and a bulletin board I covered with smiling pictures of me and my friends accented with the occasional piece of vacation or concert memorabilia were all that adorned my vanilla walls.

I stepped closer to the mirror. My skin was still pale, and freckles were still scattered across the bridge of my nose, but two coats of black mascara made my brown eyes look big and exotic instead of lashless and mousy. My strappy floral sundress was probably cut a little low for work, but it would have to do because it was all I had clean. I pulled down on the back of my dress, adjusting it to show a little less cleavage. Since I'd started my internship, I'd discovered I didn't have nearly enough work clothes.

The bathroom door swung open and Jesse stood there with one of my coral bath towels wrapped around his waist and a big lopsided grin on his face. His smile spread making his narrow blue eyes get that sexy crinkle at the corners. I drew in my breath. Sometimes I forgot just how gorgeous he was and then it would hit me all over again.

His shoulders were impossibly broad, tapering down to a long, lean torso and even longer legs. With his lantern jaw and blond hair cut high and tight Jesse looked like the perfect white hat cowboy minus the obligatory hat and the cheroot clenched between his teeth.

"You're not late for work. It's only work when you get paid for it," Jesse said breaking the spell.

"It's work when you work," I said trying not to take the bait.

He leaned forward to kiss me, but I put my palms against his smooth, damp shoulders and pushed. "You'll mess up my gloss."

Jesse wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me close until I could feel the heat of his damp, chest against mine and smell my herbal shampoo in his hair. "Pretty please?"

I looked up into his crinkled blue eyes with my hands trapped against his hard chest and almost gave in, but I shook my head vigorously. "No, I don't have time. Not everyone has a guaranteed job with the Federal government when they graduate. I need a good reference."

"Good old Uncle Sam," Jesse said huskily as he bent his head and kissed my neck in just the right spot.

A shiver of lust ran through my body, but I pushed against his chest. "I absolutely cannot be late for work today. I have to meet my boss at court."

Jesse released me grudgingly slowly unwrapping his arms and dropping one more kiss on my neck that made my knees weak.

I moved away from him and put on the navy blue cardigan I hoped would transform my sundress into business casual. I shouldered my green nylon back pack and I picked up my phone from the dresser checking the time, 8:04. Crap!

I glanced up at Jesse who was holding last night's jeans in one hand. "I'm going to leave your ass if you're not downstairs and ready to go in ten minutes!"

I left my room closing the door behind me. As I headed down the hall I noted that Shelby's door was still closed. Josh must have slept over. When I reached the stairs I held onto the stair rail and used one foot to feel for the first step. Our dark cavern of a stairwell had no source of light other than one small overhead fixture, but every time we turned on the light it blew a fuse in the windowless powder room downstairs leaving it in total darkness. We'd had the maintenance guy over half a dozen times, but creepy Joe couldn't seem to fix it for long. After several embarrassing bathroom incidents we decided it was more important to be able see in the bathroom than the stairwell, duck taped the light switch down and learned to feel our way down the stairs.

When I made it to the kitchen Callie was sitting at the breakfast bar looking at her phone and eating generic cinnamon toast crunch in an old pair of Sponge Bob boxers and a tank top that exposed the little dragon tattooed on her shoulder. She kept her dark hair cut almost as short as Jesse's and a recent barbering had left a vulnerable looking quarter inch of pale skin under her hair at the nape of her tanned neck. That haircut would have made most girls look like a prisoner of war, but it suited Callie somehow giving her fine featured face an attractive elfish look.

"Jesse's here." I warned in case she wanted to put on a t-shirt and put my back pack down on the bar stool next to hers.

Without looking up from her phone Callie said, "He's always here and I have no secrets from Nolan. We're brothers in arms. We've shit in the woods like bears together."

I whispered, "Shelby likes me to warn her so Jesse won't see her without a bra."

"Shelby flatters herself." Callie held out her phone. "Do you think he's cute?"

I looked down at a picture of a broad faced ginger with freckles and a lower jaw with a slight under bite. I scrunched up my nose. "Maybe in a bulldog sort of way?"

Callie swiped left and continued staring at her phone and eating spoonfuls of cereal from her bowl.

I opened the Keurig and threw away the empty. Then I looked in the drawer where we kept the k-cups. Only one mocha left. "Care if I use the last mocha?"

"Go for it, but Shelby's the one you'll have to answer to. Carmel's my fav," Callie said without looking up from her phone.

I decided to risk Shelby's wrath. I could buy some more tonight before I came home. I set the Keurig to work and walked over to the refrigerator to get some milk. "See anyone cute?"

"Look at him." Callie held out her phone. The picture showed a cocoa skinned muscle man with big green eyes under long curling lashes.

"He's hot!" I nodded enthusiastically before opening the fridge and bending down for the milk jug.

"But not as hot as your fiancé!" a deep voice said behind me.

I pulled the milk out and stood up.

Callie held out her phone for Jesse to see. "Actually, he's way hotter."

It was a matter of opinion. Jesse now clothed in well worn jeans and a Twenty One Pilots T-shirt peered at the photo and grimaced. "He looks like a serial killer."

Callie rolled her eyes. "You say that about all the guys I pick."

Jesse grinned. "That's because they all look like serial killers."

Callie took back her phone. "The Air Force made me a trained killing machine. I can take care of myself." She held the phone up in front of Jesse and swiped right for emphasis.

Jesse went still for just a second. People say they can't tell when Jesse is teasing and when he's serious, but I could always tell by that moment of stillness. It meant he was measuring his words. "You might be a killing machine, Roesch, but what about my fiancé? Sarah's a delicate flower and I don't want her exposed to the serial killers you find on Tinder."

"Start paying rent, Nolan. Then you can make demands." Callie threw a piece of cereal at Jesse and he batted it away with his hand.

I was afraid of where this was going so I gave Jesse a quelling look and changed the subject. "Jesse we have to leave or I'm going to be late."

He looked down at his bare feet. "Do you know where my shoes are?"

I sighed. "Right where you left them."

While Jesse ran around the living room searching for his shoes under the press board coffee table and beneath the brown vinyl sectional, I took the milk jug and poured into my go cup until the black coffee turned mocha colored.

I turned to look at Callie who was hunched hostilely over her phone. "I'm sorry, Callie. Jesse's just a little overprotective."

Callie looked up from her phone and I saw that her cheeks were flushed, a sure sign that her feelings were hurt. "No, I get it. The smug engaged couple doesn't approve of my lifestyle."

I gave her an apologetic half smile and tried to kid her out of it. "Look you know my history. I don't judge."

Callie shrugged and looked away. "I'm not like you, okay. I'm not ready to settle down to happily ever after. I want a career."

I narrowed my eyes. "I wasn't aware that happily ever after was a career killer."

Callie pinned me with a scornful look. "Then what happened to law school?"

When you hurt Callie she hurt you back, but I wasn't going to let her see she'd scored, and I sure as hell wasn't going to have that conversation again. I'd already heard it enough from my parents. "It's still in the plans, just later on." I fit the top down over my cup and called to Jesse, "Try next to the door!"

"Found them!" Jesse held up a pair of well used Converse triumphantly.

I whispered to Callie. "If you hook up with the hot guy I want details." Then I grabbed my back pack up from the kitchen stool and clutching my go mug in the other hand I headed for the door.

Jesse, now shod, stood leaning against the open door with his own back pack over one shoulder and a wry smile on his face. I knew what was coming.

I walked through the door to our little porch and stepped down to the sidewalk that ran between two rows of vinyl sided townhouses off set from each other by a few feet to relieve the monotony of a straight line and give the illusion of a city street. All the townhouses were just like the one I lived in except for the color of the vinyl and the shutters. Shades of tan, brown and olive had been varied so that no two identical color schemes touched. Here and there someone had hung a wreath on the door or placed a potted plant on the porch to make their abode more recognizable. The effect was blandly uniform but pleasant.

"Why didn't you back me up?" Jesse asked from behind me, "You're the one who said it made you uncomfortable when Callie brought her random hookups home."

I grimaced. "I know, but it's her apartment too. She should be able to invite who she wants and she never complains about you staying over."

Jesse caught up to me. "I'm not going to stab her while she sleeps or steal her electronics."

"But I have to live with her and I think she's lonely. She's the only one without a boyfriend right now."

"That's her choice. I know plenty of guys that want to go out with her. Besides it's a perfectly reasonable request." Jesse took my free hand in his big warm one."You just need to stand up for yourself, delicate flower."

"I'm not a delicate flower."

He chuckled. "Oh, you are so a delicate flower."

"I am not!" I dropped his hand and stalked ahead of him into the parking lot.

"Oh really," Jesse called from behind me, "then why didn't you help me change the tire on Shelby's car the other night?"

"Because I don't know how to change a tire!" I called over my shoulder.

He pointed an accusing finger at me. "See! You're a delicate flower."

"Josh didn't help you either." A cool breeze blew against my legs making me shiver. It was supposed to be a warm day for May, but right now it was a little chilly to be bare legged. I looked around trying to remember where I'd parked my car. It was a different spot every night. The tenants of Red Mile Townhomes and Condominiums got parking stickers, but the lot was always full and there were no assigned spaces.

"It's right there." Jesse was pointing at my aging, silver gray, Hyundai Elantra parked about halfway down the opposite row. "And that's because Josh is a pussy boy."

I walked toward my car. "He is not. He just has a different skill set than you do. That doesn't make him a pussy."

"He sat in the car while I changed his girlfriend's tire in the pouring rain!"

I turned to Jesse. "So what? He wouldn't have been any help. Josh doesn't know how to change a tire."

Jesse held up his hands as if vindicated. "That makes him a pussy boy."

I shook my head. "No it doesn't! You need to get over your gender stereotyping. Why is it okay for me not to know how to change a tire but it makes Josh a pussy?"

He smiled his tolerant smile. "Everyone needs to know how to change a tire, Sarah, including you."

"I don't need to know how to change a tire. I have Triple A."

"You never know when you'll be stranded in the middle of nowhere. I can teach you this weekend."

I scrunched up my nose. "I just got my nails done so I could show off my ring." I held out my left hand showing off my silver nail polish and the princess cut engagement ring Jesse gave me.

He shook his head slowly in disbelief. "You have no shame. Don't you think you should back up all your social justice warrior opinions with some action?"

I shook my head from side to side as I moved toward the car again. "That's not how it works. The point is there are no predetermined gender roles. Everyone should just do what they feel like not what other people think they should do."

"Nobody is ever going to feel like changing a tire in the pouring rain."

I sat my go cup on the car roof and looked across at Jesse who stood on the other side of my car. "They might if they really enjoy bragging about how macho they are!"

Jesse grinned. "It's not bragging if you can back it up." Then a look of horror crossed his face as he pointed to my back seat. "What is that?"

"It's a car seat for Mira Patel's baby." I pulled my keys out and hit the unlock button. "I have to take her back to the women's shelter from court and pick up her baby from daycare on the way." I opened the driver's side door and got in.

Jesse got in the passenger seat. "Good, I was afraid there was something you weren't telling me. Why is Mira Patel going to court?"

"To get an emergency protection order against her husband, he broke her nose and three of her ribs." I belted up and put the car in reverse.

Jesse looked at me from the corner of his eye. "I don't like you being around all these violent crazies."

"Well, I have to be around the crazies to help people like Mira." I backed out of the parking space.

"What if her husband follows you out of the courthouse?"

I put the car in drive and headed for the exit. "He won't. They make the accused wait in the courtroom ten minutes after the plaintiff leaves."

"Not exactly foolproof, is it?"

"It will be fine. The courthouse is full of police officers. What are you getting all paranoid about? First you slut shame my roommate and now you don't like my job."

"Unpaid internship." Jesse went still. "I guess I'm just starting to think about next year when I'm not around."

Next year we would be apart while Jesse went off to his first posting at Beal Air Force base some twenty four hundred miles away and I finished my senior year. I never thought I would be one of those girls who got married straight out of college. Until I met Jesse the plan had been to finish college, got to law school, start dating seriously at twenty six, get married around twenty eight and pop out the first kid in my thirties. My friends had been shocked when Jesse and I got engaged and my parents were just short of horrified, but I'd persevered through all their fake smiles and hurtful comments because I knew Jesse was the one.

I'd met him by chance. An asshole on a motorized scooter cut in front of me just as I was stepping off the curb. Jesse was standing behind me at the corner and pulled me back just in time. The first thing he said to me was, "Are you alright?" The second thing was, "You should watch where you're going."

It wasn't exactly love at first sight, but there was no denying the physical attraction. I had no interest in military boys, but somehow I found myself walking to class with him and then agreeing to a date. I didn't intend to fall in love with Jesse. I didn't even want a boyfriend, but somehow I found myself discussing marriage just six months later.

Of course I told him the idea was ludicrous. I was far too young to marry, but Jesse was like a force of nature. Like water against rock he kept wearing away at my objections until three months later we were engaged to be married. The bottom line was being with Jesse was the most important thing and everything else could wait. He made me happy, but people just couldn't, or wouldn't understand that.

"Do you know what Josh said when I showed him my ring?"

"Engineer Josh or Pussy Josh?"

"Josh from my Econ study group."

Jesse froze for just a second. Then he narrowed his eyes, turned his head to one side and smiled tightly. "Frat boy Josh, what did he say?"

I imitated his deep sarcastic voice. "Way to go Ward! I never thought you'd wind up barefoot and pregnant!"

"Frat boy Josh is an asshole and he wants to get in your pants."

"He does not! He doesn't even like me."

"Trust me. I know when a guy wants my fiancé."

"Even if he does Josh is a repulsive, self involved toad so you have nothing to worry about." I turned the car into his street.

Jesse put his warm hand on my thigh. "I have plenty to worry about."

"Me too, I hear some chicks are really into you fly boys." I parked my car in front of the decaying old clapboard house he rented with five other Air Force cadets.

"Can you come over tonight?" Jesse asked.

"I have a Spanish test tomorrow," I said.

"You can study at my house." He gave me a winning smile.

"I don't like to study at your house. My feet stick to your kitchen floor and your downstairs bathroom has toxic black mold growing in it." I didn't bother enumerating the rest of the down sides. We'd had this conversation before.

"But you get to see me." He gave me a wide eyed pleading look complete with pout.

"Your roommates are too loud." And you are too distracting.

"I promise I won't let anyone bother you. You can wear my noise cancelling head phones." He looked at me and smiled but his blue eyes didn't crinkle. I looked into those eyes and saw my own fears reflected there, the fear that what we had wouldn't last, the fear that distance and circumstance would pull us apart.

I looked down at my hands on the steering wheel. "Are you afraid they're right about us? I mean … that we won't make it through the next year?"

Jesse took my chin in his hands and turned my face toward his. "Look at me Sarah."

I raised my eyes to his grave face.

"Nothing's going to change the way I feel about you. We're going to be together till the end of time.

It was a cheesy line not even worthy of a Hallmark movie, but he said it with complete sincerity, and it was exactly what I wanted to hear.

To hell with the lip gloss! I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.

 _ **Is Sarah likable or is she coming off as too bitchy and if so where?**_

 _ **Is Jesse likable or is he coming off as a wise ass and if so where?**_

 _ **Does it read too much like a play? I know it is heavy on the dialogue.**_

 _ **Did I use too many descriptions of how the people were moving with the dialogue instead of just saying he said?**_

 _ **Is the end of the chapter way too cheesy? It is going to be the last time they see each other and I wanted to make it a little dramatic.**_

 _ **Also, if you know Hindi is my translation way off base?**_


End file.
